


Broken

by Geoffreyofmonmouth



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Condoms, Drama, Drug Use, M/M, Romance, one commenter said they stopped reading my fic because I used condoms, yeah I need a condoms warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-22
Updated: 2012-12-22
Packaged: 2017-11-22 00:39:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 88,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/603890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geoffreyofmonmouth/pseuds/Geoffreyofmonmouth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a doctor puts Louis onto prescription medication to deal with an emotional rollercoaster, no one guesses the effect it will have on him.  Louis is out of control; what can Harry do to help him?  Can Harry hide his feelings for Louis long enough to help him to recover?</p><p>Set during the U.K./Ireland Tour of 2013.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Broken Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Note: I misread the tour schedule thanks to the bad layout on the official site and didn't realise until too late that the Cardiff Arena matinee was before, not after, the last show at Cardiff (for some reason on the official site they've listed it as the last Cardiff show). So they spend an extra day in Cardiff in my story (the 3rd March) and therefore one less day in Ireland. Sorry.
> 
> This was originally posted to One Direction Fanfiction on 2012-11-27.

Harry dumped his carry-on and sat down across several seats in the departure lounge. Fortunately the seats weren't partioned, so he could spread out. He put his ear-buds in and listened to some music. They were a few days into their 2013 tour of the UK and Ireland. Their flight to Glasgow had been delayed because of bad weather. For the second time. Harry was tired; four shows in three days, and even though today had been a matinee, he just wanted to curl up and sleep. He tucked his hands into his hoodie pocket.

Other passengers were waiting, too, but there was more than enough seats so Harry didn't feel inclined to shift. His bandmates were spread around the room; Niall close to the gate, eating something; Zayn hunched over in between an elderly and a younger couple; Liam a few seats down from Harry. He scanned again, but couldn't see Louis anywhere. Probably getting a snack, or something. 

"Where's Louis?" he called to Liam, taking a bud out of his ear.

"Last time I saw him, he was pacing around, muttering into his phone. I don't know where he is now. Maybe grabbing something to eat. I think I might, too. Watch my bag?"

Harry waved a hand. He was hungry, too, but couldn't be bothered to get up again. Then again, "Fetch me a sandwich, would you?"

"You got the cash, Styles?"

"No. I'll pay you back, I swear."

Liam wandered off. None of them were in the best of moods. They'd all crashed down from their concert high and now were just pissed off at the delay. 

Liam came back with a sandwich for him, and Harry ate it slowly. No point rushing. Liam himself ate slowly. Time slowed down. God, this was boring. He just wanted to be in the air, already.

"Was Louis there?" he asked Liam.

"No, actually. I haven't seen him."

As Harry finished his sandwich, a boarding announcement came over the PA. About time. He swung his legs down, picked up his carry-on, and walked over to line up at the boarding gate. A rush of people meant he was some way back down the queue. He looked behind him. All he could see were strangers fitting into line. No Louis. 

"Take my bag, would you?" he said to Liam. "I have to go find where Louis' at."

"I can't go on the plane with two carry-ons."

"So just keep letting people ahead of you. Be a gentleman." Harry dumped his bag at Liam's feet, and went off down the line. He scanned carefully. There was Paul, and the rest of their entourage spread throughout the line, but no Louis. "Paul, have you seen Louis?"

"I was just wondering about him," said Paul. "I should go look for him."

"It's okay, I will," said Harry. He went back out, to the cafe. No Louis there, either. Just as he was about to move on, he caught sight of a person sitting in the darkened corner, on the floor. He'd recognise that shape anywhere. Louis sat with his knees drawn up, face in his arms. Harry went over.

"Louis? Louis, our flight's boarding," said Harry, nudging him with a foot. 

"Oh. Right." Louis sounded choked up. He rubbed his face with his sleeves. It wasn't enough to hide the fact, when he lifted his head, that he'd been crying. 

Harry was worried, but he really wanted to get on that plane. "Come on. Get up. What's the matter?"

"Nothing." Louis hauled himself to his feet and picked up his carry-on.

"Something's the matter. You've been crying."

"No, I haven't," contradicted Louis.

"Louis, anyone can see you've been crying."

"I need to wash my face," mumbled Louis. They were passing the toilets; Louis went in. Harry followed him. 

"Seriously, what's the matter?"

"Oh, it's just Eleanor. We broke up."

"When? Just then?"

"About an hour ago." Louis finished rinsing off his face and stared at himself in the mirror. His eyes were still red-rimmed.

Harry looked into the mirror with him. "No way."

"I'm afraid so."

"Why?"

"The distance, the time apart. She says she can't handle it anymore."

"But... she's handled it up to now. She knew what she was getting into."

"I don't think she did," contradicted Louis. "I don't think any of us did."

That was probably true. No one told you, when you had dreams of being a famous pop star, that there'd be days like this; a mad scramble to the airport only to face a flight delay of almost three hours. 

"Louis, I'm sorry," said Harry, knowing it was inadequate.

Louis tried to smile. "I'll be okay. It's just a bit of a shock."

Harry gave him a hug, and Louis held on for grim life. "Let me go," said Louis, after a few seconds, "or I'm going to cry again."

Harry released him. "Come on. Our flight's boarding. Do you want me to sit next to you on the plane?"

"No, I'll be okay."

"But I'm the only one who knows."

Louis wiped his eyes again. "Okay," he whispered.

Harry led him out, back to the departure lounge. Liam was letting people go ahead of him. "Thank god you're back,' he said, picking up Harry's carry-on and shoving it at him. "We're nearly the last in the queue."

"We've got our seats already. There's no rush."

"What happened to you?" Liam asked Louis. "You look... ill."

"I don't feel too good," said Louis.

"Liam," said Harry, "what seat do you have?"

The gate controller waved them through, and they all traipsed off down the corridor. 

"I'm not sure. Let me see." Liam held up his boarding pass. He had the seat next to Harry. 

"Swap," ordered Harry.

"Why? I'm on the window."

"Just swap. Louis isn't well. Let him sit at the window."

"Oh, of course. Sorry, Lou." Liam handed his boarding pass back to Louis, who handed his over. 

"Thanks, Liam," he said quietly.

"You gonna be okay, mate?"

"I'll be fine."

"Nothing worse than being on an aeroplane when you're sick," said Liam.

"I'm not that kind of sick. Don't worry."

"What's going on?"

"I'll tell you later."

Liam looked puzzledly at the two of them and Harry planted himself protectively between Liam and Louis. 

"Boarding pass," said the flight attendant to Liam, as he reached the door of the plane. "Down the aisle that way, sir, to your right, near the front. Look for the seat number."

"Thanks," said Liam, giving them one last look, before boarding.

Harry handed over his boarding pass. "We're together," he said. "Louis, show him yours."

"Thank you, sirs. That way, to your left, near the front."

Harry went ahead of Louis, feeling protective of him. He saw Zayn, Niall, and Liam seated already. He stepped forwards and let Louis enter their seats first, then sat down beside him. 

"What took you guys so long?" asked Zayn, leaning across the aisle. "You're practically the last to board."

"It doesn't matter," said Harry severely.

"Okay, then." Zayn put a hand up and sat back in his seat. Maybe Harry had been a little too forceful. 

He looked over at Louis, as the captain announced their imminent take-off. Louis, slumped in the seat, was looking down at his knees. He looked drained. His fists were clenched, he breathed quickly, and his bottom lip quivered. Harry cupped one of his fists in his hand. "I'm here for you," he whispered. 

"Thanks, Haz. Now stop looking at me, or I'm going to lose it."

"Sorry, mate." He squeezed Louis' hand then withdrew, concentrating for once on the flight attendant's instructions. He'd heard them often enough, but in an emergency, would he truly remember? He kind of doubted it. It would just be panic panic panic. 

The plane was now in the air, and Harry relaxed for the first time. He really needed a nap. Drinks were on offer but he refused, as did Louis. 

"I just need to sleep," said Louis.

"Me too," said Harry, leaning his seat back. He put in the earplugs that had been provided, but forewent the mask. He was a good sleeper; he shouldn't have any problems.

He was worried about Louis, though. And worrying about Louis was keeping him awake. Louis wasn't helping matters, by turning this way, then that, and sighing.

Harry touched him on the shoulder. "Louis, just relax."

"Do you have anything?"

Harry knew what he meant. Harry had diazepam prescribed to him for stage fright, which he still got occasionally. "You want something?"

"Please." 

Harry got up and grabbed his carry-on out of the overhead locker. He searched for the pills. There they were. He doled out two to Louis. "That should work," he said.

"Thanks, Harry," said Louis fervently, and swallowed the tablets. Harry put his carry-on back and laid back down again. Sure enough, Louis settled down, and Harry himself was able to fall asleep.

***  
They arrived in Glasgow that evening. Harry had slept right through the plane journey. He woke up as they landed. He looked beside himself, at Louis. Louis was still asleep. He didn't appear to feel the bump as they landed. 

Harry hated to wake Louis but the plane had stopped and people were starting to get off.

"Louis," he whispered, touching him on the shoulder.

"I'm awake," murmured Louis.

"Why are you still lying there?"

"Blissing out on valium."

"Maybe I shouldn't have given it to you."

Louis opened his eyes. They were still red. "Harry, can you tell the guys, about me and Eleanor? I want them to know, but I don't want to tell them myself."

"Of course."

"I'll go to the doctor's tomorrow; get some valium of my own," said Louis. "It really helped. I just feel kind of numb about Eleanor right now."

"You have to let the feelings work themselves out some time."

"Not right now. We're in the middle of a tour."

"We've got the day off tomorrow."

"Lads, are you coming?" said Liam. "How are you feeling Louis?"

"Better."

Harry got out of his seat and pulled down both his and Louis' carry-ons. He thrust Louis' into his lap. "Come on, mate." After checking to make sure Louis was following, he walked down the aisle after Liam. They were nearly the last to disembark. They met up with the other boys, Paul, and the rest of their entourage. 

"About time you boys got here," said Paul. "Louis, what's wrong with you?"

"He's not well," said Harry.

"Lucky we've got a day off, then."

"I need to go to the doctor's," said Louis.

"That bad?"

"Tomorrow will be fine."

"I'll arrange something."

"I'll tell you about it on the drive over to the hotel."

"Okay. Fetch your baggage and come along already."

Harry, Louis and Liam grabbed their bags, and followed the others through customs, out into the night air. There was a stuff-up with their car reservations, and only a couple were waiting. They'd need to get more. 

"Lads," said Harry to the boys. "I need to talk to you." Louis was still next to Paul; he was obviously going to talk to him during the ride.

"What's up?" said Zayn.

"I can't tell you about it here. Wait until we get to the hotel."

Paul called out, "Boys, come and take this car."

They obediently filed up to the car, stowed their luggage, and got in. 

"You sure, Louis?" Harry could hear Paul saying as he made to get in the cab.

"I really need to talk to you."

"Okay, Lou, whatever you need."

"Louis, are you coming?" called Niall.

"No, I'm waiting with Paul."

"Good, because I don't want Niall sitting on my lap, again," said Zayn.

"What's wrong with me sitting on your lap?"

"You're heavy." Zayn pulled the door shut. Harry was on the other side, opposite to the kerb. 

Their driver took off. "Which hotel?"

"The hotel McLernon," said Liam, seated in front. "Harry, what did you want to talk to us about?"

"It had better wait until we get to the hotel."

"Okay."

The guys weren't talking much. They were all tired. Eventually, they pulled up outside the hotel. After unloading, Harry was left with his bandmates. 

"Harry? Is it something to do with Louis?" asked Liam,

"Yeah. Look guys, I don't know how to say this, but he's broken up with Eleanor."

"Who broke up with who?" asked Zayn.

"I think Eleanor broke up with Louis. He was telling me that she'd been talking about our schedule, and how she wasn't up for it anymore."

"That's harsh, man."

"It's reality, though, isn't it?" said Liam the wisest, having gone through the same thing with Danielle. "I feel sorry for him."

"He wanted me to tell you, rather than tell you himself. He's really shook up about it. When I found him in the airport, he was crying."

"Poor Louis," said Niall. "We'll do our best to be supportive."

"I know you will, guys. I'll let him know that I've told you."

"That'd be good," said Liam. "I don't want to surprise him with sympathy."

They wandered into the hotel. A bored clerk turned perky when she saw who was walking through the door. "One Direction? You guys are late!"

"Flight delay," explained Harry. "If we could just get the cards to our rooms."

"Oh, of course. You're fully booked up. I'll just get you your access cards."

Harry appreciated her. She was efficient, and she didn't ask for an autograph or anything. If he remembered, he'd write her one tomorrow night, if she was working. 

"Where's Louis going to sleep?" asked Liam.

"I thought he might like to be by himself," said Harry.

"No, I don't think so. One of us should share with him. Excuse me, can you get us a card to a third room?"

"Sure." The hotel clerk handed a third card over. The room numbers were clearly displayed. "Just take the elevator, over there, to the fourth floor."

"Thanks," they chorused, and headed for the elevators.

On level four, Zayn asked, "Who's going to stay with Louis?"

"Harry, you should," said Liam. "You're the one he confided in."

Harry went into his room, dumped his bags, then went back down to wait for Louis. While there, he decided to sign an autograph for the clerk, while he remembered. She was ecstatic.

"Thank you so much. I'm going to your concert tomorrow night so it was likely I wouldn't see you again."

"Hope you enjoy the show," said Harry, and went outside to wait. Soon enough, a car pulled up, but it disgorged the musicians in their band. "Where's Louis?" Harry asked.

"Getting the next car. He was talking to Paul about something."

"Right." That might mean a bit of a wait, given there'd only been two cars waiting. Still, Harry waited. Fifteen minutes later, another van pulled up, this time containing Louis and Paul and three other members of their support team.

"What's up, Harry?" said Paul, looking worried.

"Nothing. I was just waiting for Louis. We're sharing a room."

"Oh, that's all right, then."

"We're together?" said Louis, dragging his luggage up.

Harry spoke quietly. "I told the guys. They're all really sorry."

"Thanks, Harry."

Harry helped Louis with his luggage, taking his carry-on while Louis lugged his suitcase. In their room, Harry waved a hand. "Whichever bed you want."

"The one by the window," said Louis, taking his stuff over to the far side of the room. "Ugh. I need a shower."

"You'd be better off getting some sleep."

"No, I'd be better off getting a shower."

"Aren't you tired?" 

"Not anymore."

Harry wanted a shower, too, but he was exhausted and the delay would be too much, so he resolved to have one in the morning instead. Instead, he decided to get room service.

"Louis?" he called through the half-open bathroom door.

"What is it?"

"I'm getting room service. Do you want something?"

"No, nothing for me."

Poor guy. He'd probably lost his appetite. Harry phoned down for room service then switched on the TV. A while later Louis came out of the bathroom, threw his towel on the bed, and rummaged in his suitcase for his clothes. Harry contemplated a shower again, but just then his meal arrived. Louis took his towel back to the bathroom and got himself into bed, wearing only his boxers, as Harry ate. 

"You sure you don't want any?" said Harry.

"I'm sure." Louis arranged the pillows behind him, then pulled up the covers right over his shoulders, so that only his head was showing. He stared at the TV, though Harry thought he wasn't really watching it. Neither was he, for that matter, it was just on; some Scottish drama that had caught his attention momentarily. He figured while he was in Scotland, he should watch Scottish TV. 

"Lou? Do you want to talk?"

"No."

So Harry watched the TV instead, until he finished his dinner and found himself drifting off. He should get into bed. But he couldn't be bothered. 

Some time later he woke up. What was that? The TV was still on but that wasn't what had disturbed him. Then he heard it again; a muffled sob from the next bed.

"Louis?"

"Sorry."

"It's okay. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Another valium?"

It probably wasn't wise, but Harry couldn't refuse Louis, not when he was in such a state. He got off the bed, got another tablet, and brought it over to Louis. "Just the one," said Harry. "You've already had more than my prescribed dose in twenty-four hours."

"Thanks, Harry." Louis, his face tear-stained, swallowed the tablet dry.

"You're definitely seeing a doctor tomorrow?"

"Yes. Paul told me he'd arrange it. I won't be scabbing off you anymore."

"Okay, well..." Harry patted him on the shoulder and made to leave.

"Hazza." Louis grabbed Harry in a hug. "Thank you."

"Not a problem. Anything to make you feel better. But do go to the doctor's tomorrow. I need my pills sometimes, too."

"I will. I promise." Louis looked earnestly up at him. "I'll pay you back."

"Don't be silly. It's not necessary." Harry got up again and went back to his own bed. After looking at Louis one more time, making sure he was setttling down, Harry got undressed. "Louis? If I have a shower now, will that disturb you?"

"No, go ahead. I'll try to get some sleep."

"Shall I turn the TV off?"

"Leave it on until you go to bed."

Harry did so. When he came out from the shower, Louis looked to be asleep, having slid down his mountain of pillows onto his side. Harry was quiet as possible as he got into bed. He switched the TV off. No sound except that of Louis' even breaths. Harry was pleased; hopefully Louis could find solace in sleep.

***  
The next morning Harry woke up, to find Louis asleep. He was happy about that. Harry was inclined to let him sleep as long as he needed, so went down to breakfast, where he saw Liam and Zayn.

"Niall's still sleeping," said Liam.

"So's Louis."

"This breakfast is good. I hope they don't miss out."

"What time do they serve until?"

"Another half an hour."

"I'll go and get Louis up soon," said Harry. He started on his breakfast, and, ten minutes in, got up to go. 

"Can you wake Niall while you're at it?" said Liam, giving Harry his room card.

"Sure." Harry went upstairs. He woke Niall, first. 

"Breakfast?" said Niall. "I don't want to miss out on breakfast."

"You've got just over fifteen minutes."

Niall lept out of bed and began dressing. "Thanks, Harry."

Next, Harry went to his room. Louis was still asleep, arms curled around his pillow, which was vertical. 

"Lou." he said softly, touching him.

"Mmm."

"Time to wake up if you want breakfast."

"Don't want breakfast," said Louis, snuggling his pillow.

"You have to. You have to eat, especially after all the medication I've given you."

"Harry, I'm fine."

"No, Louis. Come on." Harry tried to lever him up. Louis wasn't responding, just cuddling into his pillow tighter. "Please, Louis. You have to go to the doctor's, remember?"

At that, Louis sighed, and sat up. "Okay."

"Come down for breakfast. Hurry. You've got just over ten minutes."

Louis climbed out of bed in his boxers and dressed desultorily. 

"Come on," said Harry.

Louis slipped some shoes on. "Right, I'm ready."

They were starting to pack up the serving bar when Harry finally dragged Louis down to breakfast. "Just a moment," said Harry. "My friend here needs breakfast."

"What would you like?" asked the kitchenhand, obligingly enough, and Louis ordered a fruit platter and a cup of tea.

"Coming right up," said the kitchenhand, and soon enough, Louis was handed a tray with his tea and fruit on it.

"Let's go sit with the guys."

"They know, don't they?"

"I told you last night."

"Okay, I guess I'd better get this over and done with."

Louis carried his tray to the lads' table. "Hi, guys," he muttered, putting his tray down.

Zayn stood up immediately and gave him a hug. "I'm here for you, babe."

"All of us are," said Liam. "If you need to talk, just come to any one of us," as Niall nodded emphatically.

"Thanks, guys," said Louis, not meeting anyone's eyes. He sat down as Zayn released him, and began to eat his fruit. Paul came in right then and said to Louis, "Appointment's in an hour's time. Don't go anywhere."

"We were going to go down to the River Clyde," said Liam.

"You can go, but you can't take Louis, I'm afraid."

"Maybe we should wait until later," said Liam, as Paul left.

"No, you guys go ahead. I don't want to hold you back," said Louis.

"You wouldn't be holding us back."

"No, seriously. I could do with some time alone."

"As long as you remember, we're here for you."

"I remember," said Louis, picking at his fruit. 

The guys hung around until Niall finished, then said they were going out to the river.

"You should go, too," Louis told Harry.

"Will you be all right?"

"I'll be fine. The doctor will fix me up."

"Well, okay, then." Harry felt reluctant to leave Louis, but there was no good reason to stay, especially since Paul had just come back into the room. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Okay, Harry. Thanks."

As Harry left, Paul sat down in Harry's vacated seat. He desperately wanted to know what was going on, but it was obvious he wasn't going to find out. He caught up with the other guys on the fourth floor.

"You coming, Harry?" said Liam.

"Yeah."

So Harry and the boys went for a tour of Glasgow, stopping at the Clyde. It was a pretty dismal river, Harry thought. Though no more dismal than the Thames. They went out to other points of interest around Glasgow, and Harry thought he recognised a couple of buildings where the TV show from last night had been filmed. The weather was good so they did a few other things, making a day of it. 

***

They got back to the hotel late that afternoon. Harry went immediately to his room to check on Louis. No Louis. Louis' phone, though, had a couple of messages from Eleanor. Harry thought about deleting them, then decided he shouldn't. He went down to the pool. There was Louis, swimming laps.

He waited paitently up the deep end until Louis arrived. Louis held on to the edge of the pool. "Hi, Harry!" he said, flicking a hand through his hair so it was off his face.

"How are you feeling?"

"I've got my own prescription now, so I won't need to hit you up for any more."

"That's good," said Harry, not sure that it was.

"I'm to take two tablets, twice a day, for the next few days."

"That's a lot."

"I explained to the doctor how taking two had helped me better than one."

"Did you say where you got them from?"

"No, I implied that I had just run out of my own. Paul was there. He backed me up."

"You haven't taken any more today, have you?"

"Well..."

"How many?"

"My prescription."

"Louis! You'd better not take any tonight."

"They make me feel better, Harry." 

"They're addictive." 

"I'll only take them for a few days," insisted Louis, looking earnestly up at Harry. 

Harry had always had stern warnings from doctors about abusing diazepam so he was wary of it. He hadn't had to use any so far on the tour, and hopefully he'd get through it without needing them. But here was Louis, nonchalantly downing them.

"Didn't the doctor warn you about them?"

"He said don't take more than his prescription, but I googled it and there's people taking twice as much or more than my prescription."

"You should listen to the doctor. Those people are probably addicted."

"I won't get addicted," said Louis. "Are you coming down? The water's heated."

"All right," said Harry. "I'll just go and change."

He went back to the room and put his bathers on. He checked his phone. Eleanor had called him. He didn't really want to talk to her, so ignored it, instead grabbing a towel and heading back down to the pool. He looked around for Louis. He was lounging on one of the recliners. Harry sat down on the one next to him. 

"Are you going back in?" said Harry.

"Yeah. Let's have a race. To the end and back."

There wasn't that many people in the pool. He and Louis stepped up to the deep end, got into position, then Louis said, "Ready, set, go!" They both dived into the water and began swimming. They hit the wall at the other end simultaneously, and headed back. Harry breathed to his left, the side Louis was on, and saw that Louis was getting ahead of him. He pushed himself harder, but Louis touched at the end just before he did.

"I won!" said Louis, looking happy.

Harry decided he'd lose every race if it put a smile on Louis' face. However, they raced a couple more times and each time Louis won, legitimately.

"You're not letting me win, are you?" said Louis at the conclusion of their third race.

"No. I thought about it after the first race, but you've seriously beaten me fair and square."

"So I'm the champion, then."

"You're the champion," agreed Harry. He treaded water while Louis hung on to the edge of the pool. "Oh, by the way, Eleanor's left a couple of messages on your phone. She left one on mine, too."

Louis went blank-faced. "She called me earlier. She said to make sure I was okay. I told her how was I going to be okay? She thought I might do something stupid."

"You wouldn't, would you?"

"No."

"If you get the urge to, you know, whatever, please come talk to me."

"I wouldn't do anything like that," said Louis firmly. "I have too much to live for."

"That's good to hear."

"This breakup won't set me back for long," Louis predicted. 

"Are you up to tomorrow night's show?"

"I'll be up for it. I'll just take a couple of valium before I go onstage."

"Okay, then," said Harry, hoping he didn't plan to take more afterwards to help him sleep. The doctors had all warned Harry about the slippery slope you could get on, especially once you began to develop a tolerance for it. If Louis stuck to his word, though, and only used them for a few days, he should be right.

Just then, Liam, Zayn, and Niall came down to the pool. "Look," said Harry, pointing them out to Louis. 

"Hey guys!" called Louis.

"Where's your towels and stuff?" asked Liam.

"Over there!' pointed Louis. The boys dumped their towels on Louis' and Harry's recliners and came over. "Who's up for a race?" said Liam.

"You always win," complained Zayn, sitting down on the edge of the pool and dangling his legs in the water.

"I won three times against Harry," said Louis. "I'm the champion."

"Want to take me on?" said Liam.

"No, you'll beat me, then I won't be the champion."

"I'm too tired out to race again," said Harry, stopping treading water and holding onto the side of the pool next to Louis.

"Niall?" asked Liam.

"All right, Li, you're on."

"I'll call it," said Louis. "Ready, set... set... set..." He made them wait.

"Tomlinson!" said Niall urgently.

"Go!"

They both dived off the edge. Louis hauled himself out of the water to sit on the edge beside Zayn. Harry followed suit. They watched Liam and Niall race down to the other end in a flurry of arms and legs. 

"How's it going?" Zayn said to Louis, patting him on the back.

"I'm okay. The doctor gave me some drugs to take."

"There's drugs for a broken heart?"

"They're the same ones they give me for stage fright," said Harry.

"Do you still take those?"

"No, not really."

"Get in, Zayn," said Louis, and gave Zayn a firm shove to send him into the water.

"Ah! I wasn't ready!" Zayn protested.

"You're in the way of the race, Zayn," said Louis. Niall and Liam were heading back by now. Zayn swam off to the side so as not to get in the way. Liam pulled strongly ahead. 

"Come on, Niall! You can do it," called Louis.

"I don't think he can," said Harry.

Sure enough, Liam pulled up first, Niall a couple of body-lengths behind.

"Anyone want to take me on?" said Liam.

"No, you're too good," said Harry. Just then, he felt a tremendous shove against his body, lost his balance, and fell into the water. He spluttered, shook the water out of his hair, and looked up, to see Louis grinning at him. 

"Let's get him, Zayn," said Harry, and they both grabbed for Louis. Louis had obviously anticipated this, because abruptly he was on his feet. 

"You can't do anything to me," he said, smugly. 

Zayn began to pull himself up. "Oh, can't we?" 

Harry began to follow Zayn out of the water. Louis stepped back. "Now, let's just be calm."

"You're for it, Tomlinson!" said Harry, bringing himself to his feet. He reached out to grab for Louis, but Louis darted away. 

"Help us, Niall!" called Zayn, and he and Harry chased after Louis, who led them on a dash through the few people attempting to relax on a rare warm late winter's day in Scotland. Warm, that was, for Scotland. Harry was already starting to feel chilled, chasing Louis around. He and Zayn were getting closer to Louis, when Niall stepped up from the other direction, thwarting Louis momentarily, enough for Harry to grab hold of him, holding his arms firmly to his side. "You're going in, Louis."

"No, not the water," said Louis, playing up for all he was worth. "Throw me anywhere, but not into the water!"

"Zayn, grab his legs. Niall, grab his left side," instructed Harry, taking ahold of Louis' right shoulder and arm. Louis tried to kick them off, but without much fire. They picked him up, carried him to the water's edge, and dumped him in with a heave. Hi-fives were given all around. Louis came up, his hair plastered to his forehead. Harry had to laugh. He looked funny. "Thanks, Niall," said Harry.

"No problem," said Niall.

"I'll get you back!" said Louis, treading water. "I don't know how, but I will."

Harry responded by leaning down and splashing him in the face. 

"Get in here, Harry Styles, and fight like a man!"

Harry obligingly got into the water, but the water fight that ensued was anything but mannish. Then Harry reached out, getting water in his face, and shoved Louis. Louis shoved him back. All of a sudden, they were wrestling. Louis had backed away enough that they were able to stand where they were, so they tried to dump each other's head into the water. Water made for slippery bodies, however, and it wasn't easy, but Harry finally managed to duck Louis. Louis came up spluttering. 

"Okay, okay, you win."

"Are you sure?" said Harry, grabbing him around the shoulders.

"I'm sure. Don't dunk me again, Hazza," said Louis pleadingly. "I don't want to swallow any more water."

Harry felt the sudden urge to embrace him, so he did, quickly. 

"I'll leave you alone," he promised, "provided you promise not to take revenge."

"I promise not to avenge myself."

"On Zayn or Niall either."

"Okay, Zayn and Niall, too. Harry."

"Yes?"

"I'm suddenly exhausted." He was panting heavily, Harry noticed.

"You'd better get out," said Harry. "Valium and water aren't a good mix. It's like alcohol and water."

"I will," said Louis, and made for the shallow end's steps. 

"I'll come with you," Harry called after him, and followed. They went up to their recliners, shifted the other boys' towels down, and wrapped themselves in their own towels. Louis leaned back in his recliner, towel around his shoulders, while Harry dried himself more thoroughly, before lounging back bare-chested. "It's getting cold," he said.

"It's Scotland in the winter," Louis pointed out. "There's still a bit of sun around. That water was nice."

"Yeah, it was." He looked out over the pool. Liam, Zayn and Niall were engaged in a game of splashing each other. Harry smiled. He was glad they were having fun.

"I feel good," said Louis. "Like I never broke up with Eleanor at all."

"I don't know if that's such a good feeling for you to have right now."

"No, I mean, like Eleanor never mattered. I feel fine with it right now."

"That's the valium."

"No, it's not, Harry, it's because I'm feeling better. I had some fun."

"Admit it, you loved being thrown in the pool, you attention-seeker."

"It was fun," Louis agreed.

"You even liked me half-drowning you."

"I liked our wrestle. It was a good fight."

"You might be the swimming champion, but I'm the wrestling champion," said Harry.

"I'll let you have that title," said Louis.

They chatted a bit more, about nothing in particular, until the other boys came out of the pool. They collected their towels from Harry's and Louis' recliners, and towelled themselves down. 

"It's getting chilly," said Liam. "Harry, how can you just lie there with a shirt off?"

"It's not that bad," said Harry. 

"After the warmth of the pool, it's bad. I'm off to have a shower. Are we eating in the restaurant tonight, or are you guys gonna order room service?"

"Restaurant," said Zayn.

"Restaurant for me, too," said Niall.

Harry looked at Louis. Louis said, "Restaurant's fine by me, too."

"It's a plan, then," said Harry. 

"See you guys down there around 6:30pm, okay?" said Liam, picking up his t-shirt and heading off. The other boys picked their stuff up and followed him.

Louis unwrapped himself from his towel and put his own t-shirt on. Harry hadn't bothered with a t-shirt. He was comfortable as he was. "I'm going up to have a shower," said Louis.

"Okay. I'll hang out here a little while longer."

Louis left and Harry lazed around for another ten minutes or so, watching the sunset. The artificial lights came on just then, and he gave up on the sunset. He took himself up to his room and waited for Louis to finish in the shower. Soon enough, Louis stepped out, towel around his waist, and Harry took his turn. The warm water was refreshing after the chill of the evening. He wandered back out, completely naked, as he liked to be. Louis was sitting on his bed, barefoot, flicking through TV channels. Harry changed.

"What are we watching?"

"The news."

"Anything interesting?"

"No. Same old, same old."

"It's nearly time to meet the guys."

"Thank god. Watching the news is so banal." Louis hopped up and grabbed a pair of shoes. "Do you want to go down?"

"Might as well." Harry slipped into socks and shoes of his own, and they both left the room together.

***

After a hearty dinner, they all went to Liam's and Niall's room. 

"Texas Hold'em," said Niall, producing a deck of cards. "Everyone got some cash?"

None of them did, so they all went back to their respective rooms and grabbed some. "Niall, playing Texas Hold'em? This should be fun," said Louis.

"We all know you're the card shark."

"That's because I know how to keep my emotions in check."

"No," contradicted Harry, "it's that you're too good with false emotions. You're sitting on the guts, and you look defeated. You have rubbish, but bet confidently."

"So just assume the opposite of how I'm behaving."

"But sometimes you are confident for a reason. I hate playing cards with you."

"Do you really?"

"No," Harry reassured him, "I'm just bitching because I know I'm going to lose. Don't worry, I'll have fun."

They all sat in a cricle on Liam's bed. "Shoes off my bedspread," said Liam.

"Like the hundreds of people using this room haven't tramped their shoes all over this bedspread," said Louis, taking his shoes off. The others followed suit.

"Don't make me think about it, okay? I like to pretend everything's fresh and clean."

"Got your money?" said Niall.

"I don't have much change," admitted Harry.

"None of us do. That's why we've got a pen and paper to keep track of who owes what," said Liam.

"Can we bet physical objects?" asked Louis.

"Like what?"

"Like Lamborghinis."

"If you have a Lamborghini to bet, by all means." Liam knew perfectly well Louis didn't have a Lamborghini, but played along.

They started playing. Sure enough, Louis was quickly raking it in. Then he was quiet for a few hands, and Harry won a couple. 

"I'm being cleared out," complained Zayn.

"I haven't bet my Lamborghini yet," said Louis, "so don't panic."

"You don't have a Lamborghini."

"I don't need to actually have one, the way you play. Zayn, you need to cultivate a poker face."

"I'm going to get my sunglasses," announced Zayn, and left the room in his socks. When he came back, everyone teased him about being a professional.

"Zayn, Zayn, Zayn," said Louis. "Do you think I only read your eyes?"

"Sunglasses work for the guys in the professional poker tournaments," said Zayn.

"You're being lulled into a false sense of security."

Zayn shook his head stubbornly. Louis won a couple more hands, including a big bet from Zayn.

"No way you had three of a kind sevens," said Zayn, outraged. "I had kings and queens! Who bets on a pair of sevens?"

"I'm just off the button," said Louis. "I'm in position."

"No one's ever in a position to bet a pair of sevens. How am I supposed to play if you don't play properly?"

"Chill out, Zayn," said Harry.

"He's breaking all the poker rules!"

"Zayn, Zayn," said Louis. "It's because I know you're such a stickler for your pre-flop high hands that I can beat you."

"There's no rules on what you can bet for poker," said Harry. "He can bet whatever retarded hand he wants."

"My hand was not retarded," contradicted Louis. "It was the result of a very careful examination of Zayn's technique over hours of poker play."

"You guys, let's not argue," said Liam. "Zayn, like Harry said, chill out, man."

"I'm skint," said Zayn. "He just wiped me out."

Liam held up his notepad. "I can buy you in for more, as long as you promise to pay."

"Okay. Five pounds more only. I'm not getting sharked again."

They continued to play until Louis had most of the money. 

"Aw, this is no fun," said Niall, tossing his hand down. "I'm out, too."

"Are we giving up?" said Liam.

"I am."

"I am, too," said Zayn, several pounds more into his extra fiver.

"I'll take you on, Louis," said Harry. "Heads up."

"You're on, Styles."

Thus began a fast-paced game of hold'em. After several hands, Louis had obviously decided he would call the instant he looked at his hand, and Harry started to do it, too. 

"I bet twenty cents," said Louis, as soon as he got sight of his cards.

"I raise you twenty," said Harry.

"Call."

Liam dealt down the flop. "Bet fifty," said Louis.

"Raise fifty."

"You're going for a straight or flush aren't you?" said Louis, looking at the board, which had the king of clubs, ten of clubs, and eight of clubs.

"Not telling."

"I know you are."

He was right. What he didn't know was that Harry was going for the straight and the flush. He had the queen of clubs and the jack of hearts. Harry had odds and was going all the way.

"Call," said Louis.

The next card was a six of diamonds, of no help to Harry. Louis bet a pound. Harry called him. The next card was the two of clubs. Harry had made his flush. 

Louis bet five pounds. Harry stared at the five pounds on the bedspread. Louis couldn't have the ace of clubs, could he? He could. It would be just like Louis to have the trump card. He showed Zayn his hand. "What do I do, Zayn?"

"I would fold," said Zayn unhesitatingly.

"I don't want to fold."

"That's five pounds he's put out there." The only bigger bet that had gone down was Louis' sevens against Zayn's king and queen. "I bet he's got the ace. He raised preflop. He has to have something."

Harry glanced at Louis. Louis merely looked interested. He couldn't read Louis' face, as usual. What did he have? "Liam?"

"Harry, you're not playing fair," said Louis. "You can't keep getting everyone's advice on your hand."

"Sorry, you're right." 

"Come on, this is speed hold'em. Make your decision."

Harry did. He decided Louis didn't have the ace. Boldly, he raised another five pounds.

Louis looked at him with disappointment, before folding. "Harry, you should have taken Zayn's advice," he said.

"You didn't have the ace, did you? If you did, you would have re-raised. I beat you."

"You had the flush," said Louis. "You're too predictable, Harry. If I was an idiot, I could have lost a whole lot more. A five pound bluff was worth it." He flipped his cards around to show a pair of kings, which meant he had three of a kind kings.

"Yes!" said Harry, raking the money in. That evened things up a little. Just a little. 

They played some more, Louis winning more than he was losing, until Liam had had enough. "Guys, this is my bed. I want to get into it, now."

"Just another hand," said Harry. "I know I can beat him this time."

"You can't beat the Tommo at poker, everyone knows that. One lucky hand, Harry, and you've been throwing it away since then. He's made back what he lost, and more."

Harry looked down at his dwindling stack. His lust to win had almost overtaken his common sense. He was losing. "All right," he said. "I give up."

"Who owes me what?" said Louis.

Liam replied, "Zayn owes you two pounds fifty, I owe you two pounds, and Zayn, you owe Niall one pound. The rest of us are in order."

Louis delightedly gathered up his cash, stuffing his pockets with coins, and folding the pound notes together in order of denomination. "Thanks guys, I had fun."

"You always have fun playing poker. I don't know why we do it."

"Because you love me."

Liam rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I just love handing my hard-earned cash over to you."

"I hate poker," said Zayn. "Next time you guys want to play, I'm out."

"You said that last time," said Niall.

"I mean it this time. Remind me of this humiliation next time, won't you?"

"I have over fifty pounds," said Louis, smugly, folding up the last of his pound notes. "And that doesn't count change."

"You're a legend, Tomlinson," said Liam. "Now get off my bed."

The boys obligingly got up. Niall wandered over to his bed, while Zayn left with Louis and Harry to go to his room. 

"Never again, Tomlinson," said Zayn.

"Oh, come on, Zayn, it was a game. Relax."

"I'm relaxed. Just, never again. I'm wise to you now. You're too damn lucky."

"It's skill."

"No, I refuse to believe that. It's luck, that's all."

"I must be one damn lucky guy."

Zayn stopped at his door. "You are."

"So why did my girlfriend break up with me?"

Zayn looked shocked. Emotion swept across his face. "I didn't mean.... I just meant you're lucky in poker. Obviously. Not... I'm sorry, Louis." Zayn grabbed Louis in a hug, which Louis returned after a second.

"It's okay, Zayn. I know what you meant." Louis patted him on the back, then released him. Zayn had no choice but to release Louis.

"I really am sorry about Eleanor, Louis. And I meant it this morning; if you need to talk, I'll be here for you."

"I know you will, Zayn," said Louis, smiling painedly.

"Do you want to talk now, or...?"

"No, I just want to go to bed." 

"Okay. Goodnight, mate. Have a good sleep." Zayn disappeared into his own room. Harry walked with Louis to their own. He wished Zayn hadn't said that, about Louis being lucky. Now Louis was looking pensive, instead of still being all happy at his poker win.

Back in their room, Louis cleared his pockets of the coins he'd accumulated, piling them on the bench under the TV. "If you need vending machine money," he said to Harry, "feel free to take."

"Are you tired?" said Harry.

"Yes, I am, actually. I thought about having a drink from the mini-bar but now I think I'll just go to bed."

"That's good, because alcohol and valium don't mix."

"I know. I was warned about that by the doctor." Louis steppped up to his bed and opened the packet that was on the bedside table.

"Louis? You're not taking more, are you?"

"It won't hurt me."

"I don't think you should. You implied to me you've already had your quota for the day."

"So what if I have?"

"You should listen to the doctor. Honestly, these pills are dangerous."

Louis started undressing, leaving the pills for the moment. "Okay. But if I can't sleep..."

"We'll worry about that if it happens, okay?"

They stripped down to their boxers and both got into their respective beds. Harry turned his light out, and then Louis turned his out. Louis began tossing and turning. Harry tried to sleep, but was acutely aware of every move Louis made. He sighed, he groaned, he blew his nose several times, even though to Harry it didn't sound like he needed to. What was he going to do if Louis took more pills? Surely it wouldn't hurt. If he stopped after a few days...

An hour and a half later, Louis had appeared to settle. Harry had just drifted off to sleep, when he heard muffled sobs coming from the bed next to him. He listened for a bit, trying to go back to sleep, but the sobs were too heart-wrenching. 

"Louis?" he whispered.

Louis sniffed. "Sorry."

"It's okay."

"I'm keeping you awake, aren't I?"

Harry got out of bed. "I can't stand to see you this miserable. What can I do?"

"Let me have some more valium."

Harry turned on Louis' light. "Just this once," he said. "You've got to stop taking them during the day. They're for morning and night only. Okay?"

"Okay." Louis sat up, and Harry popped two pills for him. "Do you need a glass of water?"

"Yes, please," said Louis, so Harry, in his boxers, went to the fridge, grabbed a glass, and went to the bathroom to fill it up. He came back out with it. 

"Here you go."

"Thanks, Harry." Louis swallowed back the pills. "How long do they take to work?"

"They work really quickly. It takes half an hour for the full effect, but within minutes you should start feeling better."

Louis sobbed again, suddenly, and Harry sat beside him, an arm around his shoulders. "Shh. It's going to be okay."

"Why would she leave me? It's because I'm ugly, isn't it? She was only interested because I was famous."

"You're not ugly," said Harry. "Never think that. I think you're beautiful."

"Harry, you don't know what you're talking about. You're into girls. You don't know about guys."

"I know I love looking at your face."

Louis cried a little more. Harry brought his other arm up to embrace him and Louis hugged him back. "You don't like looking at my face," he said, eventually.

"Are you kidding? Louis, I love you. I love your face. Please don't cry."

"It's my body, then. It's something."

"Your body's great."

"I should have worked out more. Like Liam."

"Hush. You don't need to work out more. You're perfect just the way you are."

Harry kept reassurring him, and eventually, Louis stopped crying. "I think the valium's finally working," he said. 

Thank god for that. Harry didn't know what to do, other than to keep holding Louis and letting him cry, which was breaking his heart. He was utterly relieved that Louis' tears had stopped falling. Louis had made his shoulder and chest damp with tears, but Harry didn't mind. "You okay now, babe?" he asked.

"Yes. The edge has worn off."

"It's artificial," Harry warned him. "It's the valium that's taking the edge off."

"I just need a few more days. I'll get over it. I love One Direction more than Eleanor. It's just going to take some time, that's all."

"We have time," said Harry.

"We don't, really, with the concert tomorrow and everything. What if I break down on stage?"

"Take your valium before you go out," said Harry. "It works for me."

"But then you won't let me take any later that night, to help me sleeep."

"I'll see." What was he saying? He was going against Louis' doctor's explicit instructions. But what else could he do? Louis really needed the support. Harry had never gone through what Louis was currently going through. He'd dated a couple of women for a while, but it was never anything serious. Not like Louis and Eleanor had been. 

"Harry? Thank you for being you."

"Who else could I possibly be?" He was rewarded by a half-smile from Louis. "Are you okay, now?"

"Yes, I think I can get to sleep, now." Louis removed his arms.

Harry reluctantly removed his embrace from Louis, and let him settle down. "If you need me in the night, wake me, okay?"

"I'll be fine, now. The drugs are kicking in."

"Okay." Harry kissed his forehead, and turned the light off, going back to his bed. Quickly, Louis' breathing turned even, and he didn't move at all. Harry wasn't so good. Was he doing the right thing? He tossed and turned for a while, not sure about the role he was playing in this drama. But Louis had needed the drugs; obviously he had needed the drugs, because he'd gone straight to sleep soon after taking them. So why did Harry feel so guilty?

***  
Harry noticed in the sound-scheck that Louis was acting a little out of it. It wasn't anything too obvious; just a little off with his moves, not quite getting into position quick enough for his solos, a habit of staring off into the distance. It was when he flung his microphone up into the air, and dropped it, that Harry decided to say something.

"How much valium have you had today?"

"My prescription."

"You mean, the whole prescription, already?" Louis looked down at his feet. "Louis, you were supposed to save the second dose for tonight, before we go on-stage."

"I might not need it then. I needed it earlier."

"When did you take the second dose?"

"A little before we came to soundcheck."

"Your reflexes are off."

"I'll be all right tonight. This is a rehearsal, you're supposed to make mistakes."

"You can't have any more before the show, if you're like this already. You might completely forget your solo, or something."

"I wouldn't do that. I can do this by rote."

"The fans don't want it by rote. They want it real."

Louis was irritated. "Harry, for god's sake, it's just for a few days. I just need a bit of time."

"Don't refill the prescription."

"I don't have another prescription. Don't worry."

"Don't get another one."

"Don't tell me what to do," said Louis. "You don't know how I feel."

"This is not like you, Louis. You sound really irritated at me."

"I am irritated at you."

"I'm just pointing out, your reflexes are off."

"So what? It's no major drama, Harry. You're making something out of nothing."

"And you're getting mad for no reason."

"I'm not mad. I..." Louis closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before letting it out. "Sorry."

"I'm worried about you, that's all," said Harry.

"Like I said, I just need some time." 

"Okay. I'll leave you alone for now. But don't have any more before the show tonight."

"Right."

"Promise me."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can."

"No, I don't want to break my promise."

"Louis, if you have any more this evening, you're going to trip over your own feet or something on stage. I'm keeping an eye on you." 

And Harry meant it. He didn't know if Louis had the pills with him or not, so he made sure to keep an eye on Louis for the rest of soundcheck. Paul noticed.

"What's up between you and Louis?" Paul asked at the end of the soundcheck.

"Nothing."

"You were arguing before, and now you can't take your eyes off him."

"Does he seem off to you?"

"I'd expect him to be a bit off. He's had a lot to go through in the past couple of days."

"Fine, I'm worrying over nothing, then," said Harry, with irritation. "Paul, make sure he doesn't get another valium prescription."

"Why not?"

"He's getting dependent on it already."

"Of course he's dependent on it. He'll be better in a week or two."

"Paul, that stuff's addictive."

"You've never had any problems with it."

"I only take it once in a blue moon. Louis is downing them like sweets."

"I'll talk to him," said Paul. "Make sure he's being sensible."

"Please," said Harry.

Harry watched as Paul took Louis aside. Louis was shaking his head; Paul put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Louis said something else, and Paul gave him a hug. Harry looked away. Surely Paul could get the message through to him?

***

It was less than half an hour before they were to go onstage. They'd done with their stylist and were now just waiting for their cue. They lounged backstage on the couches provided. Harry played nintendo while the others listened to the music they had on. He made sure to keep an eye out for Louis, though. 

He had clung to him back at the hotel, never leaving his side. Louis had been annoyed with him, but Harry hadn't budged. He had watched as Louis packed his valium to go to the show. 

"You're not taking those," said Harry. 

"I'm taking them along in case of an emergency. Is that okay with you?"

"Fine. But don't take any more."

"I'll admit I was a bit woozy at the soundcheck. I feel fine now."

"Let's hope you stay that way."

"Harry, I hope so too. I don't want to be popping pills everytime I want to cry."

"You should cry. Have a big cry, and let it all out."

"I've cried enough already," Louis had said, and that was the end of the matter, at least as far as Louis was concerned.

So Harry had his eye on Louis. But he got wrapped up in his game, and the next time he looked up, Louis wasn't there. He paused the game. 

"Liam. Where's Louis?"

"Taking a piss, I presume," said Liam.

Harry noticed the packet of valium sitting on the table Louis had been seated next to. That was a relief. He wasn't off taking more valium, at least.

But he was gone an awfully long time. It was ten minutes until they were due on stage, and Louis still wasn't back.

"Where's Louis?" said Paul, coming into the room.

"Oh. I thought he was in the toilet, but he should have been back by now," said Liam.

"I'll go find him." Paul left the way he'd come in, heading further backstage. "Louis!" they heard him call. "Louis!!" They heard doors opening and closing. "Louis! What are you doing?"

Harry strained to hear the rest of the conversation, but all he heard was the murmur of voices. He was sufficiently worried to put down his nintendo and get up. Just then, Paul came back into the room, his arm around Louis' shoulders.

"Someone make me a cup of coffee, now!" shouted Paul.

"What's going on?" said Harry. Then he noticed the bottle in Paul's hand. It was a bottle of whiskey, partially drunk. Niall, meanwhile, had leapt up to make a cup of coffee.

"Has he been drinking?" said Harry. "Louis, have you been drinking?"

"It was only a little bit. I didn't take the pills."

Paul looked at Harry. "He told me you made him promise not to take any more of his pills."

"He'd already had his daily quota! Besides, he didn't promise me anything."

"I promised you in my heart," said Louis. "I don't want you to be mad at me."

"Louis, valium and alcohol is the worst thing you could have done."

"It was only a little bit," repeated Louis, as Paul sat him down on the couch next to Harry.

"Niall, how's that coffee coming along?" said Paul. 

"It's just boiling now." Niall quickly put two serves of coffee in a mug, added some sugar, and poured boiling water over it.

"Put some cold water in it," instructed Paul. "I want him to drink it right now. Louis, you're to drink this cup straight down."

"Okay."

The stage manager came back from the off-stage area. "Guys, you should be ready to come on."

"Give us a few minutes," said Paul. "Come on, Louis, drink up."

"I can't skoll coffee," complained Louis. "It's meant to be savoured. God, this is strong."

"I made it double strength," said Niall.

"Thanks, Nialler. It's probably just what I need." Was it Harry's imagination, or was he slurring? God, he hoped not. He'd be in no fit state to sing if he was slurring.

"Louis, we are going to have a serious talk after the concert," said Paul. "Harry's right; the doctor warned specifically about combining valium with alcohol."

"I just wanted to feel better."

"This is not something that you're going to instantly feel better from. You have to give it time."

"I know." Louis skolled some more coffee, as the other guys looked worriedly on. "I'm sorry, Paul."

"Keep drinking."

"Guys, it's your cue," said their stage manager.

"The fans will have to wait a few minutes more. Come on, Louis." Louis obligingly skolled the rest of the coffee. "Now stand up. Walk to the end of the room and back."

Louis did so, weaving a little. He smiled uncertainly as he got back to Paul. 

"I'll call the hospital, tell them what you've had, make sure you'll be okay," said Paul. "If you have to come offstage, you have to come offstage. Niall, you'll sing his parts if that happens."

"Sure," said Niall. He patted Louis, on the shoulder. "Louis, man..."

"I'm fine," said Louis. "I can walk, I'm fine."

Harry was simultaneously angry at, and worried for, Louis. What had he been thinking, drinking alcohol, after Harry himself had explicitly warned him? Was he okay to go on stage? He looked a little shaky.

The stage manager came back, bitching about the time. "The fans are going crazy out there," he said.

"They're ready," said Paul, patting Louis one more time. "Get off stage if you're not up to it," he said, "but try your damnest to stay out there."

"I will, Paul."

Harry put his hand on Louis' shoulder and propelled him out in front of him. He wasn't sure Louis was up to this; he was still weaving, a little. "Sit on the couch," Harry told him, as the noise from the fans swelled up around him.

"Okay." Louis went and sat down. Liam, meanwhile, was introducing them. "How are you, Scotland?" he asked, and was greated with a deafening cheer. "Here's our first song, it's off our new album."

They launched into it. Harry was glad this was their first song, and not another, because Louis didn't have a solo in this. During the chorus, he went and sat beside Louis, the better to hear him sing. He was slurring, a little. Harry hoped he'd be okay in his solos. He got back up, after satisfying--or rather, dissatisfying--himself. The next song, Louis had a solo, and Harry made sure to go to him beforehand, give him a hug around the shoulder. "You're okay?" he said to Louis.

"I'm up for it," said Louis. He stood up, as Niall neared the end of his solo, and without missing a beat, sang his own solo. Harry was relieved. It seemed things were going to be okay. Paul hadn't come to take him off to hospital, so the hospital obviously said to simply keep an eye on him.

Throughout the night, Louis was still a little off, with his moves, with his timing on solos, but it wasn't noticeable to the fans, Harry thought; just to the guys. Once during a chorus he became aware that Louis was not anywhere at the front of the stage. He caught Louis napping on the couch. How he could nap, with so much noise around him, was inexplicable, except if he'd imbibed what Louis had imbibed.

"Louis, wake up," he called into his ear.

"Hmm? Oh, sorry."

"You've got a solo in the next song. You have to be awake."

"I'm so tired."

"You idiot."

"Don't be mad at me, Harry." Louis looked plaintively into Harry's face.

"I'm not mad at you, I'm worried. Are you sure you're okay to continue?"

"Yes. I'm okay."

"God, Louis. You've got me so worried."

"I'm fine. I just nodded off for a few moments."

"With the noise of this crowd? How could you possibly?"

Louis stood up. It was time for the next chorus. Harry stood up next to him and they both walked to the front of the stage, singing along with the other boys. Harry couldn't tell if Louis was slurring or not, not with the five of them singing. Louis was holding his microphone a little below his chin, and Harry suspected he was aware of his voice, and looking to fade into the background. 

"You haven't had much interaction with the fans tonight," said Harry into his ear, when the chorus finished and Zayn was doing a solo. 

"You're right. I should interact more." Louis jumped down to the corridor in front of the stage and put his hand out for fans to touch. He leaned into the crowd to reach others further in. And then, Harry wasn't sure how it happened, but he was being pulled over the barrier and into the crowd.

"Louis!" yelled Harry, taking his microphone out of the way so that the whole audience didn't hear. He rushed onto the lower level to help. Fortunately the bodyguards were onto it straight away. The fans were practically mauling Louis. They didn't want to give him up. Louis looked okay with it, a silly smile on his face. 

"Give us your hands!" yelled one of the bodyguards.

"What?" said Louis.

"Give. Them. Your. Hands," said Harry succintly into his microphone.

Louis obligingly held his arms up. The bodyguards grabbed him and began to haul him up. The boys were still singing, stepping in for their parts. 

"My pants!" yelled Louis.

'What?" said Harry. He then noticed that a couple of the girls had a grip on the back of Louis' trousers. They didn't want to let him go, obviously. "Let him up!" Harry yelled at the girls, rage in his voice and on his face. They let Louis go, at that, and Harry and Liam hefted him onto the stage. Louis pulled his trousers up properly as Harry said to him, "What did you think you were doing?"

"I fell," said Louis, like it was no big deal. He grinned.

"You all right, mate?" said one of the bodyguards.

"You gave me a heart attack," said Harry.

"It's your solo, Harry," said Louis.

Zayn was singing it. Harry decided to let him finish it. "It's not funny, Louis. Don't smile at me." Louis' face dropped. Harry realised he was still speaking in a raging tone. "Stay away from the audience," he said into Louis' ear. 

"But you wanted me to go interact."

"You're a danger to yourself. Stay away."

After cuffing Louis--gently--on the side of the head, Harry clambered back onstage and joined in the chorus. So did Louis, after the bodyguards had helped him up.

For a while at least, the show went on without too much drama. Louis didn't forget any solos and his voice held up well enough, although Harry had to wake him up a couple of times. 

"Stop closing your eyes every time you sit down," said Harry, sitting down next to him.

"They just do it by themselves. Are you mad at me? Don't be mad at me, Harry."

"I'm a little mad at you."

Louis lowered his head. The next thing Harry knew, he was crying. Oh no. He put his arm around Louis' shoulder. "Louis, don't cry. I'm more worried than mad, I promise."

"I only meant to have a sip. Time slipped away."

"Please don't cry. Here, I've got a solo coming up. Stay where you are."

Harry got up to sing his solo, then glanced at Louis. He was rubbing his face with his hands. Harry sang the chorus, watching Louis, who didn't bring his microphone to his lips. He still had his head in his hands at the end of the song. 

"Sing my solo in the next song," he said into Niall's ear.

"What's up?"

"Louis."

"Is he crying?"

"Yes."

"Shit. Don't worry, Harry, I'll step in."

Harry went back to the couch to comfort Louis. He put a hand on his back. "Louis?"

"I'm okay," said Louis, not looking up.

"Look at me."

Louis rubbed at his face, then looked up. His eyes were watery. "I'm sorry, Harry, for messing up your solo."

"Niall's singing it, it's all right."

"I'm so messed up."

"You've got a good reason to be. You've just got to start controlling yourself. I warned you about alcohol and valium."

"I only meant to have a sip," repeated Louis.

"I know. But you drank a whole lot more than that. Louis, you're going to have to put up with me watching every thing you do from now on. Can you get up with me and sing the chorus?"

"Okay," said Louis. "If you help me."

"How can I help?"

"I don't know. I don't want to cry anymore."

"Stand up." Louis did so, and Harry put an arm around his shoulder. "I've got you," he whispered. 

Louis got through the chorus with Harry's arm around his shoulder. 

"Stay up here. You can do it," said Harry into his ear.

"Right. I can do it."

Louis lasted the rest of the song, then let out a deep sigh. "Thanks, Harry." Harry hadn't moved his arm. He did so now, though, in case it began to look weird. 

"You up for the next song?"

"Yeah. If I just keep focussing on the music, I'll be okay."

Harry ruffled his hair and let him be. After that, the show went smoothly, as Louis held up. They left the stage, the fans begging for more. 

Zayn went up to Louis, as they waited backstage for encore time. "You okay, babe?"

"I'm okay, Zayn. I just lost it for a bit in the middle. I'm fine now. Except for my ringing ears."

"We've all got that problem," said Zayn, clamping his hands up his ears and pulling away. "Nope, didn't help."

Louis imitated him, giggling. "Pop! No, it doesn't help."

Harry watched Louis closely. His mood seemed very back-and-forth. One minute crying, the next giggling. 

"Coffee for you, son," said Paul to Louis, bringing him a cup. "You did okay out there. Except for when you fell into the audience. What was that about?"

Louis sipped at his coffee. "I lost my balance."

"I was one second away from rushing on stage, when you were pulled back. I don't like to go onstage. Louis, I'm setting you up for a counselling session tomorrow."

"Counselling?"

"By hook or by crook I'll get you in to see someone. You obviously need it."

"I don't want to talk to anyone."

"Too bad. You're going to be talking to someone. Harry can't be your only support."

"We're supporting him," objected Liam.

"He needs more than you lads. He needs to talk to a professional."

Louis' grin had faded, again. He looked morose. 

"Paul, don't make him cry," said Harry urgently.

"What? All I said was-"

"I don't want to go to counselling," blurted Louis, tears once again falling down his face. "I'll be fine, I promise. I won't drink any more alcohol."

"Oh, for god's sake," said Paul, but stepped up and gave him a big hug. "Don't cry. We'll sort this out tomorrow, all right? You need help, Louis, and this is the only thing I can think of to do."

"But it'll be one session, with a stranger, before we're heading off to Wales."

"I have to do what I think is best," said Paul. "Don't think about it. We'll deal with it tomorrow."

Louis lifted his t-shirt to his face, wiping his eyes. "Okay. But I don't want to go to counselling."

"Let's deal with it tomorrow," repeated Paul. 

Harry looked around at his bandmates. Everyone looked worried. They had a right to be, thought Harry. Louis was acting almost manic-depressive. 

"The fans are going crazy out there," the stage manager stepped into the room to tell them.

Paul handed Louis a tissue. "Blow your nose." He took the resulting snotty tissue without complaint. "Now, get back out there, and do me proud."

"Yes, Paul," said Louis, obediently. 

***

They got through the encore without any problems, Harry constantly looking at Louis to make sure he was okay. He was about the same as he'd been so far through the night. Harry supposed he was going to be like this for the next few hours at least, until the alcohol worked itself out of his system.

Backstage there was food, and drink, if anyone wanted it. Harry was feeling hyper and wanted to bounce around, but he was also hungry. Niall headed straight for the food; Harry had a feeling this was his favourite part of their concerts. He looked out for Louis. "Stay away from that end," he pointed, where the alcohol was.

"I will. I'm hungry."

Everyone had something to eat, and a couple of the guys grabbed something to drink, too. Harry just had water. The room was crowded with the members of their band and support staff, all getting in on the food action. Paul came up to Harry. "We need to keep an eye on Louis for the next few hours. The hospital said with that much valium and alcohol, it's not an emergency, he shouldn't pass out on us or anything, but if he starts acting confused or in a stupor we should bring him in."

"How about emotionally unstable? His emotions are all over the place."

"They didn't say anything about that," said Paul. "I presume it's just a side-effect. Don't worry, I don't expect you to monitor him, I'll do that. We'll swap roommates, he can sleep in my room tonight. It'll be much easier for me to keep an eye on him then."

Back at the hotel, they informed Louis of this change. 

"But I want to sleep with Harry," objected Louis, and Harry's ears burned at his turn of phrase. It was something he'd love to be true, but he'd long ago given up any hope of Louis feeling that way about him, the way he felt about Louis.

"Harry's not qualified to look after you. It's my job."

"I don't need looking after. Anyway, Harry knows how to look after me. He hugs me when I'm sad."

"Louis, you're not acting normal, and it's not fair to burden Harry with your care. You're coming to my room and that's final."

"Can I go swimming?"

"Absolutely not," said Paul. "Don't even think about it."

They were in the elevator by now, and it opened onto the fourth floor. Louis sat down on the floor of the elevator. "I want to stay with Harry," he said.

"Louis, stand up. Come with me. We'll fetch your things."

"No."

The elevator began closing again. Paul held the door. Harry hopped back in, and after a moment, so did Paul. "Louis, you're not being reasonable," said Paul. "You put yourself in this situation. I hope you're learning a lesson."

The elevator began moving back down again, despite Paul pressing the button to keep the doors open. 

"I won't ever drink again with valium, I promise."

"That's good to hear, but it doesn't let you out of my sight for tonight."

"I'll be okay looking after him," said Harry, feeling that Louis was about to cause a scene.

"No, Harry. It's my job. You're still a teenager. You can't be expected to be responsible for him."

The elevator stopped on the ground floor, and the doors opened. Louis got up then, as people began filing into the elevator. Just then, Louis made a break for it. Paul was hopelessly unprepared but Harry had been expecting it. He grabbed for Louis, catching hold of an arm, and his shirt. His shirt tore as he tried to pull away. 

"Let me go!"

"Come back. Come on, these people want to get up to their rooms."

Zayn was one of the ones who had boarded. He helped Harry haul Louis back into the elevator. "What's going on?" said Zayn.

"Paul wants him and his roommate to swap," said Harry, trying with Zayn to contain a struggling Louis. The elevator was on the way up again, but Louis wasn't giving up. Fortunately, the controls for the elevator were on the other side. "Louis, calm down," Harry whispered in his ear. "You're making a scene."

"Let me go."

The elevator stopped. Floor three. A couple of strangers, looking back over their shoulders, got off. Paul quickly shut the doors and they were on their way again. Louis suddenly stopped struggling, and flopped back into Harry, who nearly fell over. Zayn steadied them both. 

Fourth floor. "Get him out," said Paul, and Harry and Zayn dragged a by now hardly resisting Louis out with them. Harry soon found out the reason for this lack of resistance. He was crying. Again. He whirled around against Harry as the elevator doors closed and cuddled up to him. "I want to stay with you, Harry."

"Louis," said Paul, "I've told you, Harry can't be responsible for you."

"Yeah, be fair to Harry, man," said Zayn. "You're a mess."

"I want Harry," said Louis stubbornly, sobbing into Harry's t-shirt. Harry put his arms around him and stroked his back.

"Maybe you can move into our room," Harry told Paul. "Louis and I can share a bed."

"Would you do that, Harry?" said Paul. "I think it's the only way we're going to resolve this problem."

"It's fine by me," said Harry. Louis clung tighter to him, but his sobs began to die down. 

"Good luck, guys," said Zayn, heading off to his room, a look of gladness on his face that someone else was dealing with the situation.

"Do you hear that, Louis?" said Paul. "You can stay with Harry. I'll just get my things, Harry."

"Okay," said Harry, and Paul left to go to his room. He continued to stroke Louis' back as his sobs faded. The elevator opened again and disgorged Niall and Liam, who didn't blink twice at seeing Louis in Harry's arms. 

"What's the matter?" asked Liam.

"He's just being emotional again," said Harry.

"Do you need any help?"

"No, I'm fine. Come on, Louis, let's go to our room."

Louis let go of Harry and Harry turned him around. They followed Liam and Niall down the corridor, until they came to their room. Harry let them in. 

"I need a shower," said Louis. 

"I don't know if you should have one. What if you pass out in there?"

"Harry, I'm a mess. I want a shower."

"I'll have to come in there with you," Harry decided.

"Okay," said Louis. He began stripping off, throwing his clothes down on a chair. Naked, he wandered into the bathroom. 

Harry sat down on the lid of the toilet as Louis started the water up. Occasionally he called out, "Okay, Louis?" to which Louis responded with variations of "I'm fine" every time.

There was a knock on the door. Harry only just heard it over the water. It was probably Paul. "I'm just going out to let Paul in," Harry told Louis. 

"I'm just about finished," Louis told him.

"Good. I'll be back."

Sure enough, it was Paul at the door, hauling his luggage in both hands. 

"Come in," said Harry. "You can have my bed, this one here. I'll clear all my stuff away in a minute. I'm just supervising Louis in the shower."

"Good boy," said Paul, dragging his stuff in. Harry went back into the bathroom. Louis was out of the water by now, and drying himself. Harry sat back down. 

"Was it Paul?"

"Yeah." Harry tried not to perv too obviously as Louis dryed himself. He'd seen Louis naked plenty of times before, what with sharing a flat with him, and sharing hotel rooms all over the world. It never ceased to fascinate him, though, Louis' body. Suddenly, he was getting aroused, as Louis bent over to dry his feet. Harry quickly looked away. He shouldn't be checking Louis out. What would Louis think if he knew what went on in Harry's mind?

Louis stood back up. He obviously noticed Harry's turned away face, for he said, "Something fascinating about the basin?"

Harry tried to act nonchalant. He looked back at Louis, who was tying the towel around his waist, fortunately, and said, "Just waiting for you to finish, mate."

"I've finished. I didn't pass out, or anything. I'm okay."

"You're still slurring."

Louis frowned. "No, I'm not. Yes, I am."

"Come on. Come out and get dressed." Harry stood up.

"I just want to clean my teeth."

Judging Louis was safe enough to do that by himself, Harry went back out into the room. Paul was waiting patiently, sitting on Harry's bed. "Oh, I'll get rid of my stuff, now." 

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah. He's just brushing his teeth." Harry moved his suitcase over next to Louis', then moved various paraphenalia onto the bench under the TV. 

"What's all this change doing here?" said Paul.

"That's Louis'. We played poker last night."

"He cleaned you out?"

"He cleaned all of us out. He won something like fifty pounds in notes, too."

"Louis!" called Paul. "Are ou okay?"

"Just cleaning my teeth," Louis replied, his words muffled by toothpaste.

"Hurry up and get out here, where we can keep an eye on you." Paul turned to Harry. "Thanks, Harry, for watching him in the bathroom."

"I'm going to have a shower now," said Harry, and stripped naked, discarding his clothes on the same chair that held Louis'. He was ever so mildly aroused; hopefully it wasn't noticeable. He strolled casually into the bathroom. Louis was rinsing his mouth. Harry got into the shower and switched it on, waiting for it to warm up, before stepping under. He heard Louis leave the bathroom, and felt relieved. Now he was Paul's responsibility for the next little while. Harry washed himself all over, including his hair, and stepped out to dry himself. His arousal was gone, and he confidently strode back out to the main room. 

Louis was sitting on top of the bed in pyjama pants and a t-shirt, looking sulky, his arms folded tightly across his chest. Maybe Paul wouldn't let him get into bed. The TV was on, and Paul and Louis were ostensibly watching it.

"Harry, put some clothes on," said Paul. "Your youthful vigour is too much for me."

Harry bent over his suitcase to fetch some clothes out. He startled to feel a hand touching his arse. 

He turned around and Louis was grinning at him. He pulled his hand away. "You've got a nice arse, Harry."

"You really are off your face, aren't you?"

Louis just giggled, and sat back on the bed, looking a whole lot less obstreperous. 

Harry pulled his boxer-briefs on. "Is Louis not allowed to get into bed, Paul?"

"No. He's to stay awake for the next few hours, to make sure all the alcohol has washed out of his system."

"Well, I'm getting into bed," declared Harry.

"Louis, sit on the closest side of the bed to me, please," said Paul. Louis scrambled back over to where he'd been before he patted Harry on the arse. Harry turned down his half of the bed, or as much of it as he could, anyway, with Louis sitting on the covers, and got in. The adrenalin rush of the concert had gone, replaced by tiredness. 

"Can I have a pillow, Louis?"

"Sorry. Sure." Louis extracted a pillow from behind him and biffed Harry gently in the face with it. And giggled.

"Why are you all giggly all of a sudden?" said Harry.

"I don't know what's up with him," said Paul. "We've been watching a deadly serious heist movie, and he keeps finding things to laugh at."

Well, at least he wasn't crying. Giggly Louis had to be better than sad Louis any day of the week. Harry propped the pillow behind his head, and leaned back into it, half sitting up. "How long's it been going for?"

"Not sure. We missed the start. Didn't seem to matter to the plot, though."

"Paul is going to make me watch rubbish movies all night," said Louis.

"Just for the next few hours."

"I need sleep. We've got a show on tomorrow."

"You need to reassure me you're not going to go into a stupor. I'll let you sleep in tomorrow morning."

"You're not still going to make me see a counsellor, are you?"

"We'll discuss it tomorrow, when you're back to normal. I'm not discussing anything serious with you right now."

"Does this mean I can't have any more valium tonight?"

"No!" both Paul and Harry shouted at him. Louis just laughed, however. He seemed to be in a good mood. These mood swings were making Harry crazy.

Louis crept a hand over, and put it on the pillow near Harry's face. "Can I play with your hair?" he asked.

"You can always play with my hair."

Louis lifted his hand into Harry's curls. He sighed, as though it was somehow satisfying for him to do so. He began to stroke Harry's still-damp hair. Harry laid back and enjoyed it. He liked it when Louis played with his hair, even though it would end up a total tangled mess tomorrow morning. He looked up at Louis, who was leaning against a pillow up against the headboard. He was watching the TV, but glanced down at Harry every so often, a happy look on his face. Harry closed his eyes and luxuriated. Before he knew it, he was drifting off to sleep.

He woke up to hear an argument taking place. He groaned and rolled over. Belatedly, he remembered Louis would be there. Except he wasn't. He poked his head up. By the light of the TV, he could see Paul and Louis at the door. Paul was standing, leaning right up against the door, shoving at Louis, who was obviously trying to get out the door.

"Let me out, Paul, I don't want to be here!"

"You're not getting out. Now keep your voice down! People are trying to sleep."

"Louis?" said Harry.

"Now you've gone and woken up Harry. Serioiusly, Louis, calm down, or someone will call security."

"I want to go to bed!"

"Not for another hour, I told you."

"So let me go out and walk, then. I'm sick of watching TV."

"Maybe if you just let him walk up and down the corridor," said Harry.

"I don't trust him. He promised me he wouldn't go to sleep while I went to the toilet, and what happens? When I come out, he's curled up under the blankets with you, sound asleep!"

"I'm so tired," moaned Louis. "Haz, did I really wake you? I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."

"That's okay," said Harry. "But I think you should listen to Paul."

"Paul won't let me out!"

"Of course he's not going to. Louis, be reasonable."

"It's only for another hour," said Paul.

"You're torturing me."

"I'm looking out for you. I want to make sure that alcohol is well and truly out of your system."

"Maybe they've got a breathalyser in the lobby," said Louis.

"They haven't got a breathalyser in the lobby. Louis, I know you've still got alcohol in your system because of the way you're acting. Just hold on for another hour, please."

Harry had got up by this stage, and gone over to the pair. He put a hand on Louis' arm. "Lou, come on. I'll stay awake with you. We'll do it together."

"I didn't mean to wake you, Harry."

"I know. Now come on. Paul, surely he can get under the covers, at least?"

"Fine, but I don't want him lying down."

Harry tugged at Louis. "Come on, Lou."

Louis, surprisingly, obeyed. He allowed himself to be led over to the bed. Harry turned the covers down for him and he got in. Harry went around to the other side of the bed and got in himself. He propped his pillow up and leaned back against it, pulling the covers up over himself. It was a trifle chilly on his bare shoulders. He pulled the covers up more. 

Louis copied him. They were swathed in blankets, only their heads showing. Harry watched as Paul finally stepped away from the door and got back onto his bed.

"What are we watching?" asked Harry.

"I've no idea. Louis keeps getting me to change the channel every ten minutes."

"How about we keep it on the one channel, Louis?"

"Okay. Anything for you, Harry."

Harry didn't know why he was in the good books and Paul was in the bad books but he wasn't complaining. Louis sighed and leaned up against Harry. He was nice and warm. 

"Louis?" said Paul.

"Yes, Paul, I'm awake," said Louis wearily, like he'd said it a thousand times already.

Every few minutes Paul did that, called across to see if Louis was awake, and Louis answered drearily. Harry tried to concentrate on the TV. It was hard, when he was so tired, and had a nice warm body snuggled up against him. Then Louis shifted around so that he was facing Harry, and began stroking his hair.

Harry managed to deal with it for a while, until his eyes kept closing. "No more, Louis. It's making me sleepy."

"But Haz, I love you," said Louis, like that even made any sense in context. Harry still felt gratified, though. 

"I love you, too. Now we just have to get through the next," he checked the clock, "forty-five minutes."

"I'm so tired, I'm in pain."

"It'll be over soon," Harry soothed him.

And finally, at last, it was. Harry suspected Louis had been asleep for the last twenty minutes at least, somehow managing to answer to Paul despite it. 

"Come on, Louis. Get into the bed properly," said Harry. 

Louis did nothing more than slide down his pillow until he was prone. He was really out of it, poor guy. Harry turned his pillow around and slithered down, too. He was still up against Louis' body. Sighing, he separated himself from Louis. 

"Mmm," said Louis.

"What?"

"Come back."

He still wasn't sober, Harry realised. Still, he thought the danger period had passed. Harry obligingly shifted back, touching the side of his body against Louis' arm, holding his own arm across himself. Contented, he fell asleep to the even sound of Louis' breathing.

***

Harry woke up to a somewhat unfamiliar feeling of being embraced. He opened his eyes. It was daylight. He was lying on his side, facing the window. Louis--it must be Louis--was wrapped around him. He could feel Louis was shirtless. Come to think of it, he could feel Louis had taken his pyjamas off, too. In fact, was he wearing anything? Careful not to dislodge Louis' arm, Harry reached back. His hand encountered Louis' bare arse. Definitely not wearing anything. Harry took his hand back quickly. This was like his wildest fantasies, and yet nothing like it at the same time. Louis, naked, curled up against his back. Completely unavailable, as usual. 

Harry didn't want to get up just yet. He wanted to enjoy the embrace a while longer. He carefully mapped with his awareness every bit of Louis that was touching him. Louis' cock was up against the thin fabric over his arse; he could tell, because Louis was partially aroused. So was he, for that matter. Getting up was going to be awkward. Maybe he should wait until Louis got up; but no, given how sleep-deprived he'd been last night, he was probably going to sleep for a while longer yet. 

Eventually, sighing, Harry lifted Louis' arm and rolled over onto his other side. Louis whimpered in his sleep. Harry shoved his pillow under Louis' bereft arm and stroked his hair and he settled down. He sat up and swung his legs out of bed. Louis' discarded clothes were nowhere to be seen. They must be in the bed somewhere.

"Good, you're awake," said Paul.

"What's the time?" asked Harry.

"A quarter to eight. They stop serving breakfast at nine-thirty. I figure we'll let him sleep until just before then."

"Better wake him at a quarter past nine. I only gave him just over ten minutes yesterday and he nearly missed out."

"Will do."

Harry got up, got dressed, and adjusted himself. "Was he okay for the rest of the night?"

"I woke him up every half hour for the first couple of hours. He wasn't too impressed but he was otherwise fine. He's slept right through since. I know this, because I've hardly had any sleep worrying about him."

"You must be exhausted."

"I'll cope," said Paul. "I don't have to get up on a stage tonight. Thanks, Harry, for helping to look after him. I don't know what I'd have done without you."

"Not a problem." Harry finished dressing. "I'm going down to breakfast. What are you going to do?"

"I'll wait with him."

"Okay." Harry went down to the restaurant. He spotted Niall and Josh and a couple of others and, after picking up his food, made his way over to their table.

"What was going on last night?" said Niall.

"What do you mean?" said Harry.

"Yeah, we could hear it all the way across the hall in our room," said Josh.

"Oh. Right. Louis and Paul had a bit of an argument. No big deal."

"It sounded like they were throwing each other into the door."

"Well, they weren't. Paul was just leaning against the door, that's all."

"That door was shaking, man."

"It was nothing," said Harry, in a firm voice. "It all got sorted out."

"If you say so, Harry," said Josh, putting his hands up in a sign of peace. 

Harry finished his breakfast in silence, not in the mood for talking. As he half-listened to the chatter going on around him, he wondered how Louis would be when he woke up. One thing he knew, he'd be demanding valium. Paul had taken charge of Louis' valium, in order to make sure that he was using it responsibly. Louis would have to go through Paul, now. Harry was relieved about that. Louis obviously couldn't control himself around the drug. It was so early on, but already he was addicted. 

Harry finished breakfast. He wanted to take a walk but there were fans outside the hotel lobby and he didn't feel up to dealing with it. They had some publicity to do, but didn't need to leave until ten. He decided to go for a swim.

He went back to the room. Louis was still sleeping. His arm was still around the pillow. Paul was keeping vigil. "I'm going for a swim," said Harry.

"Remember, we're leaving at ten. What's the time now? I need to find someone to counsel Louis."

"He doesn't want to do it."

"He doesn't have a choice."

Harry changed into his swimsuit. "Don't you need a referral to see a shrink?"

"Probably. I'll see what the story is." Paul picked up his phone and began, no doubt, to search the internet phone records for Scotland. "Be back here at a quarter to ten at the latest," he told Harry.

Harry took a towel, then went down to the pool. Liam was there, swimming laps.

"Hey, Harry," said Liam, noticing him as he put a toe in the water. Nice and warm. Perfect.

"Hi, Liam."

"What happened in your room last night? There was all this shouting and banging on the door."

"Louis was getting cabin fever. Paul wouldn't let him go to sleep until the alcohol was out of his system. They had a bit of a fight."

"Shit."

"Paul's okay with it. He knows Louis wasn't in his right mind."

"I should talk to him," said Liam. "I know what he's going through."

"Paul's trying to get him in to see a shrink today."

"I can't imagine that'll do much good."

"Nor can I. But Paul feels like he has to do something." Harry slipped into the water. "I'm just going to do some laps," he said.

"I'll swim with you."

"You'll get ahead of me."

"I won't. I'll stay with you."

He and Liam swam unhurried laps of the pool together. Harry kept swimming for a long time. He thought Liam might break off at some point, but Liam stayed with him until the end. Harry was grateful. Liam was showing he cared about him.

"What's the time?" said Harry, finally stopping. 

"Shit, it's a quarter to ten. We'd better get moving."

They both scrambled out of the pool, grabbed their towels, and dried off as they went through the hotel. Harry felt invigorated after his swim. It was just what he needed.

Paul gave him a dirty look as he walked in the door. "You're going to be late."

"I'll be fine. I just need to throw some clothes on. Where's Louis?"

"In the bathroom." 

"Is he okay?"

"I don't know."

"Has he had his valium yet?"

"Yes, I gave it to him when he woke up. He's not happy about me having control over his pills, but too bad."

"Did you get an appointment for him?"

"Yes. This afternoon. I managed to find a doctor who'll give him a referral and a lady psychiatrist who'll accept it immediately, since they work in the same building."

Louis came out of the bathroom, fully dressed Harry studied him carefully. "Hi, Louis."

"Hi, Haz."

"You're doing okay?"

"Could be better," said Louis. 

"Any hangover after last night?"

"A bit of one."

Harry wanted to ask him, do you remember stripping naked and hugging me? but didn't dare, certainly not with Paul there, but probably not anyway.

"Have you taken something for it?"

"I gave him some asprin," said Paul.

"I'm feeling a bit better," Louis told Paul.

"Good to hear," said Paul. "We'll just wait for Harry to change, and then we'll be off."

Harry laid his damp shorts and swimmers over the back of the chair, dried himself off, and changed quickly. "I'm ready," he said. 

"Good. Let's go collect the others, and go down."

They fetched Liam, Niall and Zayn, and went down to the lobby. They used the hotel's rear entrance. A van was waiting for them. 

They piled into the van. Louis sat next to Zayn, on the back seat. Harry sat with Liam. Paul got in next to Niall. Then they were off, to a signing.

***

At the signing, Harry made sure to sit next to Louis, the better to keep an eye out for him. He seemed okay. A little less keen to interact with the fans than usual, but that might be the valium, or his hangover.

A fan came up and asked Louis, "Is it true about you and Eleanor? That you've broken up?"

Where did she hear about that, Harry wondered. As far as he was aware, Modest Management hadn't released any information about it. He looked over at Paul. Paul obviously hadn't heard. He was sweeping an eye over the crowd.

"I can't comment," said Louis.

"That means it's true, isn't it? Oh my god."

Louis signed her autograph quickly. It was clear he wanted to get rid of her. "There you go, love."

"But Louis, there's this rumor going around-"

"I have nothing further to say on the subject," interrupted Louis. 

"It's true. Oh my god. It's true!" The fan seemed to find this news delightful. Harry was pissed off at her insensitivity. His autograph for her was nothing but a scrawl.

"Okay, Louis?" he asked, patting his knee under the table.

"I'm okay."

She wasn't the only fan to ask. Every third or fourth fan seemed to think it was their business. Louis had begun looking despondent. Oh no. The next stage was crying. Harry didn't want him to cry. Louis would be embarrassed about it later. 

"Maybe you should take a time out," he told Louis. 

"Yeah, I'd better." Louis stood up from his seat and went over to Paul. He said something to Paul and Paul put an arm around his shoulder. Harry was glad Paul wasn't making him go back to the signing.

"What's up with Louis?" a fan asked him.

"He's just taking a breather,' said Harry.

"But I really wanted him to sign my poster."

"Sorry."

"Now I'll only have four signatures," grouched the fan.

"Well, at least you've got something, right?"

She smiled, as if that hadn't occurred to her. "You're right. Sorry. I love you, Harry."

"Thanks." For the most part, the fans were pleasant, but a few were annoyed that Louis wasn't at the table with the rest of them.

"What's he doing? He's just over there," said someone to Harry.

"He's taking a breather," repeated Harry for the tenth time.

"But Louis is my favourite!"

"I'm sorry, you're stuck with me."

"I didn't mean... oh my god, Harry, I love you so much, too, it's just that Louis-"

"Don't sweat it," said Harry, signing her CD. "I'm sorry he couldn't sign your CD."

He glanced over at Paul and Louis, to discover they were not in sight anymore. He felt a little bit cast adrift, without Paul to look out for him, but did his best. The other boys hadn't noticed anything, still happily chatting with the fans and signing autographs. Harry wanted to go check on Louis, but it wouldn't do for two of them to be missing. He put up with his lot and kept greeting fans and signing autographs, even though his mind was not on the job. He had to keep fielding questions about Louis and Eleanor which didn't help.

The queue seemed endless, and eventually, after Harry was getting pains in his wrist from writing so much, Paul came back to wind it up. He apologised to the remaining fans, explaining they had an engagement. There was a chorus of groans from the still-gathering crowd. Paul whisked them out the back. Louis was already in the van, asleep against a window. Harry climbed in beside him. The van started up, and they were on their way. 

Louis woke up at the jolt as the van took off. "Unh."

"You okay?" asked Harry.

"Better if I was sleeping."

"I don't know how the fans know about Eleanor and you."

"Paul said she talked to the press. It's apparently on the news everywhere."

"I'm surprised more fans didn't ask about it, then," said Harry.

"We've got plenty of decent fans, Harry. Most realised the topic was off-limits."

"If Eleanor's spoken, you have to go public with it at some point."

"Paul said he'd set something up in Wales. That's where we're going next, right?"

"Right," said Harry, although he didn't particularly remember. He didn't have their schedule down pat, the way Louis did. "Maybe you shouldn't come in for the next thing."

"I'm not going to," said Louis. "I'm staying in the van. I can't deal with it right now."

He looked so desperately sad, Harry couldn't help but hug him. Louis responded, hugging him back as though he was a lifeline. Harry felt his shirt getting wet. Louis was crying again. 

"Shh. Don't cry," said Harry stroking his hair.

"I'm not," said a tearful-sounding Louis. He sat back up and rubbed his hands over his eyes. "Just a bit of moisture," he said.

"Okay."

"I'll be fine, Harry. You go in and do the interview, and I'll wait in the van. I'll be okay."

That was what happened. Harry and the lads went in to the interview, whilst Louis stayed in the van. Paul requested that no questions be asked about Louis' absence, and the interviewers stuck to it. 

By now it was well after lunchtime, and they headed off for a feed. 

"What do you lads want?" asked Paul.

"Curry," said Louis, and no one could refuse him, so they headed off for an indian curry cafe. After signing autographs for the waitress and the owner's daughter, they were treated to a feast of curried dishes, which they all scoffed down heartily.

"This food is amazing," said Harry to Paul, who he was seated next to in the booth. Louis was on Paul's other side. "Make sure you leave a generous tip."

"Just for you, Harry," said Paul.

Harry took a moment to watch Louis eat. He seemed to have an appetite, which was a good sign. 

When they finished eating, Paul said, "You lads go back to the hotel. Louis and I have another engagement. We'll take a taxi."

The doctor and the psychiatrist. Louis looked pleadingly at Harry, but there was nothing Harry could do. He patted him on the shoulder, said, "You'll be right," and that was that. He was off in the van, whilst Louis and Paul were left behind, waiting for a taxi.

At the hotel, Harry couldn't relax. He decided to go out to the pool again. It was pleasant down there. The Scottish weather was still holding up, so it was fine. Coming out into the corridor, he encountered Zayn, also obviously headed for the pool.

"I can't wait to get in the water," said Zayn, hoisting his towel over his shoulder.

"Me too. I went swimming this morning, but I'm dying for another swim."

"You want to race?"

"No. Let's just pace each other."

"All right," said Zayn.

That was what they did, swim side by side, as Liam and Harry had done that morning. Eventually, however, Zayn stopped. "Look, Niall and Liam have come down."

"Right," said Harry. "No racing," he said, when Liam caught up at the side of the pool. 

"You're no fun."

"I wish we had some inflatables, so we could hit each other."

At, that, Zayn shoved at him. "Who needs inflatables?"

"Marco Polo,' said Liam, and they all joined in to play Marco Polo. Harry was it, and quickly caught Niall, who'd presumably been trying to sneak past him. They played the game for nearly an hour, not wearying of it until Harry decided he was tired. He got out and lay on one of the recliners, giving himself a desultory wipe over with his towel.

Liam came out soon afterwards. "How's Louis, do you know?"

"He and Paul should be back by now," said Harry. "I don't know, he was upset by the fans asking about Eleanor earlier today. Eleanor's apparently gone public."

"That sucks. At least Danielle waited until I was ready."

"Well, Eleanor didn't."

"I hope he's okay," said Liam.

"I hope so, too," said Harry.

A little while later, Louis came down to the pool, He was dressed in his swimwear, obviously ready to get into the water.

"Louis," said Harry, "how did it go with the counsellor?"

"It was a bit upsetting. But she gave me a script for some more pills. Paul's filled it."

"More valium?"

"More valium, and something else. I can't remember the name of it."

"Are you sure you're all right to swim?'

"All I've had is the valium from this morning. The other stuff I've got to take tonight. I'll be fine."

Harry came to the water's edge anyway. 

"Race?" said Louis.

"Not while you're on meds, no. It wouldn't be fair."

"I was on meds before and beat you fair and square."

"I've been racing against Liam," said Harry. Liam had definitely forced the pace in their swimming together earlier that day.

"All the better. I know you won't be faking on me. Come on, Harry."

Harry made sure the pool was clear. There was barely anyone in it apart from his bandmates and some of their support staff, so it was okay. "Okay, you're on. But I get to say ready, set, go, this time."

"Fine by me.'

"Ready? Set... go!" Harry dived off the side of the pool just as Louis did. They were again even up to the turn, when Louis forged ahead. Louis touched down at the opposite end, the winner. "I won!' he said, and Harry would have done anything to keep that elated expression on his face.

"Let's go again," said Harry. Harrry won the second race; Louis was a bit out of sorts. It all came down to the final race. 

"Come on, Styles, give it your best shot," said Louis.

Harry's naturally comptetitive streak won over. "I'm going to beat your arse."

"Come on, then. Count us in."

"Ready, set, go!" called Harry, and Louis jumped in the pool just ahead of him. He remained just slightly ahead of him all the way down and back. Louis touched the wall and emerged, triumphant. "I won!"

"You did," said Harry, happy for him. 

"I'm the champion, again. Harry, you've got to get your act together."

"Next time,' said Harry. "I'll beat your arse next time."

"But for now, I'm the champion." Louis looked immensely pleased by this.

"I could set you up with Liam."

"No, he'd beat me."

Harry pushed some water at Louis. "So you're content just to beat me?"

Louis splashed back at him. "Yes."

They had a water fight, each holding on to the edge, until Harry leapt upon Louis and dunked him.

Louis came up, coughing. "I wasn't ready for that!"

"But you're the champion. A champion should be ready for anything."

"Harry, do you want to fight me?"

"Bring it on," said Harry. "As long as we go down to the shallow end."

"You're on, Styles." Louis abruptly swum off towards the shallow end, and Harry followed him. Once there, Louis squared up to him. 

Harry grabbed for him, but Louis backed out of the way, and latched onto Harry's arm, trying to pull it down, and Harry with it. Harry used his other arm as leverage against Louis' body and forced himself back up. They moved together and wrestled with each other. They kept slipping off each other due to the slickness of the water. Then Louis dakked him.

"Louis!" said Harry, pulling his shorts back up. Louis leapt on him while he was doing so and managed to dunk Harry. "I won!" he shouted, as Harry came up for air.

"You cheated. You just wait." Harry started after him and Louis laughed and got out of the way. They chased each other around the shallow end until Harry finally got a hold of Louis' shorts, and tugged on them. Louis began fighting him off. It wasn't enough for him to stop Harry dakking him in turn. Louis twisted away, and Harry caught sight of his beautiful round arse. 

"Harry, give me my pants back!"

Harry obligingly let go and Louis tugged his shorts back up. They laughed at each other. Harry was happy that Louis was happy, but he knew, after yesterday, it could all change in an instant. 

***

The band waited backstage for the show to begin, engaging in much the same activities as last night, except for Louis, who paced around. Harry was trying to enjoy his nintendo but he could see Louis out of the corner of his eye. He didn't look very settled. He wandered further backstage, out of sight. 'Paul?" Harry could hear him calling. He hoped Paul was somewhere nearby. Damn. He'd just lost another life. The level started up again and Harry got absorbed in the platformer. He was aware that Louis and Paul had come back into the room. Louis was fetching some water. Paul was doling out pills.

"These are the last valium for today," Paul told Louis.

"What if I can't sleep tonight?"

"That's what the other medication will help with. The doctor said it should knock you right out."

"What is this other medication?" asked Harry.

"Some sort of anti-depressant. The doctor mainly prescribed it for its sleep-producing effects, or so she said."

"I mentioned that I had trouble sleeping," said Louis, "and she thought this would be better than more valium. It's also supposed to help with anxiety."

Bummer. He'd just lost his last life. "Does it help with mood swings?"

"I don't know, why?"

"You've been very moody."

"That was the alcohol. I'm better, now."

"Ten minutes, guys," called the stage manager. 

Harry decided against starting up a new game. Louis was still pacing around. "Sit down, Louis, you're making me dizzy."

"I'm too amped to sit down."

"The valium should start working soon. Come on, sit down."

"In a minute."

Louis paced, and Harry watched him.

Liam said, "Louis, do as Harry says. I can't enjoy the music properly with you wandering around."

"You guys are taking up all the room. There's nowhere for me to sit."

"Josh, shove over," Harry told Josh next to him. He himself moved the other way, into the arm-rest. "Sit here."

Louis flung himself down, between Harry and Josh, causing the couch to bounce. He laid his head back and closed his eyes. "Mmm. Valium is coming on."

"Does it give you a buzz?" asked Harry. "It doesn't make me go 'Mmm, valium'."

"I guess it's a sort of buzz, yeah."

"No wonder you're addicted."

"Are you addicted to it?" said Josh.

"Probably," sighed Louis. "But I don't have an addictive personality, so I'll be able to get off it fine. I just need it for a few more days."

"I'm holding you to that," said Harry.

"It's your cue, guys!" called the stage manager.

The band and their musicians made their way out onto the stage, to the horde of screaming fans. The volume rose again when the audience caught sight of them. It still excited Harry, to see so many happy faces, clamouring for them. He introduced them, and they launched into their first song. 

Louis held up okay through the concert. He spent a lot of time sitting down, looking blissed out. The valium must really work on him, Harry thought, in a way it didn't for Harry. Then again, Louis was on twice the dose.

Towards the end, Louis got more interactive. He danced with Zayn and he picked Niall up and carried him around for a bit. He then jumped on Harry's back. Harry grabbed hold of his legs and piggybacked him around, before dropping him down in order to sing a solo. Louis then clung to him throughout the chorus, before moving on to pester Liam, who was attempting to sing a solo. Harry went and grabbed him, before he could disrupt Liam too much. "Settle down," he spoke into Louis' ear.

"But I've got this sudden burst of love going through me, and I need to let it out."

"Distracting Liam from his solo is not being loving towards him."

"I need to let my love out."

"Go and hug Zayn."

"Okay." Louis went over to Zayn and grabbed him by the front. He said something in Zayn's ear, and Zayn patted him on the back, before releasing him. Next, Louis went up to Niall. Niall looked wary, probably wondering if Louis was about to pick him up again, and sure enough, Louis did, and twirled him around before putting him back down. Niall looked like he didn't know whether to be pleased or embarrassed. Harry laughed to himself. They were back into the chorus by now, and Louis hung an arm around Liam's shoulder and sang with him. 

"Thank you!" said Louis at the end of the song, as the crowd applauded. "I love you all!"

"He's high," Niall told Harry. "Are you sure he didn't get his hands on any alcohol?"

"No, I think the valium does something funny to him. Makes him emotional. It's supposed to stop you feeling emotional, but it doesn't seem to work that way for him."

"Maybe it's cutting off his Eleanor emotions and transplanting them into a high for life."

"Maybe," said Harry.

They got through the show, with plenty more bursts of spontaneous affection from Louis. He went over and pestered their musicians for hugs. When the set ended, Louis said to Harry, "Finally, I can hug Josh. His drums were in the way before."

"You go hug Josh."

Louis burst up to Josh, who was getting off-stage, and gave him a huge hug, so abrupt that they both nearly toppled over. Josh tolerated it aimably, patting Louis on the back.

"What's up, man?" Harry heard him say as they walked ahead of him backstage. 

"I love everyone. Everyone in the world. Even the serial killers. Well, maybe not them. And not rapists, either. Or child molesters. But everyone else."

"What about husbands who beat their wives?"

"No, I don't love them."

"People who torture animals."

"No, not them, either. Josh, there are a lot of bad people in the world, when you think about it."

They'd emerged into the main backstage area. Harry went up to Josh. "Don't make him depressed. Louis, there's many more good people in the world than bad people."

"Yeah, sure there is, Louis," agreed Josh. "Don't worry about what I said."

"How could I forget people who torture animals?" Louis said to Harry.

"Don't think about it."

"And what about people who beat other people up? Bullies? And killers, of all kinds, not just serial killers. And what about-"

"Louis," interrupted Harry. "Stop it. Remember, love, not hate."

"Love? How can love exist, with so much badness around?"

"It exists. It definitely exists."

"How do you know?"

"I love you," said Harry, and hugged him fiercely. Louis was looking on the verge of crying again and Harry couldn't stand it if he did. It made him feel so desperate and sad that he couldn't do anything about it.

"I love you too, Harry," sighed Louis into his ear. Harry held on to him for a strictly longer time than was necessary, but he was trying to transmit all of his love, and mask the horrible things Louis had just been talking about.

"What's going on?" said Paul.

"Paul. There's so much badness in the world. Even if Harry loves me, it's not enough."

"We all love you, Louis," said Paul. "We'll keep the badness away."

"But what about the other people? Right now, there's a girl being stalked by a killer. She doesn't know it, but she's about to die. That's terrible."

"Louis, stop thinking like this. You're not doing yourself any good."

"But Paul..." and Louis started crying. Harry felt his heart wrench. These mood swings were crazy.

Paul wrapped him up in a hug. "Don't cry, sweetheart. I'm here for you. We're all here for you. Here, come and sit down." Paul led a sobbing Louis to sit down on the couch, and sat beside him, rubbing his back. Harry looked at his bandmates, who all looked at him worriedly.

"Is he going to be okay to go back on for the encore?" Liam asked Harry.

"I don't think so."

The caterers were setting up the food. It was encore time.

"Come on, guys, the crowd's going wild out there," said the stage manager.

But they all dithered about, waiting on Louis.

"How is he?" Harry went up to Paul and asked. "Can he come on?" Even as he asked it, he knew there was no way Louis was going on stage. He had his head in his hands and was sobbing audibly.

"You'll have to go on without him. Niall, you do his parts."

"Of course," said Niall. 

It felt strange, to be onstage without Louis. They launched into the first song of their encore, and at first the fans didn't appear to notice anything amiss, but Harry began noticing an inordinate number of people looking distracted, talking to each other, pointing at the stage. He was going to have to say something about Louis. At the end of the song, he said, "Sorry Louis couldn't be here onstage with us, he's not feeling well."

A word rippled around the audience. Eleanor. The fans knew exactly what was going on. One girl at the front was screaming, in the loudest voice Harry had ever heard from a girl, "It's Eleanor, isn't it? She broke his heart!"

"Guys, really. He's just not feeling well. We're here to entertain you, though. Now I'm sure you'll all recognise this tune." It was 'Live While We're Young' and the crowd quickly got back into the swing of things. Harry still felt there was something missing, though, never more than when Niall sang Louis' part. His heart wasn't in it. His heart was back offstage, with Louis. He knew he had to do something. Louis couldn't just keep popping pills and trying to pretend everything was okay. He needed to talk. Not to some counsellor, either; someone who cared.

***

He wasn't going to get the opportunity to talk that night, however. Paul was staying in their room again. "I want to make sure he's okay with the new meds," said Paul, popping a new pill into Louis' hand. "Take that."

Louis swallowed it down. "What will it do to me?"

"Don't you remember the doctor telling you? It's going to make you very drowsy within an hour or so. I suggest you have a shower now, before it takes effect."

Louis had stopped crying by the time they came offstage after the encore. He had been still sitting in the same spot, though, Paul still palming circles onto his back. He hadn't eaten much, that Harry noticed.

"Do you want room service, Louis?" he asked, as Louis undressed. 

"No, I'm not hungry."

"You didn't eat much backstage."

"I'm just not hungry."

"Harry's right," said Paul. "With all these meds you're taking, you need to eat properly. Go on, what do you want from room service?"

Louis paused in taking off his underwear. "A ham and cheese croissant or toasted sandwich," he said. "If I have to."

"Done. It will be waiting for you when you get out of the shower." Harry and Paul ordered croissants, too. They were delivered just as Louis came out of the shower and finished dressing in a t-shirt and pyjama pants. 

They sat on their beds and ate. "Are you okay, Louis?" said Paul. "Not feeling any side-effects from the medication?"

"It's making me feel heavy, and a bit woozy. Not sleepy yet, though."

That came along quickly afterwards. Louis put his plate down on the bed, and when Harry finished his croissant, he picked the plate up with his own, and stacked them together with Paul's. Back at the bed, he noticed Louis had fallen asleep on top of the covers. He shook him but got no response.

"Paul. Louis is asleep."

"Wake him up and get him into bed."

"Loius. Louis? Come on, wake up. Paul, he's not waking up."

Paul came rushing over quickly and shook Louis until he woke up. "Are you okay, Louis?"

"I'm tired."

Paul pulled the covers out from underneath him, and rolled him into bed. Harry helped him pull the covers back over Louis. "These things are strong," said Paul. "Louis, are you sure you're okay? Louis?"

"Mmm."

"All right, sweetheart. Go to sleep."

Louis curled up around his pillow and within a few seconds was sound asleep.

"Wow," said Harry. "Why don't they prescribe those as sleeping pills? I've never had a sleeping pill work like that on me before."

"It's a side-effect of the anti-depressant drug."

"Some side effect. I'm going to have a shower."

"I'll keep an eye out for sleeping beauty here."

Harry went and had his shower. He came out and put on a pair of boxer briefs. They were getting a flight to Cardiff early tomorrow morning, so he thought he might as well try to sleep.

"Keep an eye on him while I'm in the shower, would you?" said Paul.

"Of course."

Paul went into the shower and Harry sat up in bed and looked down at Louis, who was facing away from him. He was sleeping peacefully, breathing even. Harry ran his hands through Louis' hair a few times. It was silky-soft, fresh and clean. He stroked down his arm, then down his chest to his stomach. Loius stirred a little, at that, and Harry quickly pulled his hand away. What was he doing? He went back to playing with his hair. He felt so much love for Louis at this moment.

Louis rolled over, reaching out an arm. He clasped it around Harry's thigh without appearing to have woken. Now Harry was in a spot. Louis' arm was around his thigh; his hand was practically in Harry's crotch. Arousal spread through him. He pulled the covers up awkwardly over himself. He didn't want Paul to notice where Louis' hand was. 

Paul came out of the bathroom just then, his towel around his waist. "Everything okay?"

"Yes. He's stirred. He's all right."

"Glad to hear it. We've got a flight tomorrow morning, best to get as much sleep as you can."

"I know," said Harry, but how could he move? He couldn't just slide down; Louis' hand would definitely meet his crotch then. Carefully, he picked up Louis' hand, hoping not to wake the boy, and slithered down into bed, on his back. Now he had to put Louis' hand down. He settled for putting it across his chest. It made him feel warm and invigorated; not at all sleepy. One of his wildest dreams, Louis curled up to him, arm around Harry's body. Harry had fantasised about this before, holding himself with his own arm, pretending it was Louis'. Now it was real. His arousal grew rather than died down. He felt terribly guilty. It was an hour at least before he could finally get used to Louis' arm around him and drift off to sleep.

***

Harry woke the next morning to the realisation that he was cuddling Louis. Louis was on his side, facing Harry, and Harry's arms were around his neck and back. God, couldn't he control himself? Worst of all, Louis was naked again. Harry shifted, and could feel his own morning arousal bumping up against Louis'. He tried not to groan. This was too much. He had to pull away. Hoping he wouldn't awaken Louis, he carefully extracted himself, first his arm around Louis' back, then his arm under Louis' neck. He flopped onto his back and sighed. Louis was going to be the death of him.

He calmed down eventually, and got up. 

Paul's alarm went off as he was dressing. "Oh good, Harry, you're up."

"I'm up."

"We've all got enough time for a quick breakfast, before we have to be on our way. How's sleeping beauty?"

"Still sleeping."

Paul got out of bed and began getting dressed. "Let's hope we can wake him up."

"I'll give it a go," said Harry. He went around the bed and gently shook Louis. "Louis? Wake up." He shook a little harder. "Come on, Louis. Louis?" He pushed his friend over until he was on his back. He still didn't awaken. "Louis. Louis, love. Get up," he said, shaking him vigorously.

Louis eventually spoke. "I'm so sleepy."

"You have to get up, now. We've got a plane to catch."

"No."

"Yes. Come on, you can do it." Harry reached out to haul him into a sitting position. He still didn't open his eyes. "Louis? Please open your eyes."

"I want to go back to sleep."

"You can't. You have to get up. Come on." Harry pulled the covers away from him, then thought it probably wasn't a good idea, since Louis was naked and aroused. Still, they were all men here; they were used to it. "Just open your eyes."

Louis did so, blinking several times. "Where are my clothes?" he asked.

"I don't know. You must have taken them off."

"Oh. I must have been hot."

You're definitely hot, Harry wanted to say, looking down at him. But he didn't. Instead he said, "Come on, get up. Get changed. We have to catch a plane."

Louis sighed heavily, and dragged himself out of bed. "I'm so tired," he mumbled. 

"It's the drugs. Get dressed."

"I don't know what to wear."

Harry pullled out underwear, a pair of trousers, a t-shirt, and jumper from Louis' suitcase. "Here."

"Thanks, Harry." Louis got changed into the clothes Harry had gathered for him.

"Are you all right, Louis?" asked Paul.

"I'm just so tired."

"Maybe you don't need your valium this morning."

"No! I need it."

Paul took hold of the packet of valium and doled two out to Louis. "Hurry up, swallow those down. We need to get down to breakfast."

Louis obediently swallowed, and afterwards, pulled some shoes on. They all went out into the corridor. Paul knocked on everyone's door, to make sure they were up. Then they went down to breakfast.

Louis looked like he was going to fall asleep any second. He ate his fruit platter in a desultory fashion, as Zayn and Liam filed over to their table. 

"I had a good sleep," said Liam. "How about you guys?"

"Yes, I slept very well," said Paul. 

"Me too," said Harry.

"I don't remember," said Louis.

"What do you mean, you don't remember?" asked Liam.

"One minute, it was night-time, the next instant, it was day and I was being forced awake. I could have done with another couple of hours."

"So could I," said Zayn. "I hate early flights."

"You didn't want to catch a red-eye bleeder, did you?" said Paul.

"No. I hate late night flights. How's the weather?"

"Perfect flying weather."

"Thank god for that," said Zayn. "I can't stand waiting around in airports."

"None of us can," said Harry.

"Louis, are you all right?" asked Liam. 

Harry glanced at Louis. He had his eyes closed, hands resting in his lap. Harry, next to him, nudged him. "Louis. Louis! Wake up!"

"Mmm. Sorry, were you saying something?"

"Finish your breakfast," ordered Harry.

"Okay." Louis went back to eating again. Harry had to prompt him a couple more times, but eventually he got through his breakfast.

"Come on, boys," said Paul. "Let's go pack up and get out of here." He stopped by the musician's table, where Niall was also sitting, to say the same thing. They all left the tables as one and squeezed into the elevator.

Once Paul got them back to their room, he said, "Pack yourselves up."

Harry raced around, grabbing his iPod and various paraphenalia, before stowing it into his suitcase or carry-on luggage. Louis picked his dirty clothes off the chair and stowed them in a plastic bag, before packing it into his suitcase. 

"Has the Cardiff hotel got a laundry? Because I need to wash a few things," said Louis.

"Yep, all of our hotels have a laundry service," said Paul. "You're both ready? Let's get going, then. Hope everyone else is ready."

Niall, Zayn, and Liam were already waiting at the elevators, along with a couple of support stafff. Paul rounded up the rest, knocking on doors and insisting upon readiness. Even Josh was ready, eventually.

"Come on," said Paul. "We've got a plane to catch."

They arrived at the airport with plenty of time to check in. Harry stowed his baggage, then let his carrry-on through the detector. The customs people stopped Paul. "What are these?' said one of the men, opening his bag and pointing to the pills.

"I have a prescription for those," said Paul.

"Can I see, please?" 

Paul obligingly handed over the prescriptions and the customs agents, to their credit, processed him straight away.

Louis stopped beside Harry in the lounge. "I thought they were going to take away my pills."

"Paul sorted it. Have some faith, Louis."

"Thank god for Paul."

Harry felt the same way. If it wasn't for Paul, how would he have gotten through the last couple of nights? Especially two nights ago.

They arrived into a stormy Welsh day. The rain was splattering around, and there was the odd bolt of lightning brightening the sky. 

"Just as well we were able to land," said Harry.

"Yeah," said Louis. "I'm so tired."

"You can't be. You slept over ten hours, and all the way through the flight."

"It's these new pills. They have me wanting to sleep all the time."

"Maybe you just need to get used to them."

"Until then, they make me feel weak and tired."

"We've got some publicity to do. You think you'll be up for it?"

"I don't feel like crying right now, so yeah."

"That's good," said Harry, relieved. 

"I feel numbed."

"That's how you're supposed to feel, on all those drugs."

"I want to be loving like I was last night, but it just won't come."

"Maybe that's for the best. You collapsed into tears soon afterwards."

"You're right. Feeling nothing is better than feeling anything."

"That's not what I meant. You've got to feel, Louis."

"Right now I don't, and I'm happy about that."

They'd filed outside. This time there were enough vehicles waiting for their entourage. Harry made sure he got in with Louis. 

They quickly arrived at the hotel; it wasn't too far from the airport. They checked in and got their room cards. "Okay, who's with who?" asked Liam.

"I want to be with Harry," said Louis firmly.

"Okay, it's Zayn's turn to share, so I guess I've got a room by myself," said Liam, sounding happy.

Harry took charge of their cards, and they made their way upstairs via the elevator. 

"Is there a pool?" siad Louis.

"I imagine so," said Liam, "since that's what we requested."

"Good. I want to go for a swim."

"You can't. We've got a signing."

"I forgot."

Harry and Louis checked into their room. Harry let Louis take the window bed, again. They slung down their suitcases and Louis moved over to the window. "Nice view," he said, pulling back the curtains.

Harry came up beside him. It was a nice view, over Cardiff. Harry could see the Cardiff Arena, where they'd be hosting their three concerts in Wales, two night shows and a matinee.

There was a knock on their door. Harry went to open it. It was Paul. "You've got half an hour to get ready for a signing," he said.

"Sure. Thanks, Paul."

Paul moved on and Harry shut the door. Louis had flopped down in a chair, his eyes closed. 

"Louis? We've got to be ready in half an hour."

Louis didn't respond. He was asleep again. Harry sighed. Was he going to make it through the signing? There was no point in waking him, he'd just fall back asleep. Harry unpacked a few things and got his stuff in order. He went through Louis' things, getting out the stuff he knew he would want, then sat down, enjoying a few minutes of alone time. What were they going to do about Louis? He seemed to be getting worse, not better, despite the so-called medication. Harry had to find some way to pin him down for a talk that night; keeping it bottled up inside wasn't doing him any good at all.

***

They went to the signing. Louis slept the entire time he was in the car. Harry didn't like this new drug he was taking. It turned him into a zombie. Still, Louis coped with the signing, and the questions about Eleanor, responding sleepily to anything asked of him, although whenever Eleanor was brought up Harry did his best to answer first. Louis' signature was even more of a scrawl than usual--an 'L' with a few wavy lines after it.

After the signing they grabbed a very late lunch, and headed on for another engagement. Louis sat out of this one. Paul said it was okay for him to do so. Finally, they were free. Soundcheck wasn't until the next day; they could do what they liked until then. They decided to go for a bit of a drive around Cardiff, sightseeing. Everyone enjoyed it except for Louis; well, he may have been enjoying his sleep, Harry supposed. 

They got back to the hotel that evening and collectively decided to go for a swim. This hotel had an indoors pool. It was heated. 

"I don't think Louis should go in the water," said Harry to Paul. "He keeps falling asleep. I don't think he's safe."

"Louis," said Paul, "no swimming for you."

"Why not?"

"You can barely keep your eyes open. You're probably more stupefied than a drunk right now."

"But I've been looking forward to going swimming all day."

"You've hardly been awake long enough to look forward to anything."

"I feel much less sleepy now. I didn't sleep on the drive back, did I, Harry?" Harry shook his head. No, he hadn't. On the drive back to the hotel Louis had managed to stay awake. "It's wearing off," Louis insisted.

"Fine. You're to stay down the shallow end, though. No getting in over your head."

"But how am I supposed to enjoy myself in the shallow end?"

"Swim transverse laps. I mean it, Louis. Do I have to come down there and supervise you?"

"No, I'll stay in the shallow end,' muttered Louis.

"You boys keep an eye on him. We don't want him drowning."

Louis scoffed at the idea, but Harry thought it was a reasonable concern. So did the other boys. When Louis dared to take a step into the water beyond his head, Liam dragged him back. 

"No, Louis."

"But you guys are having fun. I'm not."

Someone had brought down a tennis ball and they were playing tag with it. Louis was getting left out as there were much closer targets than him in the deep end.

"It's not that much fun," said Liam. "I've been hit in the face a couple of times."

"It's more fun than I'm having."

The ball hit Liam in the back of the head. "Ouch. Who threw that?"

"Zayn!" said Niall. 

Liam collected the ball and turned back to Louis. He bounced the ball off Louis' head. It riccocheted into the deep, where Louis couldn't get it.

"Hey!" said Louis. 

"I told you," said Liam. "It's not that much fun." He laughed and swum away after the ball. Louis just looked dejected. 

Harry took pity on him. "I'll wrestle with you if you promise not to dakk me."

"No dakking, I promise," said Louis. 

So they played a game where the object was to advance as deeply into your enemy's territory as possible. Harry had the left side of the pool; Louis the right. Louis made an immediate infiltration before Harry rebuffed him and sent him backwards. Then they were on top of each other, pushing, each trying to gain the advantage. They were evenly matched for a while, until Harry's greater height and strength began to tell. He was halfway into Louis' territory now. Louis kept grabbing onto him, trying to push him back, but Harry had gained the upper hand and wasn't letting go of it. He managed to push Louis right back into the wall of the pool, and held him there with his body up against Louis'. 

"I won!" said Harry. They were chest to chest, groin to groin and Harry felt a rush of blood enter his cock. This was too sexy. The triumph of the win, the closeness of Louis' body to his, was turning him on. He abruptly stepped back.

"Again," said Louis. They went back to the middle of the pool. Harry felt self-conscious about being turned on, which only made his arousal worse. This time Louis managed to get into Harry's territory, partly because Harry was trying to avoid bumping his groin up against Louis.

"I'm beating you this time," said Louis.

"No, you're not." Harry grabbed him under the arms and flung him backwards. Louis came at him again, except this time he swerved to the side of Harry and made a break for the wall. Harry leapt sideways and clung onto him. They wrestled madly. Harry forgot about being aroused; or at least, the heat of the competition was causing him to downgrade its importance. He couldn't let Louis beat him at this, too. They were both panting, laughing, splashing water everywhere. Their groins met, and Harry realised, with some relief, that Louis was turned on, too. That made it less of a big deal. Two guys, wrestling, sometimes it happened. The thought gave him strength, and he was finally able to push Louis back some way. Eventually, his height and strength won out and he backed Louis back into the wall again. He pressed his body up against Louis'. They were both definitely turned on.

"What are you going to do now?" laughed Louis, panting.

Harry blushed and stepped backwards. "I've won twice now," he defended himself.

"You're the champion, Harry Styles." Louis was still panting sexily. Harry moved to sit on the steps, keeping his pants underwater. Louis came and sat beside him. "Was that fun?"

"More fun than being hit in the head with a tennis ball," Harry admitted.

"I'm the swimming champion, and you're the wrestling champion." Louis put an arm around his shoulder and hugged him.

"You seem better," said Harry. "More alert."

"I think it's finally worn off."

"How long did it take? You were a zombie for most of the day."

"Twenty, twenty-one hours or so."

"That stuff must be strong."

"The shrink said it would hit me hard at first, but I'd get a bit of tolerance to it after a couple of days."

"I hope so." The other guys were exiting the pool. Harry was still aroused but, looking down at himself, it wasn't too noticeable, and no one would have any reason to check out his groin, anyway. He got up and climbed the rest of the steps. Louis followed him. Harry quickly grabbed his towel and turned his attention to drying himself off. Then he snuck a peek at Louis. Louis was side-on to him, drying his hair. His cock was causing his shorts to jut a bit. Harry quickly looked away and concentrated on himself. It was the thrill of the wrestle, that was all that had turned Louis on. 

After they'd both had showers, Paul dropped by to give Louis his valium. He handed the second drug over once Louis had swallowed the valium. "Take this a couple of hours before you want to sleep."

"It zonked me out in less than an hour last night."

"You'll get a tolerance for it," Paul assured him. Louis put the tablet down on the bedside table. "Anyway, glad to see you're still with us, haven't drowned or anything."

"It's worn off now," said Louis.

"Yeah, he's been much more alert," said Harry.

"Pleased to hear it. Well, you know where to find me if you need me." Paul left.

"I'm hungry," said Louis. "But I'm clean and in my pyjamas. I don't want to go downstairs again."

"Room service?" said Harry. Louis nodded and made his request, and Harry phoned down. Louis meanwhile had crawled into his bed and was reading a book. At least, attempting to read. The pages didn't seem to be turning too rapidly.

"Are you reading or are you just staring at the page?" Harry asked him.

"It's the valium. It's making me read the same bit over and over." He had a dopey expression on his face. Harry couldn't wait until he had to give the valium up.

Room service arrived and they ate. 

"I'd better take this pill," Louis said, fiddling with it. 

"The earlier you take it the better, I reckon. You want to be awake for the soundcheck tomorrow."

Louis sighed, and swallowed the pill down. Harry went over to his bed and sat on one side. "Put the book down, Louis. We're going to have a talk."

Louis obligingly put the book on the bedside table. "What do you want to talk about?"

"You. How you're feeling. How you're coping over this whole break-up with Eleanor."

Shutters came down over Louis' face. "I don't want to talk about that."

"You have to talk sometime. You've got to let it out."

"I talked to the shrink Paul made me see. I was a crying mess through all of it. I don't want to cry anymore."

"But you keep on crying."

"Not over Eleanor. Things just keep making me sad."

"Look, I can't imagine what you're going through right now, but I know if I was you I'd want to talk to someone about it."

"What do you want me to say, Harry? That I'm devestated? That I'm wondering how I'll go on?"

Harry put an arm around him. "If that's what you're feeling, yes."

"Well, I'm not. I'm not feeling much for Eleanor at all at the moment."

"You haven't felt suicidal, have you?"

"Not since she initially broke up with me. The valium you gave me stopped that and it's been stopping it since, I imagine. Either that, or I'm getting over it. People go through break-ups all the time and go on. Liam managed to go on after Danielle."

"I think you should talk to Liam. He wants to talk to you."

"I don't know, Haz, I just don't see how talking about it makes any difference. There's the facts, and now I have to deal with them. I'm coping."

Not really, Harry wanted to say, but wisely didn't. 

"I had a good time this evening, in the pool," added Louis. "I'll get through this. There's plenty about my life to enjoy. We've got the concert coming up tomorrow, I'm spending the night with my best friend and we just had room service in a swanky hotel. I feel good right now. I don't want to lose that feeling."

"All right, but you know if you want to talk, I'm here for you."

"I know, Haz. I appreciate it. But it's something I have to work through by myself."

"No, it isn't. You can talk to any one of us."

"It's a private thing."

"Talk to Liam, at least."

"Why, so we can compare how suicidal we both were? I'm not sure anything's to be gained by talking to Liam."

"But he broke up with Danielle after-"

"I know he was with her for a couple of years. I know that appears to equate to my situation. Harry, please, let me enjoy feeling happy for once."

Harry felt he would be selfish to push Louis any further. He tighened his grip around Louis, and kissed him on the temple, before getting up. "I'm here for you," he reminded Louis, before going back over to his bed, getting in, and picking up a book to read. Louis picked his book back up too, and they both read companionably. Harry wasn't satisfied with how the conversation had gone, but if Louis didn't want to talk, there wasn't much he could do about it.

Soon enough, Louis' book dropped to the bed. Harry looked over. Louis was asleep, sitting up against the headboard. That drug. He put his own book down and went over.

"Louis? Louis? Come on, lie down."

Louis slid down his pillow, not appearing to awaken. Harry settled his pillow under his head and pulled the covers up. He brushed his hair, and kissed him, again on the temple. "Sweet dreams," he murmured, before going back to his book. He read for another couple of hours, until he felt sleepy, and turned the light off, sliding under the covers.

***

Harry woke a little after 2:00am, to the sound of someone calling out. He blinked and listened.

"Harry? Harry?" It was Louis.

"I'm here. What is it?"

"You're missing."

"No I'm not, I'm right here."

"You're not in my bed."

"Do you want me in your bed?"

"Yes."

"Okay, just let me get up." Harry searched around for his boxers, pulled them on, and got up, walking over to the opposite side of Louis' bed. He climbed in and snatched a pillow from the headboard. "You okay?" he asked Louis.

Louis dived into his arms, holding on tightly. He was still dressed this time, thank god. "I missed you," he said.

"You're not crying are you?"

"No," lied Louis, his tears wetting Harry's chest. 

Harry stroked him up and down his back. "It's okay. I'm here."

"I made a terrible mistake."

"What mistake was that?"

"Getting involved with Eleanor. I haven't pushed you away, have I?"

Did he mean during his and Eleanor's relationship--in which case the answer would be 'yes'--or did he mean right now? He settled for reassurance. "No, you haven't pushed me away."

"I can't imagine life without you, Harry."

"You don't have to. I'm here. Please don't cry, you're breaking my heart."

"Sorry. I need a tissue."

Harry pulled away and sat up. "Let me get you one."

Louis blew his nose with the tissue. "Another one?" Harry obligingly got him another. "Where's the bin?" 

"Just throw them on the floor. You can pick them up tomorrow."

Louis sat up to do so, then slid back down again, reaching for Harry. Harry moved onto his back so that Louis could find purchase on him. Louis wrapped an arm around Harry's torso and snuggled up to him. "I love you, Harry."

"I love you, too. Now go back to sleep."

It didn't take long. Harry stroked his hair and Louis was quickly breathing deeply and evenly. Harry wondered about the drugs that Louis was taking. They seemed to lower his inhibitions, and he didn't know whether it was the valium or the new drug. Probably a bit of both, since the first time he'd woken up with a naked Louis he'd only been on valium and alcohol. Louis was clothed, now, and for that Harry felt immense relief. He tried not to concentrate too hard on where his body was touching against Louis', and fortunately fell asleep quickly.

***  
Harry woke up to discover Louis' back to him, and him clinging to Louis like a limpet. Sure that Louis was still asleep--his deep, even breaths gave him away--he decided to enjoy the sensations for a while. His chest up against Louis' partially clothed back--his t-shirt had rucked up--his legs spooning into Louis'. He loved Louis, so much, the more so that Louis trusted him like that. He couldn't break the trust. He rolled away, onto his back. Now only his arm was touching Louis. It was enough to make him feel warmed.

He looked at the clock. 7:30am. Plenty of time to lie around.

Louis appeared to wake up. "Harry?" he asked. 

"I'm right here."

Louis turned over and laid himself up against Harry, going so far as to hook a leg between Harry's. Thank god he wasn't naked, thought Harry, otherwise he'd have felt totally awkward. He felt awkward enough as it was, because Louis' thigh was so tantalisingly near his cock. He put an arm around Louis. "All right, mate?" he asked.

"Mmm." 

"Go back to sleep," said Harry, petting him. 

Louis didn't need any encouragement. He was straight asleep again. Harry himself dozed off for a little while longer, until he noticed the time was 8:30am. He was hungry. He reluctantly extracted himself from Louis' grasp and got up. No responsibilities today, except for the concert, obviously, and a soundcheck that afternoon. He got dressed and resolved to himself to keep an eye out for the time, so that Louis wouldn't miss out on breakfast. 

He went down and sat with Liam and a couple of their entourage, eating toast and strawberries. 

"Are you going to talk to Louis?" he asked Liam.

"I'll try to today, since we've got it off."

"Someone's arranging an excursion out to see the wildflowers that are blooming," said Josh.

"Wildflowers blooming, in this weather?"

"They've apparently had a few sunny days in Wales. The flowers are starting to come out."

"Okay. Do you know what time breakfast closes?"

"10:00am," said Josh. "Good to remember for tomorrow, when I'll be sleeping in."

That was good. He didn't have to wake Louis yet. 

He found out more about the wildflower expedition. They'd be leaving at 10:30am. At 9:40am he went to wake up Louis. It was just as hard to do as it had been yesterday morning. He shook Louis, he stripped the covers off him--fortunately he was wearing clothes, this time--and he spoke into his ear. Eventually, Louis seemed to awaken.

"Harry, what?" he asked in a whining tone.

"Breakfast ends soon. Hurry up and get changed."

"Wanna sleep."

"No. You've had over eleven hours already. Come on," Harry tugged on his arm, "get up."

Louis groaned but finally sat up and swung his legs over to the side of the bed. "Get me my clothes?" he asked Harry, and Harry went and selected his clothes for him. Louis stripped off, then dressed into the clothes Harry had got for him. 

Harry slung an arm around his shoulder. "Come on, mate. Breakfast."

"What's the time?" 

"A few minutes before 10:00am."

"Oh, I like this hotel, for having late breakfast. But what about my valium?"

"Get it after breakfast. Don't worry, the guys aren't going anywhere without us. They've arranged a wildflower tour for 10:30am and I put our names down."

Louis ate breakfast, then they went to find Paul. "Oh good, there you are," said Paul, pulling a packet of pills out of his trouser pocket. "Two for you,' he said to Louis.

"Thanks, Paul."

"How did you sleep last night?"

"The sleep of the dead," said Louis. This wasn't strictly true. The dead didn't call out for a friend in the middle of the night. Still, Harry said nothing.

"Are you feeling any less woozy than you did yesterday?"

"No. I feel I could sleep for another few hours."

"You going on the excursion?"

"I've signed us up," said Harry.

"Hopefully he'll be able to keep his eyes open this time."

"Hopefully," said Harry. 

That hope was not destined to reach fruition. Louis fell asleep almost as soon as the van started. He was sitting with Zayn, Harry having been late to board the van. 

"Zayn, watch over him, will you?" said Harry.

"Of course. I'm not giong to let anything happen to my Louis-babe."

"If he falls asleep against you-"

"I'll deal with it," said Zayn.

Sure enough, Louis' head travelled from the window onto Zayn. Zayn, Harry noticed, sat placidly despite the whole Louis on his shoulder thing. He was a good guy, thought Harry. He was so lucky to have these guys as his bandmates.

The van eventually stoppped, in front of a field of wildflowers. 

"This is great," said Niall, getting out and beginning to walk amongst the blooms.

"Louis?" Zayn said. "Louis, we're here."

Louis slowly woke up. He was still woozy-looking as he left the van. "Oh wow, these flowers are beautiful," he said, and dived into them.

"Louis, you get hayfever," warned Harry.

"Not with these meds. They work not only as a sleeping pill but as an antihistamine."

"Magical pills," said Harry.

"Yeah. I'm on my magic pills, so I can do anything!"

Their driver, one of their bodyguards, Mike, pulled out a camera, and took pictures of them cavorting in the flowers. It really was amazing, to see the landscape so covered with blooms.

"Guys, get together," ordered Mike. They obligingly got close together, Louis putting a flower against Harry's ear. Harry left it there for the photo; in fact, left it there until it fell out. 

"Okay boys, time to head back," called Mike.

"Aw, why?" asked Niall.

"You've got to get lunch in before the soundcheck. I'm doing my duty."

They all grumbled but all got into the van. They had more views of the wildflowers on the way back. They really were spectacular, thought Harry.

Back at the hotel, they all went for lunch. All five of them sat at the same table. 

"Louis, what are you eating, a salad?" asked Harry. "Surely you feel like something more substantial."

"No, I feel like a salad."

Harry didn't push it. As long as he ate a reasonable dinner, he would be happy.

Then came the soundcheck. "Paul hasn't given you any more valium, has he?' Harry asked Louis.

"No, he won't give me any until tonight."

"Are you on song?"

"I'm fine, Harry."

But Harry noticed lapses again; solos that were a beat behind, dance moves that stuttered. Once, Louis sat down, and slept all the way through his solo. 

"Louis! Pull yourself together!" said Harry.

"I was just tired," Louis defended himself.

"You can't afford to just be tired on stage! You have to be with it."

"It's the second drug. It makes me so sleeepy. I'll be all right at the show tonight; it will have worn off by then."

"I hope so," said Harry. He wondered what would happen at their matinee in two days time. Hopefully Louis had a tolerance to the drug by then.

They finished the soundcheck and then went back to their hotel for a couple of hours, before they'd have to return.

"I want to go swimming," said Louis, as he and Harry hit their hotel room.

"Do you mind if I come down?"

"It's essential that you come down."

"How are you feeling? You slept through most of the journey back."

"I'm starting to come into alertness. Don't worry, Harry, I'm not going to drown." 

They had the pool almost to themselves, a couple of strangers and a couple of support staff making up the numbers.

"Let's play that game we played yesterday," said Louis.

"Okay." Harry walked down the stairs at the shallow end, Louis following him. 

"I'll get you this time," said Louis.

"Sure you will," said Harry, surpremely confident with his height and strength.

Louis broke past him immediately. Harry grabbed him around the body and forced him back. Then it was a struggle, who could force who the most. Harry inevitably won.

"This is not fair," said Louis. "You keep winning. I want to race."

"Not with those drugs in your system," said Harry. "I don't have to call Paul down here, do I?"

"No," Louis abruptly lunged at Harry, forcing him backwards. 

"We'll start again," said Harry, moving off to the centre of the pool. 

They went again, and although Louis made a couple of breaks for it, Harry forced him back until he was against the wall again. He was turned on--again. Honestly, what was it about fighting with Louis that turned him on? He pressed his groin briefly against Louis'. Louis was turned on, although not as much. A mild arousal would be the best definition. Easily ignored. Harry was harder than that. He stepped back and looked down at his shorts. His erection was making them float upwards. 

"Come on, Harry, I can go into the deep end," said Louis. "I'm fine, honestly. The drug has worn off."

"No, Louis. I have to watch out for you, and that means no going in at the deep end."

"What else is there to do?" Louis shoved a tunnel-full of water at Harry, who splashed him back. He and Louis wrestled again, even though Louis was at a disadvantage, against the wall. Still, Louis managed to push him away, and they fought for dominance in the shallow end, Harry eventually backing Louis into the stairs. 

"It's not fair. You're bigger than me. You've grown so much over the last couple of years."

"I was always taller than you," said Harry.

"No, you weren't. We used to be the same height. It was your hair that made you look taller."

"My hair."

"Your lovely, curly hair."

Harry shook his head, grinning. "Come on. We have to get ready for tonight."

***  
"I do wish you boys would stop going in the pool," grumbled their stylist, Lou Teasdale. Harry was seated in one of the rooms backstage at the Cardiff Arena and Lou was trying to fix his hair, which was standing up wildly due to chlorine exposure. She brushed at it vigorously, trying to get it to sit down. "It's no good, I'm going to have to use something."

"Nothing too harsh."

"Look at your hair, Harry. What am I suppposed to do with it? No, I can't fix it, not without using too much gel. We'll have to wash it."

Harry didn't mind. It was nice, having his hair washed by someone else. Lou gave him a towel to dry off with while she readied her products and the blow-dryer. 

"That's much better," she said. "Now just a little bit of this," she worked something briefly into his hair, "and a blow dry, and we should be sorted."

Harry felt the warm air of the dryer blow through his hair, as Lou brushed it. All too soon it was over. He'd never admit it to anybody, but he liked being pampered by their stylist. 

"Fetch me Louis," she instructed him. "Please don't tell me he's been in the pool, too?"

"Er... okay, I won't."

"Great,"muttered Lou. "Well, at least his hair isn't so recalcitrant as yours."

Harry went to find Louis. It was easy enough. He was pacing up and down the corridor, looking nervous.

"What's the matter?" said Harry.

"I really fucked up at soundcheck. I'm worried I'm going to do the same thing tonight."

"You're much better than you were at soundcheck."

"I didn't even care at soundcheck. I just thought it was sort of funny."

"It's that drug you take at night. It fucks you up for most of the day. Don't worry. You'll be all right. You were looking much better before. Lou wants you, by the way."

"I'm going to get a lecture about going in chlorine-infested waters, aren't I?"

"Probably." Harry made his way to the main backstage area. Music was playing, Niall was strumming a guitar, Liam was reading a magazine and Zayn was chilling out. Josh and the other musos were playing cards. 

Harry sat down next to Liam. "When are you going to talk to Louis?"

"When I can pin him down."

"If you see him with me, come and grab him. I won't mind."

"Right now would be the perfect time, since there's nothing to do but wait, but I don't want to upset him before our show."

"No, that wouldn't be a good idea. He's still really vulnerable."

"I know, and it breaks my heart. I don't know if anything I can say to him will make him feel better, but I've got to try."

Harry patted Liam on the shoulder. "I for one will appreciate it."

"How are you coping, being obviously his chosen support?"

"He's not too high maintenance, really. Mostly he's too drugged out."

"Yeah, that new pill they're giving him, it really takes it out of him, doesn't it? I noticed during soundcheck."

"It wears off about twenty hours after he takes it. He's okay at the moment."

He and Liam chatted a bit, until Louis came back into the room. "Liam, you're up with Lou," Louis said.

Liam got up and left the room. Louis sat down in the spot he'd vacated. 

"Did she have to wash your hair?" asked Harry.

"No. My hair is much more obedient than yours."

Harry could smell the product in Louis' hair. It was a nice-smelling one. Some of the stuff Lou used could be chemically, such as on Zayn's hair for example, but whatever she used on Louis was nice.

Harry sighed and leaned back against the couch.

"What's up?" said Louis. 

"Nothing. Just waiting. I hate it."

"You could always join us," called Josh from where the musos were playing cards.

"No, I'm not in the mood for cards."

"I am," said Louis, hopping up. "Anything to distract me."

"Grab a chair."

Louis did so, and sat around the musos' table. "Are we playing for cash?" he asked.

"Not now that you're here, no."

"Aw, guys, come on, it's a challenge. Be up to it."

"We're playing for points only."

"But that's boring."

Harry listened to him banter with the musos for a bit, then dragged his attention away as Louis started playing. 

Liam came back into the room, and told Zayn it was his turn. He sat down next to Harry and picked his magazine up again. Harry turned his attention to Niall, who was strumming random chords and humming to himself, occasionally writing something down.

"Niall? You writing a song?"

"Yes. Don't interrupt me," said Niall.

So Harry chilled out and listened to the music, trying to ignore Niall, and the banter from the musos. 

"How can you have fifty-two points already?" asked Josh. 

"I'm just a good poker player," said Louis.

"Nah, it's all luck."

"Ask the boys about that. Harry, is it luck or skill that I win so much at poker?"

"It's skill," said Harry. "He's a shark, don't let him tell you otherwise."

"Man, I'm on minus 150," said their guitarist, Dan.

"You're too easy to read," Louis told him. 

"I'll put my sunglasses on."

Louis just laughed and said, "If it makes you feel better. I'm still taking you down."

Harry listened to the music a bit more, as Zayn came back and told Niall to go to their stylist. Zayn's quiff was insane. It was probably about time he got it cut, thought Harry, knowing Lou had to use her strongest products on Zayn's hair.

"All right, Zayn?" he said.

"Yeah. I'm all ready to go."

The support act left the stage and began drgging their equipment off with the help of One Direction's roadies. Then the roadies began setting up for One Direction. Harry got the urge to go wander about on-stage. It was probably foolish, but then again, the lights were down. No one should recognise him. He noticed the musicians' card game breaking up at this stage. Everyone was complaining about Louis being ahead on points. One went so far as to accuse him of cheating, which Louis hotly denied. 

"How can I cheat? You guys were watching me the whole time."

"He's right," said Josh. "I couldn't see any evidence of him cheating."

"You're a shark," complained Jon.

"Next time, do you want to play for money?"

"No!" the chorus resounded. 

"Aw, you guys are no fun," said Louis.

Niall came back from the stylist then, his hair in a quiff, but nowhere near as ostentatious as Zayn's. He went straight back to his guitar and notes. 

Harry wandered on stage, watching the roadies set up. He didn't know how they did it, but they managed to set up Josh's drumkit to his specifications every single time. Amps were being dragged out, guitars lined up just off-stage. 

"Harry, what are you doing?" asked Josh, on his way to his drumkit.

"Just watching."

"The audience have noticed you."

So that explained why the crowd had suddenly gotten louder. He turned around, to see fans flailing in his general direction. He had the urge to suddenly go down and meet some fans. He hopped off the stage onto the corridor below, and went up to the fans. Bodyguards quickly surrounded him. 

"Oh my god, Harry!" "Harry, I love you!" "Harry, where's Louis?"

He touched hands with them as the bodyguards surrounded him protectively. 

"How's it going, guys?" he asked.

"Oh my god." "How am I? I'm ecstatic!" "Harry Styles, look at me!" "Harry, will you sign my t-shirt?"

"Anyone got a marker?" asked Harry.

Someone came up with one, and he signed the girl's newly-purchased One Direction t-shirt, and signed a few more while he was at it.

"Harry, get out of here," said one of the bodyguards to him. "The fans are going insane."

Harry didn't want any fans crushed in the melee, so he took the advice of the bodyguard, and got back up on stage, then went off. He was just in time to see Paul doling out Louis' valium. 

"You'll be all right," said Paul, to Louis, as Louis swallowed them down.

"I beat the band at poker, so I'm happy."

"Good to hear. Harry, where have you been?"

"Just doing some signings for the fans."

"You shouldn't do that without telling me first."

"It was okay. I didn't get mauled, and no one got crushed or anything. The bodyguards helped."

"I sincerely hope so, since that's what we pay them for," said Paul. "Harry, no going down into the audience tonight, got it?"

Harry sighed. "Got it," he promised Paul.

"I don't want to risk you being pulled into the crowds as happened to Louis a few nights ago."

"I already said I wouldn't."

"Fine. I'll hold you to that. Louis, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," said Louis, sounding fine.

"That other drug worn off?"

"Yes. I feel much more with-it now."

"Good," said Paul. "If you need to come off-stage, you come off, all right?"

"I will," said Louis.

The stage manager called their cue at that, and the band filed on stage, to screams that would surely lift the roof off.

Louis was fine. He hit his solos, his movements were generally okay, he was obviously all right. Harry was so relieved. His relief caused him to hug Louis fiercely during one of Liam's solos. 

"What was that for?" asked Louis.

"For you being okay."

"Of course I'm okay. I'm gettting used to all of these drugs."

"I don't know if I want you to get used to them. You have to come off them at some point."

"Why?"

"Because, Louis, valium at least is addictive. I don't know about the other one, but maybe that's addictive, too."

"I'll come off the valium. Just give me a couple of days."

"So, you're feeling better?"

"Much better. I don't feel anything for Eleanor right now, if that's what you're asking."

"That's what I'm asking."

"I'm over her."

"This quickly?"

"No point in clinging onto the past."

"I asked Liam to talk to you," said Harry, and stepped away to sing the chorus.

"Harry, why did you ask Liam to talk to me?" asked Louis when the chorus finished.

"He was with Danielle for a couple of years. He knows what you're going through."

"Maybe. But I don't think talking about it will help. I just need to get through this by myself."

"Don't be so stubborn. You've been struggling on your own."

"I tell you, I'm feeling better."

'You were crying again last night."

"No, I wasn't. I was asleep last night."

"How did I end up in your bed, do you remember?"

"No."

It was time for the chorus again. In apology for ignoring the fans, he threw himself into the chorus, going right up to the edge of the stage and reaching out, even though he couldn't touch the audience from where he was. Then he had a solo of his own to perform. He felt Louis watching him the whole time. Back to the chorus, and then the song ended. 

"How did you end up in my bed?" Louis shouted into his ear over the cheering of the crowd.

"You were crying, and you called out for me."

"Oh." Louis pulled away. He looked pensive.

Harry left him to process his words. The next song started and since Harry was lead, all the attention was on him. He hugged Louis and stepped away from him and put the whole of his emotions about Louis into the song. By the end, he was practically crying himself. The fans went wild. Harry felt it was one of his best performances ever. He took a few deep breaths to compose himself and thanked the crowd. The other boys were lookiing at him as though he'd just done something special, so it must have been obvious to more than just himself. He took a few more deep breaths, trying to will away the urge to cry. 

Liam, the closest to him, went up to him and patted him on the shoulder. "All right?" he said.

"I'm okay." He could see Louis hovering in his peripheral vision. He didn't think he could deal with Louis right now, so he went over to the other side of the stage, next to Niall, for their next song. He calmed himself down, listening to Liam's solo, and was ready to go again for the chorus.

***

Back at the hotel, after showering, after drugs had been dispensed by Paul, Harry decided it would be best to be blunt.

"Do you want me to sleep with you tonight?" he said to Louis.

Louis, in bed, looked down at his knees. He was obviously embarrassed. "Um, I don't know."

"Because if I'm going to end up in your bed anyway, I may as well start in there, don't you think?"

"You don't have to."

"Do you want me to?"

"Yes," whispered Louis.

Harry grabbed the pillows off his own bed and brought them over to Louis'. He propped them against the headboard, climbed in with his book, and proceeded to read, as though everything was normal. After a moment, Louis picked up his own book again. He rolled over to face Harry, propped his head in his hand, and put his book in the middle of the bed. He'd had his second drug and it wasn't long before his arm collapsed and his face fell into the pillow.

"Umph," he said.

"Time to put the book away, Louis," said Harry. "You're falling asleep."

Louis put his bookmark in the book and put it on the side table. Then he arranged his pillows and lay down, still facing Harry. He closed his eyes. 

Harry could tell he fell asleep almost immediately. He put his book down and looked at Louis. He looked younger than his twenty-one years. The way his hair fell over his forehead, the way his long eyelashes feathered in closure, the shape of his face, his delicate features, his ears; he loved Louis so much, and it hurt to see him go through this. He hoped Louis was as good as his word and kicked the valium in a couple of days. He was sure the drug was preventing him working through his grief properly. He wished with all his heart for Louis to sleep through the night without crying. 

Harry read for another hour or so, frequently checking on Louis; unnecessarily because Louis was sound asleep as a baby. He finally put his book aside, feeling sleepy. He switched off the light and lay down properly, pulling his pillows down. In the dark he couldn't see Louis except as an outline in the bed, but he could hear him breathing steadily and could feel the warmth from his body just tantalisingly out of reach.

He must have fallen asleep for the next thing he knew was an arm was sliding around his middle and a hand tucked under Harry's armpit. 

"Louis?"

"Mmm?"

"You okay?"

"Sorry," said Louis, and went to withdraw his arm. 

Harry held onto it. "No, it's all right."

Louis settled his arm and hand back down. His body was pressed up against Harry's back. His legs, though, were still separate. Harry thought he'd fallen asleep again when he said, "Harry?"

"Yes?"

"Don't you find it strange that I keep hugging you in bed?"

"I figured you were just using me as an Eleanor substitute."

"I'm not using you as a substitute, Harry. I know who I'm hugging."

That made Harry feel better. He'd been worried Louis thought he was hugging Eleanor all those times. Then Louis moved, hugging him much closer, and kissing the back of his neck. 

"Goodnight, Haz," he said, loosening his grip once again.

"Goodnight, Lou."

Harry felt warmed all over from the kiss, and from Louis' arm around him, knowingly around him. He still didn't know why, but he would take what he could get. 

***  
They'd obviously shifted in the night some time, because come morning, Louis wasn't around him anymore. Harry reached out an arm. He felt Louis just a few inches away, and rolled over. "Louis? Are you asleep?"

No response. Harry looked at the time. Plenty of time for a lie-in. He drew close and slid an arm around Louis' body. After last night he felt he had permission. Louis didn't awaken. His t-shirt had rucked up and Harry enjoyed the feeling of holding Louis, touching his skin, his hand splayed across Louis' ribs. He wanted to stroke, but didn't want to wake Louis, so he settled for just holding on. 

He must have dozed off because the next thing he was aware of was a knocking on the door. Harry groaned, extracted his arm regretfully and left his warm cocoon with Louis. 

The knock came again. "Harry! It's Paul."

"Coming!"

He opened the door and Paul handed him two tablets. "Louis' valium for the morning. I'm going to be busy for the next couple of hours."

"Okay. I'll make sure he gets them."

"Good lad. I'll see you later on, okay?"

"Okay, Paul."

"Put some clothes on."

Harry looked down, but yes, he was definitely wearing his boxers. "I'm dressed."

"Oh, to be young again," said Paul, and headed off.

Harry decided that since he was up, he might as well stay up, as attractive as the thought was of getting back into bed and canoodling with Louis. He put the pills down and got dressed. If previous form was anything to go by Louis wouldn't be waking up any time soon. He decided to go down to breakfast.

When he returned to his room after breakfast, Louis was still asleep. Harry decided to have a go at waking him up. "Louis? Time to get up. Louis?" He shook his shoulder, then shook both of his shoulders. 

"No," mumbled Louis.

"Come on, it's morning. You don't want to miss out on breakfast, do you?"

Louis turned away from him and settled again. "Don't care."

Harry sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed onto his shoulder again. "Come on, Louis. I've got your valium."

Louis groaned, turned onto his back, and stretched. He hauled himself up to a sitting position. "Okay, where is it?"

"Here." Harry picked the pills up from the table and handed them over. "And some water."

Louis swallowed the tablets along with the glass of water and handed the glass back to Harry, yawning.

"You not feeling rested?" asked Harry.

"No. I'm still so sleepy," said Louis, his eyes closed.

"Do you want me to fetch your clothes?"

"Yes, please." Louis sagged back against the headboard. He was asleep again by the time Harry brought him his clothes. Harry woke him up again and Louis began to get dressed. 

"You don't seem to be getting a tolerance to this stuff," he said.

"No."

"We've got the matinee tomorrow. How are you going to cope?"

"I'll have to take it much earlier in the night, I think. During the show, even."

"Maybe you should skip it."

"What if I'm up all night? That won't be any better."

"Damn matinees."

***

Their show that night went off without a hitch: Louis was wide awake by the time they had to be onstage, although only a few hours before he'd been napping. Harry definitely didn't like this new drug; it was stealing his friend away. All Louis wanted to do was sleep most of the day. He didn't join them on the day's excursion, instead electing to go back to their room, and, presumably, sleep. 

That night, Harry made sure that Paul gave Louis his meds early, after the show, so there was some chance of him being awake for the matinee tomorrow. "Don't forget to pack up," said Paul. "Get all your laundry back etcetera. We're leaving for Dublin straight after the show tomorrow."

This time Harry didn't ask; he automatically went to Louis' bed. His pillows had been moved back, presumably by the cleaner, so he picked them up and took them over. "Mind if I watch TV?" he said to Louis. 

"No, I don't mind. It's not like it's going to keep me awake. Can I play with your hair?"

"Go ahead," said Harry. Unfortunately he only had about ten minutes of Louis' attention before he started faltering. "Lie down, silly. You're passing out."

"But I want to play with your hair."

"I want you to, too, but you're definitely falling asleep. Your hand hasn't moved in about thirty seconds."

"Will you play with my hair?"

"Of course."

Louis lay down and Harry began carding his fingers through Louis' hair. Louis was quickly asleep, but Harry continued anyway, enjoying the feeling of affection running through him. By the light from the TV, Louis looked like a pixie from Harry's childhood imaginings. He was so beautiful, so sweet and delicate and ephemeral. Harry's heart filled with love and he slid down in the bed to cuddle against Louis. He slipped an arm under his neck, his other around Louis' body. He was so warm, so wonderful, fit so perfectly in Harry's arms. No, Harry firmly told his dick, stay down. It wasn't just sexual. It was pure love. 

He watched the rest of the TV show out of the corner of his eye, more wrapped up in Louis than what was going on on-screen. He was about to turn the TV off and go to sleep himself when Louis began muttering in his sleep. "No. No. No! Harry!" He came awake suddenly. "Harry!" he called.

"Shh. I've got you," said Harry, cradling him tightly.

"They're taking you away from me, Harry."

"No one's taking me away from you. It was just a bad dream. Shh."

"B-but they were!" and now Louis was crying. Harry's heart nearly broke. He cuddled Louis, stroked him, did his best to reassure Louis that he was there. Louis dampened Harry's chest with his tears, but eventually settled down. 

"God. That was so real. Sorry for being a mess."

"It's okay. I've got you." Louis, if it was possible, snuggled in closer. His leg moved between Harry's. Oh no. Harry felt himself starting to get aroused. "Louis, you should move your leg."

"Why?"

"Because I'm getting turned on," Harry admitted. 

"So what? I know I turn you on."

"You do?"

"It hasn't half been obvious in those games we've played in the pool."

"It doesn't bother you?"

"You're Harry. Why would it bother me?"

"Because... it could wreck our friendship."

"Don't be daft. You can't help it."

"I'm sorry," said Harry, anyway. His cock was semi-hard now, and he knew Louis could feel it. 

"Don't be sorry. Harry, I love you. Nothing will ever stop that."

That only made him harder. Harry groaned. "Louis..." he said.

"What?" 

"You're going to be the death of me, I swear."

Louis stayed snuggled close in Harry's arms and legs, paying no attention--at least, no negative attention--to Harry's cock which was currently rising against his stomach. In fact, he might have jostled it, quite deliberately.

"Louis," whined Harry. "Don't."

"What if I said I wanted to have sex with you?"

Harry pulled away abruptly. "What?"

"Harry, I want to have sex with you."

This had come out of nowhere. Literally out of the blue. Louis whined and tried to get Harry to come back, but Harry wasn't going to. "You want to have sex with me?" he repeated. "Since when?"

"Since I broke up with Eleanor."

"Louis, you are so on the rebound it's not funny."

"But Harry-"

"No. I will not have sex with you."

"Why not? You obviously want to."

They could see each other by the glow of the TV. Louis looked so earnest, Harry's heart--his cock--could hardly handle it. "Because you're on the rebound from Eleanor. And you're affected by drugs. You don't know what you're saying."

"How about if I go cold turkey off the drugs? Will that convince you?"

"It might, but... no, it won't. You're on the rebound."

"Stop saying that. I'm not rebounding. I'm being serious."

"Why do you want to have sex with me?" demanded Harry. "You've just admitted it's only since you broke up with Eleanor. Don't put me through this, Louis."

"Put you through what?"

"All the stuff that's going to come up if we even continue this conversation. I don't want to talk about it anymore." Harry flopped down onto his back. 

After a minute, he felt Louis' hand tentatively touch his ribs. He tolerated it. Obviously encouraged, Louis came closer. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. But I'm going to say it every day. I'm going to say it until you do have sex with me."

"But why?" wailed Harry.

"I want you to make me forget everything that came before. I want a new start."

"This could ruin our friendship."

"Not from my side it won't. Would it from your side?"

"I don't know," Harry admitted. "If I had sex with you, I don't know if I could just go back to being normal with you."

"But if I'm normal, you can be normal, right? Harry, it won't change anything for me."

And that was the crux of the matter. He wanted it to change Louis, wanted it to be forever. If they were going to make love, it was not going to be on a one-off occasion. Harry was going to want it for all time, if he got it. And Louis was so obviously talking about a one-off occasion, to erase his memories or whatever. "I can't do it, Louis. Go back to sleep."

Louis squirmed in closer to Harry, so that Harry could feel his semi hard-on against his thigh. "I'm serious about it."

"I am too. We can't. I don't want my heart broken by you, Louis Tomlinson."

"You care that much for me?"

"I care that much for you. And I'll never jeopardise our friendship to have you. No matter how much you beg."

Louis, semi hard-on and all, snuggled up against Harry. "Okay. I'll leave it alone for now. But I'm going to mention it every day."

"Why? Why do that to me?"

"Because one day, maybe, you'll realise what you're missing out on."

"I know what I'm missing out on. It's nothing compared to losing our friendship."

"One day, those two things will not be synonymous for you." Louis hugged him aggressively before settling down, his breath tickling the side of Harry's neck. it was a long time before Harry could get to sleep after that conversation, although Louis dropped off almost immediately. 

***  
It was the matinee. Louis was currently passed out asleep on one of the backstage couches. Harry was in discussion with Paul. "He reckons it knocks him out for about twenty, twenty-one hours. That encompasses the whole of our show," said Harry.

"What can we do? Let him sleep as long as he can, then wake him up. He should be fine. He was fine that night he mixed valium and alcohol."

"But this stuff is more intense than alochol, on him."

"All we can do is monitor him," said Paul. "If he's not fit to go on stage, he's not fit. Niall!"

"Yes?" said Niall.

"If Louis can't go on stage or has to leave for whatever reason, you do his solos, okay?"

"No problem," said Niall. "Why, what's wrong with him?"

"The tablets he's on make him sleepy. I'm not sure he'll be up for the show."

Niall looked at Louis, crashed out on the couch. "I'm sure he'll be fine. He always is."

"Just in case."

"Sure."

A few minutes later, it was time to go on. Paul tried to wake Louis. "Come on, Louis, it's your cue. You have to go onstage."

"What? Oh, okay." Louis stood up unsteadily and followed the guys out. Harry kept an eye on him. He was really zoned. He waved to the fans then collapsed on the couch.

Louis managed to sing--sometimes with his eyes closed--during all of their staples, 'What Makes You Beautiful', 'One Thing', etcetera. The rest of the time he appeared to sleep. He was in danger of missing his solo in the next song. Harry quickly went up to him and shook him awake. "Louis, you've got to sing."

"What?"

"The song. Your turn's coming up."

Louis was in no way handling it. He looked confusedly up at Harry. It was time, and Louis wasn't singing. Harry immediately began singing instead, making his way forward to the front of the stage. The fans didn't seem to mind the swap. At least, they cheered up at him as enthusiastically as ever. Harry glanced back at Louis. He was shaking his head vigorously.

"Stand," said Harry to him when he next had a free moment. "Sitting on that couch is making you too comfortable."

"But I'm so tired."

Niall had come over. "Are you okay, Louis? Do you need me to sing for you?"

"He can do it," said Harry. "Come on, Louis, stand." He reached out, grabbed his arm, and hauled him to his feet. Niall helped. They got Louis standing. "Now move," said Harry. "Walk around." He put an arm around his shoulder and began walking with him. "Chorus," said Harry, letting him go.

Louis sang on cue. Thank god. Harry left his side but made sure he stayed on his feet. He got worried, though, at one point when Louis closed his eyes and began tilting. As Harry rushed across the stage, in no way able to be in time to save him, he awakened, stumbled, and quickly recovered.

Harry finally reached him. "Maybe you should go off."

"No, I want to stay."

"You're a danger to yourself. You nearly passed out asleep standing up."

"Do you think I should?"

"Yes, I really do."

"Okay," said Louis, surprisingly, and went off stage. Harry went up to Niall to tell him to take Louis' parts.

"Is he all right?" asked Niall, concerned.

"He nearly fell asleep standing up. I told him to go off."

"Geez. I don't like what this drug does to him, Harry."

"Me neither. Hopefully he'll go off it soon."

"Before our next matinee, anyway," said Niall.

"When's that?"

"Not until Manchester. Two weeks or something."

"Oh, that's all right. He'll be off everything by then," said Harry hopefully.

"Manchester. That's where Eleanor lives."

"Oh. I forgot."

"I don't think he'll be off the drugs by then. Or if he is, he'll have to go back on them."

Harry didn't want to think about that. Better Louis was off the drugs completely, in Harry's opinion. They were just fucking him up more.

***

Their trip to Ireland went without a hitch. Harry was sharing with Louis again. Zayn offered to take him on, but Harry declined. The way Louis was acting, he could do anything. He didn't know what Zayn would do if Louis came onto him. Best he saved that for Harry, who could deal with it to a certain extent.

That night Harry worried over it. Maybe Louis had forgotten; the drug seemed to wipe out his short-term memory, judging by several things he'd forgotten over the past few days. He hoped Louis had forgotten the conversation ever happened. He couldn't concentrate enough to read, so he watched TV instead, sitting up beside Louis in the bed. Louis reached out a hand to Harry's hair and Harry allowed it, reciprocating in turn. They stroked each other's hair for a time, until Louis leaned over towards Harry and whispered in his ear, "I want to have sex with you."

Oh no. He had to be firm. "No, you don't," said Harry.

"You don't know how it is, Harry. I do."

"You're rebounding."

"So you said last night. Are you saying if I wasn't rebounding you'd willingly have sex with me?"

Harry held up his hands to his face, feeling a blush form. "Louis, don't make me have this conversation."

"I'm making you. I know I turn you on."

"It was just the wrestling."

"Last night we weren't wrestling, and you were still turned on."

"You stuck your leg between mine."

"If I stuck my leg between Zayn's, would he get a hard-on?"

"How should I know?" said Harry, pulling his hands away from his face.

"Don't be coy. I turn you on, I know I do. It's not just lately; I've seen evidence in the past, too."

"What evidence?"

"In the past, when we've been watching a movie together or something, sometimes you've been aroused."

Harry had hoped he hadn't noticed all those other times. "Maybe it was just the movie."

"Shrek?"

Oh god. How embarrassing. He remembered that one. He'd seen Shrek several times, so his attention had wandered during the watching of the movie. Had wandered to the feel of Louis sitting next to him, their thighs touching; had caused his eyes to watch Louis more than the movie, delighting at Louis' reactions, had gradually turned him on more and more throughout the night. And afterwards, Louis had laid his head down in Harry's lap, and Harry had been shocked because he knew there was no disguising his arousal. Louis hadn't said anything though, and Harry had been under the impression that he simply hadn't noticed. Now he realised Louis simply didn't mind.

"You noticed," Harry couldn't help but say.

"There was a boner sticking into my ear. How could I not notice?"

"Why did you make me suffer through that? You didn't move for ages."

"It was all normal as far as I was concerned. You'd been turned on enough times with me already."

"God," moaned Harry. And all this time he thought he'd gotten away with it.

"So I don't get what the big deal is. You want to have sex with me, I want to have sex with you, let's just do it."

"Louis, you don't know what you're saying."

"I do," said Louis, and awkwardly leaned in and kissed Harry on the lips. Harry tried not to respond. This wasn't fair. Louis wasn't playing fair.

"You've had that drug, you're going to be zoned in a few minutes time, anyway," Harry pointed out, ignoring the kiss.

Louis kissed him again. 

"Louis, don't."

"Why not?"

"Just don't. I can't deal with you like this. It's the drugs, they're fucking with your head. You don't want me. You've never shown any sign of wanting me before." 

"Harry, I do want you. Okay, maybe in the past I was with Eleanor, but I'm not anymore, I'm available. I've been thinking about some things."

"You can't think straight at the moment."

"I can so. And I want to have sex with you."

Harry groaned. The words went straight to his cock. "Louis, it's not going to happen. Ask me in a year, and then maybe. Until then, forget about it. You're not in your right mind."

"You're insulting me by saying that."

"It's true. You spend most of the day asleep, you forget things, you act like a zombie when you are awake. I'm not taking advantage of you."

Louis wormed an arm around Harry's body. Harry shivered. "You wouldn't be taking advantage of me."

"No. Just... no. Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me with hearts-eyes."

"Can I kiss you?" 

Harry opened his mouth in shock, about to say, haven't you been listening to a word I've said? Louis obviously took it as an invitation. To his credit, he didn't use tongue, but his soft lips on Harry's own was almost too much to bear. Certainly it was too much for his cock to bear. He felt another rush of blood to that area of his body.

Louis kept making out against his lips. Harry eventually pushed him away, after realising he was reciprocating. "Louis, no."

"Where's the harm in making out?"

"We're friends. You don't want to make out with Niall, or Zayn, or Liam, do you?"

"No, I want to make out with you."

Harry found himself, for the first time, praying the drug would kick in quickly. 

"We're special friends, Harry," continued Louis. "You can't tell me I've just wrecked our friendship by kissing you, can you?"

"No, of course not. But Louis, it's just not what friends do."

"Why define it?"

"Because... there has to be boundaries. And relationships split up, friendships don't."

"Harry, is that what you really believe?"

"I'm not the only one here with divorced parents."

All at once, Louis seemed to go limp. He shook his head, but it was obvious the drug was hitting him. "No," he moaned. "I want to stay up with you."

"Lie down," Harry commanded.

Louis pulled down a pillow and remained at Harry's side, his arm curled around him. "I hate this drug."

"I know. Maybe you should go off it in a few days."

"I will. It's robbing me of my life."

"And you'll kick the valium, too?"

"I'll kick everything. Then maybe you'll realise I'm serious about wanting to have sex with you."

Harry shook his head. Louis was nothing if not persistent. He'd soon see how his tune changed, however, when he was off the drugs. He stroked Louis' shoulder until he fell asleep, and stayed up himself, watching the TV until quite late. Louis never once stirred from him in all that time. Correction, Louis began to stir off him, but then came back, with interest, tucking his leg in against Harry's. Fortunately Harry's hard-on had died off by that stage and it stayed away when he used his all of his willpower to ignore where Louis was touching against him.

***

Their first full day in Ireland was taken up with radio interviews, signings, promos. They'd released a statement whilst still in Wales that Louis had split up with Eleanor, but it seemed fans had to hear it from the horse's mouth. Louis got so many questions during the signing that Harry was tempted to stand up and shout, enough already! To his credit, Louis dealt with it without breaking down. Maybe he was getting better, after all. Harry still tried to deflect attention off Louis when he could, butting in and answering the fans' questions so that Louis didn't have to. 

Louis, as usual, slept through their van rides to various venues. He was seated with Harry again, the boys obviously deliberately giving them space. That meant Harry had to tolerate Louis' head on his shoulder more often than not, which was difficult because of his feelings for Louis. He felt so protective of him at the moment; he was still angry over the fans' questions during their signing, and would be all day. At least in the interviews, the subject was ordered off the agenda.

They got back to the hotel early evening, and hung out in Niall's room, eating pizza. There was a knock on the door; Paul with the inevitable meds. Louis swallowed his valium and Harry took charge of his sleeping pill. He managed to convince Louis to take it before they left Niall's room. Hopefully Louis wouldn't be alert long enough to allude to sex tonight.

Harry's hopes were in vain. They were in bed together, again, reading, when Louis suddenly said, "Harry," in an urgent voice.

"What is it?" said Harry, turning to him, and was greeted with a kiss. He pulled his head back and looked into Louis' perfectly blue eyes, eyelashes hooded over the top. God, he was so attractive. 

"Please," said Loius, and leaned in to kiss him again. Harry couldn't help but respond. He'd wanted this for so long. But not like this, he reminded himself, and pulled away.

"Louis, no."

"Let me love you, Harry," and the words were so hot, Harry couldn't resist the next kiss. Their tongues met for the first time, and Harry was gone. Louis' tongue, swirling around his own, could anything be hotter? He found himself leaning over Louis, deepening the kiss, before he came to his senses. He pulled back, and Louis' look of sorrow tore at his heart. But he couldn't do this. Not while Louis was on those drugs.

"No. You're still on the drugs, Louis. I can't trust anything you do."

"What if I go cold-turkey off them?"

"I'll still take a lot of convincing," Harry admitted.

"Harry, what if I said I loved you?"

The words tore at Harry's heart. But he couldn't believe them. "You're still on the rebound. You don't love me in that way, not really."

"I do."

"I'm sorry, Louis, but I just can't believe it. You split up with Eleanor, and suddenly you're all over me? I don't buy it. I don't want to wreck our friendship."

"I've already told you it wouldn't, not on my side. It's you that's got the problem."

"Have you considered it from my point of view?"

"What do you mean?" asked Louis.

"You know that I've wanted you for a while now. It's not something I'm comfortable admitting, but it's true. I can say it, because you already know. What you don't know is that I want you always, forever. I can't just have a one-night stand with you. It would kill me."

Louis looked thoughtful. He was really trying to understand, Harry realised. "So you think I want sex with you just once, and that'll be it? What if it's not?"

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, Harry, that I have feelings for you. I've had feelings for you for a long time, but I supppressed them successfully with Eleanor."

"Louis, don't do this to me."

"It's true. Harry, I adore you. Always have. That it's taken a sexual turn since splitting with Eleanor is not a surprise to me."

"But Louis, you were with Eleanor so long. You can't possibly expect me to discount that relationship."

"I'm sorry. I was with her, in the end, for all the wrong reasons. The reason I've been so emotional the past week or so is that I'm sorting out my feelings for you. Finally I'm at a stage to admit it; I have feelings for you. I want you to fuck me."

And that was just it, wasn't it? Louis wanted to have Eleanor fucked out of him. He wanted to be able to say, at the end of his and Harry's sex session, that Eleanor was no longer on his mind. That didn't mean to say Harry would automatically take her place. No, he couldn't believe it. Louis liked girls. If he wanted Harry to fuck him, it could only be a masochistic streak, because Harry was aware that Louis thought anal sex was painful. They'd discussed it once, like, it seemed, they'd discussed everything.

"Imagine getting fucked," Harry had said, during one of their random conversations, and immediately regretted it.

"I can't imagine a guy's dick in your arse would be anything other than painful," Louis had said, without a blink.

"Why would gay guys do it if it was so painful?"

"Masochism?"

"I don't believe that. I don't believe that so many masochists on the planet happen to be gay. I've talked to a gay guy, and he says it doesn't hurt, as long as you're relaxed."

"I'll leave that one up to you to decide," Louis had said, and that had been the end of that.

Except it wasn't anymore. Louis wanted Harry to fuck him. He had obviously either turned into a masochist, or believed Harry when he said it didn't hurt. Harry thought it was the former.

"I'm not fucking you," said Harry, either way.

"But Harry. I know you want to."

"Not like this. I swear. Not while you're on all these drugs."

"I'm going off them tomorrow. Cold turkey. Then maybe you'll believe me. Ungh."

"What?"

"The drug's hitting me," admitted Louis. "Can I snuggle you?" It wasn't wise, but Harry said yes, anyway. Louis slid an arm around his torso. "Lie down," murmured Louis.

Harry did so, and was immmedately met with an arm around his neck, stroking into his hair. Louis was enveloping him, and Harry had never felt so good. He felt a rush of blood to his dick. Thankfully Louis hadn't added his leg between Harry's. Louis continued to stroke him, on his torso and in his hair, until his movements became faltering. 

"Go to sleep," whispered Harry.

"Want to stay awake with you."

"Hush. You're tired. Go to sleep."

It wasn't long before Louis dropped off. Harry stayed awake, turning their conversation over and over in his mind, not getting anywhere. But Louis was giving up the drugs. That was surely a good thing.

***

When Paul came to the door the next morning with Louis' tablets, Harry took them, as usual, but told Paul that Louis might be giving them up.

"Is he sure he's ready?" asked Paul.

"I'm sure he's sure."

"Let me talk to him," said Paul, coming into the room. 

"You'll have to wake him up, first. Good luck with that."

Paul spent a long time rousing Louis. Louis resisted wakefulness, turning over to snuggle more firmly into the mattress. Harry had to laugh at Paul's attempts. Eventually, though, Paul got Louis to sit up. "Louis, do you want your valium?" he said.

"Yes," said Louis.

Paul looked at Harry. Harry came over. "But Louis, last night you said you were going to give it up."

"Oh, that's right. No, Paul, I don't want it. I've decided I'm going off it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," said Louis firmly. "And I don't want that other pill either, the one that turns me into a zombie."

"The psychiatrist recommended you take it for a couple of weeks, at least."

"I don't need it anymore."

"Why all of a sudden?"

"Because Harry... because he doesn't like it."

"Harry's not a doctor, Louis."

"I don't want to take pills anymore. They're fucking with my emotions. I want to be normal again."

Paul put the tablets down on the bedside table. "All right. I'll leave them here, in case you change your mind."

Louis looked longingly at the pills as Paul put them down, then looked at Harry. "I won't need them."

Harry nodded at him. Good boy.

"Okay, well, I'll be out and about. Give me a call if you need anything," said Paul. "Don't forget soundcheck this afternoon."

"As if you'd let us," said Louis.

After Paul was gone, Louis flopped back down on the bed.

"You're not going back to sleep, are you?" said Harry.

"Harry, it's 8:00am."

"You've already had at least ten hours of sleep."

"Mmm. Not enough." Louis pulled the covers back over himself.

"I seriously can't wait until you're off all these pills," said Harry.

"Nor can I. I want to be myself again, not some drugged out idiot." He closed his eyes, laying flat on his back, a hand up near his ear on the pillow. 

"I'm going to breakfast, then. I'll wake you up before they finish serving."

No response. He was already asleep. Harry pulled the covers over him and left.

***

At soundcheck that afternoon, Louis was no more alert than he had been over the past week, still stumbling awkwardly about like he had leaden weights on his legs. At the show that night, the difference was stark, however; he hit his cues, he danced without looking weighed down, he was much more interactive than he had been over their last several shows. Harry was so happy. His Louis was coming back to life. 

"Louis, you're doing great," Harry said to him.

"I feel much more natural. Like I'm enjoying myself properly for the first time in a week."

"Keep it up."

"I will. No more drugs for me."

There was one downside to that, however, Harry discovered. Louis couldn't get to sleep that night. Paul had brought around his sleeping pill and it sat on the bedside table, unused. Louis would normally be passed out soon after his shower but not tonight. Worse, he was tormenting Harry again.

"I still want to have sex with you," said Louis. "And this time it's not the drug talking."

"Not necessarily true. Valium stays in your system for days. I don't know about that other one, but it could still be affecting you, too."

"Harry, I'm not kidding when I say I'm going to keep asking you."

"Why, Louis?" whined Harry.

"I need to make a new start, I told you. I won't be able to do that until I've had sex with someone other than Eleanor."

"So go for a walk down the street. You'll meet a dozen girls who'll want to sleep with you."

"I want it to be someone I care about. Who cares about me."

"You're torturing me. Why couldn't you have picked one of the other boys to torture?"

"They don't want to have sex with me, Harry. You do."

"Who says I do? So, you turn me on. It doesn't mean I want to have sex with you."

Louis looked like that idea hadn't occurred to him. He looked pensive for a moment, then turned back to Harry. "Are you saying you don't want to have sex with me?"

"Oh, god," groaned Harry. 

"Harry," and Louis moved closer, "Tell me the truth. Look me in the eyes, say you don't want it with me, and I'll leave you alone."

Harry pressed his palms heavily to his forehead. All he had to do was say it. All he had to do was lie. "I don't..." he said and stopped. He glanced at Louis, who was looking earnestly at him. No, he couldn't say the words. He had to tell the truth. "I can't say it," he muttered, bringing his hands down over his face, as if not looking at Louis would somehow make the words less true.

Louis lifted his hands away, one by one, and put a hand on Harry's jaw, turning Harry's head to face him. He stroked the side of Harry's face. Harry felt frozen, Louis' gorgeous blue eyes staring straight into him, as though they were trying to read the deepest, most intimate parts of him. And then Louis moved forward and kissed Harry, the gentlest of kisses, leaving Harry breathless. 

"Please, Harry," said Louis. He kissed him again. Harry was still frozen to the spot, as Louis still stroked the side of his face. His hand moved into Harry's hair, digging through his curls, leaving Harry's scalp sensitised. "Don't be frightened. I won't hurt you. This won't hurt us. We'll still be us."

"We won't," whispered Harry. "It'll change everything."

Louis leaned in again to kiss Harry. Now Harry was breathing heavily, panting. He couldn't believe Louis' lips were on his. He wanted this so much. He yearned for Louis. He couldn't help himself, he had to return the kiss. Louis' hand twisted in his hair, and Harry felt his own hands go up to Louis' face, cradling him gently. It was the sweetest thing ever, Louis' lips on his, soft as cream. The kiss deepened, as they explored each other's lips, stroking together. Louis took Harry's top lip between his teeth and bit down, barely clamping on, and it went straight to Harry's groin. He moaned and pulled himself closer to Louis, their hands on each other's face, in their hair, caressing with their hands as well as their lips. Harry forgot all his resolutions, caught up in Louis' mouth and the wonderful things it was making him feel. Then Louis' tongue stroked against Harry's upper lip, and swirled down to his lower lip. Harry met Louis' tongue with his own, and everything intensified. They'd cleaned their teeth, so the kiss was minty, but Harry didn't care. He stroked his tongue against Louis', and Louis gasped and stroked back. God, this was so good. 

"Louis," moaned Harry. "Louis." Louis kept kissing him. "We have to stop."

"Why? You want this as much as I do."

Even more than you do, Harry wanted to say, but didn't. He hadn't removed his hands from Louis' face and hair, but now he pulled his head back and looked at Louis. Louis looked like pure sex, his lips parted showing his perfect teeth, his eyes half-lidded, his face flushed. His hair sticking up where Harry had a grasp on it, his face cradled in Harry's other hand. God, he was so beautiful. 

"Harry," whined Louis, opening his eyes properly. He stroked into Harry's hair again. "Please. Nothing's changed. Nothing will change."

That nothing had changed wasn't entirely true, but neither had it wrecked their friendship. Harry found himself entertaining thoughts; what if they did have sex? Why would it change things? It wouldn't, would it? But he had to consider his own heart. He didn't want a one-off fling with Louis. It would break him, to have had Louis, and to never have him again. Louis is still on the rebound, still affected by drugs, he reminded himself.

"I can't, Louis."

"Yes, you can. Please. I'm begging you."

At that, Harry had to kiss him again, but broke it off quickly. "We can't do this," said Harry. "If there's even the slightest chance it will wreck our friendship, I won't do it. And you can't promise me it won't."

"Yes, I can."

"You can't. Louis, you asked me to fuck you. Is that still what you want?"

"Yes."

"Do you realise how huge that is? How big a deal? I know your beliefs about anal sex. You believe it's painful. You want me to hurt you."

"Yes," whispered Louis. "Then everything will be better."

"I can't do it. I can't do something to you that you think will hurt you."

"You say it doesn't hurt."

"But you believe it does. It's your belief that's more important here. You want me to hurt you. I can't do that."

"I just need to feel something. Something different. I don't want to be in charge. I was always in charge with Eleanor. I need you to do this for me, Harry."

"And I'm telling you I can't. I can't hurt you. Why can't you want a simple hand-job?"

"That wouldn't do it. Besides, you wouldn't do that either, anyway, would you? I may as well go the whole way and ask you to fuck me. Harry." Louis looked soulfully at Harry. "Please fuck me."

Harry pulled away from him and rubbed his hands over his face. "No, Louis, I can't."

Louis had had to leave off Harry's hair. "Soon enough you'll have to admit the drugs are out of my system. Soon enough you'll have to admit I'm serious about this. And that I'm not going to stop asking."

"Louis, god."

"I'm sorry, Harry, if it upsets you. But it's going to happen. You can't resist me forever."

No, no he couldn't. If Louis kept offering himself up on a plate every night, Harry was going to eventually break. Still, he said, "I'm not fucking you. Get it through your head."

"You will fuck me. I know it. It's only a matter of time. Why wait?"

"Louis, do you know how cocky you sound?"

"I know you, Harry Styles. Don't you forget that. I know how to get around you. And I will."

"It's late. We should be trying to sleep."

"I have a feeling I'm not going to be getting any sleep tonight. Lie down. I'll play with your hair."

Harry couldn't resist the offer. He slid down in the bed, put his pillows to rights, and faced Louis. Louis, with a look of utmost affection on his face, began to stroke Harry's hair, kneading and pulling from time to time in the way he knew Harry liked. Harry blissed out. No, the kisses hadn't changed their friendship. But going any further... things would have to change. He couldn't fuck Louis and see him the same way. It was too intimate. And once he'd had Louis, he'd be messed up for anyone else that might come along in his life. No, he had to stand firm. He had to resist. 

***

Harry woke up that morning, to find himself curled around a naked Louis. Oh no, not again. This time it wasn't the drugs. This time he had to accept that Louis had stripped off knowingly. 

He pulled himself up. Louis made a noise.

"Louis? Are you awake?"

"I've been awake all night."

"What, you haven't slept at all?"

"No."

"Louis, why aren't you wearing any clothes?"

"I got hot."

"You got hot. You could have put some boxers on."

"You had your arms around me. I didn't want to disturb you too much."

"Like taking your clothes off didn't cause a disturbance."

"It did. You left me. I had to coax you back."

Harry didn't remember any of this. Obviously, in some semi-conscious state, he'd laid down willingly with a naked Louis. What had he been thinking?

Louis rolled over onto his back, his side bumping against Harry. "Are you mad at me?"

"No, I'm not mad. I just... you confuse me, that's all."

"I don't mean to. I mean to be as straightforward as possible."

"Don't say it," said Harry.

"What, that I want you to-"

"Don't say it!"

Loius' lips paused in the shape of an 'f'. "Okay. Do you want to go for a drive today?"

"A drive?"

"I was thinking of borrowing one of the vans. I can go by myself, but I thought you might like to come along."

"Where are we going?"

"Just around Dublin. We'll have a picnic lunch somewhere."

"Not with the other boys?"

"We can ask them along too. All I know is, I'm driving."

There was a knock on the door. Paul, no doubt.

"Coming," said Harry, and got out of bed. Sure enough, it was Paul. 

"I'm here to see if Louis needs any meds this morning."

"No thanks, Paul. We've still got his meds from yesterday."

"Can I come in?"

"Of course."

"Ah, Louis, nice to see you up bright and early."

"I feel better," said Louis, sitting up.

"He didn't get any sleep," said Harry. Louis looked at him warningly. What?

"No sleep at all?" said Paul.

"It's all right. I've slept twenty hour days up to this point. One night of lack of sleep isn't going to set me back."

"You sound better," said Paul.

"I feel better."

"So you're getting up for breakfast."

"Yes."

"Glad to hear it," said Paul, patting him on one naked shoulder. "I'm really glad to hear you're feeling better. You know to get hold of me if you need anything, right?"

"Right."

After Paul left, Louis said to Harry, "Why did you say that about me having no sleep?"

"Because it's true."

"But I need to get one of the vans today. If I haven't slept, they're not going to let me behind the wheel."

"Maybe you shouldn't be behind the wheel, if you haven't slept."

Louis pushed the covers back and got up. He was totally naked, but if Harry looked away, that would be weird. They'd seen each other naked a lot of times. "Harry, I'm fine. I tell you, I've slept so much in the past week, I don't need to sleep for a couple of days."

"I'm not sure that's how it works," said Harry.

"Come on, let's get dressed and go down to breakfast."

***  
Later on that morning, Louis found Harry in Zayn's room. Harry had been having a heart-to-heart with Zayn about Louis' sudden attraction towards him, knowing that Zayn would be the last to ever tell. Zayn had counselled him that he was doing the right thing; Louis still wasn't in his right mind, and anything he said was questionable. It made Harry feel better. Fortunately, Louis didn't knock until they'd finished their conversation and were talking about incidentals.

Louis stood in the doorway and waved a key. "I've got a key to one of the vans. Who wants to go on a picnic?"

"Yeah," said Harry.

"I'm in," said Zayn.

"That's great! We're all in. I'll just go to the kitchen and get them to make us up a hamper." Louis disappeared down the corridor.

"I'm sorry for you, man," said Zayn. "He is hot, for a guy."

"I know. But I've got to keep resisting."

"You have to. A friendship that strong, you don't want to ruin it."

Louis came back up to tell them everything was ready; they had food, they had a van, they could get going. 

"I should warn you guys," said Harry, "Louis hasn't had any sleep last night."

"You seem all right," said Liam.

"Of course I'm all right. I've been sleeping twenty hour days. One night of missed sleep isn't going to hurt; it will probably do me good."

"I just want to make sure you're safe," said Harry.

"Anyone who thinks I'm not safe, the guy who gets pulled over by the cops for going too slow, please feel free to leave. I assure you I'm okay."

"I trust you, man," said Zayn, clapping him on the shoulder.

Liam and Niall echoed his comment. Harry was the odd one out. "I'm sitting in the front seat," said Harry, the better to keep an eye on Louis.

They piled into the van and headed off out of Dublin, into the countryside.

"Do you know where you're going?" Harry asked.

"I memorised the map, don't worry. If you're that concerned...." Louis passed over a map to him. Harry navigated the rest of the way, but Louis didn't need it. They pulled up outside an isolated parkland, with picnic tables and plenty of trees. "This'll be nice," said Louis.

The other guys agreed. They got out their picnic hamper and began eating. They were all ravenous. Sandwiches, cake, and coke. Couldn't be better, Harry thought. The staff had packed just enough for five people. 

Afterwards, Louis stood up. "There's a creek just down here."

So they went walking down to the creek. Louis splashed at Harry. Harry splashed back. Niall, in his enthusiasm, fell in. 

"Niall! You okay?" asked Harry.

"Yeah." Niall climbed back onto the bank, stripping off his shirt. "I may as well stay in, as I'm wet already," he said.

"What's the water like?" asked Zayn.

"Cold." 

Zayn stripped off down to his boxers anyway and got in. Liam shook his head. 

"Come on, Lou," said Harry.

"No, I'd rather stay on the bank with Liam."

Harry stripped off and got into the water. Bloody hell, it was cold. But it was invigorating. He noticed Liam and Louis having a serious chat by the water's edge. So Liam was finally getting the chance to talk to him. Harry couldn't be happier. He had a water-fight with Niall and Zayn, making sure it lasted long enough that Liam and Louis had a chance to talk. Eventually, they all came out of the water.

"No towels," complained Zayn.

"Use your t-shirt," said Niall, picking up his no doubt still-damp clothes from the embankment and using his shirt to wipe himself off. Harry did so too, and Zayn followed suit. Louis and Liam laughed at them.

"You're going to have wet pants," said Louis.

"It was worth it, you girl," said Zayn, flicking him with his t-shirt.

Louis, Harry was happy to see, looked relaxed. Obviously the talk with Liam had gone well. They piled back into the van, bringing the empty picnic hamper with them, and Louis drove off. About half an hour later, he pulled off the road. "Just got to get something from the pharmacy," he said. No one thought anything of it, knowing he was on medication, except for Harry. What was he buying in there? He soon found out when Louis thrust the paper bag onto Harry. Inside was condoms, and lube. He felt himself flush. Fortunately, the other guys didn't ask about it. 

Everything went fine until Louis suddenly said, "Oh god," very quietly, but Harry could still pick up the strain in his voice.

"Louis?"

"Get me off the highway, Harry."

"What, how..."

"Get me off!"

Harry put the indicator on, signalling they were turning off. Now they just needed an   
exit. 

"There's an exit coming up soon," said Harry. "Turn down there."

"I can't turn. I can't even tell if I'm driving straight. I feel like I'm weaving all over the place. Help me, Harry."

"Shit. Slow down, Louis. Slow right down." Louis took his foot off the accelerator.   
"We'll pull over. It's okay. Just turn the wheel."

"Harry, you have to turn the wheel."

Harry leaned across and took over. "Hands off," he instructed. This was a very awkward way to drive a car but Harry managed it, using the last of their momentum to pull off the side of the highway.

The boys were worried. "What's going on?" said Liam, speaking for all of them.

"I don't know," said Harry. "Louis?"

"Suddenly I couldn't tell if I was driving straight or not. The steering wheel turned snakish in my hands. I can't explain it. I'm going mad."

"You're not going mad," said Harry. "It's probably a side-effect of stopping all those pills at once."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. I think, if you stop it cold turkey, all sorts of things can happen. Someone else needs to drive," added Harry. "I suppose it will have to be me, since none of you lazy bastards have your license yet."

"I'll navigate," offered Liam. 

Harry and Louis stepped out of the vehicle and Liam stepped up in Harry's place, taking the map and smoothing it out. Louis sat on the verge. When Harry realised he wasn't getting back into the vehicle, he got out and went over, sitting beside him, the pharmacy bag still in his hand.

"Are you okay?"

"I just need some air. I feel sick."

Harry rubbed his back, and they all waited until a pale Louis stood up and said he was okay.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. The nausea has passed."

They got back in the car and Harry, placing the pharmacy bag at his side nearest the door, started back along the highway, Liam telling him where their exit was.

"You all right, Louis?" asked Niall in the middle seat.

"I'm okay. I just got confused there for a bit."

"It doesn't sound like nothing, mate."

"I can't explain it. It's like the steering wheel turned into a snake in my hands. I didn't know if I was going straight, or swerving, or whatever. The steering wheel was a snake."

Harry looked over his shoulder to see Niall put a hand around his shoulders. Zayn also reached across and patted him on the leg. "You're okay, babe," said Zayn. "We've got you."

Harry and Liam got lost a few times but managed to navigate back to the hotel in time for them to get ready for the concert. Liam sighed with relief once they'd parked the van. "That was stressful," he said.

"I'm sorry, Liam," said Louis.

"Don't be. You couldn't help it."

"It's just that I've gone cold-turkey off these drugs. It wasn't going to be easy."

"Don't worry. We were warned before the journey that you hadn't had any sleep. I still trust you, Louis. We got out of it okay."

"Thanks to Harry," murmured Louis, giving Harry a hug around the waist.

"Thanks to Harry, or whatever. I trust you guys with my life."

"That might not be so wise," said Louis. "I didn't know the drugs could do that to me."

"We're okay, we got through it. Don't worry about it, Louis."

Harry could still tell that Louis felt terribly guilty, as he dropped his head and made his way back into the hotel. Harry followed him up to their floor, into their room.

"Louis, it's okay."

"No, it's not. I could have had a fatal crash. I put all of our lives at risk."

"You didn't know that was going to happen."

"No, I didn't, but the fact remains. I could have got you all killed."

"You told me straight away about it, did't you?"

"Yes."

"You did everything you could. No one could have expected you'd react that way."

"I went cold turkey off my meds. You can't tell me that isn't my fault."

"Believe me, if I'd known something like this could happen, I would have been the first to speak up about it. But I didn't know, Lou. You didn't know, none of us knew. Don't beat yourself up about it."

"I can't help it," said Louis. "I could have killed us all."

"You didn't. You did the right thing, you told me, and allowed me to take over. We're all okay because of that."

"I still feel so terribly guilty."

Harry wrapped him up in a hug. "No more driving adventures," he said. "Are you feeling okay now?"

"I've got this weird buzzing feeling in my head, but otherwise I'm okay. I just can't believe it, Harry. I've never felt anything like it before. I suddenly lost all of my depth perception. I couldn't tell how far away I was from the car in front. And then the steering wheel..." Louis shuddered.

Harry gripped him more tightly, rocked him a little. "You're okay, babe. We're all okay."

They held onto each other for a while longer, before they broke apart. 

"I love you, Harry," said Louis, looking seriously into his eyes.

"I love you, too."

All of a sudden, they were kissing, with an urgency that wasn't evident last night. Harry was immediately lost in the sensation of Louis' lips against his, Louis' hair in his hands, Louis' hands in his own hair. He felt his heart hammer in his chest as he filled up with love. Louis' lips were incredible. And his tongue, when it finally asked, politely, for entrance, swirling around Harry's lips before penetrating further, did amazing things to Harry. Oh god, Louis Tomlinson's tongue was in his mouth. Wait a minute. He shouldn't be doing this.

He pulled back suddenly. Louis looked at him, mouth half-open, panting. "What is it, Harry?"

"We can't. You know we can't."

"Why can't we?"

"Only an hour ago you were hallucinating."

"Don't give me excuses. That's not why."

"I think it's something that should be taken into consideration. Louis, your state of mind is questionable at the moment."

"You're afraid," said Louis.

"Of course I'm afraid! I could lose the most important person in my life, for what? A moment of pleasure."

"Us making out hasn't affected our friendship."

"I don't know why it hasn't, I'm not going to question it. But we can't do it anymore, Louis. We're tempting fate enough as it is."

Louis looked up at him, blinking, his face suddenly miserable. 

"No," said Harry. He quickly hugged Louis. "Don't cry. I can't stand it when you cry."

Louis buried his face between Harry's neck and shoulder. He was staying dry-eyed, thank god. "I don't understand, Harry. We're not tempting fate. It won't change anything between us. I can't imagine life without you. There's no way it will change us."

Harry was beginning to agree with him. The more Louis pushed him, the more he kept thinking, would it be such a bad thing? If he had sex with Louis, why would that change anything? He had to keep reminding himself Louis wanted a one-off with him, that Louis wanted to be hurt, that he couldn't do that to Louis or himself. 

***

It was just before they were due on stage. Everything appeared normal. They all sat around, relaxing, chatting. Louis was over the other side of the room, next to Niall, tugging on the neck of his shirt. Harry hopped to his feet and went for a bit of a pace. He felt a little nervous tonight. Maybe he should have one of his pills. No. He didn't need them. He could handle it. 

He paced back towards the exit. Louis was still pulling on his shirt. What was he doing? Harry took a closer look. He was panting, like he'd been running hard. His eyes looked glazed over. Something was wrong. He went over.

"Louis?"

Louis didn't say anything, just kept twisting his shirt around the neck, panting, and trembling. 

"Loius, what's the matter?"

"What, is something wrong with Louis?" asked Niall, looking over. 

"Look at me. Louis, look at me."

"That's your cue, people," called the stage manager.

"I can't," said Louis. "I can't go out there. If I go out there I'll die."

Harry realised he was having a panic attack. "Paul!"

"What is it?" said Paul, hurrying over.

"Yeah, what is it?" said Niall.

"I've got to get out of here," said Louis, jumping up. He dashed off further backstage. Paul looked at Harry, and they both dashed after him.

"Louis! It's all right. You're having a panic attack!" Harry yelled at him.

"A panic attack?" said Paul.

"He had a minor one earlier today. I think it's because he's gone cold-turkey off the medication. Louis!" Louis was scrambling at the backstage door handle.

"It won't open! It won't open!"

Harry and Paul caught up to him. Harry knew about panic attacks, knew the most important things was you had to slow your breathing down. He said to Louis, "Calm down. Breathe. Slow, deep breaths."

"I can't go out there!"

"Stop hyperventilating, Louis. You're just making it worse. Breathe slowly and deeply."

"My chest hurts. I think I'm having a heart attack."

"You're not, you're just panicking. Come on, breathe for me, Louis."

Louis slumped to the ground, and Harry and Paul sat down beside him. Harry petted his shoulder. "That's right, Louis. Take a deep breath. Let it out slowly. Take another. Keep doing it."

"What's going on?" It was Liam.

"Nothing. He's just having a panic attack."

"Like in the car?"

"Yeah, but this one's way worse."

"Wait, he had a panic attack while driving?" said Paul.

"Something like that. Don't worry, we got off the road okay. He held it together. Keep breathing, Louis."

"He's not getting the car keys again."

"He doesn't want them. Shh. Louis, you're doing great."

"I feel terrible," said Louis, knees drawn up, clutching his legs.

"Liam," said Paul, "tell the stage manager you won't be going on just yet. There's a delay."

"Okay," said Liam, and trotted off to do that.

It was another ten minutes or so before Louis staggered to his feet. "I think I'm over it now," he whispered.

"Are you sure?" said Paul. "You look pale."

"I'm still scared to go on stage."

"Shouldn't I give him a valium or two?" said Paul to Harry. "That's what we do for you."

"No, I don't want valium," said Louis. "No more drugs."

"But how are you going to go onstage?"

"I just can't, that's all."

"Stand in the wings," said Harry. "Stand there with your microphone, and join in on the chorus. Then when you feel more confident, come out on stage. That's what I've done before."

"I know," said Louis. "I remember you having to do that on the last tour."

"What's important is I made it out there. You can do it, too."

"Okay, I'll give it a try."

"Good lad," said Paul, slapping him on the back. "Come on now, before the fans start a riot."

They told Niall to do Louis' solos until he came out on stage. Niall was looking worried. They all were. "You okay, Louis?" asked Niall.

"Yeah, sorry. I just freaked out a bit. I don't know why."

"The important thing is he's okay now," said Paul. "He's just going to stand offstage for the first couple of songs."

They trooped on stage, their musicians and the band, welcomed the audience, explained that Louis would probably be on later and launched into their first song. Harry tried to hear in the chorus if Louis was singing. He didn't think so. He stepped back so that Louis was in his line of sight, to see him staring down at his microphone. Niall did Louis' solo.

By the second song, Harry thought he could hear Louis in the chorus, amidst all their voices. He looked, and yes, this time Louis was singing. He gave the thumbs-up gesture to Louis, who reflected it back at him. By the third song, Louis had ventured out on-stage. Harry was proud of him. He knew the effort it took, when you had a panic attack, to get back out there and do what you had to.

The crowd cheered at Louis' appearance, part-way through their third song, and he waved back, smiling. By the end of the song, Harry had made his way over to Louis, and gave him a big hug. "So proud of you," he said into Louis' ear.

"I can't believe I'm out here. Ten minutes ago, no way in hell was I coming out."

Harry kissed his ear, and released him. Louis looked touched. 

Everything went without a hitch after that. Louis hit his solos, his voice ringing out clear and perfect. No more sign of the panic that had had its grip on him. Harry felt like hugging him after each and every song, but didn't, because it would look odd. He was just so happy that his friend was feeling better. He knew how awful panic attacks could be, and Louis had got through his without resorting to drugs. He was strong.

***

That night, Harry got into his own bed. It was the only way he could think of to avoid the dreaded sex conversation that he was sure Louis wanted to have. When Louis came out of the shower, Harry didn't look at him but kept his eyes resolutely on his book.

"Harry?"

"Mmm?"

"What are you doing over there?"

"Reading."

"Why aren't you in my bed?"

Harry looked up. "Do you need me to be?"

"Yes. What if I have a panic attack in the middle of the night?"

Harry sighed. He was right. He needed to be there for Louis. He picked his pillows and book up and came over to where Louis was climbing into bed. Louis was wearing only boxer briefs and a t-shirt this time. He picked up his book off the bedside table and joined Harry in companionably reading. 

They had to get up early tomorrow for the journey to Belfast. Harry put down his book, having read all of one chapter. "I'm going to try to sleep," he said. "I hate getting up early not having had enough sleep."

"I hope I can get some sleep tonight," said Louis.

"Lie down with me. You never know, you could find yourself dropping off."

Louis put his book aside, stripped off his t-shirt and lay down, pummelling his pillows into position. The light was still on.

"I'm so proud of you getting up on stage tonight," said Harry.

"I honestly thought I wasn't going to make it. When it was our first song, all I could do was stare at my microphone like it was a foreign object. But suddenly I knew I had to do it. I couldn't let you guys down. So I made myself."

Harry moved a little closer to Louis. Louis moved a little closer to Harry. All of a sudden, they were cuddling. 

"I couldn't have done it without you, Haz. You calmed me down. You brought me back to earth."

"I just used my experience of my own panic attacks."

"You were my rock," said Louis, hugging him fiercely. They were both clad in only their boxers, so it was skin to skin. Louis was so wonderfully warm. Before Harry knew it, they were kissing, again. This time he gave into it. It hadn't wrecked their friendship after all, and he couldn't get enough of Louis' lips against his own. They made out for ages, until Louis slid a leg between Harry's. Harry tensed. He was aroused, and now Louis knew it. 

"It's okay. Don't be afraid. It's only me," soothed Louis.

Louis was aroused, too, Harry noted. The fact sent more blood rushing into his cock. Now what was he going to do? 

"Harry," whispered Louis, "fuck me."

The words sent shivers down Harry's spine. He yearned so much for Louis, and here he was, offering himself up. But he couldn't afford to give in.

"Louis, I..." Louis rolled on top of him, and Harry gasped. Now there was no denying their states of arousal. Louis' cock, semi-hard, lay against Harry's rapidly filling one. 

"Kiss me," said Louis, and went back down to meet Harry's lips. Harry couldn't help but reciprocate. Louis dragged his hands out of Harry's hair and gave himself leverage on the bed to rub their cocks together. It was impossibly hot. 

"Louis," said Harry, into Louis' mouth. "Louis, we can't."

"Yes, we can."

"Louis, no. You're not okay, still. You're still drug-affected."

"I'm not."

"Then you're affected by drug-deprivation. Whatever. I can't do this to you."

"But Harry," and Louis rubbed their cocks together again, "you obviously want to."

Harry groaned at the sensation. "I can't do it. I can't sacrifice our friendship."

"You wouldn't be." Louis kissed him again. God, his mouth was amazing. Harry, hand in Louis' hair, pulled his head back. He looked so beautiful, lying just above Harry, his mouth parted, his eyes blazing into Harry's own. How could Harry resist?

He abruptly turned them over in the bed, so that Louis was on the bottom, and he on top. They kissed again, hungrily. Harry rubbed his body over Louis'. Their cocks bumped together. Harry thought, maybe they could just get off against each other? That wouldn't change anything, would it? It wouldn't change things like fucking Louis would. His good intentions went out the window, as he felt Louis straining under him, rubbing himself up desperately against Harry. Harry fell back to kissing him, his tongue insistent against Louis'. He reached a hand down and brushed over the front of Louis' fly, the hardness he felt there impossibly erotic. He had to have him. He pulled Louis' boxers down and put a hand around his cock, feeling the firmness, the weight, and the soft skin as he moved Louis' foreskin up and down. Louis moaned and pulled Harry's boxers down, his hands on Harry's arse. They were completely skin to skin now, except for the boxers down their thighs. 

"Harry," moaned Louis.

"Louis, god, you're so hot."

'Hazza, yeah. Just like that." Harry was still jerking Louis, but left off in order to put his hands back in Louis' hair, on Louis' face. He instead rubbed their cocks together, creating delightful friction. He could feel dampness. At least one of them was leaking pre-cum. Harry put a hand down again, to discover it was both of them. He ran his hands over his own and Louis' cock again, before moving his hands back up. Loius' mouth was so amazing. He couldn't get enough of it. The sensations Louis' tongue against his sent through his body were almost unbearable. He was close to cumming. 

"Hazza, god."

"Louis, you're so fucking perfect." 

"Don't stop. Kiss me."

Harry didn't need a second invitation. His tongue and Louis' tongue rubbed together, just as their bodies rubbed together. Louis had hooked up one knee, the better for him to thrust up against Harry. It was beyond hot. Harry felt the gathering in his balls. He was going to cum. He panted heavily against Louis' mouth. "Louis, I'm cumming."

"Haz, so am I."

With that, Harry came, all up his own chest and Louis'. He put a hand down to Louis' cock, and that was obviously enough to get Louis off, for he could feel the dampness over his hand, could look down and see Louis' cock spurting. It was the most erotic thing he'd ever experienced. It didn't compare at all to being with a girl. With a girl, you could only trust that she wasn't faking it. With Louis, there was no faking. He'd genuinely made Louis cum. 

Harry flopped down against Louis and slid off sideways. They were still kissing. 

"Oh my god, Hazza," said Louis.

"Louis, you're amazing. Kiss me."

"Mmm." A lot more making out followed, as Louis turned on his side, the better to access Harry. Harry put his leg between Louis'. He'd made Louis cum. He felt dizzy with pride. A side order of guilt was also in there. He'd sworn he wouldn't, hadn't he? But he knew, as they kissed fervently, that nothing had changed in their friendship. They were still best mates, still closer than anyone, still irrevocably them. There was a change, but it wasn't in their friendship. It was in Harry.

"Harry, I love you."

"Mmm, I love you too."

"That was so hot."

"No kidding." Harry still felt breathless. 

"Hazza, I can't believe I've finally had you."

"You've had me and more, babe. I don't think I can ever have sex again."

Louis rolled on top of him, still kissing in between words. "Harry, your mouth, your hands, your cock--I love you so much. You're so unbelieveable."

"Louis, you're the unbelieveable one. That was totally the definition of erotic."

"You're not feeling guilty, are you?"

Harry buried his head beside Loius'. "A little. At least I didn't fuck you."

"I couldn't wait any longer on you, Harry. I had to have you. And I was right, wasn't I? This has changed nothing between us."

"Oh Louis, you don't know what you're saying. It's changed things."

"It hasn't for me."

"It has for me."

"How?" And Louis looked up at him seriously. "How has it changed things for you? I'm still your best friend, you're still my Hazza."

"Louis, you just don't understand what that was like for me. It's everything I've ever dreamed of. I've wanted you for so long. You've only wanted me for, what, a week? It doesn't compare. I can't help but feel I've made a terrible mistake."

"Don't feel like that. It wasn't a mistake."

"Did it make you forget Eleanor?"

"Did it ever. But I still need you to fuck me."

"Oh god, not this again."

"I decided to take what I could get tonight, but I still need you to-"

Harry put two fingers across his lips. "Don't say it. You're killing me, Louis. This has to be enough."

"It's enough for now. But tomorrow, I'll want more. Harry, it's not a one-off for me, I promise. I want you. I want you inside me."

Harry groaned at the words. There was nothing he wanted more, either. He thought of the packet of condoms and lube Louis had bought. Louis was utterly serious about it.

"I can't do that. I don't want to hurt you."

"Harry, it will be a good kind of hurt."

"There's no such thing."

"Gay guys do it all the time. It must be a good kind of hurt."

"It doesn't hurt."

"How could it not hurt?" whispered Louis. "You've got a big cock, Harry. When I imagine that inside of me..."

"What do you imagine?"

"Pain," Louis admitted. "I can't see how it wouldn't be."

"That's why I'm not fucking you. You'll be so tense, you'll feel pain, no matter what I do. I refuse to cause you pain."

"But Harry, what if I said it would get rid of the ghost of Eleanor forever?"

"She's still hanging around?"

"Not right now. All I feel is you. But tomorrow..."

"Louis, god, I love you so much. But I can't hurt you."

"But I'll be safe with you. If it hurts too much, you'll stop, won't you?"

"Of course,' said Harry.

"So I can trust you. I can trust you with this."

"I can't trust that you will tell me if I'm hurting you."

Louis' eyes closed, his face showing the strain. "I promise I'll tell you if you're hurting me. But my promise doesn't mean you stop."

"How could I not stop if I was hurting you? Louis, be reasonable."

"There's degrees of pain," said Louis. "Just because there's a bit of pain, doesn't automatically make it bad. Gay guys do it all the time, it must be worth it."

Harry ran his hands through his hair. Louis was still on top of him, their chests still sticky with cum. "Louis, if I'm hurting you, I'm going to stop. No two ways about it."

"But what about the ultimate pleasure? The pleasure that gay guys get, because otherwise why would they go through with it?"

"Because it doesn't hurt," said Harry.

"Do you know that for a fact?"

"I know that from talking to gay guys."

"You've never had anal sex?"

"No."

Louis kissed him. "I just can't believe it won't hurt," he admitted. "I've been constipated before. It's painful."

"This is something different. This is me opening you up gradually, with my fingers, until you feel it's just right."

Louis shivered. "I want it, Harry," he said, leaning down for another kiss. "Tomorrow?" Louis added.

They'd be in Belfast tomorrow. "I don't know," said Harry.

"I've got the condoms and the lube."

"I noticed."

"You'll change your mind," said Louis, surpremely confident. He made a movement, obviously pulling off his boxers, before settling down beside Harrry. Harrry removed his own boxers and lay beside Louis. Now they were both totally naked, cuddled up against one another. It felt wonderful. "I love you," said Louis.

"I love you, too." 

After a quick cleanup, they fell asleep in each others arms.

***

Louis had another panic attack before their concert in Belfast the next night. Harry was watching out for him, and noticed a glazed look come over Louis' face soon after the stage manager gave them twenty minutes. He was pulling at his collar again--this time he was wearing a collared shirt, the buttons done all the way up to his neck, as usual. That wouldn't be helping, thought Harry. He was just about to go over when Louis bolted from the room. Shit. Where was Paul? He wasn't anywhere to be seen. No one had apparently noticed Louis' mad dash further backstage. 

Harry got up and went to look for him. "Louis?" he called, going from room to room. He heard the back door slam. Oh no. He'd gone outside. Harry raced up to the back door to notice that, in fact, Louis was coming back in. His eyes darted around, like a cornered animal. 

"Louis! What are you doing?"

"They're smoking outside! I can't go outside! I need air!"

"Shh. Calm down. You're having another panic attack."

"Harry, I can't breathe."

"You're hyperventilating." Harry reached him and dragged him down to the floor. "Sit down. Breathe. Deep, slow breaths, in and out." His hands went to Louis' neck, to loosen his collar. "There." He put an arm around him. "Come on, babe. You can do it. Nice and slow, deep and even."

Louis tried to obey. He was covered in a sheen of sweat, trembling into Harry's hold. 

"Harry, I feel like I'm dying."

"You're not. You're just panicking. Keep breathing for me. One breath in, hold, let it out. Keep going, you're doing great." With his other hand, Harry stroked Louis' sweaty arm, shoulder to hand, shoulder to hand. With Harry's words of encouragement, Louis eventually controlled his breathing, although it took a long time. Harry wondered if their cue to go onstage had come up yet, and when they'd be looked for. Sure enough, he heard Paul call in the distance, "Harry? Louis?"

"Back here!" yelled Harry. He continued to stroke Louis' arm, soothing him. 

Paul came up to them. "Not another panic attack?" he said.

"Yeah," said Harry.

Paul crouched down in front of Louis and felt his forehead. "He's hot and sweaty," he said. 

"I know." He was still trembling, too.

"Louis? Can you look at me? Louis? It's Paul."

"Paul," said Louis, as though the word was meaningless.

Paul sat down on the other side of him. "We're here for you, me and Harry, sweetheart. You keep right on concentrating on your breathing. You'll be okay."

"Is it our cue?" asked Harry.

"Yes. Don't worry, I had an inkling what might have happened. They're delaying things."

"Good."

"He's sweating right through his shirt."

"He can always swap it for the one he wore to get here," said Harry.

"He might have to."

"I'm here," said Louis, a trifle indignantly.

"Are you?" said Paul. "Are you back with us?"

"Yes."

"We'll stay here for another couple of minutes, okay? Then we'll see if we can get you back on your feet."

"Okay," murmured Louis, and leaned into Harry's arm around his shoulder.

"You're feeling better?" said Harry.

"Much better."

"That's good. You did good, Louis. You got through this."

"I feel cold."

"You're not feeling hot anymore? Any dizziness? Nausea?"

"A little bit dizzy. The nausea has passed."

They stayed on the floor for another couple of minutes, then Paul got to his feet. Harry released Louis, and Paul helped him up. 

"Okay?" said Paul.

"Not one hundred percent. But I feel embarrassed, so yeah."

"You don't need to be embarrassed," said Harry. "I know what you're going through, okay? It's scary and very very real." Like Paul had done, he put a hand to Louis' forehead. It was still clammy with sweat, but didn't feel hot.

"Are you okay to come back out?" said Paul.

"Yeah."

Paul and Harry walked on either side of Louis, back through the corridor. Louis baulked as they got to the main backstage room. "I don't know if I can go on," he whispered.

"Do what you did last night," said Harry. "Stand off-stage. When you feel up to it, you can come on."

"Okay."

"Do you want to change your shirt, Louis?" asked Paul.

"It's not that bad, is it?" 

"Just a couple of damp patches. No one will notice."

Louis still hadn't buttoned his shirt up fully, so Harry knew he wasn't okay, still. But the show had to go on. 

"All right, guys," said Paul, entering the room. Louis hung back, and Harry with him. "Let's get up on stage!"

"You'd better go," said Louis to Harry.

Harry pulled him into a hug. "Come on when you're ready, and not before, okay?"

"Okay."

Harry left Paul in charge of him, and went out on stage with the others. They launched quickly into their first song, again explaining that Louis would be out a little later. 

Louis ventured out midway through their fourth song, this time. He'd done his button up again, so Harry knew he was okay. After they finished the song, he grabbed Louis by the shoulder. "I'm glad you made it out. You're so brave."

"Stop it. I'm not. I'm a coward."

"Louis, you're anything but a coward. I've been through it, I know the strength it takes."

Niall came over and asked, "Are you okay to do your solos?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Okay. Any problems, and I'll step in, okay? Don't worry."

"Thanks, Niall," said Louis, turning away from Harry and giving Niall a hug.

After that, the show proceeded without incident, as though nothing was ever wrong with Louis. That was the strange thing about panic attacks, thought Harry. While you were in the midst of them, you felt like you could die, but once you were out of it, everything almost went back to normal. Harry knew Louis would still be feeling a haze of what had come before, but it clearly wasn't enough to stop him from performing. 

Backstage, after the encore, they tucked into the food and drink. "Am I okay to have a beer?" Louis said to Harry.

He should be. "I think so."

"Good. Because I could really do with one." Louis grabbed a beer in one hand, and a sandwich in the other. 

"You doing okay?" Harry asked him. 

"I'm fine," said Louis. "I don't know what the hell was wrong with me, before."

"It's going cold turkey off those meds. It'll get better. It might not even happen again."

"I hope not, because it's frightening. I'd do anything to never feel that way again. I mean," Louis leant close to Harry, "I really feel like I'm dying, you know? With all the chest pains and the sweating and the nausea, the thought just won't go away."

"I know how you feel," said Harry reassuringly. "I'm embarrassed about it, too, but I shouldn't be."

"You shouldn't be embarrassed. You've had legitimate panic attacks. I'm only having coming-off-meds panic attacks."

"They're exactly the same thing. Don't beat yourself up about it, Louis."

"Are you gonna have a beer?"

"You want me to?"

"I've got plans for tonight."

Uh oh. Harry decided he really did need a drink. He went and fetched himself one, and came back to Louis, who clinked their bottles together. "Cheers."

"Cheers," said Harry, before skolling back a good proportion of the beer. It hit him just a couple of minutes later. He felt happy, and warmed to the core. So much so, that when his first drink was finished, he decided to have a second one. He noticed Louis doing the same. 

Eventually, they wound their way back to the hotel, and Louis and Harry were alone. They had showers, Harry first, and this time, Harry got into Louis' bed without being asked. 

Louis came out, naked, shaking the last drops of water off him. "I needed that," he said.

Harry tried not to look at him. Louis, thankfully, pulled on his underwear and a t-shirt. Harry had got his book out for him, and Louis picked it up and got into bed. 

"Harry, I never said it, but, thank you."

"For what?" Harry looked up at him.

"For being there for me tonight. I couldn't have gotten on stage without you."

"Of course you could have," said Harry. "You're strong, Louis, never forget that."

"I was a wreck."

"Panic attacks do that to you. You've calmed me down before. I'm just returning the favour."

"Harry, they make me so frightened."

Harry flipped his book over and hugged Louis around the shoulder. "I know. I know how it feels."

"Do you think it will ever stop?"

"I'm sure it will. You've never gotten panic attacks before. It's only since you've been on medication. Once that medication works itself out of your system, you'll be fine."

"When's that going to happen?"

"I don't know." Harry knew that valium, at least, had a long half-life. It could be a week before it was out of Louis' system. But he didn't want to panic Louis more by saying that. "Just give it time," he said, instead.

"Harry," said Louis, and it came out of the blue, "why are you afraid to fuck me?"

"God, Louis." Harry pulled away, the better to face Louis. "I told you last night, I don't want to hurt you."

"So you're saying if there was a guarantee you wouldn't hurt me, you'd fuck me? Because that's what I'm getting."

Harry rubbed his face in his hands. It was true, and yet not how he wanted it to be. "I need you willing. I need you to enjoy it. I need you to reciprocate."

Louis looked as if that thought hadn't occurred to him. "You want me to fuck you?"

"Yes," whispered Harry.

"Harry, are you in love with me?"

"It's not fair to ask that."

"Why isn't it fair?"

"Because I know you don't love me back."

"What if I did?"

"But you don't, I know it. You like girls."

"Harry, things aren't as simple as that."

"You're saying you like boys?"

"No, I'm saying.... I don't know. I like you, Harry. No, I love you. The sex we had last night was incredible. I want more of that from you. No one's ever made me feel that way before."

Harry knew it was time to admit it. "Louis, you have to understand. I'm in love with you."

Louis blinked, but met Harry's eyes. "I know."

"Are you in love with me?"

"I don't know. It's all too new, too confusing."

"Then don't you understand why I refuse to fuck you? It would mean so much to me. I don't know what it would mean to you, except pain."

Louis closed his eyes. "I want you to fuck me. I seriously want you to fuck me."

"But you're saying that, believing it will hurt, aren't you?"

"Yes," Louis whispered.

"I can do it. I can make it not hurt. But you have to trust me."

"Harry, I trust you the most out of any person in the world."

"But you still think I'll hurt you."

"How can it not?"

"I can prove it to you, if you'll let me." Harry shook himself. What was he saying?

All of a sudden, Louis was stripping off. His t-shirt, his boxers, were flung onto the nearby chair. "You'll prove it to me?" whispered Louis breathlessly.

Harry hesitated. It was probably the wrong thing to do, but he was overcome by a wave of lust. He pulled his own boxers off. "Yes. I'll show you. It doesn't have to hurt. It could be the most amazing experience of your life." He lay over the top of Louis, and kissed him. Their mouths met, lips locked together. Harry stroked his mouth over Louis'. It was an amazing sensation. Soon, his tongue asked for entrance, he had to. Louis lay beneath him, allowing him in. Harry was lost in the sensualness of their kissing. Before he could lose himself entirely, he broke off. This was about Louis. This was about showing Louis that anal sex wouldn't hurt him. 

First, he had to get Louis as relaxed as possible. That meant lots of foreplay. He rubbed a hand over Louis' torso, feeling his firm body, before kissing him on the neck. With lots of kisses and occasional nips that made Louis jerk, he made his way down over Louis' shoulder and over his chest, licking his nipples. Louis gasped, stroking Harry's shoulder, his other hand gripping and releasing in Harry's hair. Harry moved lower down, to kiss along Louis' stomach. He brushed against Louis' cock with his chest. Both of Louis' hands were in Harry's hair now, kneading his scalp, tugging at his curls. Harry slid down further. Louis' cock was already hard up against his stomach. Harry grabbed one of Louis' legs and pushed it up so his knee was bent. Louis didn't need much persuading. He cradled Harry against his leg, as Harry turned his attention to Louis' cock. He licked the underside, and closed his mouth over the head. 

"Harry, don't get me off," said Louis.

Harry pulled his mouth away. "I won't. I'm just trying to relax you."

"I'm relaxed." Even as he said so, Harry felt Louis tense up again.

"Shh. You're not. You're overthinking this. Just lie back and enjoy."

Louis carded his hands through Harry's curls, and Harry returned his attention to Louis' cock, licking it all over, before taking it into his mouth again. His tongue laved the underside while his lips stretched and sucked up and down. Louis moaned.

"Harry. That's so good."

Harry moved his hands down to Louis' arse. He cupped the cheeks and began to massage the one that was raised up with Louis' leg. Then for the first time he slid a hand towards Louis' arse crack. He ran his fingers up and down, noting how tense Louis was around his hole. This wasn't going to be easy, but he was damned if he was going to hurt Louis.

He sat up, and noticed how nervous Louis was looking. "I'm just going to get the lube. You want me to wear a condom?" he asked, matter of factly.

"Yes. It's anal sex, Harry."

"Why do you want this? You sound really phobic about it. You're so tense."

"Harry, I need it. I need you to fuck me. Please?"

Harry sighed, and fetched the paper bag of condoms and lube from Louis' suitcase. He grabbed a handful of tissues on his way back to the bed. With his props set up around him, he squirted a generous amount of lube onto his fingers. It was cool. That was just going to make it worse. Harry rubbed the lube between his fingers, warming it up. Then he had to gather more. All the while, Louis stayed propped up, staring at Harry, the nervous expression not leaving his face. His cock had started to wilt a little. 

First, Harry put his mouth back on Louis' cock. Then he ran his fingers oh so gently along his crevice. Louis' hole was still tense. Harry played around that area, and Louis began relaxing a little. His cock was hard again in Harry's mouth and his hands were in Harry's hair again. Harry brought his other hand up to wrap around Louis' shaft. He delicately fingered Loius' hole, trying to gain entrance. Louis was so tight. 

"Relax," said Harry.

"I'm trying."

"How does it feel?"

"It feels good," Louis admitted.

"So let yourself go. Let me make you feel good."

Louis took in a deep breath and let it out. All at once, Harry felt his hole relax and quickly pushed a finger in. He rolled it around, thrusting it ever so slightly in and out.

"How does that feel?" asked Harry.

"It feels fine," said Louis.

"You're worrying over nothing. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise." He went back to sucking Louis' cock. Next he tried for two fingers, after Louis had loosened up a bit. Louis gasped.

"Did I hurt you?" said Harry, stilling his fingers.

"No. Did you just add another finger?"

"Yes."

"It feels all right. It feels kinda good, actually." 

Harry took that as invitation to thrust and scissor his fingers in and out of Louis. He left off Louis' cock completely and went back up to his mouth to kiss him, still moving his fingers inside Louis. Louis kissed him back passionately, hugging Harry with his arms and leg. Harry dared a third finger. Louis gasped again, but Harry could tell it was a gasp of pleasure, not pain. Louis desperately licked into Harry's mouth, moving his lips oh so pleasurably on Harry's. 

Harry was wildly turned on. He had Louis' spectacular mouth over his, he had three fingers buried deep into Louis, thrusting. He circled his fingers inside Louis. He was much less tight, now. But was he ready for Harry's cock? Harry sqeezed his little finger into Louis as well. He wanted to make utterly sure his cock inside Louis didn't cause any pain.

"Harry. Oh Harry, that's so good."

"It doesn't hurt, does it?"

"No. Not in the least. Harry, I'm ready. Fuck me."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

Harry pulled his fingers out, wiped them on the tissues, then put the condom on. He warmed up more lube in his hands, looking down on Louis. Louis eyes were half-lidded, his lips swollen, his cock still hard. He was pure sex. Right then, Harry was determined to make him feel better than he'd ever felt in his life.

After lubing up the condom, Harry pushed the head of his cock against Louis' hole. Damn. He'd tensed up again. 

"Honey, I'm not going to hurt you," he said.

"I know."

"Why are you tense again?"

"I don't know."

Harry rubbed his cock up and down Louis' crevice. "I won't hurt you, I swear. Just relax and let me in."

"Kiss me," said Louis.

Harry leant up to kiss him, keeping his cock between Louis' cheeks. One advantage of being taller than Louis; he could do that. Harry kept a hand around his own cock, working himself against Louis hole, even as they kissed. Eventually he was able to push the head of his cock in. Louis moaned into his mouth.

"It doesn't hurt?"

"No," said Louis. "Feels good."

"Can I push in further?"

"Yes."

Harry did so, meaning around half of his cock was now inside Louis. What an impossibly erotic thought. He didn't push in further, however, just let Louis get used to the sensation. Then, still kissing Louis, he thrust out and in a little way. Louis didn't let up on his kissing, so Harry felt encouraged. He left off kissing Louis momentarily to push back the older boy's legs. He wanted to get in as deep as possible. He then slid further in, until he was almost balls-deep.

Louis breathed heavily. He took his hands back from Harry's hair and ran them through his own, panting.

"You okay?" asked Harry, worried.

"Yes. I'm fine. I can't believe you're in me."

Harry thrust backwards and forwards. "Okay?" he kept asking.

Louis kept answering yes, with varying degrees of breathlessness. It was obvious he was okay. Harry leant up on his hands and began fucking Louis seriously. Then he tried to take his weight on one arm, his other hand swirling over Louis' stomach, his chest, his nipples. Louis gasped and moaned and made other delightful noises. Harry fell back to kissing him. Before he knew it, he was close.

"Louis, how close are you?"

"I don't know."

Harry stopped fucking him. "I'm too close."

"Don't stop, Harry."

"I want you to get off with me." Harry reached down to Louis' still-hard cock--he'd heard that anal sex could take away your erection, but not, obviously, in Louis' case--and began to tug on it. He still had remnants of lube around his fingers, which made it easier to move the soft, supple skin along the hardness. 

"Harry. Harry, please fuck me."

"In a minute. I want you closer to the edge. Tell me when you're close." He fell back to kissing Louis. Louis moaned and writhed under him, thrusting his hips up, trying any which way to get Harry to fuck him. Harry held back--well, maybe he gave the odd thrust--until Louis said, "I'm close."

Harry went back to thrusting. The sensations were so intense, Louis muscles gripping around his cock. He didn't know how much longer he would last. He wanted desperately to see Louis cum before he did. It was important to him. 

"Come on, Louis. Cum for me."

"Harry," Louis panted. "I'm so close. Oh! Yeah, just like that."

Harry had changed his angle, aiming for Louis' prostate. After receiving confirmation, he hit it again and again. Before long, Louis was cumming, shouting, his whole body writhing, his cock jerking with every spurt of fluid that came out of him. Harry couldn't deal with the hotness. He was cumming, too. He kept thrusting until he was too sensitive to anymore. He laid his head into Louis' shoulder, his cock still inside Louis. 

"Oh my god," said Harry. "Louis, you're so amazing."

"Hazza, you're the amazing one. I can't believe what's just happened."

"Nor can I."

"You just fucked me. And it didn't hurt."

"I told you it wouldn't, you idiot."

"I know, but I didn't believe you." Louis lay back and panted. "That was so intense. You're still inside me, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"Stay there."

Harry reached up and kissed him. They snogged for quite some time, hands rubbing all over each other, until Harry said, "I'd better pull out." Louis moaned as he did so. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No, I just feel the loss of you, that's all."

Harry got up and took off the condom, throwing it into the waste. He then dived back onto Louis, kissing until they were both practically senseless. 

"I can't believe it," murmured Louis. "I can't believe that was so good. Harry, you're amazing."

For Harry, it was the pinnacle of his life so far, that he'd fucked Louis. He just hoped Louis felt something at least similar. "How do you feel?"

"I told you, amazing."

"Do you want to know what that was like for me?" Harry snuggled into the crook of Louis' neck. "That was all I ever dreamed of, and more. That was the most intense experience of my life."

Louis was still panting, a little. "Harry, god, I love you."

Harry allowed his heart to leap, before reminding himself that 'love' didn't mean 'in love'. Instead, he snuggled Louis fiercely, kissing him on either temple before cuddling around him. He was worried about tomorrow, whether Louis would accept what had happened or not. Truth to be told, he should never have gone through with it. Had the experience been worth losing their friendship over? No. Nothing was worth that. He just had to trust that Louis would feel the same way he'd always felt about Harry tomorrow morning.


	2. Broken Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a doctor puts Louis onto prescription medication to deal with an emotional rollercoaster, no one guesses the effect it will have on him. Louis is out of control; what can Harry do to help him? Can Harry hide his feelings for Louis long enough to help him to recover?
> 
> Please read Chapter One first.

They woke up that morning snuggled into each others' arms, still naked. Harry could feel Loius' semi-arousal against his thigh. He stirred, and Louis woke up. 

"Harry," he said, like it was the most amazing thing ever, and kissed him. Harry returned the kiss with interest. "Harry, I... thank you for last night."

At that, Hary's heart deflated. It was a one off, he'd known it, but this just made it more real. "Louis, I wanted to do that for you. I loved it. You have no idea how sexy you are."

"I'm not sexy," said Louis dismissively. 

"You are. You're the very definition of hotness."

"No, I'm just an ordinary boy."

Harry whirled on him, placed himself on top of Louis. "Louis, believe me, I've never had that intense an experience with anybody."

"Really?"

"Really," said Harry, and kissed him firmly. "I love everything about you. You're amazing, you know that."

"Harry, all I know is you made me feel amazing."

"Louis, god, I love you." And Harry reached down for another kiss, which Louis returned. "If only you'd love me back."

At that, shutters came down over Louis' face. "Harry, I don't know what to feel. I don't know what to do. I've just come out of this intense relationship."

"I thought you said anal sex would have you forgetting about that."

"It has," said Louis. "Mostly."

"Louis," whined Harry, "you promised. I fuck you, you'll forget about Eleanor."

"I have all but forgotten. Maybe you need to do it again."

"Again? Why don't you fuck me instead? That's something you used to do with Eleanor, that could change if you did it with me."

Louis looked thoughtful. "Maybe. Would you be willing to try?"

"Of course I'd be willing. Louis, I told you last night, I'm in love with you. I don't want to put any pressure on you, that's just the way it is. If you don't reciprocate, I understand."

"I don't know," said Louis, looking seriously up into his eyes. "This is all so new to me. I love you Harry, and don't you ever forget it. Nothing that has happened has changed my love for you."

"Thank god for that. I'd thought I'd screwed it up completely last night."

"You didn't," Louis reassured him. "Harry, you're always going to be my best friend, the one I turn to."

"Same here. And don't you forget it."

They made out for a bit longer before it was time to get up. Harry tried not to think about how strange it all was. He was just grateful he hadn't ruined their friendship.

***

At the concert that night, Louis didn't have a panic attack. Harry was so happy about that. They went on stage as normal, all five of them, and put on a good show for the Belfast audience. Tomorrow was a day off; a day off concerts, at any rate. Their schedule was still full with appearances and signings.

That night, Louis seemed content to sleep in Harry's arms, not pressing for any more. They lay, both naked, against each other. Harry was wondering what it meant to Louis. Surely he had to feel something for him? Best friends didn't just lie up against each other naked, after all. 

That morning he awoke, Louis' arms wrapped around him, snug against Louis' body. Louis' hand was tantalisingly close to his cock, because Louis was gripping him around the hip. Harry tried to ignore the sensation, but it was difficult. Having such a sexy boy wrapped around him, he couldn't be blamed for feeling aroused. 

Eventually, Louis woke up, snuggling up against Harry. "Mmm, Harry," he said, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck, and to the soft spot where his ear met his neck.

"No concert today," said Harry.

"Thank god. I only just made it through the last one."

"Where you panicking during it?" Harry, who'd kept an eagle eye on him, hadn't noticed.

"I started to, but I woke myself up. I just had to keep convincing myself it was something I'd done before, something I'd done a hundred times."

"You're so brave," said Harry, turning in Louis' arms so he was lying on his back and could see Louis. 

"I just did what I had to do." Louis was suffering from the most delightful case of bed-head, his hair sticking up every which way.

"Many people who suffer from panic attacks don't keep putting themselves in the situation that caused panic. You're brave, Louis, and don't you forget it."

Louis, obviously embarrassed, snuggled his face into Harry's neck. Harry put a hand up to stroke his tangled hair. "Louis," he sighed.

"Yeah?"

"I just love saying your name. Louis. It really annoys me when interviewers don't pronounce it correctly. Why don't you ever speak up about that?"

"I figure I'm only going to be in their presence for ten minutes anyway, so I don't care if they get my name wrong. It's not important."

"I'm correcting the next one."

"You'll just make them feel bad."

"I don't care. It's disrespectful. It's like they didn't bother to even learn our names before interviewing us." 

Louis had by now snuck out from his hidey-hole in the crook of Harry's neck. He was hovering a little above Harry, off to the side. 

"It probably doesn't annoy me half as much as when you get called 'Harold'."

"Most of the people who call me Harold are those I care about, including you, and they know it's not my real name. It's just a nickname."

"So it's not as annoying as I find Boo Bear?"

Harry laughed. "I can't believe you said it."

"Because I really hate it."

"I know, and that's why I don't call you that, except when I'm teasing. Just the way you call me Harold."

"So if I never call you Harold again, you'll never call me Boo Bear?"

"It doesn't work like that," said Harry, laughing again. 

"Because I have better nicknames for you. Haz." Louis kissed him. "Hazza." He kissed him again.

"Lou," said Harry, kissing him back.

"Harry... I wish I wasn't so confused."

"What are you confused about?" But Harry knew.

"Us."

"There's no 'us' if you don't want there to be. I'm your best friend, and I love you, and nothing can ever come between us."

"But you're also in love with me."

"I can compartmentalise."

"I'm all over the place. I still dream of Eleanor, you know. I don't want to, but I do. But I also dream of you."

"It's understandable you'd still dream of Eleanor. She was a big part of your adult life."

"But I feel like I'm betraying you every time I do," whispered Louis.

Harry reached up an arm to Louis' bare shoulder, to stroke him. "Don't be ridiculous. You're not betraying me if you dream about your recently departed ex-girlfriend. You've obviously still got things to work out around her."

"That's just it. I do. And I can't reconcile that with my feelings for you." Louis' blue eyes looked so serious as he said it.

"If you want to talk about it," said Harry carefully, "I'm here."

"When I talked to Liam the other day, he said that long after he got over Danielle, he'd still dream about her. I don't want to keep dreaming about Eleanor. That part of my life is finished, over with. I don't want it to be holding me back."

"Did you love her?"

"In a way, yes. Though if I'm honest, my feelings about you have always been much stronger. Eleanor was someone to hang out with, someone to have sex with. It was easy. You're much more complicated."

"I don't have to be. I'm not trying to be."

"I could just let it lie," said Louis. "But I don't want to. I care about you, so much, and the sex we've had has just been amazing. I'm just so confused. I thought I liked girls. I do like girls. But you. I just don't know what to do with you."

"Don't think about it too much. You're overanalysing the situation. It's not about what type of body you're attracted to."

Louis pulled his arm from under Harry and propped his head in his hand on the pillow. "Don't get me wrong, Harry, I'm attracted to you. Just not so much guys in general. It's just you."

"So you're mostly heterosexual, with a little bit of bi."

"I'm wholly heterosexual, except for my Hazza."

"Is it a big deal, putting these labels on things?" asked Harry.

"They've all I've ever known. What about you, Harry. You're bi, right? What does that mean to you?"

"It means that I can fall in love with whomever I want. The personality is what matters. Sex is sex, no matter what body type I'm having it with."

"I guess I'm hung up," admitted Louis. "I couldn't walk into a room and say I was bi, because that would feel wrong."

"You're overthinking it."

"Oh, Harry," and Louis finally pulled away, flopping down on his back, "I don't know what to do. I've got to think about you too, here. I could really hurt you."

"I've told you, I can compartmentalise." Harry propped his own head up on his hand. "You might crush my lust for you, but you won't ever crush my love."

"You're so pure."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous, I'm not. I'm as imperfect as the next lad."

"No, really. I'm so lucky to have you."

There was a knock at the door. "Breakfast time, boys!"

"Thanks, Paul!" Harry shouted back. He looked back at Louis. "We should get up."

"We should. Excuse my arousal. I can't help it."

"Excuse mine, too."

They kicked the covers off, looked down at each other, and laughed. They were both semi-aroused. "The things you do to me," said Louis, getting up and grabbing his boxers. Harry got up too, and dressed. There was something intimate about dressing in the morning with Louis. They kept looking over at each other, and giggling, as more and more layers went on. Louis, once he was dressed in a shirt and pants, came over to raid Harry's suitcase for a hoodie. Soon they were both all covered up, head to foot, for Louis had pulled on a beanie as well. Harry decided it was cold enough to warrant one, and hunted up his own. Then they went downstairs together. 

Liam was already there, with Josh and Dan. Sandy and Jon were seated with Zayn and Niall. Harry and Louis went to grab breakfasts and squished up with Liam, Josh and Dan at the four-seater table. 

"Inseperable as always," teased Josh.

"Shut up, Joshua," said Louis.

"You're even dressed the same. In fact, Louis, isn't that Harry's hoodie?"

"I just grabbed the first thing I put my hands on," said Louis, wholly untruthfully.

"It's big on you, mate. Harry's growing too much for you two to be able to swap clothes as much."

"I'm forever stuck at 5'9"," sighed Louis. "Harry's still growing."

"You've got big feet, though," said Josh. "And big feet means being also big where it's important."

Harry blushed. He knew first-hand just how hung Louis was. 

"Why is that making you go red, Harry?"

"It's not. I'm eating a hot breakfast." He dug determinedly into his scrambled eggs.

Josh looked back and forth between Harry and Louis, and laughed. It was obvious he had no idea what was going on, he was just teasing. 

They made it through breakfast without any more innuendo. After that it was a day filled with appearances and signings. They staggered back to the hotel just after six, and all immediately went for dinner. Talking all day had made their mouths dry, so alcohol was on the menu. Josh pushed three tables together so they could all sit around with each other. The musicians had had a much easier day of it.

"What did you do all day, hang out in the pool?" asked Louis of Josh.

"Pretty much. Oh, we went to the Arena to practice a bit, but that's all. Living the easy life."

"Lucky," said Louis, bitterly. He'd had to put up with questions about his and Eleanor's break-up again. Management had decided, since the press release in Wales, that it was a subject no longer off-topic, and interviewers and fans had not been shy about asking. Louis looked like a wreck. Harry couldn't wait to whisk him off to their room.

First, though, Louis wanted a swim. The other boys decided the same, so they had a race, which Liam won, as usual. Louis came second, Harry third, Niall fourth and Zayn, who had only recently learned to swim, came fifth. 

"Again?" said Liam, bright-eyed.

"No. You always win. It's boring," said Louis. He'd pulled himself out of the pool along with Liam, and Liam now shoved him back into the water. Right on top of Niall, as it happened. 

"Tommo, you trying to kill me?" said Niall.

"Blame Liam."

"Liam," and Niall pulled himself out of the pool, "Are you trying to kill me?"

"No, I would never, Niall."

"You're going in," said Niall, but Liam darted away. It was an excuse for them all to get out of the pool and chase Liam. They eventually hunted him down and, an arm around each of his limbs, flung him into the water. They hi-fived each other as Liam landed in a big splash. Then Harry jumped onto Louis, forcing them both into the pool. When they came up for air, Niall and Zayn had rejoined them. Josh and Dan were in the water, too. They decided to play Marco Polo. 

"You're 'it', Liam," said Niall.

"Oh yeah? I know exactly where you are. Marco!" called Liam, closing his eyes.

"Polo!" the rest of them shouted back. Harry dived under the water to escape Liam's lunges. Liam quickly caught Niall, so Niall was it. 

"Marco!" shouted Niall.

"Polo!" said those unlucky enough to be above water. Loius was swimming underwater down the shallow end, Harry noticed. 

"Marco!"

"Polo!"

"I'm gonna get you, Josh," said Niall, still with his eyes squeezed shut. 

Josh tried to evade Niall by diving underwater, but didn't dive deep enough. Niall grabbed him, and quickly stroked down the shallow end, as Josh came up for air. "Marco!" said Josh.

"Polo!" They were all down the shallow end, now. 

Josh dove forward. "Marco!"

"Polo!" Louis had made a break for the deep end, swimming underwater alongside a grasping Josh. Josh eventually herded a couple of them into a corner of the shallow end, and tagged Harry. 

Harry didn't like being 'it'. It was hard not to cheat, a little. He tried to keep his eyes squeezed closed. "Marco!" he called.

"Polo!" came the chorus back. There was still a couple down the shallow end. Harry made for them, calling out 'Marco', receiving 'Polo' as a reply. He eventually caught Liam, attempting to swim to deeper waters. Harry dived away quickly underwater. He surfaced at the deep end, beside Louis. 

"Hi, Harry," said Louis, sounding cheerful.

Harry approached him. "Hi, Lou. Polo!" he shouted at Liam's call. So did Louis. Liam was nowhere near them; he was honing in on Niall and Zayn. Louis and Harry treaded water in front of each other. Harry wanted to grab onto Louis, to hug him, but resisted. "Are you tired?" he asked instead.

"Yeah. A bit."

"Make this the last round."

"Okay."

Liam eventually caught Zayn, and Harry and Louis begged off.

"You guys are no fun," said Josh.

"We've had a tiring day," said Harry.

"All those fan-girls, they must be difficult to deal with." At first Harry thought Josh was having a joke, but he saw the serious look on his face. 

"Yeah, it's been particularly hard for Louis."

"I can only imagine. Louis, if you ever need to talk, I'm here."

"Thanks, Josh," said Louis. He and Harry lifted themselves out of the pool, while the game of Marco Polo went on around them. They dried themselves off with their towels, before Louis put a t-shirt on. Harry, as usual, hadn't worn one. He was fine walking through the lobby of a hotel with nothing but his bathers on. Louis, he understood, was a little more finicky.

When Harry got out of the shower he was torn. He'd spent the whole day worrying about Louis, leaving him mentally exhausted; but Louis had been fine today, he really shouldn't need Harry sleeping with him anymore. He decided to get into his own bed, and see what Louis said.

Louis came out of the shower, towel around his waist, and immediately said, "Harry!" in a tone of such dismay it was almost comical.

"What is it?" said Harry, knowing perfectly well what his problem was.

"You're in your bed."

"Louis, you've been fine today. You got through all those questions about Eleanor without a problem. You don't need me anymore."

"But I do, Harry."

"What do you need me for? Now that I've, well, fucked you, you've gotten what you wanted."

"But..." Louis trailled off. He stood there and chewed on his lower lip. Eventually, he said, questioningly, "You said I could fuck you."

"Not tonight. I'm too tired."

"Do you want to be by yourself?"

"To be honest, yes. I'm really tired out with looking out for you all day. I think I'll sleep better by myself."

Louis looked down at the floor. "Okay," he murmured.

Harry went back to his book. Louis, in pyjamas and a shirt, left the room to put his towel back, and then returned. He got into his own bed and picked up his book. In his peripheral vision, Harry was aware of Louis looking over at him every so often, but he resolved to stand firm. He'd allowed Louis to push way beyond his boundaries, and he just needed some space for himself. If Louis would just sort out his feelings one way or the other, it would be easier to deal with. A definite 'yes' or a definite 'no' and Harry would know where he stood. At the moment, he was feeling as confused as Louis was. He'd told Louis he could fuck him; he'd have to go through with it. But he couldn't handle that tonight. One night free of Louis, and he would deal with it. Not right now.

Eventually he felt himself dropping off. He put his book aside and bundled himself under the covers. The room was silent except for the occasional turning of a page, almost too soft to hear. Harry really was exhausted. He fell asleep quickly.

He woke up to the murmuring of words. He tried to make them out. It was Louis. Louis sounded very close to him. Harry could feel a dip at the edge of the bed where Louis was obviously sitting. 

"-sorry I'm so fucked up at the moment, but I really miss you and I can't sleep-"

"Louis?"

"I'm sorry, Harry, I didn't mean to wake you. I can't sleep, that's all."

Harry groaned and opened his eyes. Light shone from above Louis' bed. Louis, as he'd guessed, was sitting beside him on the edge of the bed. "What's the time?"

"3:00am."

"You haven't slept at all?"

"No. I'm sorry I'm so confused, Harry, I never meant for things to be this way, I never meant to drive a wedge between us-"

"Louis, what? You haven't driven a wedge between us."

"But I must have. I pushed you too far and now it's causing problems."

"What problems?"

"You don't want to sleep with me anymore."

"Louis, are you trying to kill me?" said Harry, half-sitting up. "Why do I have to reassure you about this? It's not fair."

"I didn't mean to wreck things."

"You haven't wrecked anything. I promise."

"So why don't you want to sleep with me?" asked Louis.

"Because you don't know what you want. It's starting to affect me. I thought I could deal, but it turns out I can't. I can't deal with being in love with you, and you all over me, when you don't love me back in that way."

"But what if I did?"

"I wouldn't believe you. It's too soon after Eleanor."

"Now who's not being fair?" said Louis. "I can't win."

Harry put his hands up to his face. "Louis..."

"Harry, please. I can't sleep. I need to be with you." At the lack of response from Harry, Louis' voice cracked. "Please, Harry. I need you."

Harry immediately lowered his hands and looked into Louis' eyes. They were definitely getting watery. "Louis, don't cry."

"I'm not. Please, Harry."

Harry's heart wrenched at Louis' plaintive tone. He could tell Louis was going to cry at any moment. He couldn't stand it. "All right, get in."

"But you don't want me there."

Oh, god. "Louis, it's not like that. I didn't want to sleep with you tonight, not because I don't want to be with you, but because I do want to be with you."

"So we both want to be with each other. Why are you keeping us apart?"

"This isn't reality, Louis. You can't just keep shacking up with me and not expect me to want things from you that you're not equipped right now to give."

"Stop acting as if I'm so fragile."

Harry put a hand onto his shoulder. "You are fragile right now."

"But I'm getting better. It's you who's helping me get better."

"I said get in, didn't I?"

"But do you really want me there, or are you just saying it to appease me?"

Harry sighed. "I really want you here, okay? And it's not fair you're making me say it."

Louis didn't need another invitation. He scrambled over the top of Harry and got into the bed beside him. His warm, pyjama-clad body snuggled up to Harry's. He curled an arm around Harry. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so fucked up. I don't want to hurt you. I could never hurt you. You mean so much to me."

"I understand. You can't help it," sighed Harry. 

"But I'm hurting you anyway, aren't I?" Harry's silence was all the answer Louis needed. "God, I hate myself. I'm so sorry."

Harry turned so that he was on his back, the better to face Louis. Louis had left his light on; Harry could see the water still gathering in Louis' eyes. No, absolutely not, he was not going to make Louis cry. He slid an arm around Louis. "I can stand it. You need me to be strong for you right now, and I want to be strong for you. I just thought tonight we'd both be better off by ourselves, but that's obviously not the case. I'm sorry, Louis."

Louis clutched onto him for dear life. "Don't apologise. I'm the one who's sorry."

"Don't you apologise, either. I'm giving this to you willingly."

"I haven't coerced you?"

"No. I love you sleeping with me," Harry admitted. "I just hate that it might not go on for much longer."

Louis laid his head in the crook of Harry's neck, loosening his tight hold a little. "I want it to go on."

"How can it? What are we going to say to the lads? We're not swappping any longer, we're sleeping together from now on?"

"Yes," said Louis, as if it was as simple as that.

"They're going to want to know why, and I have no good answer to give them."

"They aren't questioning it at the moment. Don't worry about what might happen in the future."

"They aren't questioning it because they think I'm your support right now. It won't go on forever."

"Harry, please don't overthink this. Is this because I made you fuck me last night?"

The words sent a shiver up Harry's spine. His face warmed. "You didn't make me. I wanted to."

"But on the other hand you didn't. You only did it to erase Eleanor from my mind, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah, but it wasn't exactly torture. It was one of the most incredible moments of my life."

"It's what's causing the problems right now."

"Maybe," muttered Harry. "It was just so intimate, you know? I hadn't thought much about how I'd feel doing it. I was trying to think only of you. But you've given me one of the most amazing experiences of my life and now I can't get it out of my mind. And I feel guilty about that, because for you it was just an eraser."

"It wasn't just an eraser," said Louis. "Not for me. It counts as the most incredible sex I've ever had. No one's made me feel that way before. It was you, Harry. You who did that."

"You mean it?"

"With all my heart."

At that, Harry couldn't help but hug Louis tightly. "It meant that much to you?" he whispered, scarcely able to believe it.

"Yes, it really did."

They hugged each other firmly. Louis slipped a leg between Harry's. Harry jolted, but allowed it. He felt so much love for Louis right now, it was indescribable. He'd given Louis the best sex of his life. That meant so much to Harry. Nothing could ever take that away.

Louis kissed his neck. He could feel Louis' warm breath on the wet spot. "Louis," he sighed.

"Mmm?"

"Can you sleep now?"

"Yes."

"Then let's sleep. Worry about everything tomorrow, all right?"

"Yeah, tomorrow," said Louis, shifting his body, his legs, a little against Harry. It felt delicious. He had Louis, in his arms, once again. He never wanted him to leave. Whatever journey they were on, they'd take it together.

***  
Harry woke up to the feeling of a caress on his shoulder. He sighed, and snuggled into the warm body beneath him. Louis. They'd switched positions during the night, and now it was Louis who lay on his back, with Harry curled up beside him, a leg between his. He felt so warmed all over. One of Louis' arms was under his neck; the other was stroking his shoulder. 

"You awake, love?" asked Louis.

"Mmm."

"I slept so much better last night after I came to sleep with you."

"Mmm," said Harry, not up to forming words as yet. He gave him a light squeeze instead.

Louis seemed to understand, and continued to stroke his shoulder, down to his back. Eventually Harry came into a greater awareness of his surroundings. He poked his head up. "What's the time?"

"Just before 8:00am."

"We'll have Paul knocking on the door any minute."

"Probably."

"So you slept right through?"

"Yes."

"That still means you've had less than five hours."

"Maybe I'll take a little nap later on during the day," said Louis.

"I'm holding you to that."

"Harry," said Louis. "I'm not a child."

"You're still in a fragile emotional state. Lack of sleep doesn't help."

"I could go back to sleep now,' said Louis.

"Do you want to?"

"No. I'd rather love you."

And Harry was happy to be loved, as Louis continued to carress him, and kiss him occasionally. Those kisses were dotted on his forehead, on his temple, on his jaw; everywhere except his lips. Harry wasn't complaining, though. Each one sent a tingle through him. He had a morning boner, and Louis' kisses weren't helping that, but he wasn't embarrassed, the way he had been in the past. 

Soon enough, Paul knocked on the door. "Breakfast, boys!"

"Yes, Paul!" they shouted back. 

Louis sighed and released Harry. Harry sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Louis was a sight for sore eyes. He had his amazing bed-head as usual, his eyes were bright and sparkling, and his face... Harry just adored his face; his eyelashes, his cheeks, his lips. He pressed a kiss onto those lips, before getting out of bed. He selected a black pair of jeans and pulled them on, adjusting himself as best he could. Meanwhile Louis climbed out the other side of the bed and went over to his suitcase, getting dressed along with Harry. Then they went downstairs together, to face the day and what it had to offer.

***

Showtime. Half an hour until showtime, to be precise. Harry, as usual, was keeping an eye on Louis. So far he hadn't shown any signs of panic. But as the stage manager called the time, Louis jumped up and began to pace the room.

Harry joined him. "You all right?"

"I'm fine. I'm just trying to keep myself occupied."

"Do you want to borrow my nintendo?"

"Would you?" said Louis, looking grateful.

"Of course." Harry went back to where he'd been sitting and picked up the nintendo, cueing it up and giving it to Louis. "Try this one. It starts off easy; but the third level is a devil."

Louis sat back down on the opposite side of the room and occupied himself with Harry's nintendo. Harry meanwhile listened to the music playing. He sung along with one of the songs, practicing his vocals. Liam was out of the room, practicing his vocals, while Zayn and Niall seemed content to just relax. Harry had total faith in his bandmates. They'd be up for it. Well... he looked at Louis, currently concentrating on the nintendo game. He hoped Louis would be up for it.

"Ten minutes," called the stage manager. 

Louis looked up. "Damn. I lost one of my lives."

"Are you on the third level?"

"Yes."

"Restart it. Try to get through."

Harry was grateful that the third level was so difficult. Louis had to concentrate hard. Before they knew it, it was their cue. Liam had returned to the room by this stage, so they were all ready to go. 

As they waited in the wings, Harry noticed Louis looked a little panicked. "Are you okay?" he asked, stepping up.

"I think so. I think you've sucessfully distracted me. I don't know."

"If you have to leave, remember, come back to the wings and sing, before coming back onstage."

"Yes," said Louis.

They went out to rapturous screaming, and soon enough began their first song, after Niall this time introduced them. Louis made it through their first song, on which he only sang on the chorus, and it was time for their second song. Harry was watching Louis. He looked like he was freezing up, eyes darting this way and that.

Harry went up to Niall. "Can you take over for Louis if necessary?"

"Of course."

Harry then went up to Louis. "Louis, are you okay?"

"I don't know where I am."

"Come and sit down on the couch." Harry took his hand and led him back onto the couch. "Louis, what's wrong?"

Louis dropped his microphone to the couch, Louis put his hands up to his face, and rubbed. He was breathing heavily. "I don't know where I am," he repeated.

"You're onstage, at Belfast, you're performing, remember?"

"It's too fucking loud in here."

"Breathe, Louis. You're just having another panic attack. Breathe deeply for me. Hang on." Liam was shooting him urgent looks. It was almost time for his solo. Harry put a hand up to indicate he'd take it, and sang it, sitting beside Louis. 

Halfway through his solo, he became aware that the couch was shifting underneath him. He looked at Louis, but Louis had bolted. He was heading offstage at speed. He finished his solo, following after Louis. Hopefully Paul was there.

Paul was. He was trying to contain Louis, who was twisting this way and that. 

"He's having a panic attack," said Harry to Paul.

"I guessed that. Louis, just come and sit down, would you?"

"You going to be all right with him?"

Paul thrust Louis down on a couch. "Get back out there, Harry. Don't worry about Louis. I'll fix him up."

Harry went back out, and, when an appropriate moment came, asked Niall to do Louis' parts.

"Is he okay?" said Niall, worry etched on his face.

"He'll be all right. It's another panic attack."

"Why does he keep getting them?"

"I don't know. Something to do with medication withdrawal, perhaps."

Harry felt he had to explain to the audience that Louis was coming back, and did so. They continued the show, Niall covering for Louis. Then it was twenty minutes, and Louis still wasn't on. Half an hour. At the end of their current song, Harry announced, "I'm coming back," and went backstage. Louis was still on the couch. Paul was stroking him on the back. 

"Is he coming back?" said Harry.

"Harry, what are you doing here? Get back out there. We don't need two of you off-stage at once."

"Harry?" Louis looked up at Harry.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked him.

"I think so. I'm not sure."

"Come and stand just off the stage." Harry held a hand out. "Come on."

Moving a little robotically, Louis stood up and came forward, reaching out to Harry's hand. "Where's my microphone?"

"Shit, it's on the couch, still." Harry took his hand and coaxed him forward. "I'll get it for you. Just come out and stand in the wings."

The band hadn't yet started up the next song. Liam was telling an anecdote to the crowd, obviously trying to cover up for the fact that there were now two members of One Direction offstage. He looked relieved to see Harry come back out, but when Harry went to the couch to get Louis' microphone and went back offstage, he started looking concerned again. Harry handed the microphone to Louis, then went back out. Liam looked relieved all over again. He'd just finished his little anecdote, and the band were obviously wondering what to do. 

"This is our next song," announced Harry. "It's called 'What Makes You Beautiful'." The screaming got louder. "You might have heard of it." The crowd cheered him.

With that, they were all back into the swing of things. Harry looked at Louis during the chorus. Louis looked like he was singing, just not into the microphone. It was a start. 

Within a few songs, Louis had edged back onstage. When the fans saw him come back, they gave an extra-loud cheer. Harry decided not to draw any more attention to the fact that Louis was now on-stage. He was already looking shaky. A test came up for him. His solo. He missed the first half-bar, then abruptly began singing. It wasn't his best effort, but he stayed in tune so it was good enough. The chorus came along, and Harry stepped up to Louis, giving him a quick hug around the shoulder. Louis looked gratified. During Zayn's solo, Harry spoke into his ear. 

"You up for this?"

"I really don't know. I nearly fucked up my solo."

"You didn't, though. You got through it." Harry hugged him around the shoulder again. "You'll be fine."

"You think so?"

"You're tough, Louis. You can do this." Harry felt with all his heart that Louis could do this. He just had to brave staying out here.

They still had a few songs to go. Louis improved with each song, until, on the last song, he began clowning around with Zayn. At that, Harry knew he was fully recovered.

They went off to wait for the encore. Harry wanted to take the opportunity to talk to Louis, but it seemed everyone wanted to talk to Louis. Zayn went up and hugged him, and Liam and Niall crowded around. Harry went over, too.

"-okay, mate?" Zayn was saying, releasing him.

"Yeah. I'm fine now. I don't know what came over me."

Paul came up, too, so now there were five of them crowded around Louis. Make that nine. The members of the band wanted to know what was going on, too.

"Louis," said Josh, giving him a hug. "We were all worried about you."

Louis looked embarrassed at all the attention. He tried to brush it off. "It was nothing. I'm okay now."

"It's all right, lads, it was just another panic attack," said Paul, putting an arm around Louis. "How about you all back off, so you don't spook him further?" Harry waited until the others left, muttering apologies. Paul looked at him, too, as if to say, 'back off'. Harry wasn't backing off, though. 

"Louis? How are you feeling?"

"Like I wish the encore would hurry up and start, already."

Paul removed his arm, and began rounding people up to go back onstage. Harry took the opportunity to hug Louis. Louis hugged him back awkwardly. He was being so tentative, Harry noticed. "Are you still recovering from the panic attack?"

"I'm still not entirely in touch with the world, if that's what you're asking."

"Are you okay to do the encore?"

"I'll be fine," said Louis, determinedly.

"That's my brave Louis."

"Stop it. I'm not brave."

"I know what you're going through, and you are. Stop denying it."

"I feel like a coward," muttered Louis.

"You're anything but. You're one of the strongest people I've ever known."

Louis looked at him like he wanted to believe his words, when the stage manager called the encore cue. Their musicians were out already. It was just up to the band to get themselves onstage. 

Harry took one of Louis' hands, as he had earlier that night, and led him up to the stage. Louis baulked a little, as they arrived on-stage, but ultimately kept going, right up to the front of the audience, where Harry let him go. "Thank you so much, Belfast," Harry said to the crowd. "You've been fantastic."

The crowd cheered back at him.

"We'll kick off with something you might know pretty well."

The band began to play 'Live While We're Young'. They reached the point where Louis had a solo. Louis was looking down at the stage, frozen, biting his lip, as his solo came up. Harry grabbed him in a sudden hug, hoping to snap him out of it. 

It seemed to work. Louis looked surprised, then gratified, and began singing his solo. Harry sighed with relief. He was okay.

They got through the encore, and went backstage for the second time, hungry as usual. Harry feasted on finger-food, keeping an eye out for Louis, who continued to remain okay. He was joking about something with Sandy, their bass-player. Sandy slapped him on the back, laughing. Harry was pleased. It seemed the panic attack had finally dissipated.

***

Harry got back to their room first. He had a shower and, boxer shorts on, got into Louis' bed. Louis came in a little while afterwards, having caught another vehicle back to the hotel. He looked relieved to see Harry in his bed.

"How much have you had to drink?" asked Harry.

"Just a couple of shots of whiskey. Don't worry, I'm fully compos mentis."

Harry decided to raid the bar fridge in the time that Louis was in the shower. He skolled back a serve of spirits and left the empty on Louis' bedside table. It made him feel more relaxed. Louis came back out soon afterwards, towel around his waist, as usual. Harry felt amused by his modesty. Louis perfunctorily put on some boxers and climbed in beside Harry, making his way over to Harry's side of the bed, and curling up around him. Harry put an arm around Louis, reciprocating.

"Thank you for tonight," said Louis. 

"I didn't do anything."

"You believed in me. I could have sat backstage all night. It was you that brought me out of it."

Harry hugged Louis tightly. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too. I want some you and me time. I haven't had any since this morning."

"You've got me now. I'm a captive audience."

Louis grabbed each of Harry's wrists and held them above his head, hovering over him. "Captive audience? Sounds kinky."

Harry felt shivers down his spine as Louis held his wrists firmly, leaning some of his weight on them. All of a sudden he felt vulnerable; but in a good way. He trusted Louis.

Louis straddled him, collapsed his arms down onto Harry's and leaned in to kiss him. Their kisses were soft, almost discreet; a contrast to the pressure Harry felt in his arms. He moved his lips up to kiss Harry's cheeks, his temples, his forehead. Harry closed his eyes, and Louis fluttered kisses on his eyelids. 

The pressure on Harry's arms slackened a little, but Louis remained holding his wrists. He turned his attention to Harry's neck, trailing gentle kisses down it.

"Okay?" said Louis, into his ear.

"Mmm." Harry stretched his spine out, relaxing in the sensations he was feeling. He wondered what Louis had in mind. Whether it would just be foreplay, or something more. He was mindful that Louis hadn't made up his mind one way or the other, so tried not to hope for too much. He'd decided to be comfortable with things, instead of feeling guilty and stressed. He would take what he could get. 

Louis returned to Harry's mouth, kissing a little deeper this time. Harry enjoyed the feeling of their tongues moving together as his wrists were held down. Louis was still straddling Harry, holding his body away and Harry arched up, trying to feel more of him. 

He must have whined a little for Louis said, "Shh," against his lips, and went straight back to kissing him. Then, Louis whispered, "Can I fuck you?" He looked deeply into Harry's eyes.

Harry felt his heart pound. Could he do this? Could he do it without breaking himself? He didn't know. "Yes," he whispered back, losing himself in the blue of Louis' eyes. 

Louis breathed out shakily. "Okay." He let go of Harry's wrists and rubbed his hands over Harry's torso, before slipping back to peel off Harry's boxers. He then rubbed himself full-length up against Harry, recapturing his mouth. Harry moved his hands down over Louis' back, slipping under his boxer shorts to cradle his arse. Mmm. Perfect. He'd had that arse. The memory of being inside Louis sent a rush of blood to his cock, which was already half-hard. He raised his hips, rubbing himself against Louis. Louis was rapidly becoming hard, too.

Harry slid Louis' boxers off. "You're over-dressed."

Louis knelt up, letting Harry pull his boxers down to his knees, before climbing out of them and tossing them aside. For a moment, they checked each other out. Harry took note of Louis' reddening lips, his eyelashes half-falling over his beautiful blue eyes, his cock jutting out proudly as it filled. 

"Come here, sexy," said Harry.

"You're the sexy one. You're laid out for me like a smorgasboard. Where do I start?" Louis kissed his inner thigh and Harry jerked. He kissed him in a line up to his pubic hair, then turned his attention to Harry's other thigh. He then dotted kisses over his hips, his shoulder brushing Harry's cock. 

"Louis, your mouth," groaned Harry.

Then Louis kissed the head of Harry's cock. He took the shaft in one hand, pulled back the foreskin, and licked him all over before taking him into his mouth. Harry gasped and reached for his hair, entangling his hands in the locks. Louis began to go up and down on him, lips tight, tongue and mouth impossibly warm. Harry began to bliss out. Louis' mouth was doing amazing things to him. All too soon, he broke off.

"I need supplies," he said. He hopped down to his suitcase and brought up the lube and a condom. Harry tossed him the tissue box. "You okay, Harry?"

"More than okay."

Loius rubbed some lube between his fingers. "I have no idea what I'm doing," he admitted.

"Just do it the way I did you."

"I'm worried about hurting you."

"I didn't hurt you, did I? You won't hurt me, don't worry." Harry lifted his knees, feet on the bed, to to give Louis easier access.

Louis delicately touched a finger to Harry's hole, and stroked around it. Immediately, it felt good. Tentatively, Louis tried to push a finger inside. Harry made himself relax. Louis' finger slid in without resistance.

"Wow," said Louis. "That was easy." He began rolling his finger around, and easing it in and out a little.

"Two fingers, Louis."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I want more."

Louis added a second finger. That felt much better. It still wasn't enough, though. 

"Three fingers."

"I'm not rushing you, am I?"

"No, Louis. This feels amazing. I need more fingers."

"I'm doing okay?" Louis had such an endearingly serious look on his face.

"Much better than okay," Harry assured him. "You're doing great."

Louis added a third and rolled his fingers around, opening Harry up more. He stroked himself at the same time, getting himself hard for Harry. It was so erotic, watching Louis stroke himself, feeling the sensations in his arse.

"Mmm, Louis, that feels so good. I'm ready."

"You can't be."

"I am," said Harry.

"But it took me ten times as long as this to be ready."

"You were scared. I'm not."

"I wasn't scared," contradicted Louis. "I was just nervous. Seriously, you can't possibly be ready."

"Louis, I want your cock in me. Now."

Louis thrust a little harder with his fingers. "My fingers are so much smaller than my cock."

"I'm ready. Please, Louis?"

Looking uncertain, Louis pulled his fingers out and got himself ready to fuck Harry. Harry watched as he cleaned off his fingers, rolled on a condom, and got more lube. He stroked himself some more. 

"Here we go," said Louis. He pushed Harry's legs up, just as Harry had done to him, and aimed for Harry's hole. Harry felt a bit of a burn as Louis slid in, but only a bit. It wasn't enough to be classed as pain, more that he was being opened up, filled with Louis' cock. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," said Harry. 

"You're so tight." Louis pulled out a little and thrust back in. "God, you're tight."

"I'll get looser."

"Was I this tight?"

"You were."

Louis thrust a couple more times. He looked down at Harry like he was the most amazing thing. Harry looked up at him, trying to convey the love he was feeling. Louis began establishing a slow, steady rythmn, rocking deeply into Harry. Harry felt his heat stretching him out. Jolts of pleasure shot through his body. Louis stroked his ankle with one hand. 

"Harder," he urged Louis.

Louis didn't obey. He kept up that tantalising rythmn, moving his cock smoothly in and out of Harry. 

"Louis, this is so intense."

Louis began thrusting a little harder at that. His breathing was getting a little ragged.

Harry couldn't help it, he had to touch himself. As he stroked his own cock the sensations running through him increased. He felt heat spreading out all over him, emenating from that place where he and Louis were joined. As he jerked himself, he looked up at Louis. Louis was alternating his gaze between Harry's face and Harry's hand on himself. He was flushed, and panting, tugging on Harry's ankles, making small noises from time to time. Harry realised he was doing the same. 

Louis let go of his ankles, and pulled out. Harry moaned. "Louis..."

"Shush. I'm just getting a better angle to kiss you." Louis slipped an arm under Harry's shoulder, before re-entering Harry, thrusting a couple of times. Harry felt relief. Louis was back. Louis leaned over the top of him so that they could kiss. Now Harry felt he was being fucked from several directions at once, as Louis' tongue danced inside his mouth. His own hand on his cock sped up. At this rate, he wasn't going to last much longer. 

"Louis, I'm so close."

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"God, you're amazing. This is incredible." Louis planted sloppy kisses on his neck, nipping a little. Harry shuddered with delight.

"Louis, fuck. I can't believe you're fucking me."

'Hazza, you're mine." Louis sucked on his neck, thrusting jerkily into Harry.

Harry was about to lose control. The sensations were overwhelming. Louis claiming him only made it the more intense. He came with a cry, shooting his load over his stomach and chest, shuddering with the pleasurable sensations shooting through him.

"Oh my god, you're so hot, Haz. Fuck." Louis slowed his thrusting. "Can I-?"

"Yes, keep going," said Harry, letting his cock go as it became oversensitised. His arse was still a source of pleasure, though. It was like a mild, extended orgasm as Louis kept thrusting into him, a hand in Harry's hair, until he too was shuddering with the force of orgasm, swearing sweet nothings into Harry's ear. Harry wrapped his arms around Louis, running a hand down to Louis' arse, as Louis kept cumming, pausing, then jolting back into Harry. Harry knew he was finished when he stopped moving and collapsed his weight onto Harry. 

"Harry, fuck. That was... I can't describe how that was. You're amazing."

"You're amazing," said Harry. "What was that?"

"I can't believe you let me fuck you."

"I can't believe how good it was. Stay inside me."

Louis gathered Harry under the shoulders and caught up Harry's lips in his own. They snogged furiously. All too soon Louis' cock was sliding out of Harry they both wriggled around in their passion. Louis sighed, and got up to dispose of the condom, before gathering some tissues and handing them to Harry. Harry urgently needed a clean-up. Louis did too, Harry's cum on his torso. Before too long, though, Louis leapt back onto Harry. Harry rolled them over, gathered Louis' wrists, and held him down, as Louis had done to Harry earlier. 

"I'm in control, now," he informed Louis, before latching onto his neck, and kissing down his right collarbone. The very idea of being in control of Louis' pleasure started his cock growing again. He kissed and nipped his way along Louis' left collarbone, then moved onto his chest, tongueing his nipples. 

"Harry, I love you," said Louis, his eyes closed in ecstacy.

Harry stopped. Once again, Louis was saying he loved him. But what did he mean by that? 

Louis opened his eyes. "I didn't mean you should stop."

Harry fell away to his side, keeping a leg between Louis'. "What do you mean, you love me?"

"I love you," said Louis, as if it was simple.

Harry growled. "What do you mean?" he repeated.

"Harry, you're the one who told me not to get hung up on labels."

"You're hung up on labels. I need to know what you're saying to me."

"I've just had the most intense sex possible."

"But what do you mean, you love me?"

"Both ways. I love you as a person, and I love having sex with you. That can mean only one thing."

"Which is?"

"I think I'm in love with you, you dolt."

"You think?" said Harry, feeling a little anguished.

"I don't know how else to describe this feeling."

"What about Eleanor?"

"Who? Oh, that bird who dumped me because she couldn't handle our schedule. Harry, I want us to have tonight every night. I've always loved you, more than Eleanor, but I always thought I was straight. I never thought of you that way. Well..." Louis blushed, "not never, but I didn't let myself think about it. I often had the thought, 'if only you were a girl', because I couldn't see any other way of us being together. I wasn't prepared for being bi."

"So now you're bi."

"I must be. Mustn't I?"

"You think about things too much, Louis. You should just let things be as they naturally will."

"I should."

"If only you'd done so earlier."

"I could have saved myself this past horrible week," agreed Louis. "Horrible except for you. You've been my anchor. Honestly, it wasn't Eleanor fucking me up, it was those drugs. I'm never taking psychiatric medication again."

"I'm glad to hear it. I was so worried you were going to get a valium addiction."

"I could have. It blissed me out, made me not care, except when it suddenly overwhelmed me. But I want to care, Harry. I want to care like a normal person, not someone who breaks down in tears several times a day for no reason. I want to feel. And you've made me feel so much." Louis wrapped him up in a hug, burying his face in Harry's neck. "I love you so much."

"Are you saying, you feel the same way about me as I do about you?" Harry couldn't help the note of disbelief that entered his voice.

"I don't know how you feel about me." Louis pulled back to look at him.

Harry latched onto his eyes. "I'm in love with you. I want you, every second of the day, whether it's us just talking, or whether it's having sex. I want you so bad. I want you so much, my judgement is completely screwed. I fucked you when I shouldn't have, I let you fuck me, knowing what it would mean to me. I can't get you out of my head, Louis Tomlinson."

Louis propped himself up, the better to look at Harry. "I can't get you out of my head, either. You're the first thing I think about when I wake up. You're my last thought at night. You're every thought in-between. I want us to be together, Harry, and I know it's sudden, but it's true. I've known it for a long time, I've just always been afraid to admit it. I was really afraid. I clung to Eleanor like a life-line, because she kept me from thinking about you. Except she didn't. You wormed your way in, anyway. I don't know why I lied to myself for so long, but I'm done with lying now. You're my everything, Harry, you're everything that matters."

Harry couldn't believe he was hearing these words from Louis; he'd fantasised about Louis opening his heart to him, but never did he think it would happen. He'd always assumed Louis was straight as a ruler. Harry knew right then he had to believe Louis. It wasn't the medication talking, it wasn't the medication withdrawal talking, Louis sincerely believed that he loved Harry. Could amazing sex sway a person? Sure, in the heat of passion, sometimes people said things, but they'd spent their passion, they'd been engaging merely in after-play. After-play was a time for regrets; Harry knew, he'd had enough of them after sex with others. Louis wasn't regretful. He was wanting more, judging by the way he was now kissing Harry.

"Louis. Louis." Harry, although he hated to, pulled away. "You really mean that?"

"I really mean it, Haz. I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true."

"So you want to be my boyfriend?" Harry put him on the spot.

Louis wasn't fazed. "Yes. More than anything."

"Oh my god, Louis." and now it was Harry kissing Louis, stroking down his body with large sweeps. Louis obligingly raised a leg for him to gain greater access to his arse, and they kissed for a long time, Harry stroking Louis' arse cheek. It fealt heavenly. He was entirely hard again but, judging by Louis' semi-hard-on, this was going to be it for tonight.

"Harry, I'm really tired. Panic attacks take it out of me," admitted Louis.

"It's okay. I'll deal."

"But," and Louis stroked a hand down, making Harry jump, "you're rock-hard."

"It'll go away eventually."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. Lou, I want you to sleep. It's the best thing for you right now, and I always want what's best for you."

"You're an incredible lover, you know that?" said Louis, and Harry blushed, because his track record showed he wasn't exactly what Louis was saying. But anything for Louis, he reminded himself. Louis was different from all the other lovers he'd had. Louis was someone he cared about, personally cared about, wanted the best for. He could ignore something as ordinary as a hard-on for Louis. 

Instead he snuggled around Louis, wrapping an arm under his neck, one around his body. His hard-on lay against Louis' hip.

"Harry, you sure you don't want me to get you off again? I don't think it'd take long."

"Probably not, but no. I want you to sleep. Sleep, and have sweet dreams." Harry kissed him behind the ear. Louis made a noise of pleasure and settled down in Harry's grasp.

"I love you, Harry," he said again.

"I love you too, Louis."

Louis quickly drifted off to sleeep, and, once Harry's boner had died down, he slept as well, his arms wrapped around Louis.

***  
They woke up that morning apart. Harry could feel Louis' body heat nearby though, and rolled over, until he was on top of Louis. He wanted to stroke his hair, his shoulder, his stomach, his everything, but didn't want to wake him up. Instead he settled for cuddling into Louis' body.

Louis woke up some time later. "Mmm, Harry," he said, rolling onto his back, reaching his mouth for a kiss. So, no regrets, then. 

"Are you okay?" Harry still had to ask.

"I'm great. I'm in the arms of my boyfriend. What more could I ask?"

Harry felt excited, hearing the word 'boyfriend' coming from Louis' lips, and kissed him back enthusiastically. They lay together, snuggling, each stroking the other, with occasional kisses. They had nothing on until later that morning, so were free to eat breakfast when they pleased.

Someone knocked on the door. 

"Paul?" called Harry.

"No, it's Zayn."

Harry kicked back the covers and looked for his pants. He found them and pulled them on.

"Harry, you're not just going to open the door, are you?" said Louis.

"Why not?"

"Your bed's made," whispered Louis.

"Oh." Harry went over to his bed and turned down the covers, before answering the door. Louis was pitching pillows onto Harry's bed.

"Have I just missed a pillow-fight?" asked Zayn, as Harry opened the door and he caught sight of Louis tossing a pillow over.

"Something like that," said Harry.

"Can I talk to you?" Zayn indicated the hallway. 

"Sure." Harry wandered out, in his boxers, and closed the door without fully shutting it. He wasn't fazed by his lack of dress.

"Just wondering how you're coping, man."

"We should talk later."

"I think we should. Because my room is right next to yours; my bed is right behind Louis', and I couldn't ignore what was going on last night."

Harry blushed. "Were we that loud?" he whispered.

"Loud enough," whispered Zayn back. "I don't know if Liam heard anything, though. I mean, he did, he said, 'What's going on next door?' but I don't know if he heard everything like I did. So, there was no pillow-fight, was there? You were covering your tracks."

Nothing got past Zayn. "Yeah, okay, so I slept with Louis."

"And you woke up with him?"

"Yes."

"Do you know what you're doing, Harry?"

"I'm not sure," Harry admitted. "I guess I could use someone to talk to."

"Talk to me after breakfast. I'll listen."

Harry gave him a hug. "Thanks, Zayn."

"Anything for a friend. Now go put some clothes on, will you? I'll see you at breakfast."

Harry went back into his room. Louis was sitting up, looking anxious.

"Zayn knows," said Harry.

"Knows what?"

"That we had sex. He heard us."

Louis flushed. "Oh my god."

"It's okay. He's okay about it. I'd already spoken to him about my feelings for you. He knows, and he's okay."

"Oh my god," repeated Louis.

"Louis," Harry walked over to the edge of the bed, "if we're boyfriends, the others are going to have to find out sooner or later. We can't keep a secret like that from them."

"We could."

"Why would you want to? Are you ashamed?"

"No! I'm just not... ready."

"Well, like I said, Zayn's already figured it out, and depending on how loud we were last night, Liam might know or at least suspect, too."

Louis rubbed his face in his hands. "I'm not ready for this."

"Louis. I fucked you, you fucked me. How much more has to happen?"

"I have to be able to say I'm bi. And I can't. I can't see myself doing that."

"I told you, you worry too much about the labels. Just accept love when it comes into your life."

"You're going to discuss me with Zayn?"

"Yes. I'm going to discuss what's happened. Is that a problem?"

Louis took several deep breaths. "No, it's not a problem."

"I think it is, for you."

"No, if it has to be someone, I'd rather it was Zayn that knew. You don't really think Liam knows, do you?"

"If we go down to breakfast, we can judge by his expression."

Louis kicked the covers off, exposing his delightfully naked form. "Let's get ready, then."

They dressed, and went down to breakfast. Liam and Zayn were already seated at a table with Josh and Dan. When Harry and Louis brought their food over, however, Josh got up. "Here, we'll push the tables together." He manhandled the next table alongside theirs. 

"Thanks, Josh," said Harry. As he sat, he looked at Liam. Liam didn't look perturbed or anything; he was just eating his breakfast. He looked at Zayn. Zayn nodded at him.

"What are you eating, Josh?" asked Louis, looking at the strange concoction in Josh's bowl.

"I asked them to cook me some rice and milk. With sultanas. My mum makes it. I miss it."

They all chatted idly, eating their breakfasts. After breakfast, Harry stood up. He noticed Zayn had been waiting for him. Josh, Dan, and Liam had already left.

"Want to go for a chat?" said Zayn to Harry.

"Yeah." He looked at Louis. Louis looked up at him like a deer caught in headlights. Harry patted him on the shoulder, and went out to the pool area with Zayn. 

"So," said Zayn, as they sat facing each other on the recliners. "You and Louis had sex."

"It wasn't the first time," Harry admitted.

"When was the first time?" 

"In Ireland."

"So not that long after you spoke to me." Harry looked down at his knees. Zayn said, "I thought you were going to resist, man."

"He's sort of irresistable."

"Nobody is that irresistable."

"Seriously, Zayn, he wore me down. The first time, it was impromptu. We just did the Princetown rub. It was sort of unexpected."

"Were you naked?"

"Eventually."

"Sounds like you could have resisted, Harry."

"No, it's all okay, you see. I'm in love with Louis, and he's in love with me."

"Louis is in love with you?" said Zayn. "At another time I might have believed him, but... he's on the rebound, Harry."

"I know. But I believe him. The things he said to me, the way he said them, he wasn't rebounding, Zayn."

"What did he say?"

"That I'm the first thing he thinks of when he wakes up. That I'm the last thing he thinks about before he goes to sleep. That I'm everything in between."

"Romantic."

"It was," Harry defended himself.

"Don't get defensive. If you two are honestly in love I couldn't be happier. You fit so well together. I'm just worried that it's so soon after his break-up with Eleanor. I'm worried you're going to get hurt, Harry."

"He wouldn't hurt me."

"You've given your heart away already, haven't you?"

"Yes," whispered Harry.

"Man, it's a tricky situation. Whatever you decide to do, though, I'll fully support you. If you and Louis are together, I'm on your side."

"Thanks, Zayn."

"Maybe I should talk to him. Make sure he knows what he's doing."

"I don't know if he'll talk to you. It's still early days. We only nutted it out properly last night. He's hung up on being able to say he's bi before anyone knows. He wasn't happy that you'd already figured it out."

"No, I need to talk to him," said Zayn decisively. "If he knows I know, he's going to expect it. I want to make sure he's doing right by you, Harry. You're the one who stands to get hurt in all of this. I want to make sure he knows what he's doing, before it goes too far."

It had already gone too far. But Harry didn't say it. He didn't think Zayn would want to know all the finer details. "Okay, but don't expect him to be open."

"I won't. I'll just lecture him on what he's doing, what he's putting you through, get him to think about someone other than himself. I love Louis, but at the moment he's acting a little selfish."

"Can you blame him?"

"No, I don't blame him. I'm not going to say anything harsh to him. I'm just going to encourage him to open up, and remind him that it's not just about him, but about you as well. He has to consider your feelings."

"Don't make him cry. He's still really vulnerable."

"Harry," and Zayn shook his head. "I know he's in a difficult place right now. That's why I think your timing sucks. You should have waited."

Harry was beginning to realise that. His feelings of love and lust had overcome his common sense. "I know, but I can't take it back now. It's done."

Zayn patted him on the shoulder. "Hopefully I'm worrying over nothing. Hopefully you and Louis are meant to be. As I said, it wouldn't have surprised me, coming at any other time. It's the timing that's wrong, that's all."

"I should have been stronger."

"You're only human, Harry. I know how relentless Louis can be once he's fixed his mind on something. Let's just hope it was the true side of him that was talking, huh?"

"I hope so," said Harry. "I couldn't stand to lose him over this."

"I don't think you'll ever lose Louis. I have a feeling he could get past everything you've done, and keep being friends. Like I said, I'm worried about you. You've given your heart to him."

"There's no one I'd trust with it more."

"Yeah, but I'd have said Louis Tomlinson was the last person in the world to ever have a panic attack, and he's had several. Keep your chin up, Harry. I'll make sure I talk to him, get him thinking rationally."

Harry said urgently, "But don't talk him out of being with me."

"I wouldn't do that. I just want to make sure he's being considerate of you. Someone's got to look after your interests, Harry. You're looking after Louis, but who's looking after you?"

"No one," Harry admitted.

"See? I'll be your support. I'll be here for you, whenever you need somebody. I'll keep an eye on you, make sure you're all right."

"What are you getting out of it?"

"I'm keeping the band together, Harry. I don't want this to blow up in anyone's face."

Harry came forward and hugged him around the shoulders. "Thanks for being here, Zayn."

"Not a problem. If there's ever anything you want to talk about--except how great Louis is in bed, because I don't think I could handle that--come and talk to me, okay? It's mandatory. Now, let's go back. It must be getting close to the time we have to leave."

Harry looked at his watch. It was. As they stood up, Harry hugged Zayn, again, before going with him back into the hotel. He hadn't realised it before, but he needed a support. Zayn had offered to provide that. Zayn right now was priceless.

***

It wasn't until that evening that Zayn had a chance to talk to Louis. They came back to the hotel after a hectic schedule, ate dinner, then dispersed. Louis was talking about swimming, again. Harry decided it was a good idea. They all did. They all headed off to their rooms. When Harry and Louis exited their room, changed, Zayn was waiting, in his bathers and t-shirt, a towel flung over his shoulder. "Louis," he said.

"What is it, Zayn?"

"I want to talk to you. We'll go into your room; Liam's still in ours."

"What do you want to talk to me about?"

"Something serious."

Louis looked at Harry with that deer caught in the headlights expression again. "It'll be okay, Louis," said Harry. "I'll see you down there, okay?"

"Okay."

With that, Zayn put a hand on Louis' shoulder and led him back into Louis' and Harry's room. Louis took one last, almost desperate, look at Harry, before the door shut.

He would be fine with Zayn, Harry thought, heading down to the pool. Zayn would never hurt any of them. Still, he couldn't get his mind off it. Liam came down and he and Niall raced him--Liam won as usual--and still there was no Louis. Feeling masochistic, Harry lined up for another race with Liam. At least he could beat Niall.

He came second, again, to Liam's first. 

"Where's Zayn and Louis?" asked Liam, as they all took a breather, holding on to the edge of the pool.

"They're talking," said Harry.

"What about?"

"Nothing."

"They can't be talking about nothing. Is this something to do with what I heard last night?"

"What did you hear last night?" asked Niall, who'd come third again.

"Just strange noises. I couldn't figure out what the hell you were up to."

Harry blushed.

Niall got the gist. "You weren't having sex, were you, Harry? With who?"

"None of your business."

"Whoa, Harry was having sex! Come on, Harry, with who? A fan? Someone who managed to sneak into the hotel?"

"No."

"Were you having sex?" said Liam. "That would explain a few things. But... where was Louis?"

Harry looked down at the patterned tiling of the pool's edge. "With me," he muttered.

"What, a threesome?" said Niall. 

"No!"

"Then what was Louis doing there?" Liam was sending out hand signals to Niall. He'd obviously caught on. "What?" said Niall. "I don't get it."

"You and Louis," said Liam.

Harry muttered, "Yeah. Sorry."

Niall was still looking puzzled. "You and Louis what? Harry, what's going on?"

"Him and Louis," said Liam, meaningfully.

"I don't get it."

"We had sex, all right?" said Harry, feeling embarrassed and frustrated in equal measure.

"You had sex with Louis? Whoa!"

"It's not a big deal," muttered Harry.

"Not a big deal? I'd say it's a pretty big deal. I mean, I knew you've been crushing on him since forever, but I didn't know he felt that way about you."

"He told me he's had feelings for me in the past but pushed them away because of Eleanor."

"Where do you guys stand now? You seemed normal today."

"We are normal," said Harry. 

"After having sex? Why do all the cool things happen when I'm in a room by myself?"

"Trust me, it wasn't cool," said Liam. "It was noisy. I'm just glad I didn't figure out what was going on. Zayn has, though, hasn't he?"

"Yeah, Zayn and Louis are talking right now," said Harry.

"Harry, are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"But you had sex with Louis, when he was on the rebound..."

"I don't think he's on the rebound anymore," Harry defended himself. "He told me he loved me."

"Guys say that all the time to get a girl into bed," said Niall.

"Loius isn't a girl, and he wasn't making it up. He was serious."

"Don't get me wrong," said Liam, "I trust Louis, it's just that he hasn't been okay over the past week. I'm worried about his judgement. I'm worried about your judgement."

"Zayn's talking with him now. If there's any doubt in Louis' mind, I can deal with it."

"Can you?" said Liam.

"Yeah, you've had the hots for him since forever," said Niall.

"I can deal," said Harry, wishing he wasn't so transparent. So Niall had guessed, long ago, and probably Liam, too. 

"We're here for you," said Liam. "If you need to talk."

"Thanks, guys. I don't want to talk right now. I want to swim."

"All right, but don't complain when I beat your arse," said Liam, getting out of the pool and lining up on the edge.

Harry and Niall followed him and they raced. Liam came first again, Harry second, Niall third.

"Why do I put myself through this?" said Niall, shaking his head.

"You need to strengthen up. Get out to the gym more," said Liam.

"No way. I'm not obsessed with my body the way you are."

"I'm not obsessed with my body," protested Liam.

"Liam, face it, you are," said Harry.

"Here come Louis and Zayn," said Liam, not so subtly changing the subject.

Harry was relieved to see Louis with Zayn. He was almost sure it mean that things were okay. He immediately wanted to drag Louis into a private place and talk to him, but had to trust that everything was fine.

Zayn and Louis dropped off their towels and t-shirts and came over. Zayn dived in, while Louis sat on the edge, legs dangling into the water. Harry wanted to go to him, but everyone's eyes would be on him if he did.

"We don't have long, guys. We have to go to the venue soon," Liam reminded them all.

"How much longer?" asked Niall.

"Fifteen minutes at most. That's if you can all get changed in ten minutes or less."

At that, Louis slipped into the water, and began swimming laps. Harry pulled himself out of the pool and watched him, watched him glide through the water, arms moving elegantly, feet kicking up a splash behind him. He desperately wanted to talk to him, or to Zayn. Zayn swum near Harry, and Harry called out to him.

"How did it go?" he asked, as Zayn paused.

"He was pretty quiet," said Zayn, coming closer. "I'm sure he listened to everything I said, though."

"What did you say?"

"Just for him to be aware of your feelings, be aware that he had the power to cause real hurt. It was nothing too heavy, I promise."

"What did he say?"

"Like I said, not much. He agreed with everything I said, though. He said he hadn't thought about it in quite that way before, so I think I did some good."

"I just hope you haven't pushed him away."

"Mate, if a twenty minute conversation with me could push him away, he wasn't yours to begin with."

"It's just that he's ignoring me right now."

"He's not ignoring you. Liam said he only had fifteen minutes; I imagine he's just trying to get some exercise in."

"Sorry, Zayn. You go and get your exercise, too."

"Thanks, Harry." Zayn continued on his way. Harry continued to sit on the edge of the pool and watch Louis. He was relieved all the guys knew; it meant he didn't have to explain his otherwise strange behaviour. Eventually, Liam called time. Louis kept swimming. Liam swum up to him and stopped him, saying something to him. Louis nodded. He then looked around. And for the first time, met eyes with Harry.

The expression on his face was hard to read. All that could be said was that he didn't smile. He looked apologetic, he looked sorrowful--no, regretful--he looked confused. Harry knew immediately that Zayn's talk had had an effect on him. And not for the better. Damn. Harry needed to talk to him, but he wasn't going to have much time; just as long as it took them to dress. 

They got in the elevator, all five, and went up to their floor. In the privacy of their bedroom, Harry asked, "Louis? How did it go with Zayn?"

"He made me think about some things."

"What things?"

"Things I hadn't thought about before."

Harry's heart hammered in his chest. "What does that mean?"

Louis finished drying himself off, back to Harry, and began to dress. Harry took a moment to appreciate his arse, before Louis said, "Nothing bad, Harry."

Harry finished dressing as quicky as possible, and went over to Louis. "I have to tell you; everyone knows."

"Everyone?" Louis looked up from pulling on his trousers.

"As in Liam, Niall, Zayn. No one else."

"How did they-"

"Liam asked me about the noise last night. He guessed. Niall was with us."

Louis looked away. 

"Are we still together?"

Louis wouldn't meet his eyes. He shucked on his shoes. "Of course."

"You're still my boyfriend?" Harry asked directly. "Look at me, Louis."

Louis met his eyes. They were dark with confusion. "I'm still your boyfriend," he said, but Harry detected a note of uncertainty.

There wasn't time for any more. Paul knocked on their door, telling them to hurry up. Harry quickly kissed Louis on the cheek, and left the room, allowing Louis to follow at his own pace. He felt down. Something had changed, he knew it. Zayn's words rung in his head; _if a twenty minute conversation with me could push him away, he wasn't yours to begin with_.

He arrived at the back door--Paul checked him off--and went into the next seat available in the currently lined up van. Their musicians filled the rest of the van. Harry was relieved he didn't have to deal with anyone who knew about him and Louis.

"We're full!" called Josh to the driver. 

And with that, they started towards the Odyssey Arena. 

***

At the venue, Harry changed into his show clothes, and waited on their stylist to call him. He was up soon enough.

"Harry. In the pool again?" said Lou Teasdale. 

"You're going to have to put up with it alll tour, may as well get used to it."

Twenty minutes later, after a thorough cleansing and blowdrying, Harry was released from the confines of the room. "I've finished. Who's next?" he said, walking into the main backstage area.

"I've been," said Liam.

"I'll go next," said Louis, and left the room. Harry had the unproven sense that he was avoiding him. This time, there was no music on; Niall strummed a guitar, and Liam sang along with him. Zayn flopped casually on the couch, reading a magazine. Their musicians were engaged in various activities; listening to music, reading. Harry joined in the sing-along when he felt like it.

Eventually, Louis came back, and it was Zayn's turn. Louis sat down in Zayn's unoccupied space, on the opposite couch from Harry. Harry felt frustrated. He wanted to have a proper talk with Louis, but it seemed Louis was--if not deliberately--avoiding him. Louis began to hum along to Niall's guitar playing. Harry was itching with the need to sit by him, but he had to wait for Zayn to come back, and Niall to leave, before he could do so. Once Niall left, he flung himself onto the opposite couch next to Louis.

"What's up?" he whispered in Loius' ear.

Louis whispered back. "Nothing. Just had my hair done."

"You look great."

"So do you."

Conscious of Zayn sitting next to him, Harry continued whispering in Louis' ear. "What did Zayn say to you?"

"He pointed out some things I hadn't considered."

"Such as?"

"How I could hurt you."

"You won't hurt me. I promise you, if you change your mind about everything, we'll just go back to the way we were."

"I'm not so sure I can do that."

"What? Louis, you haven't taken any risk here. I've taken on all of the risk."

"You know me intimately. You've had your cock in my arse, for god's sake."

"Did you tell Zayn that?"

"Indirectly. I'm sure he got what I meant."

Harry rubbed his face in his hands, before going back to Louis' ear. Such a beautiful ear, so small and yet so very Louis. "Louis, it doesn't change anything for me. If you decide right now that there's nothing but friendship between us, I can handle it. I promise you I can."

"But I can't decide," whispered Louis. "I've lost my judgement."

"Is this still because of Eleanor?"

"No! It's because of how things have changed between us."

"Nothing's changed between us."

"Harry, it has. You have to admit to it. You've fucked me, I've fucked you. That's a big deal."

"Only if you're making a big deal out of it."

Louis whispered, "Does that mean it wasn't a big deal to you?"

"No! Of course not. It was a huge deal to me. Louis, you giving yourself to me like that, I've never felt anything so intimate. I love you, always have, always will."

"That's my problem. What if I don't really love you? What if I've just been using you?"

"You haven't," said Harry firmly. "I know, deep inside, you feel the same about me."

"I just don't know," said Louis. "Zayn's made me question everything."

"Damnit."

"Harry, he made some good points. I'm on the rebound-"

"-I told you you were on the rebound-"

"-I know, but I hadn't really thought about it. Harry, I don't want to hurt you."

The stage manager came in and called ten minutes. 

"You won't hurt me," said Harry, "if things keep on the same."

"I don't know if I can do it."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm so confused right now. I don't know what I'm feeling about anything."

Harry was hurting. "I'm getting up now, to let you think it over," he said, and stood up, moving over to the couch opposite. Louis put his head in his hands. Harry kept watching him, but he stayed in the same position the whole time, through Niall coming back, through to the stage manager's call-out.

Then they were onstage, and launching into 'Rock Me'. 

Throughout the show that night, Harry would catch Louis looking at him, before looking away quickly when Harry met his eyes. Harry felt butterflies in his stomach. What was Louis thinking? His heart obviously wasn't in the performance; he did just enough to contribute, no more. He hung out at the back of the stage a lot of the time when he wasn't singing. Harry knew Louis was watching him; he could feel his eyes boring into his back. He wished he could read Louis' mind, know what he was going through right now.

One good thing; Louis didn't have a panic attack. Throughout the main show, and the encore, he held it together. As they came off-stage for the second time Harry desperately wanted to hug him. But there was this distance between them; he could sense it. He watched as Louis took a beer and stepped back to talk to Sandy and Josh. Louis mostly listened, looking a little distant. Josh said something to him and Louis shook his head and went back to drinking his beer contemplatively. 

Harry ate, and had a beer too, taking it back away from where Louis was and over to the food side of the table. He kept glancing at Louis, but Louis was still looking distant. Harry wanted to get out of here, back to their hotel room, so they could talk. Zayn and Niall and Liam were talking about going out, because there was no concert tomorrow night. 

"Harry, do you want to come?" asked Zayn.

"No, I'm not in the mood."

"I'll find out what Louis wants to do." Zayn came back, after talking to Louis, and surprising Harry, said, "Louis is in. Sure you don't want to change your mind, Harry?"

Harry foresaw a night of loneliness ahead of him. He just didn't feel like going out. He didn't want to be ignored by Louis all night; or worse, have him keep looking over and then looking away, like he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't. 

"No, I'm not changing my mind," said Harry. "I want a quiet one tonight."

"Spoilsport."

"You lot go out and have a good time. Me, I just feel like sitting in bed and reading."

Zayn and the boys decided to shower at the venue, and wear what they'd arrived in to go out. 

"Don't catch tinea," said Harry, who didn't like shared bathrooms much, which was why he always showered at the hotel. A single location, less likely to catch some horrible foot fungus. He trusted a five-star hotel cleaner more than a venue cleaner, if he had to trust a cleaner.

He caught the first vehicle back to the hotel, went to his room, showered, and wondered what bed to get into. He decided to get into Louis' bed. First, he went to the fridge and grabbed an assortment of liquor and lined it up on the bedside table. He opened the first bottle, and settled in with both pillows against his back to read. 

Because he was concentrating on his book, he wasn't aware of how much he was drinking, until he discovered all the bottles were empty. Shit. He hadn't meant to have that much. So why did you bring that much with you to bed, he asked himself, and had no easy answer. Reading was getting harder. The text occasionally got blurry, and he found himself reading the same bit over and over. He'd already forgotten what had happened in the previous chapter. Harry tossed the book aside and got up to pee. He brushed his teeth and wandered back out to the bedroom. The hotel was quiet. It was getting late--well past midnight. He got back into bed and sat there for a while, enjoying the alcohol buzz. Might as well, while it lasted. He'd drunk so many different drinks he was sure to have a hangover tomorrow. Mixing drinks didn't sit too well with him. 

Eventually, he must have drifted off to sleep, because the next thing he was aware of was a light going on in the bathroom. He could hear Louis taking a piss. He drifted, semi-conscious, until he felt a dip of the mattress, a shuffling of covers, a warm body against his back and an arm around his chest. He was enveloped in Louis' scent, Louis obviously having worked up a sweat whilst out.

Harry touched a hand to Louis' arm around him. "Louis?" he said.

"Didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay. I've got to get up and pee."

"No, don't get up. I just got here."

"Sorry, babe. I overdid it tonight. I really really need to pee."

Louis groaned, but released him. Harry went into the bathroom, feeling confused. He hadn't expected Louis to just jump into bed with him, not after what he'd said earlier. He'd half-expected Louis would sleep in Harry's bed.

After washing his hands, he went back out. The nightlight was on over the bed, and Louis lay on Harry's side of the bed, clutching Harry's pillow. He stood by the bed and looked down. Louis had his eyes closed, but opened them after a bit. 

"Harry? You coming to bed?"

"Are you sure you want me to?"

"Of course I'm sure."

"How drunk are you?"

Louis giggled. "Well, I'm not sober."

Great. Two drunk idiots with serious relationship problems in bed together. Harry knew they should sleep apart; intellectually, he knew. But his intellect was overridden by other instincts. He climbed into the bed, pulled his pillow out of Louis' arms and set it to rights, and snuggled in beside Louis, on his back. Louis laid an arm around him once again and sighed, moving closer. They should probably talk, Harry thought. But if they were both drunk, they could forget everything said by morning. No, better to just accept what he was given and worry about it all tomorrow morning.

He stroked Louis' sweaty hair. Louis sighed and cuddled even closer, if that was possible. He was wearing only his underwear, as was Harry.

"I missed you tonight," said Louis softly.

"Did you?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"Louis, let's just go to sleep."

Louis pulled away, a little. "I don't want to go to sleep if you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you, okay? I'm just confused. You're confusing me. Let's talk about it tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," agreed Louis. He lifted himself up and kissed Harry, an uncontrolled mess of a kiss, but it was a kiss, and Harry responded. They made out for a little bit until Harry began feeling uncomfortable, what with Louis ignoring him all night and everything. This was Louis, drunk. Probably extremely drunk, judging by his backflip in attitude towards Harry. His hand was wandering down Harry's chest to his underwear. Harry gripped it in his own and pulled it away.

"Louis, I'm tired. Let's just sleep."

"Okay, spoilsport." Louis lay back down beside him, arm around Harry again. Harry put his own arm around Louis' arm. It felt super nice, having this warm weight around him. He breathed in deeply the scent of Louis, tangier than normal because of his obvious work-out, but still delicious. God, he loved him. What was going to happen tomorrow morning?

Harry took his mind off it, wallowing in the scent and feel of Louis all around him instead, and fell asleep.

***

They were apart that morning when Harry awoke, with less of a hangover than he'd expected. It wasn't the first time they'd woken apart, so that in itself didn't concern him. It was hard to sleep for hours wrapped up around someone. He only had to shift his arm a little and Louis was there, beside him, facing away, snoring softly. Harry smiled, then abruptly stopped. He didn't know if he still had anything to smile about. Last night was an anomaly caused by their various states of inebriation. This morning, the truth would be revealed. 

Harry looked at the time. It was 7:30am. He could sleep a little longer. He touched his arm to Louis' back and dozed off again. 

He woke up again to discover Louis propped up, looking at him. He quickly looked away when he realised Harry was awake, and unpropped his head from his hand, lying down on his back.

"Louis? How are you feeling?"

"I need paracetamol."

"I'm going to get some. I'll get you some too, yeah?"

"Thanks, Harry. I'm going to take a whizz."

"You do that," said Harry. He fetched the paracetamol out of his bag and put a couple of tablets down on Louis' bedside table and his own. Louis was finished in the bathroom so he went and filled two glasses with water and came back out with them. Louis was back in bed. It was 9:00am. 

"Here," said Harry, handing Louis a glass. Louis accepted it and swallowed down the tablets, draining the glass of water. Harry did the same. They both lay back under the covers.

"Harry," said Louis, "I'm sorry about last night."

"What about last night?"

"I promised myself I'd leave you alone."

"Why?"

"Because you deserve better than me."

"That's what you took away from Zayn's talk with you?" said Harry, propping himself up, trying to catch his eye.

"He didn't have to spell it out, Harry," said Louis, avoiding eye contact. "How I was going to end up hurting you. How I was on the rebound. How I was probably doing stuff with you out of selfishness."

"But that's not true."

"You said it yourself, I'm on the rebound."

"The selfishness part. You're not being selfish."

"I am. I didn't really consider how my actions would affect you. I just wanted to be normal again; fun-loving Louis, always ready with a smile and a joke."

"Well, of course you do. That doesn't have anything to do with you and me. You and me is separate from all the bullshit."

"Are we?" said Louis, and he met Harry's eyes for the first time. They were a cloudy blue, full of confusion.

"Yes, we are," said Harry. "You told me, while you were with Eleanor, that you had feelings for me. This didn't come out of nowhere, Louis. It came from my heart, and it came from yours."

"I don't know if I can trust my heart at the moment," whispered Loius, looking deeply into Harry's eyes. 

"What's changed? Yesterday morning, you were calling me your boyfriend. Am I not anymore?"

"It's just... Zayn made me think of things a different way."

"Fuck. Zayn was just worried about me. He was worried you'd hurt me."

"Maybe I will."

"You won't, Louis. Not if you're honest with yourself. Deep inside, I know you feel about me the same way I feel about you."

"Harry, I'm just so confused right now."

Harry patted him on the shoulder. "I understand. These past two weeks have been rough on you. But I know how you feel about me. I know it, Louis. And I'll wait for as long as you need me to. My feelings aren't going to change--they haven't changed for years, why would they now? But I'm not pressuring you. If you really feel like you can't handle a relationship with me, then I'll still be your best friend. I'll still be here for you every way possible."

"Harry, what have I done to deserve you?" Louis traced a line with his finger down Harry's face. Harry felt sensitised. 

"Don't think about it like that," he said. "I'm not a great catch like you or Zayn are making me out to be."

"Don't sell yourself short."

"I'm not. I'm just being honest. I've had relationships, even while I've been in love with you."

"Harry, your relationships have been hardly worth calling them that. You dump a girl as quickly as you bed her."

"That's because they never measured up to what I had with you. I don't want anyone else but you, Louis."

Louis was silent for a time. "That's a big responsibility for me. You're effectively saying I hold your heart in my hands."

"Louis, it's important for you to remember, our friendship comes first. That's what I really care about. The sex--it's been great, I won't lie--I can live without. But I can't live without you in my life. Take whatever time you need to sort things out. Okay?"

"Okay," Louis whispered, meeting Harry's eyes with tumultuous ones. "I guess we should go for breakfast, huh?"

"Yeah," said Harry, and kicked the covers back. They dressed, and as usual Harry found it oddly intimate, the covering of near-naked bodies with clothing. Harry finally slipped on his shoes. Louis was waiting at the door. He was wearing Harry's hoodie again, even though it was too big on him. He looked awfully cute, the sleeves down past his hands, the hem half-hiding his beautiful arse. 

They were obviously one of the last to take breakfast. Even the party-goers last night had had breakfast by the look of it. They both had scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. Something to put a lining on the stomach after last night's over-indulgences.

"What do we have to do today?" asked Harry.

"We've got an appearance or two this afternoon, but our morning is free."

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to go for a walk. But I don't feel like facing the screaming fans outside."

"We'll go out via the back way."

"There's fans there, too," said Louis.

"Not as many, though."

"I'd suggest we drive somewhere, but after the other day..."

"I can drive."

"You're vastly improved," agreed Louis. "Maybe I can trust you."

"You trusted me in Ireland to get us home."

"It's not like there were any other choices."

"So you only trusted me by default?"

"No. I trusted you, Harry. I didn't trust Liam's navigation, that's all. If we never have to rely on Liam's navigation again, I'll be a happy man. 'Turn the next left, Harry! No wait, you want three roads down before you turn left. Oh wait, I missed the last turn-off. We'll have to go a different way'. Honestly, a disaster. You'd have been better off having me navigate."

"He got us there in the end," said Harry.

"Via Israel."

Harry laughed. "You're being too harsh."

"Wait, here he comes."

Liam came up to their table. "We're doing the touristy thing this morning. Want to come?"

Harry looked at Louis. Louis said, "Yeah, all right."

"I'm in," said Harry.

"I don't know exactly what it is we're going to do, maybe visit a castle or something. I'll put you guys down." 

"How are you after last night?" asked Louis.

"Fine. You drank too much though, right? I bet you've got a hangover."

"A small one."

"Daft bugger. I tried to warn you, but you wouldn't listen to me. You just kept saying how you had to be able to face Harry."

Louis blushed. "Liam, too much information."

"Sorry. But it's true. You wanted to be totalled so you could face him. I gather you've faced him without problems. You're an idiot, Tomlinson."

"Yeah, well," and Louis ducked his head.

"So we're leaving in ten minutes. Hurry up," said Liam.

"We'll meet you," said Harry. After Liam left, he asked Louis, "Why did you need to be totalled to face me?"

"After what Zayn said, I felt guilty. I realised I hadn't really thought through things from your point of view. I needed to be drunk to be able to face you without inhibition."

"Well, you weren't inhibited last night."

"How far did we go?" asked Louis, apologetically. Obviously he had no idea.

"We didn't," said Harry. "We just kissed."

"Thank god for that. I remember us kissing, I just don't remember anything after that."

"We went straight to sleep."

"Good."

"If you'd had your way, we'd have gone further, but I didn't let you."

"Thanks, Harry. It would have been a disaster."

"I realised that. That's why I said no."

"Harry, you're so good to me."

"I was just saving you from yourself."

Niall came up. "Hey guys, we're assembling in the parking lot. You finished breakfast?"

They had. Harry and Louis got up and followed Niall out of the room. 

They went for a tour, to a castle, as Liam had suggested. It made Harry feel the momentousness of history, to be in a castle. People had lived, fought, died here. How did they live in such circumstances? No running water, no sewerage; it must have been difficult. Then again, he'd read how in the middle ages no one ever washed because they thought water brought disease. How bizarre it seemed today, when it was well recognised that washing your hands reduced the incidence of disease.

They went back to the hotel for a late lunch, then on to various interviews and appearances. They got back to the hotel that evening, ate dinner, and gathered in Zayn's room to watch a movie. Niall and Liam shared one bed, Zayn and Harry the other. Louis sat in a chair in between the beds. 

"Maybe I should sit in the chair," said Zayn to Harry.

"No," whispered Harry. "You've put thoughts into his head about us. He's not sure what he wants."

"I'm sorry, but he needed a kick up the arse," Zayn whispered back. "If it's meant to be, Harry, it's meant to be."

Harry knew Zayn was right. Louis had just been shaken out of his comfort zone, that was all, forced to confront what he was really doing, what he was really wanting. Harry just hoped that he sorted through it and came up with the conclusion that he wanted Harry as much as Harry wanted him. He had to have faith. 

That faith was shattered a little when they got back to their hotel room that night.

"I think I should sleep by myself tonight," said Louis.

Harry's stomach dropped, but he said, "Okay."

"It's not that I don't want to sleep with you, it's just that I think I can work things out better if I have a night by myself."

"You don't have to explain. You're entitled to sleep how you want."

Louis looked at him. "I'm hurting you, aren't I? I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about me. Focus on yourself. I want this to get sorted one way or the other."

"I have to think about you."

"That would be the worst thing for you to do. Forget about me. It's about you, what you want. I've told you what I want; I can handle anything you decide on. You've got to think about what you want. That's the only obstacle here. What you want."

Louis looked thoughtful, and nodded. "I see what you're saying. Oh, I bags first shower."

"Fine, hurry up. I want to go to bed."

Louis quickly stripped off and went into the bathroom. Some time later, he emerged, and Harry had his turn. While he was under the water he heard Louis ask, "Mind if I clean my teeth?"

"Go ahead," said Harry. It wasn't something Louis would normally ask about; normally he'd just stroll in and do it, no matter what Harry was doing. Harry felt the distance between them acutely.

He got out of the shower just as Louis was rinsing his mouth. Louis was in his pyjamas and a t-shirt. Harry grabbed his towel and began drying off. Louis left the bathroom, eyes averted. Harry hated this. It was awkward. It was nothing like they should be together, before all of this crap with Eleanor went down. They'd lost their naturalness together. It had been apparent during the movie that night. Harry had had the urge to go and sit with Louis in the chair, and once upon a time he'd just have done it. But now it was all fraught. He felt Louis was withdrawing from him more and more, and he from Louis. He should never have had sex with him. He should have stood firm. 

Harry went out and got into bed, naked, putting a pair of boxer briefs under his pillow. He looked over at Louis. Louis was reading, facing Harry. His hair flopped over his forehead as he bent over his book. Harry felt an ache run through him. This about-face of Louis' was killing him. He switched off his overhead light and turned away from Louis, not wanting to be tempted to look anymore. 

"Goodnight, Harry," called Louis.

"Goodnight," said Harry, sounding a little choked. No. He wasn't going to cry. Even as he told himself that, a few tears slid down his face. He rubbed them away. Stop thinking about it, he told himself. Stop thinking about Louis. He had to give him time and space. The decision had to be right. And whatever Louis decided, he could live with. He promised himself that.

He prayed for sleep to come, but it wouldn't. He was hyperaware of Louis turning pages, occasionally shuffling in his bed. Eventually, Louis turned out his light and Harry could hear him plumping a pillow and settling down with a sigh. Evidently thinking Harry was asleep, he whispered, almost too soft for Harry to hear, "Harry, I love you, and I'm so sorry."

The words tore at Harry's heart. He wished he hadn't heard them, wished Louis had spoken just a little softer, or that he'd given Louis a sign that he was still awake. He missed desperately the feel of Louis in his arms, his scent, listening to the sound of his breathing. He felt tortured by Louis' absence. Worst of all, he had the strong feeling that he was going to have to get used to it. Louis would decide he didn't want Harry, not in that way. 

He slept restlessly, dreaming about Louis all night.

***

Harry woke up that morning from a dream of having sex with Louis. He groaned when he realised it wasn't reality. No, reality was that he was sleeping by himself. Although that was probably just as well. He was extremely hard. His cock had obviously enjoyed that dream. He looked at the time. It was still early. He desperately wanted to masturbate, but could he do it with Louis in the next bed? He touched himself, just a glance, and immediately felt sensations running through him. It was no good, he had to get off. He grabbed a handful of tissues and began stroking himself. He was pretty close already. He wadded up the tissues and prepared to cum. He needed some room, just in case he couldn't collect all the cum, so he lifted his knees, feet flat against the bed, and tried not to moan as he felt his orgasm building. Louis was only in the next bed. The thought somehow made it sexier and before he knew it, he was cumming into the wad of tissues. He sighed, and breathed heavily for a bit. That had been good.

"Harry?"

Shit. "What?"

"Are you okay?" asked Louis.

"I'm fine."

"You made a funny noise."

"No, I didn't."

"You did," contradicted Louis. His head was propped up in a hand. "Harry, did you just jerk off?"

Harry dropped his legs back down. "No."

"You did. You just jerked off."

"Well, it's not like I'm getting any anywhere else," muttered Harry. Why did he say that? He didn't want to put Louis under pressure.

Fortunately, Louis seemed to find it amusing. "Did you think of me?"

"Louis, that's private."

"You did. You just wanked off, thinking about me."

Harry didn't find it as amusing as Louis obviously did. "You know how I feel about you. Who else am I going to be thinking of?"

"Just making sure."

Harry took the wad of tissues and flung them at the bin. They missed. Damn. he was going to have to get up and put them in the bin, because it would be gross to leave them on the floor. His arousal still hadn't died down. This was embarrassing. "Louis, don't look."

"Don't look at you?"

"I have to throw something in the bin."

"I've seen it all before."

"You don't have the right to see it right now. Not until you make your mind up."

"Right. Sorry," said Louis. He closed his eyes. 

Harry went and picked the tissues up off the floor, throwing them in the bin. He turned around, and Louis was looking at him. His eyes zoomed in directly on Harry's slowly deflating cock.

"Louis!"

"I didn't realise you were naked," said Louis.

"I just wanked off. What did you think I'd be? Stop looking at me."

Harry recognised lust in Louis' eyes just before Louis closed them. "Sorry," he said again.

"I should hope so," said Harry, indignantly, even as he was bouyed by the lust he'd seen in Louis' eyes. 

"No really, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have looked. You told me not to."

Harry didn't like the guilty tone in Louis' voice. He answered carefully. "I don't really mind you looking. I just thought I should tell you not to, because I don't know where I stand."

"Are you dressed or in bed yet?"

Harry got back into bed. "I'm in bed."

Louis opened his eyes. "Harry, it's you and me. I was just teasing you. I don't mind you romping about the place naked. In fact, it would be strange if you didn't."

"It's just, with everything up in the air between you and me, I'm embarrassed."

"Harry, I never want you to feel uncomfortable around me. I'm so sorry I'm screwing things up between us. I never meant for that to happen."

"I think, until you make your mind up, it's going to be a little screwy between you and me. Hopefully we can get back on track once you're past it."

"I'm so sorry."

"Stop apologising. You can't help it. You've been going through something difficult. It's going to take time. I can wait."

"Harry, I don't know what I've done to deserve you."

"Hush," said Harry, "I'm not that special."

"You are. I can't imagine anyone else putting up with me right now."

"Stuff everyone else. This is you and me, Louis."

"I thought it was, but now you're acting antsy about me seeing you naked."

"That was for your sake. I didn't think you'd be okay with me still being aroused."

"Harry," and Louis sighed. "We're messed up right now, aren't we?"

"Take your time," said Harry. "I'm not rushing you."

"I appreciate it. I really appreciate it. No one but you would be so patient with me."

"Louis, I love you," said Harry. "That will never change. I've got plenty of reason to be patient."

There was a knock on the door. It was Paul. "Breakfast!" he called.

"Thanks, Paul!" Harry called back. 

"Well, I guess we'd better get up. By the way, you can look at me, it's no problem."

"You can look at me, too," said Harry, although he was unsure. He was still slightly aroused. He watched as Louis got out of bed and began stripping off his pyjamas. Harry decided to follow suit, getting out of bed and reaching for his boxers under the pillow. As he dressed, he caught a glimpse of Louis, naked, and felt guilty, because he'd been trying to catch him naked. He was so in love and in lust, it wasn't funny.

Eventually, they were both slipping their shoes on. "We've got a radio interview this morning," Louis said. "I guess that's why Paul was knocking on our door at this ungodly hour." This ungodly hour was currently 8:00am. "How did you sleep?" asked Louis.

Dreadfully. "Okay, I guess." I kept dreaming about you.

"I tossed and turned a bit. I think I've gotten used to having you in my bed."

"Let's not discuss it, shall we? I want you you make your decision with as clear a mind as possible."

"Okay," said Louis. They both headed down for breakfast. They sat with Josh and Dan, who were lively as usual. Harry felt himself get caught up in their good humour. He couldn't wish for a better group of guys to be their band than Josh, Dan, Sandy and Jon.

After breakfast, they gathered out back for the radio interview, and piled into a van when Paul arrived on the scene to check them off. Harry sat with Niall. He needed as many breaks as he could get from Louis, because he was obsessed by him and that wasn't a good thing with things so up in the air as they were currently. Louis sat with Liam. 

"You're not going to fall asleep on me, are you?" said Liam. 

"No, I'm over all that," said Louis.

They got to the radio station, and there were fans queued up outside as usual. Harry did his best to sign some autographs as security pushed him forwards. "Sorry," Harry said to the fans, as Mike's beefy hand settled on his shoulder and propelled him forwards. Harry knew their jobs were difficult and went with it, arriving at the door of the radio station and being escorted inside by Mike. Just before he stepped into the studio, he looked back at the others. Niall was behind him, himself being firmly escorted, and after that came Louis, Liam, and Zayn. 

Their arrival dictated their seating arrangements at the studio. Niall was between him and Louis. Just as well, Harry thought. The radio DJ chatted with them for a bit before it was time to announce their presence in the studio. He did so enthusiastically, and all the boys said hello into their microphones, Louis' dulcet tone rising above the rest. Harry loved Louis' voice. He spoke in the higher register for males, but that only made him more sexy, in Harry's opinion.

The DJ began asking by questions about their tour.

"It's been great," said Liam. "We've had such an amazing reception up to now."

"Yeah, all the fans have been really behind us," added Louis.

"I couldn't help but notice the gathering of fans outside the studio earlier. How does that make you feel, to be greeted with that kind of reception everywhere you go?"

"I think," said Harry, "it really humbles us. You know, I still can't understand it, and I don't think I'll ever get used to it."

"We never take our fans for granted," said Louis. "We're always so impressed when we see a turnout like that."

The DJ asked a few more questions, then it was onto the inevitable subject; girlfriends, and who had them.

"Actually, I think I'm the only one paired up right now," said Zayn. 

"Louis, you recently split with your long-time girlfriend Eleanor, is that right?"

Harry wished the topic was still off-limits, but their management had made a decision that it wasn't.

"Yes," was all Louis said in answer to the question.

"Has it been difficult for you, dealing with that in the midst of a tour?"

"Well, it's not ideal, but One Direction, for me, comes before any girlfriend. My ultimate commitment is to the band."

"Do all you guys feel the same way?" asked the DJ.

Everyone except for Zayn answered positively. Harry couldn't blame Zayn; he was in an intense relationship right now. He hadn't answered decisively, just waved the question on. 

Before long, they were out of the radio interview, and walking back down the gamut of fans. This time their security let them take a little more time, until fans began grabbing onto Harry, in which case they intervened, pulling him back out of the crowd. 

"No more," said Mike.

"But I'm not even halfway down."

"You're coming to the van," said Mike, and that was that. The other boys were still signing autographs. Louis was getting questions about Eleanor, that Harry wished he was there to deflect. In fact, he balked when he reached Louis, and yelled out, "Stop asking him about Eleanor, if you care for him at all!" Then Mike tugged him along to the van. The other boys soon followed.

"Thanks, Harry," said Louis, swinging around from his seat with Zayn to talk to Harry, who was seated with Niall again. "They stopped asking about Eleanor after that."

"I've had it up to here with Eleanor," said Harry. "I wish I never introduced you two."

Louis looked pensively at him, then turned around to face the front. Off they went, to another interview, this time a pre-recorded TV interview that would be shown that night. Lou Teasdale and her assistant got them ready. Harry was first, so he was able to play with Lux afterwards. Playing with the baby made him so happy, made him forget all his worries. Lux loved him without any hang-ups. He'd love to be a little kid again, be that innocent.

Eventually, it was time for the TV pre-recording. They sat down together on an L-shaped couch, Louis down the opposite end from Harry who was closest to the interviewer. The interview started with a series of standard questions, about the tour, about the album. Louis was subdued compared to his normal extrovert self, letting others catch questions he'd normally pipe up on. But it was okay, it meant Niall and Zayn got more time to talk than usual. Louis looked deep in thought for much of the interview. Harry wondered what he was thinking about. He couldn't get Louis to meet his eyes, no matter how hard he tried. 

"So do you get your own private rooms on tour or do you have to share?" asked the interviewer.

"No, we share," said Harry. "One of us gets to be by themselves; we take it in turns."

"I'm by myself at the moment," said Zayn.

"And do you like that better than sharing?"

"It's hard to say. Yeah, the privacy is nice, but at the same time it can get a little lonely. So I don't mind either way, whether I have to share or not."

"We all watched a movie in his room last night so he didn't get too lonely," said Niall.

"You still do things like that together? All watch a movie?"

"Of course," said Harry.

"I love spending my time with these guys," said Liam. 

"There's no one I'd rather spend time with," said Niall.

"Would you say you're still as close as you were, say, a year ago?"

"Definitely," said Harry. "More so, even."

"Every day I just love these guys more," said Liam.

"Louis?" said the interviewer, "what about you?"

"Me? What was the question?"

"Whether you're still as close with your bandmates as you were before."

"I hate that question," said Louis bluntly. "It implies we're faking it somehow. Never. Everything the fans see from us is real. We love each other more than anything. I can't imagine my life without these guys."

"You recently split from your girlfriend. How have you been handling that?"

"Just fine," lied Louis. 

"What about the times you had to go offstage recently?"

"I just wasn't feeling well, that's all."

"You missed half of the first Belfast concert," said the persistent interviewer.

"I had stage fright." It was true, thought Harry. All his symptoms had been of stage fright.

"And that's never happened to you before?"

"It happens all the time. I'm always nervous before going out on stage. It's just it got a little out of hand."

"Harry, you experienced stage fright back in the X-Factor days. How do you cope with it now?"

"It's not really an issue. There was one time on the last tour, but so far I've been fine on this tour." The distraction caused by Louis was probably the explanation for that. While worrying about Louis, he couldn't take the time to worry about himself.

"You guys have performed so many concerts now. Where does this stage fright come from? Louis?"

"I just get overwhelmed with how much everyone's depending on me to hold it together," said Louis. 

"And I suppose since the breakup with Eleanor it's harder to hold things together."

"No, I just, I feel I lost a bit of my identity when the relationship ended. It was no longer Louis and Eleanor, it was just me. But the guys are helping to put me back on track, especially Harry."

"Harry," said the interviewer, "you're his support?"

"I guess so, kinda, yeah. I've been looking out for him." Harry met Louis' eyes for the first time. They were encouraging. "He's had it a little tough, but he's getting back on track."

"So it hasn't affected the Larry Stylinson bromance?"

Not that, thought Harry. Did he have to bring up Larry Stylinson? He met Louis' eyes again. He hadn't closed down; he was still looking encouraging. "My friendship with Louis is independent of any girlfriends we might have," said Harry. "I'll always be there for him, and he'll always be there for me. Just like with all of us. We're all here for each other."

"It must be amazing, to have such a close relationship with those who are your colleagues. I wish I was as close to my colleagues," laughed the interviewer. "Unfortunately, no bromances going on for me. Now I heard you went to see a castle yesterday. Which castle was that?"

Liam answered the question, enthusiastically. He'd been really taken by the castle. Harry took the opportunity to look at Louis again. He was looking at Harry with a 'get me out of here' expression. Harry hoped the interview would end soon. He checked his watch. They'd been talking for ten minutes, it was bound to.

Soon enough, it was a wrap. They weren't getting off so easily though. The TV station had run a competition and four fans were getting to meet One Direction. The four fans were culled from the audience as the band waited in a room backstage. 

"Paul, are you staying?" said Louis.

"If you want me to."

"Please." 

"I'll stay," promised Paul. 

The fans were unleashed upon them. Waving iphones, spreading their arms, they locked onto One Direction. Niall hugged them first, followed by the rest of the band. 

"Louis," said one of the girls, called Caitlin. "I was at the show three nights ago. You were offstage for so much of it."

"Like I said in the interview, I was feeling a little bit of stage fright," said Louis, embarrassed.

"Aw, you don't need to feel stage fright with directioners. We love you no matter what."

"I wish I could make it up to you."

"I'm going to the concert tomorrow night as well. Make sure you stay out there this time!"

Meanwhile Harry was getting quizzed by another fan, Gertie, on why he still didn't have a girlfriend. "You must have been getting some in all this time? Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

"I can't find the right one for me," said Harry. Of course he'd found the right one for him. Louis. He just had to wait until Louis reciprocated those feelings, if he ever did.

"You believe in love at first sight?"

"Yeah, kinda." He remembered, all those years ago, meeting Louis' eyes in the bathroom at X-Factor. Something had sparked between them, then. He hadn't known it was love at first sight; at the time he was still in denial about being bi. All he knew was that he wanted to be in Louis' sphere of influence from every moment forward. He'd so admired the Doncaster lad, with his humour, his extroversion, his easy way with everybody. Despite that, they'd developed a special relationship quickly, one that had remained untested until recently.

"I do too," said Gertie. "But I suppose since my love at first sight is you, it's destined never to be, huh?"

"Never say never," said Harry, kindly.

"God, Harry, I love you so much." She gave him yet another hug. "Will you take a picture with me?"

Harry obligingly did so, and told her to go ask the other boys for autographs, which she did. Harry signed for all the girls, took photos, there was more hugging, then Paul stepped up. "That's enough. The boys need to get back to their hotel."

There were goodbye hugs and then the girls were leaving, at least one tearful. 

"Did you hold it together?" Harry asked Louis, unable to have kept an eye on him during the deluge of the fans. 

"Yeah, I held it together okay. They were nice. Didn't mention Eleanor."

"I'm so glad."

"That's it for commitments today," said Paul. "Back to the hotel."

"Hooray," said Louis, sounding weary.

They arrived back at the hotel with just enough time to go swimming before dinner. All of them took advantage of the pool, Josh and Dan included. Josh had brought down a football. "Let's play water polo," he said, and they lined up into two teams, Josh, Dan, Harry and Louis, against the others. Fortunately there was only one other guest in the pool, and that guest quickly left, a look of distain across his face. 

"It's uneven numbers, so we'll go in the deep end," said Josh. "Liam, Niall, Zayn, you can have the shallow end, which should be easier to defend."

So it proved to be. Every time one of Harry's team made an incursion to the shallow end, they were quickly rebuffed. Still, Liam's team weren't doing that great, either. It ended up being 6-5 to Liam's team when they finally stopped playing. 

"We beat you," said Louis, to Liam, as they got out of the pool.

"Um, excuse me, the scorecard read 6-5 to us."

"But you had the advantage. So we beat you."

"We only had three on our team."

"You had the shallow end. It was much easier for you to manipulate the ball."

"6-5", repeated Liam.

"But you had the advantage."

"6-5."

"Stop saying that."

"It's true." 

"We couldn't stand," said Louis.

"You had more people."

"You didn't win."

"Yes, we did. 6-5."

Liam and Louis argued about the score all the way back to their towels, and beyond that. Meanwhile, everyone else was cool. 

"We lost," said Josh, towelling his hair.

"That means we won, right?" said Niall.

"Yeah, you won, you Irish bastard."

"Zayn, Liam, we won!" said Niall, putting his arms around his teammates' shoulders.

"I don't think it's fair," said Louis. "We were in the deep end. We had no purchase on the ground."

"Louis, what is the matter with you?" asked Harry. "We lost, and anyway, it doesn't really matter."

Louis shook his head. "Sorry. Sorry, Liam. I've just had a hard day. And it isn't over yet."

"Yeah, but the show is something to look forward to, right?" said Liam. "You've stopped having panic attacks, so it'll be great."

"I guess," said Louis, as they all wandered back into the hotel. 

"Seriously, Louis, what's the matter?" Harry asked him in their room.

Louis stripped his shorts off. "I'm sick of Eleanor all the fucking time. I just want her to be gone, but she won't go."

"You're still thinking about her?"

"I don't have much choice, what with fans, and DJs and TV show hosts shoving her down my throat. I need an exorcism or something."

"You'd have to get all our future interviewers exorcised too," said Harry.

"It's not funny, Harry."

"I'm not laughing."

Louis, drying himself off, looked at Harry suspiciously. Obviously seeing no amusement on Harry's face, he said, "Okay, then. But seriously, there must be a clairvoyant-type person who can do some chanting and wave some incense and get rid of ex-girlfriends from your mind."

"Probably, but I doubt it works."

"I'd try it. I'd try anything."

Harry finished drying himself off and began dressing. "You just have to wait it out."

"Why is she still hanging around, Harry?"

"Because you were with her for so long, and you were intimate together," said Harry. "It's not something your mind just wants to get rid of all of a sudden. It felt good to be with her, right? Your mind just wants that back. Fans and DJs and TV show hosts don't help. They keep bringing her to the forefront of your mind."

"My mind is working against me?"

"In a way, yes."

"I'm going to get blitzed tonight," said Louis.

"Again?"

"It helped."

"It's not a long-term solution."

"It's only a short-term problem. Short-term problem, short-term solution. Unless you'll fuck me again."

"Louis, no. Don't ask me that. Not until you sort yourself out."

"But it's so hard. I keep thinking, what if the fans find out? What will the press say? What about my mother?"

"No wonder you can't make a decision," said Harry, "with all that going around in your mind. You only need to ask yourself one question; do you want to be with me or not? Everything else comes afterwards."

"Is it that simple for you, Harry?"

"Yes."

"You're not worried about the fans, your family?"

"No. I haven't even got to step one yet." In fact, he'd told his mother, yesterday, in a burst of bravery. She'd been fully supportive of him. But Louis didn't need to know that yet. "You're putting the cart before the horse."

"What does that even mean?"

"It's a saying."

"It's ridiculous," said Louis.

"I suppose it is," said Harry, thinking about it. Who on earth would try to hitch a cart to the front of a horse?

Louis put his shoes on. "I'm going down to dinner. Coming?"

Harry pulled his shoes on too. "Yep, I'm ready."

***

That night's show went off without a hitch. Louis was on song, he didn't have any panic attacks, and everyone else did a great job. Everyone else was so happy for Louis; he got plenty of hugs. Harry didn't hug him. He felt it would be awkward, with Louis still not having made his mind up. In fact, he did his best to stay away from Louis, to give him some space. Louis wasn't going to be helped in his decision by Harry being too clingy.

Harry caught the first van back to the hotel. By the time he'd showered, Louis still hadn't come. He got dressed and wandered down the hallway to the next room, which was Zayn's. No answer. He went on to Liam and Niall's room, where he discovered Zayn hanging out. 

"Any of you seen Louis?"

"Not since we got back, no," said Liam.

"He came back with you guys?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. That's all I wanted to know."

"You want to hang out?" said Liam.

"No, I'm going to look for Louis."

"He was talking about getting drunk," said Niall. "Try the bar."

Harry took the elevator down to the bar. Sure enough, there was Louis, a glass of clear amber liquid in front of him, chatting to the barman.

"Louis," said Harry, coming up to him.

"Hi, Harry."

"What are you doing?"

"Having a chat with George, here."

"What are you drinking?"

"Whiskey. George, pour him one, too."

George obligingly poured out a measure of whiskey and added ice, before putting it down in front of Harry and moving off to serve another customer.

"This is where you've been since getting back from the show?" asked Harry.

"Yep."

"How much have you had to drink?"

"The barkeep's still serving me; I haven't had that much. Yet."

"That's his fifth," George called. "I'm keeping an eye on him, don't worry."

"You've had five shots already?"

"I'm just warming up." Louis skolled back his glass and waited for George to finish serving the other person.

"You've been here, what, half an hour? And you've already had five shots?" 

"Apparently."

"Louis, you're not even enjoying it. You're just drinking to get drunk."

"I told you, that was my plan."

"We've got a show tomorrow night."

"And the morning off. I'll have plenty of time to sleep away my hangover. George, another one?"

George came back over. "I'm cutting you off for a bit. Ask me again later."

"But George, we're friends."

"I have to serve alcohol responsibly, mate."

Louis picked up Harry's untouched glass and, before Harry could stop him, skolled the contents. "Thanks, Harry," he said.

"That's it, you're coming back up to the room," said Harry, grabbing his shoulder.

"Might as well," agreed Louis, aimably enough. "I'm not going to get any more help here. See you later, George."

"Bye, Louis. Good luck on the rest of your tour."

"Thanks."

Harry dragged an unresisting Louis out by the arm. "I can't believe you, Louis. Six shots in half an hour?"

"I feel nice," said Louis, smiling blissfully.

"I'll just bet you do. That's it, no more."

They got into the elevator. 

"You can't stop me," said Louis.

"Yes, I can. Come on, you need to have a shower. You're all sweaty from tonight."

"Okay, I'll have a shower."

At their room, Louis gathered his clothes and went into the bathroom. Why was he getting changed in the bathroom? thought Harry. The alcohol was making him modest? It was supposed to do the opposite.

Louis spent an inordinately long time in the bathroom, although his shower was only a few minutes. Eventually, dressed in his boxers, Harry got up and yelled through the door, "Are you all right in there?"

"Fine, Harry."

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

Harry opened the door. Louis hadn't locked it. There was Louis, sitting on the floor in his pyjamas, a bottle of whiskey between his feet. Now Harry understood the reason for the clothes; it was to hide the whiskey.

"Louis!" Harry grabbed the bottle. Half of it was gone. "Where did you get it from?"

"I bought it a couple of days ago."

"You're not having any more."

Louis looked up at Harry, all soulful blue eyes. "But Harry-"

"Don't you 'but Harry' me with that cute look on your face. You've finished for the night and that's final." Harry took the whiskey out and put it behind the curtain. It wasn't much of a hiding place, but hopefully Louis wouldn't think to look there. He went back to his bed and to his book, angry. Damn Louis. Damn himself, for not keeping an eye on him.

Louis remained in the bathroom. After a few minutes, Harry looked up.

"Louis?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing?"

"Just sitting here." Louis giggled. He couldn't seem to stop giggling. Harry got up to investigate. He was still sitting on the floor, but Harry heard a sound that was out of place, that sounded like a bottle being dragged across the floor.

"You've got another one in here?" said Harry, incredulous. Louis tried to block him, but Harry reached around behind Louis' uncoordinated limbs and discovered a second bottle of whiskey behind him. Fortunately, he hadn't drunk too much of this one. Harry stalked out with it and hid it beside the first, before going back into the bathroom. 

Louis grinned up at him, pleased with himself. He looked adorable, but Harry was not in the mood for it right now. He was pissed. "Do you have any more?"

"No, that's it," said Louis. 

Harry searched the bathroom anyway, including under Louis' discarded clothes. No, there definitely wasn't another bottle of alcohol in here. Next he went out and searched through Louis' carry-on and suitcase. It seemed Louis was telling the truth.

"Harry, honestly, that's all I had," Louis called, obviously hearing him go through his things.

Harry turned down Louis' bed before stalking back into the bathroom. "You're coming out here," he said, "where I can keep an eye on you."

"I'm not sure I can stand," said Louis, slurring his 's's a bit.

"I cannot believe you have had that much to drink in what? a bit over an hour? I won't be surprised if you can't stand. Come on, try to get up." Harry reached down, lifting him under the arms, as Louis' feet scrabbled for purchase on the floor. Eventually he was up, and steady. Harry put one arm around his shoulder, the other around his waist, and walked him out. Back in the main room, he pushed Louis down on the bed. "Get in."

"Harry?"

"Yes?"

Louis looked up at him, leaning back on the bed with his elbows. "Will you fuck me?"

"For god's sake, Louis, no. Definitely not. You're completely wasted."

"But that's not why. If I was sober, you wouldn't fuck me either. I don't know why. It was really good when we fucked."

Honestly Harry couldn't deal with this right now. "Louis, you've got to get it sorted out in your mind, how you feel about me."

"I'm sorted. I love you. I want you to fuck me."

Harry ran his hands through his hair, frustrated. "I can't trust a word that comes out of your mouth right now."

"But I'm telling the truth. I can't admit it while I'm sober, but Harry, I know I love you, and I love having sex with you. I want us to be together. I'm just all hung up on what everyone will think."

"I can't have this conversation right now. You're not going to remember a word of it tomorrow."

"But Harry," said Louis, pleadingly. He struggled to his feet and kissed Harry before Harry realised what he was doing. Stupid. He should have expected that. 

"Louis, no," he said, pushing him back down on the bed. Louis kept trying to get up, and Harry had to keep pushing him back. "Louis, stay down."

Louis grinned. "Give me your hand."

"Why?"

Louis grabbed hold of Harry's hand and laid it over his groin. He was half-hard. Harry pulled back, realising that their tussling was turning Louis on.

"Louis, please, just get into bed."

"I need to pee."

Great. "Fine. Get up." Harry stepped back and watched him carefully. He was definitely unsteady. He'd have to take him. As before, he put an arm around his shoulder, and one around his waist, to get him to the bathroom. "Sit down," he ordered.

"Harry, I'm all right to stand."

"You are not. You're going to sit down."

"But Harry, only girls sit down."

"Girls, and drunk off their arse boys who can't walk straight never mind aim straight."

Louis grumbled, but tugged his pyjamas down and sat on the toilet. "This is humiliating."

"Just hurry up and pee, all right?"

"But I'm aroused. It's going to take a bit of time."

Harry steadfastly looked at the shower while Louis took his time, with a lot of stopping and starting. "It's hard with you in here, Harry."

"I'm not leaving."

Louis sighed, peed some more, and finally decided he'd had enough. Harry plucked him off the toilet seat and took him to the basin, as Louis pulled up his pyjamas. 

"Hold on to the basin," instructed Harry, as he flushed the toilet. He then turned the tap on and they both washed their hands. "Now, come on. This time you're going to get into bed, yes?"

"Are you mad at me, Harry?"

The second last time he'd asked Harry that, it had been succeeded by a burst of tears. Harry didn't know how to answer. Yes, he was mad at Louis but he didn't want to disrupt his emotional state, which was positive at the moment. "I'm more worried than mad. You're going to be one sick boy soon."

"I feel all floaty right now."

"You're going to be heaving soon," predicted Harry. "I'd better find something for you to use." The bin, maybe. Harry dropped Louis on the bed and took the plastic liner out of the room's bin. Yes, it would do. "Here," he said, putting it beside Louis' bed. "If you want to throw up, throw up in here."

"I haven't drunk enough to throw up."

"You have because you've practically skolled it instead of going at a moderate pace," said Harry.

Louis, obviously feeling talkative, began chatting aimably at Harry, who put his book aside. Harry gravitated over to Louis' bed so they could talk more intimately. Louis was being hilarious, saying the daftest things. Harry wished he wasn't so drunk, so he could appreciate him more.

"You're not going to remember anything you've said tomorrow," Harry told him at one point.

"I will so."

"Yeah? What animal were we talking about fifteen minutes ago?"

"Animal?"

"See, you don't remember."

"Chimpanzees?" guessed Louis.

"No. Goats. How they eat everything. How this hotel would be a smorgasboard for a pack of goats."

"Why on earth were we talking about that?"

"It was you, not me. You just suddenly said it."

"Okay, so I'm a little drunk." Louis grimaced suddenly.

"You feeling sick?"

"Um..."

"Remember where I put the bin?"

Louis looked around before spotting it on the floor. "I've got it." He leaned back into his pillows against the headboard. 

"You are feeling sick, aren't you?" said Harry.

"A little bit."

"Don't hold it back. It will be better for you if you throw up."

"But I hate throwing up."

"Everybody does. You'll feel better once you do. Here, I'm going to get you some water."

"I don't think my stomach wants water, Harry."

"Too bad. Your stomach's getting it."

Harry fetched two glasses of water and came back again. He made Louis drink both.

"Ergh, Harry, now I really do feel sick."

"Good. I'll get you some more." He should have thought of this earlier. Louis was positively pickled in alcohol at the moment; he risked alcohol poisoning. Harry refilled the glasses and brought them back.

"No more," said Louis, looking pale.

"Oh yes. More." Harry held the cup up to his lips and said, "Drink, or it'll all go down your front." Louis drank. Some still went down his front.

"Okay, Harry, that's really enough. I am definitely going to be sick soon."

"You'd better, or there's another glass of water waiting. And another. And another." He probably wouldn't go that far, he didn't want to risk Louis getting water intoxication either, but Louis didn't know that.

Soon, Louis flailed for the bin. Harry grabbed it for him and stuck it in his lap. 

"Oh god," moaned Louis. "I'm so going to throw up. Wait, it's passing."

"Louis, don't let it. Throw up. Do I have to stick my finger down your throat?"

Louis shuddered, and with that, threw up into the bin. He heaved for ages, bringing up all of the water and hopefully some of the alcohol as well. He then sat there, head practially in the bin. "Can you get me a tissue, Harry?"

Harry fetched him one. Louis wiped his mouth and sat back up. 

"How do you feel?"

"Better."

"Not going to be imminently sick again?"

"No."

"You stay there. I'll deal with this." Harry took the bin into the bathroom, flushed its contents, and rinsed it out. He came back, to find Louis out of bed. "What are you doing?"

"Throwing my tissue away."

"Go back to bed. I don't want you falling flat on your face."

Louis staggered off towards the bed, hit it at an awkward angle, and fell on top. Normally, Harry would be amused, but he didn't find anything amusing about this situation.

Not long afterwards, Louis threw up for a second time, this time heaving up not much more than stomach acid. Harry wiped his mouth for him, before disposing of the tissue and dealing with the contents of the bin.

"I want to clean my teeth," said Louis, when he came back out.

"Not yet. You might have more in you."

"I couldn't possibly."

"Here, have a drink of water."

"No."

"Louis, you'll get dehydrated. Drink the water or I'll tip it over you."

At that, Louis drank the water. Harry went to get refills of the glasses, and made him drink another glass every fifteen minutes. Half an hour had now passed, half an hour of Louis apologising, fogetting that he'd apologised, and apologising again.

After the last glass of water, Louis asked, "Can I clean my teeth now?"

It seemed he'd done with throwing up. "Okay." Harry went around to Louis' side of the bed as Louis got up, and escorted him to the bathroom. 

"I need to pee as well."

"You know the rule. Sit down."

"But Harry-"

"You can't even walk in a straight line still. You're sitting."

This time Louis managed to pee right through, without all the stopping and starting that characterised his earlier effort. Harry stared at the shower again, until Louis said he was finished. Harry helped him off the toilet seat, took him to the basin, flushed the toilet, and they both washed their hands again. Then Louis cleaned his teeth, before gargling and rinsing. "That's much better," said Louis, gratefully.

"You're such an idiot, you know that? What on earth possessed you to drink so much?"

"I had to tell you how I felt."

"Like I'm even listening to you, with you this drunk."

"But Harry, I said it. I love you and I want you and I want you to have sex with me. I remember saying that and I'm saying it again."

"It doesn't count if you're drunk," said Harry.

"Yes it does."

"Louis, you could say anything right now. You've been opening your mouth and all sorts of nonsense has been coming out of it. How can I believe you?"

"Because it's true."

"So why wait until you're drunk to tell me?"

"Because..." Louis looked down at the basin. "Because I'm not strong like you think I am. I'm a coward."

"In all honesty, Louis? About this, yeah, you're right. You're strong for getting through your panic attacks, but you're really weak when it comes to deciding what you want."

"I know. Harry, I need you like you wouldn't believe, but I'm too scared to say it while sober."

Harry lifted his chin to face him. "Why? Why are you scared to say it?"

Louis' cerulean eyes looked into Harry's. "I can't stop thinking of the bigger picture. How I might be happier being in love with you but not admitting it, than admitting it and having the whole world know."

"How could you be happier if you're denying yourself love?"

"I don't know. It made sense, before. It doesn't make much sense, now. Harry," and Louis looked at him with desperate eyes, "I really do need you."

"You certainly need me to get out of this bathroom," said Harry, putting a lighter spin on things, before steadying Louis at his side and escorting him back to the bed.

"You know one thing I love about you, Harry?" said Louis, as he settled down and Harry moved across the bed to get to his position.

"What's that?"

"You've looked after me all night, and you've been dressed in nothing but your boxers."

"Do you want me to get d-"

"No, I don't want you to get dressed. I love you, Harry, just the way you are. I love how you don't care about nudity. It's so Harry. I miss you being Harry. I hate that I've driven this wedge between us."

"You said that a couple of nights ago. You haven't driven a wedge between us."

"You're wrong. I have."

"It's all in your mind, Louis. All of this, it's all in your mind. Why won't you let yourself just feel?"

Louis looked pensive. "Feelings are scary. They lead to heartbreak."

"You can't cut off your feelings just because one day they might lead to heartbreak."

"It's just... Eleanor was so safe. At least, I thought she was. She did me over. I love you more than I ever loved her. I don't want to go through this again."

Louis wasn't making much sense. Harry said, "How many times do I have to tell you? I'm in love with you. Have been for a couple of years. It's not changing, except that it's getting more intense. I'm not going to do you over. Louis, you're worrying about nothing important. You have to take a risk, you have to live."

"Living means taking risks," said Louis, extrapolating from Harry's words.

"It does. Although it's not much of a risk to take. You know how I feel."

"So why can't we be together, right now?"

"Because, Louis, you're still completely off your face drunk. I want you to be sober when you admit it."

"When can I satisfy you?" asked Louis.

"What do you mean?"

"Tomorrow morning will you believe me?"

"No. You'll still be drunk."

"Tomorrow evening?"

"You'll be too hung-over."

"Then when?"

"Maybe the day after," said Harry. "Only if you haven't had any alcohol, or any drugs, in the meantime."

"Okay," said Louis. "Note to self: ask to be fucked by Harry in two days time."

"Louis!"

"That's what it comes down to," said Louis. "Our friendship is still intact."

"Is it? Because I've been getting definite signs from you that that's not the case."

"I've just had a lot to think about lately. If I've been stand-offish in anyway, I'm sorry."

Harry wrapped him up in a hug. "You're still drunk. I'm still not listening to you."

"You love me," said Louis, a note of smugness tinging his words.

"Yes, I love you. I don't know why right now, but I do. You make me feel... so much," and Harry buried his head in Louis' neck. 

"You make me feel so much, too. More than I've ever felt in my life."

"Louis, you're drunk. Please don't tell me things like that."

"I'm tired," said Louis.

"Good. Sleep."

"I have a feeling I'll need to pee in a couple of hours."

"Wake me up when you do. I'll help you."

"Okay." Louis brought his pillows down and lay down himself. Harry pulled the covers over him. "God, I'm tired."

"I'm not surprised. Go to sleep." Harry made to leave the bed.

"Wait, where are you going?" 

"Just to get my book. I'm coming back," Harry reassured him. He went to his bed, grabbed his book, and came back over. Louis had been watching him anxiously the whole time. He looked much calmer when Harry got back under the covers. He put a tentative arm around Harry when Harry was settled. Harry allowed it, and Louis sighed, and closed his eyes. Louis dropped off to sleep quickly. Harry tried to read, but kept going over the events of the night. What was he supposed to do? Louis effectively told him that he loved him in the same way Harry loved Louis, but he was so off his face it wasn't funny. He had to wait until he heard those words from a sober Louis. He simply had to wait.

After a while he put his book aside and reached up to turn off the overhead light. That meant disturbing Louis. Louis whimpered as he finished turning off the light. "I'm here," said Harry, bedding down and cradling him. "It's all right."

"Harry," said Louis, obviously mostly asleep, "I miss you so much."

"You don't need to miss me, I'm right here."

"Yeah." Louis snuggled into Harry and fell asleep quickly. Harry followed not long afterwards.

***

Harry woke up that morning on his side, with Louis curled around him. He stroked Louis' hand, which was currently tucked into his stomach, and enjoyed the feeling of warmness that enveloped him. He dozed again, knowing they didn't have to be up that morning. They had the day off.

Eventually, Harry got up. It was 9:00am. Louis muttered as he left the bed, so Harry shoved his pillow underneath Louis' arm. That seemed to be satisfactory; Louis whined then cuddled the pillow. Harry got dressed, wondering whether to wake him or not. He decided not to, given how much Louis had drunk that previous night. Instead, he went down to breakfast by himsef. 

"What time do you finish serving?" Harry asked a kitchenhand.

"Ten o'clock, sir."

That gave him plenty of time to wake up Louis. He took his food over to the table where Liam, Niall, and Zayn were seated. 

"How's it going, guys?" he asked.

"What was going on in your room last night? We kept hearing the toilet flushing," said Liam.

"Louis drank a bit too much," admitted Harry.

"Oh. Is he all right?"

"Yeah, he's just sleeping it off."

"He's still one messed up guy, isn't he?" said Liam.

"Pretty much," said Harry.

"I told him he's just got to be patient. It'll get better. How's it going with you two?"

Harry looked down at his plate. "Not so well."

"How do you mean?" asked Niall.

"I'm refusing to have sex with him until he makes his mind up whether he wants to be with me or not."

"Okay," said Liam, blinking at him.

"Too much information?"

"Why hasn't he made his mind up yet?" said Niall.

"He's worried about everyone finding out. Not just fans, but his family."

"But he's such a mummy's boy. There's no way she'll reject him."

"I'm pretty sure you're right, but he's not. It's a huge deal for him and he's not coping too well with the decision. He told me last night he wanted us to be together but he was so drunk off his face that there's no way I can believe him. He said he had to get drunk to tell me."

"That's not healthy," said Liam.

"No, it's not. That's why I'm not listening to a word he says today. In fact, whatever he's doing, I won't be. Are we going on an excursion?"

"Yeah, I believe so."

"Good. Louis can go. I'll stay. Don't tell him until the last minute, yeah?"

"Okay, Harry."

Harry finished his breakfast and wanted to go for a walk. He didn't want to deal with fans, though. The kitchen would have an exit; they had to get the stock in somehow. If he could persuade them to let him use it...

"Can one of you guys try to wake Louis so he doesn't miss out on breakfast? He's going to need it after last night."

"No problem," said Liam.

Harry stood. "Tell Paul I went for a walk. I'll be about an hour. See you guys later," he said. Liam and Niall were taking a leisurely time over their breakfast. Harry had gobbled his down quickly. 

"Sure, Harry," said Niall.

"Look after yourself," said Liam.

Harry made his way to the kitchen and got the attention of one of the chefs. "Look, this is probably unorthodox, but I need to leave the hotel and I don't want to be seen by anybody. Do you have a separate exit?"

"Sure, just come through here. Don't touch any of the food preparation surfaces. Harry Styles, right?"

"Right."

"My twelve year old adores you."

"Would you like an autograph?"

"Would I ever." The chef went to an area where there was a phone and grabbed a pad and a pen for Harry.

"What's her name?"

"Chelsea."

Harry wrote, 'Dear Chelsea, your daddy's a great man! Wish I could have met you. Love Harry'. 

"She'll love it," said the chef.

"Do you want a photo?"

"I'd love one." The chef picked his phone out of his pocket, and took a snap of them both. "She'll be rapt. She's not old enough to go to your concerts unfortunately so I'm a little unpopular at the moment. Hopefully this will appease her."

"I'm sure it will,' said Harry.

"This way." The chef led him to the back door. The other kitchen workers stared curiously. The chef opened the door. "This is the delivery lane. Go right at the end, and you'll end up on the main street. Left will take you away from the hotel." 

"Cheers," said Harry, leaving, walking up the delivery lane, and heading left. He flipped his hoodie over his head and removed his sunglasses from the front pocket. It was 9:30am. He walked up the road. His hands were chilly, so he put them in the hoodie's pocket. He wandered around random streets, trying to keep to an organised path so that he could find his way back. At a quarter past ten, he started heading back. He quickly realised he was lost. Damn. After using the sun to try to find the right route, he became even more lost. Of course, the sun had moved between 9:30am and 10:30am. He was forced to call Paul.

"Paul, I'm lost."

"Harry, you shouldn't just go off like that."

"I know, but now I'm lost and I don't know how to get back to the hotel."

"I can't help you. I'm on the excursion with the boys. You'll have to call Mike. Wait, I'll call Mike. Where are you?"

Harry was at an intersection. He read out to Paul the names of the streets he was standing at. 

"Right. Got it," said Paul. "I'll call Mike, he'll come and grab you. Stay put. I'll call you in fifteen to see if he's there yet, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, Paul."

Harry could just see Paul shaking his head. "You little terror," he said, and hung up.

Harry waited. He found a nice spot in the sun and sat down leaning against a building. Fifteen minutes later, his phone rang. 

"Mike there yet?" asked Paul.

"No."

"He told me he was on his way. Sit tight. Call me when he gets there, okay? Call me if he doesn't."

"Yes, Paul."

Soon, Mike pulled up and leaned over to open the passenger door for Harry. 

"Hi, Mike."

"We were worried about you," said Mike.

"I told Liam and Niall to tell you where I was."

"It doesn't set my mind at ease, to know you're in foreign territory out by yourself. See what happens? You got lost."

"But I've been found now."

"Hop in."

Harry did so, and called Paul on the way back to the hotel. Paul was relieved to hear he was okay. "Stay put at the hotel, okay, Harry? You've missed out on the excursion, sorry about that; I need you to stay put."

"But it's boring at the hotel."

"You put yourself in that situation."

"Is Louis with you?" asked Harry.

"Yes. Why?"

"Is he okay? He got drunk last night."

"Oh, he did, did he? That would explain the wincing at everything. Thanks for letting me know, Harry. I'll keep him hydrated."

"Cheers, Paul."

"Remember, stay put."

"Yes, Paul."

Harry hung up. He and Mike were almost back at the hotel. Harry recognised one of the first streets he'd walked down. Mike turned down the driveway through a pile of fans to a boom gate, swiped a card, and went forward into the hotel's VIP carpark.

"I hope you've had enough adventuring for one day," said Mike, as they left the vehicle.

"Who's at the hotel?"

"Nobody. Everyone, right down to Lux, went out on the excursion this morning. I got left behind to look after you."

"I'm sorry," said Harry sincerely.

"Don't sweat it, kid. All part of the job."

"Maybe we should go somewhere."

"What do you mean?"

"Go somewhere for lunch. Somewhere other than the hotel."

"Well, that's not really on my brief."

"Come on. If we're the only two here, we might as well go out and do something."

Mike surprised him. "You're right. I'll come by your room at 11:30am, and fetch you, okay?"

"Thanks, Mike."

Harry read in his room until 11:30am. He finished his book, and picked up Louis' instead. Louis was reading a crime fiction novel. It didn't capture Harry's attention. Fortunately Mike arrived soon after and they went for a drive. Harry wanted to get out of Belfast, so they drove until they reached the countryside, and stopped at a village. 

"There's a cafe," said Mike.

"We'll eat there. I don't care what they serve. I'm starving."

Harry ordered a tuna pasta, while Mike had a hamburger and chips. 

"That's like your standard diet, isn't it?" said Harry, laughing at the beefy bodyguard.

"Hush up, young'un. Tuna pasta? What's that?"

"It sounded like something different. It's nice. You want to try some?"

"No thanks. I'll stick with the tried and tested."

They didn't have much to talk about, he and Mike, but it was nice and relaxing anyway. Harry felt no pressure on him whatsoever. He wondered how the others were getting on, on their excursion. He wondered if Louis was okay. He should be, now that Paul was on the lookout for him. 

After spending some time walking around the duck pond at the back of the cafe, feeding the ducks bread provided by the cafe, Harry and Mike went on their way. It had been a nice day, thought Harry. They arrived back at the hotel before the excursioners did.

"Thanks, Mike. I had a good time," said Harry.

"So did I," said Mike, which was probably about as touchy-feely as he got. "What are you going to do now?"

"Hang out at the pool."

"I'll check on you every now and then."

Harry went up to his room, changed into his bathers, grabbed a towel, and went down to the pool. He lay on one of the recliners, basking in the sun, and dozed for a bit. He must have dozed for quite a bit, because the next thing he was aware of was Zayn touching his shoulder. "Harry, are you awake?"

"I am now," grumbled Harry.

"We just got back. You should have come with us."

"Didn't feel like it."

"You missed out." Zayn laid his towel down at Harry's feet. "Okay if I leave my towel and shirt here?"

"No problem." Harry looked around, and spotted Louis, stripping off his shirt at the next recliner. He could only see the back view, but loved how the muscles in Louis' back rippled as he pulled his shirt off. He wanted to lick him on the back, down at the spot where his shorts hung. Then Louis turned around, and Harry pretended he hadn't been ogling him.

"Harry?" said Louis, coming over. "Why didn't you come with us today?"

"I had a nice day with Mike."

"We had a nice day, too. We went around to a lot of historical sites. I've learned more about the British/Irish war than I ever knew. We had a guide from Britain, and from Ireland, talking to us. It was amazing."

"You're feeling better, then?"

"Still a little hungover," Louis admitted. "I missed breakfast."

"But I told Liam to wake you for breakfast."

"He said he tried. I didn't answer his knocks on the door, or my phone."

"You idiot. I hope you had plenty of water to drink."

"I had Paul shoving water down my throat all day. Honestly, the amount of times we had to stop for a toilet break just for me..."

"So you ate lunch?" said Harry.

"Yes. I had a chicken salad. And an apple pie."

"Good. Something healthy. I had tuna pasta."

"Where did you go?"

"Some village outside of Belfast. It was nice. They had ducks and we fed them."

"I wish I could have fed ducks."

"You're a sucker for animals, Louis."

"I am." The rest of the boys had moved away, and Louis ducked his head to speak into Harry's ear. "Harry, I meant what I said last night. I want you."

"And I meant what I said last night. I'm not going to listen to a word you say on the subject today. You're still hungover."

"A hangover is a time for philosophy. I've worked out what I want."

"What about your mother?"

Louis looked like a deer caught in the headlights, again. "What about her?"

"Can you tell her about us?"

"But Harry, you said that doesn't matter."

"I've changed my mind, since it obviously matters so much to you."

"I..." Louis ran his hands back through his hair. "I can't risk my mother rejecting me."

"She wouldn't, you know. I've told my mum how I feel about you." He'd done so a couple of days ago. "She wasn't fazed at all."

"If I tell my mum, will that convince you?"

"It'd go a long way towards it," admitted Harry.

"All right." Louis pulled his t-shirt back on, a determined look on his face.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to call my mum."

"What are you going to say to her?"

"I don't know exactly. But I'm going to tell her." With that, Louis walked back towards the hotel.

Harry was taken by surprise. That had been one of Louis' biggest hang-ups, his mother. Harry was sure it would go fine, though. Niall was right; Louis was a real mummy's boy. There was no way she'd reject her son over something like this.

Still, the wait was agonising. Eventually, he spotted Louis, coming back through the double doors. He was smiling, Harry was sure. His last few steps towards Harry were more of a run, as he leaned over and wrapped Harry up in a hug as best he could. 

"So I take it it went okay?" said Harry.

Louis sat down next to Harry's legs, bouncing a little with nervous energy. "I was so nervous. She picked up on it. I said I had something really important to tell her. Something that might be hard for her to hear. She said she loved me no matter what. And so I just told her. Told her I was in love with you, and that you felt the same way about me. She just said she's happy I found someone after Eleanor hurt me. She said how much she loved you and that she was totally accepting of it."

"I told you it would be okay. You were worrying over nothing."

"I can't believe it. I've told my mum. Everything's okay."

"Dope," said Harry. "As if your mum would have reacted any other way."

"It's just that I couldn't imagine life without my mum, if she rejected me. But I realised I couldn't imagine life without you either. I had to do it."

Harry patted him. "I'm glad it worked out."

"Are you going to lie around on this recliner all day or are you coming into the water?"

"I'm probably sunburned by now," said Harry. "I'd better go for a swim."

The pool was full with them, their band, and their support staff. There was no room to race. "How about a wrestling competition?" said Louis.

They asked the others, and they were up for it. The object was to dunk your opponent. First up it was Josh and Dan. Josh won as they cheered them on from the shallow end steps. Next up was Mike and another of their bodyguards. Mike won. Then it was Louis versus Niall. It was sexy, watching Louis wrestle against someone else. Harry tried to shut off his feelings and just enjoy the competition. Soon enough, Louis dunked Niall, so he was the victor. Harry was up with Liam. This was going to be challenging. Liam was strong. 

"I'm going to take you down, Payne," said Harry, squaring up to him.

"Oh yeah? I think you've got that the wrong way around."

They muscled each other around the shallow end. It was anti-climactical when Liam slipped and Harry dunked him. 

"Not fair, I slipped," said Liam.

"Any excuse," said Harry teasingly.

"It's true. The surface of this pool is not up to standard."

"I beat you."

"You didn't. You got lucky."

"Clear out of the water, you two," said Zayn. He was up next with Jon. 

Soon they'd cycled through everyone and it was time for the second round. Harry was up against Louis this time. When it was their turn to enter the water, they squared up. Harry grabbed for Louis; Louis stepped away, and tried to use Harry's forward momentum to dunk him. He was sneaky, was Louis. They grappled together. Harry was getting turned on, and Louis was the same. Harry should have been able to dunk Louis easily but he couldn't seem to. They wrestled body to body, each feeling the other's arousal. They were both panting heavily. 

"Come on, Harry, you're bigger than him, you should win this easy!" yelled Josh.

"He's slippery!" said Harry. Louis took that opportunity to duck low, get himself under Harry's arm, and toss him to the side. Harry wasn't dunked, though; he steadied himself just in time. More wrestling. Harry knew he could end this, but he didn't want to. There was something about the public display that was seriously turning him on, and he didn't want to go back to the stairs with a boner. Eventually, however, he got Louis off-side and dunked him. 

"Good going, Louis," said Zayn. "You nearly got him."

Harry sat with Louis on the steps. "I nearly got you," said Louis.

Harry whispered in his ear, "You're too sexy," and Louis grinned, pleased with himself.

Harry was up against one of their bodyguards in the next round and came off second best. He went back and sat by Louis, watching the rest of the competition unfold. Mike was crowned king of the wrestlers, defeating Paul in the final.

"Yeah, Mike!" said Harry, and Mike made a thumbs-up gesture at him. Harry's boner had died down, despite Louis seated next to him, so he was able to get up without embarrassment. He noticed, however, Louis' hadn't died down as much. His shorts were still tenting as he stood up.

"I think I'll sit here for a little while longer," said Louis, plopping back down.

"You're turned on, aren't you?" Harry whispered into his ear.

"I can't help it, what with this sexy guy seated next to me."

"D'you want to wrestle again?"

"Yes."

So Louis and Harry got back in the water, and wrestled. It was more like a make out session, without kissing. They did everything they could to rub their bodies up against each other. Louis was hard, and Harry was getting that way. He looked down briefly at Louis' shorts, how they were tenting upwards. It was so sexy. 

"Get a room," said Liam, coming up beside them.

Harry paused. "It's not that obvious, is it?"

"Only to those who know. Wow, that's some fine tent you've got going there, Louis."

Sure enough, Louis shorts were hanging low over his racing bathers, and his cock definitely filled his racing bathers. Louis tugged his shorts back up and Harry took the opportunity to dunk him.

"Not fair," said Louis, coming to the surface. 

"I won!"

"You cheated."

"I did not. I got you fair and square. It's not my problem that you were more obsessed with your pants than with the wrestling match."

Louis grumbled, but then grabbed Harry in a hug. Harry returned it spontaneously. God, he was so turned on, Louis' arousal only fanning the flames.

"How's your hangover?" he asked, bringing them back to reality.

Louis separated from him. "It's gone. I think it's all the water that Paul made me drink."

"Thank god someone was looking out for you."

"Why didn't you come on the excursion today?"

"I thought it best we had a break from each other," said Harry.

"Harry, I never want to be apart from you."

"I don't want to be apart from you, either." Louis' hair hung in his face, his lips were pink, his eyes fixed on Harry. Harry wanted to kiss him, so badly. But he had to resist.

"Everyone's doing laps," complained Louis. "I want to do laps, too, but there's no room."

"Follow on behind someone. I choose Liam." Harry took off, swimming laps behind Liam. He noticed, on the turn, that Louis had also set off behind someone; Niall, in this case. They swam laps for a while before Paul told them all to get out of the pool and go and get ready for the show tonight. Harry noticed Paul, an arm around Louis, presumably checking if he was okay. Harry's boner had died down, and he guessed Louis' had, too.

He went ahead of Louis and changed in their room, first drying himself off. Then Louis came in.

"Everything okay?" Harry asked him.

"More than okay. I feel like I'm finally moving forward with my life."

"Your mum had such an effect on you?"

"Harry, you don't know the angst I was feeling around my mum, around my family. My mum says she'll tell everyone. I can't explain how big a relief that is off me."

"Are you still turned on?" Harry wanted to know.

Louis stripped off right then and there. He was still slightly aroused. "The things you do to me," he said.

Harry tried not to stare too obviously. Louis was so sexy. "You're going to get through the concert tonight?"

"I have faith. I haven't had a panic attack for a couple of days. The drugs must be out of my system. I'll be fine."

"Let's hope so," said Harry.

***

It was their final show in Belfast. Hary hoped it would all go without a hitch. That hope was intensified when Louis took the stage with them. He hit his solos, he was interactive; it all looked to be good. Harry couldn't help but keep an eye on him, however, making sure to be near him whenever possible. Then sat together on the couch at one point, and Harry asked, "Everything okay?"

"Fine. I don't know what those panic attacks were about, but now I just feel the normal amount of nervousness before I go onstage."

"I'm so glad to hear it."

The show finished, and after the encore, they feasted. Louis forewent the alcohol, and so did Harry. They drove back with the rest of the band to their hotel.

"Up early for Dublin tomorrow," Paul, their driver, told them. "Be ready by 7:30am. Breakfast opens at 6:30am especially for us."

Harry didn't understand why they were going back to Dublin again; the tour schedule seemed wacky to him. But he wasn't complaining.

That night, Louis was much more relaxed than he'd been over the past couple of nights. He openly ogled Harry when he came out from the bathroom after his shower. 

"Get into my bed," Louis instructed. "Don't bother getting dressed."

"Louis, I'm not having sex with you. Not until I'm sure that you're sure that you really want me. After last night's episode, I can't quite trust that."

"You'll have time to think about it when I'm in the shower," Louis told him and stripped off and went into the bathroom. 

Naturally, it was all Harry could think about. He switched on the TV to take his mind off things but nothing was compelling him to watch. He left it on a re-run of Buffy and waited for Louis. He was firm that he didn't want to have sex. Rather, he did, but he wasn't going to. To Harry, Louis' about face seemed sudden. Only Louis knew what had been going on in Louis' mind the last couple of days.

"What did you do with the whiskey?" said Louis, sliding into bed with Harry. Harry hadn't heard him come in, too busy thinking.

"It's safe." It was, presumably, still behind the curtains.

"At least you didn't waste it by tipping it down the drain."

"I should have. If I had a brain in my head, I would have."

"Don't worry, I'm not planning on getting drunk like that again. It was unpleasant. But it helped me clarify a few things."

"Clarify things?" said Harry, muting the volume on the TV. "That's the last thing it would have done."

"It made me realise what a coward I was being." Louis shifted closer to Harry on the bed, so they were almost touching. They locked eyes. "You were right, I shouldn't have been worrying about all the other stuff, like what the fans will think. I should have just been worrying about you and me."

"Louis, tell me tomorrow. I can't be sure you're not still feeling the after-affects of the alcohol."

"I told my mum. What else do I have to do to prove myself to you? Tell Paul? I'll go and do it right now." 

Louis made as if to get out of the bed and Harry dragged him back. "No. He's probably sleeping. If we were sensible, we'd be sleeping too."

"I'm okay with that, as long as I can cuddle you."

"Are you wearing anything?"

"No."

Harry groaned.

"Don't worry, I won't pressure you to have sex with me. I'm still a little shaky after last night. It wouldn't be right."

"Thank god for that," said Harry. He switched the night light off. Now the only light came from the TV.

"Buffy?" said Louis, looking at the TV for the first time.

"Shut up. There was nothing on." Harry put his pillows to rights and Louis did the same. They both slid down in bed and faced each other.

"Early morning tomorrow," said Louis. He reached his arms out and gathered up Harry, his lower arm around Harry's shoulders, his upper arm around Harry's back. "Mmm," he said, happily.

Harry reciprocated by putting his free arm around Louis, his other arm awkwardly between their bodies. He moved his awkward arm up to hold Louis' face. They kissed for a while, until Harry began to feel really sleepy. He tried to find a comfortable spot for his arm and settled down to sleep. 

"Goodnight, love," said Louis.

"Goodnight, babe."

A last kiss on Harry's forehead, and Louis settled down too, his hand rubbing at Harry's back. Soon the rubs began to falter, and Louis' breathing evened out. Harry fell asleep too, in Louis' arms.

***

It was early. Harry was vaguely aware of a pounding noise but ignored it, enjoying the feeling of sleepiness with a warm body at his back. Then his phone rang. He sat up and answered the phone, guessing it was Paul. Sure enough:

"Harry, time for you to get up."

"Oh. Was that you at the door? Sorry."

"At least you're polite about it," said Paul. "Zayn swore at me. Get your butts into gear, we've got to get to Dublin."

"Okay, Paul. Thanks." Harry hung up and looked around for Louis. The TV was still on, enabling him to see in the dark. Louis was facing away from him; they'd obviously been back-to-back before. He leaned over Louis' shoulder, blew in his ear. "Louis," he whispered, shaking him slightly.

"Harry," mumbled Louis, turning over and cuddling against Harry. 

"We have to get up."

"No."

"Yes. Paul just phoned. We've got to go to Dublin, remember?"

"I don't see why we have to leave so early. We've got all day."

Harry didn't see why, either, but the fact remained; they had to get to Dublin, and everyone else was leaving at 7:30am. "Come on, get up." He kicked the covers back, to expose himself and Louis to the cold morning air. 

Louis only cuddled around him the more fiercely. "Harry, it's cold."

"We have to get up. Come on." Harry kissed him and pulled away. Louis rolled back over. Harry could see his pert bum sticking up as Louis attempted to find warmth amongst the pillows. He got dressed, and went around to Louis' side of the bed, selecting clothing for him and shoving it at him. "Wear this," he instructed. 

At that, Louis sat up, muttering to himself about godless hours. Compliantly, however, he got dressed into the clothes Harry had selected for him. Except for the jacket. "Want to wear your hoodie," he said.

"Whatever you want," said Harry, and swapped the jacket for the hoodie. Louis put it on and Harry couldn't help but hug him. He liked Louis wearing his clothes, even though, Josh was right, they were a size too big for him. Harry felt a bit like he was protecting him just because of his hoodie.

"Breakfast?" said Harry.

"I'm not really hungry."

"You will be later on. Come on, eat breakfast with me."

So Louis and Harry went down to breakfast.

***

They arrived in Dublin with the afternoon ahead of them. They went to the hotel via a Thai restaurant. The food was excellent. Then they got back into the vehicles, travelled to the hotel, checked in. 

"Do you guys want a room by yourselves yet?" Liam asked Harry and Louis, as they fetched their room cards. 

"No," said Louis.

"I guess no," said Harry.

Liam handed them their pass-cards. "That means I get to be by myself," he said.

Louis whispered into Harry's ear, "What do you mean, you guess?"

"I don't want to," said Harry, hoping to appease him. It seemed to work. Louis nodded and began to drag his luggage behind him towards the elevators.

In their room, Harry snagged the bed closest to the window, unpacked a few things, then went out on the balcony. They had rooms at the front of the hotel. Inevitably, fans were gathered below; only about twenty or so, but he expected more would come along once the grapevine began working. He could hear the screams even up as high as he was. He waved down to them.

Louis joined him on the balcony. If possible, the fans became louder. Harry looked across to the left. Liam had ventured out, too. The fans were waving their cameras and phones like crazy. 

"Wouldn't be much of a shot, from that angle," said Louis, leaning over the balcony and waving. 

"Careful. You don't want to fall over."

Louis took a couple of awkward steps up the curvy-patterned railing, so that more of him was showing, and waved some more. Harry grabbed onto his arm that gripped the top of the railing. "Don't climb up any more, Louis."

Louis made to take another step upwards.

"Louis, get down," yelled Liam across from his balcony.

Harry grabbed hold of him and pulled him backwards. Louis fell into his arms. "You idiot," he said, heart racing a little. 

Louis leaned back into him for a few seconds before pulling away. "Do you care about me, Harry?"

"Of course I care about you, you mischievous bastard."

Meanwhile, Liam was calling across. "Stay off the railings, Louis, or I'll come over there and make you."

"I've got him," said Harry, keeping a grip on Louis' arm. 

"You'll get the fans talking if you keep holding on to me." But Louis didn't sound bothered.

"Let them talk. Am I going to have to ban you from coming out here by yourself?"

"No. I promise I won't climb the railings again."

At that, Harry let him go. After a bit more waving, they went back inside. 

"Honestly, Louis, you're determined to be the death of me one way or the other aren't you?"

"Admit it, you wanted to climb up on the balcony, too."

"I did not."

"Yes, you did."

Maybe there was a part of Harry that would have done it if Louis hadn't. But he wasn't going to say so. He only realised how dangerous it looked when Louis did it. "Anyway, you've promised," said Harry, "so you can't do it again."

"I'm going to phone my mum." Louis went over to get his phone.

"I'm going to talk to Zayn."

"About me?" Louis paused before he picked up his phone.

"I just want to be sure I'm doing the right thing."

"And what thing is that?"

Harry sat down on the edge of his bed. "What do you want from me, Louis?" The time had come to be blunt, to get a straightforward answer.

Louis came over, put a hand in Harry's hair. "I want you, Harry. I can't deny my feelings any longer. I'm in love with you. I wish you could trust me."

Harry looked up at him. "I want to trust you. It's just you've been so up and down lately."

"I told my mum, didn't I? I'm serious about you, Harry. I don't care any more what anyone else thinks." Abruptly, he straddled Harry. "We could go out on the balcony right now and hug, if you wanted," he whispered. "It would be on twitter in no time."

Louis' thighs gripped his hips. It wasn't a position that could be called anything other than intimate. "No, that's not necessary. I don't want us to become some twitter sideshow. I just... gosh, I wish I could get inside your head. You puzzle me."

"That's part of why you love me."

It was true. Louis was like a mobius circle to him; he seemed simple enough, until you got caught up in the loop, and then there was no getting out of the puzzle. Harry buried his head in Louis' shoulder. "God. Louis."

"I love you," Louis whispered in his ear. "I want to have sex with you. I want us to never be apart. Harry, you're the only one I want. I'm so over Eleanor. In any case, I told you I had feelings for you while I was with her. This all seems new to you, Harry, but it's not new to me. I just had to get over my hang-ups. I'm over them, now. I don't care who knows. My world is great right now. My mum still loves me, and I've got someone who I want to be my boyfriend. I'm not giving you up. I'm not worried about hurting you anymore, because I know I won't. Please, Harry. Listen to me."

Harry drew his head back, so that he could look into Louis' eyes. They were dark, and focussed on his own. All he could see in them was love. 

"I don't do casual," said Louis, continuing, moving his hands behind Harry's back. "I believe in commitment. I don't want to scare you off by coming on too strong, but that's what a relationship with you means for me. Commitment. And I'm willing to commit."

Harry's tougue played around his teeth. He was aware his mouth was open, that he was panting a little. "You're not confused anymore?"

"No. I'm giving myself to you, Harry. I want to be yours; I want you to be mine. I want us to do everything together."

They looked at each other for a long time, Louis just above him given that he was straddling Harry's thighs. Harry sat there, thoughts reeling. He'd thought Louis would take the safter path. Even after Louis told his mum, Harry wasn't convinced. But the words he was saying now; he was utterly sincere. 

"Say something, Harry."

"Louis, god, I want this to be true. It's just that, you could hurt me so much."

"I know that, that's why it's taken me days to figure things out. I wanted to be able to come to you with an open heart. And that's how I'm coming to you, Harry. I'm giving you the key right now to hurt me as much as I could hurt you."

"I could never hurt you. Never."

"Then you have to believe me."

"Louis, you realise what you're saying? You want us to be together. Do you know what that means?"

"I know. It means I get to love you, to hug you and kiss you whenever I want, for you to hug and kiss me whenever you want. It means to have you in bed with me. It means no more hiding from the truth."

Harry's hands had stayed by his side, but now they came up to cradle Louis. "You mean that? You really mean that?"

"I really mean it. Harry, you're everything I want."

Harry still felt stunned. It seemed Louis had been doing a lot of thinking over the past couple of days. His every word rang with sincerity. Harry had to believe him. He was still panting, he noticed of himself. Still had his mouth open in shock. 

Louis leaned down to kiss him. It was a gentle, chaste kiss. He leaned back straight away, and continued to look into Harry's eyes. Harry felt hypnotised. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Louis'. In his peripheral vision he was aware of Louis' lips parting, of him saying, "Harry, you're worrying me. Say something."

"It's just... so much to adjust to. Especially when I thought you were going to go the other way, and reject us."

"Me telling my mum didn't convince you?"

"It went a way towards it, but... honestly, I thought you would end up being too hung up on what everyone eslse thought. I was preparing myself for the worst."

"Well, stop. You don't need to anymore. It's the outcome you wanted, isn't it?" Louis suddenly looked uncertain. "Am I coming on too strong?"

"No, no, it's not that. It just, I told you, I was preparing myself for the worst."

Louis leaned down and kissed him, chastely, again. "Well, prepare youself for the better. I want you, Harry Styles. You are my everything."

Harry began stroking Louis' back with one hand, his thigh with the other. "I don't know what to say. All of my dreams have come true. I can't believe it."

"Believe it. I'm telling you, I'm yours." This time Louis' kiss was longer, more forceful. He still didn't use his tongue, though. 

"Louis... oh..." and Harry abruptly kissed him back. He bit on Louis' lower lip, making Louis moan, before kissing him once again. Harry slid his tongue around Louis' lips, and Louis sucked on it, allowing him entrance. Then Louis' tongue was in his mouth, and everything coalesced into the sensation of their mouths, their tongues, moving against each other. Louis rubbed his groin into Harry's stomach. Harry could feel his penis, not yet hard, against him. Harry kissed more into Louis' mouth. He could feel his own dick gathering interest in the proceedings, and bucked up against Louis' arse. They kissed for a long time, gradually getting turned on. Louis, by now, was turned on, too. They were just getting into heavy petting when there was a knock on the door.

"Who is is?" called Harry.

"It's Zayn."

"Tell him to go away," said Louis.

"I can't do that. He'll wonder what's up."

"He'll know what's up."

Harry went and answered the door anyway, adjusting himself to a more comfortable position before doing so.

"They've got pool tables at this hotel, in the bar," said Zayn. It was a different hotel to the one they'd first staying in in Dublin. "We thought we'd have a competition."

"Everyone?"

"Yeah. We just need you two to come along. Everyone else is already down there. Harry, are you all right?"

Harry realised he was probably flushed. "Yeah. You just interrupted something, that's all."

"Sorry, mate. Still, come down for the pool, okay? It'll be fun. You can always have sex tonight."

"Zayn!"

"I'm sure he's worth waiting for," said Zayn, backing off and heading back down the corridor.

"I heard all that," said Louis.

"We'd better go down. They'll be wondering where we are, otherwise."

Louis stuck his hand down his pants and adjusted himself. "The things I do for you. My hard-on isn't too obvious, is it?" 

"You've still got my hoodie on. It covers it up. What about mine?"

"Um... maybe you should change into a jacket or something."

Harry decided that would be a wise idea. He put on a zip-up hoodie. "Better?"

"Only those who know what they're looking for will know," Louis told him. 

That didn't make Harry feel entirely secure, but he stilll went down to the bar with Louis. There were two tables. Josh and Jon were on one, Mike and one of their bodyguards on the other. 

"You're in?" said Paul. "You just made it in time. You two will take the next spare table. After that, it's the second round."

They didn't have to wait long before Josh polished off Jon, and went to that table. Harry broke, right into Louis' convenience, for he was able to pocket two before conceeding his turn. Harry didn't make the balls back up. Louis beat him all the way.

"You want a beer, man?" asked Josh, as Harry sat down next to him. "Paul's letting us have one each."

"Do you want a beer?' Harry asked Louis. At Louis' yes, Harry decided to fetch himself a beer too. He grabbed one for Louis at the same time, and brought them back. 

"Cheers," said Louis, clinking glasses with Harry.

Louis was next paired up with Mike. It was a tense battle. Meanwhile, Zayn and Sandy were battling it out on the other table. But Harry's attention was fixed on the table in front of him. He willed Louis to win. And, through a stroke of luck, Mike downing the white with the black, Louis won.

"Yeah, Louis!" said Harry, hi-fiving him. The other boys also hi-fived him, for Zayn had been beaten by Sandy and Louis was the last of them in the competition.

Next Louis was up against Josh. It was competitive, but Louis won in the end.

"Lucky bastard," said Josh, shaking Louis' hand.

"I beat you fair and square."

"You kept snookering me, you wanker."

"It's all skill," said Louis.

Louis came and sat back next to Harry. Everyone had left the chair clear for him. "I could win this," said Louis to Harry.

"I'm sure you could, babe."

Next up, Louis beat one of their bodyguards, to set himself up for a final confrontation against Paul.

In the end, it wasn't much of a confrontation. Paul potted four balls on his first turn, leaving Louis in the position of forever catching up. Paul eventually potted the black, while Louis had three balls left on the table.

"Way to go, Paul!" The bodyguards were happy that their represensative won.

Louis meanwhile came back to his seat. "He got the jump on me," he told the others around him.

Condolenses were dished out. "You did great," said Harry. "Making it to the final table and all."

"Paul was just too good for me. I bet he'll be pleased, after he lost that wrestling match in the pool."

"I'm sure he will be."

"I almost made it."

"You almost did," agreed Harry, and their bandmates echoed their support.

"That's two to us, and nothing to any of you!" called across one of their bodyguards.

"Wanker," Louis told him back.

The bodyguard just grinned.

"Right, we're leaving in just over an hour for the O2 Arena. I expct everybody to be ready," said Paul. "Go and have dinner. No swimming."

The group began heading out to the hotel's restaurant. The five of them were the last to file out. "We've got enough time to have sex," Louis whispered to Harry.

"We don't. Not the sort of sex I want to have."

"Do you want it slow and intense?" Louis' whisper was a bit loud. Niall looked at them, and grinned.

"Louis, save it for tonight," said Harry.

"Remember to keep it down," said Zayn. "I don't need to hear it."

"What did you hear last time?" Niall asked Zayn.

Zayn groaned. "You don't want to know. Which bed are you guys in?"

"The one closest to the window," said Harry.

"That means Niall will get the brunt of it. Thank god."

"Zayn," said Niall, "if they're too loud for me, can I come and sleep with you?"

"In these special circumstances I say yes."

"Hush up about it," said Harry urgently, for they'd caught up with their band. 

"Sorry," said Zayn.

Josh turned. "What, you and Niall are going to sleep together?"

"No!" said Zayn. 

"Only if there's ghosts," said Niall, thinking on the spot.

"Ghosts? Niall, stop reading those horror novels."

"But I like reading horror novels."

They made their way into the restaurant. Paul had arranged for them to open for dinner early, so that meant they would all get fed despite it being before the usual opening hour.

"Let's push some tables together," said Josh, and with Niall's help, he did so. "You guys can stay over there, you smug pricks," he told the bodyguards.

"Another one who can't deal with the fact that we're superior," the banter came back at him.

"I challenge you to a running race. We'll see who wins that," said Josh.

"I don't get paid to run."

"You'd lose."

"Sour grapes."

A waitress came up at that point, to take their orders. She took her long list away to the kitchen.

"Can we have more beer, Paul?" asked Josh.

"No. No more drinking before the performance tonight."

Soon their dinners came and they all ate up. Josh teased the bodyguards some more about the size of their servings. Harry was amused, but, "Josh. Don't amp them up. They've got our backs, remember." Josh had fans of his own which he occasionally needed protection from.

"I know. It's all in good fun. Hey, I hung out on the balcony today and the fans below were fangirling me, taking photos and stuff."

"They know who you are by now. You've got your own cult on the internet. You've got over a million twitter followers," said Louis.

"I know. All because of you guys."

"Does it bother you, being in our band?"

"Absolutely not. It's more than I could ever have dreamed of back when I was a skinny teenager pounding the skins, putting up with complaints from my neighbours. Say, weren't you wearing Harry's top before?"

"We swapped," said Louis.

"Why?"

"Felt like it."

"I'll never understand you two," said Josh.

Eventually they finished dinner, talked for a while, and then broke up to wait for the official call to duty. Louis and Harry went back to the bar. The tables were full, but Paul and Mike, playing a game together, offered to start again, with them pairing up in teams. 

"Rematch," said Louis.

"It's not a rematch. I won fair and square," said Paul.

"Okay. But me and Harry are going to take you down."

That prediction did not seem destined to come to fruition, as Harry's break caused Paul to be able to peg one. Then it was Louis' turn. He fluffed his shot. Mike sank another, and got the white ball into an awkward position. Harry had his work cut out for him. If he could just bounce the ball at the right angle off the edge of the table, he could pocket one. He tried for it, and succeeded. "Yes!" he said.

"Don't get cocky," said Mike.

"'Star Wars', 1977," said Louis.

"What?"

"That's what Han Solo says to Luke."

"Right. I vaguely remember."

"'Star Wars' is an icon of popular culture. Get with it, Mike."

Harry missed his next shot and Mike had a turn.

"I know one thing you have in common with the Star Wars characters," said Paul.

"What's that?"

"You've both had dolls made of you."

"Oh god, our dolls."

"I still maintain I look nothing like my doll," said Harry.

"They should have a Paul doll," said Louis. 

"How about having your turn?" said Paul.

"You take this very seriously, don't you? Right, first I'm going to pocket the yellow in the middle pocket, hitting the white just so that it bounces back past where you're currently snookering my green with your red, and then I'll pocket the green in the far pocket."

"You're on, sunshine."

"Want to make a bet?"

"Five pounds says you can't do it," said Paul.

"I take that bet." Louis aimed at the yellow, on quite an awkward angle, and potted it. The white ball, as he predicted, bounced back just past the red of the opposition, lining up the green. "Get that five pounds ready." In went the green.

"That was a daft bet to make," said Mike to Paul.

"How about another fiver, on whether I can pot the blue?" said Louis.

"Forget it," said Paul, fishing his wallet out of his pocket.

Louis missed the blue. "You should have bet. You'd be square with me."

Paul put the five pound note on the table. "Take your fiver and be quiet."

The game continued until both teams were chasing the black. Harry and Louis had nominated one of the middle pockets; Paul and Mike had gone for one of the corner pockets. With a difficult shot involving bouncing the black off the cushions, Paul put the black in.

"Good game, guys," said Paul, shaking their hands.

"Thanks for the fiver," said Louis.

"Spend it responsibly."

"I know what I'm going to buy with it. I saw these keychain water pistols last time we were in Dublin."

"You're not getting a water pistol."

"It's only a minature one."

"You'll still manage to get into trouble. No water pistols." Paul and Mike began leaving. "Better get ready, boys. We're leaving in fifteen."

The room was now empty. "Let's swap tops," said Louis to Harry. 

"Why?"

"It would look strange if I kept sniffing you," said Louis.

"You want to sniff me?"

"I like the way you smell."

Harry took off his jacket, and Louis took off Harry's hoodie, and they swapped. Louis zipped up the jacket and buried his face in it. "Mmm. Smells like you."

Harry stuck his head into the hoodie. Louis had had it on several times now; it probably needed a wash. But it smelt comfortingly of Louis. "My hoodie smells like you, too. It's nice."

Louis, taking Harry by surprise, gave him a hug. He buried his face into Harry's neck. "You smell like me and you," he said, kissing Harry quickly on his neck before releasing him. "We've got fifteen minutes. Let's go up to our hotel room and make out."

Harry followed Louis to the elevator. "But I don't want to get a hard-on."

"Then we'll just cuddle. Okay?"

"Okay," said Harry, walking quickly past him to the elevator. They were by themselves in the elevator, and hugged until the door opened on their floor. Then they were quickly in their room. Harry tossed Louis on the nearest bed and jumped on him. They both put their arms around each other and cuddled, Harry slipping a leg in between Louis'. They stroked each other gently, and stole a couple of kisses. It was bliss.

All too soon there was a knock on the door. It was Mike. "Time to head down, boys, if you're in there!"

"Thanks, Mike!" called Harry.

"I don't want to let you go," said Louis.

"I don't want to let you go, either."

Louis stayed clinging tightly to him. Harry eventually sighed, and released him. "We'd better go. You know how grumpy Paul gets if we're even a little bit late."

At that, Louis let him go. They both got themselves off the bed. "I was supposed to phone my mum," said Louis. 

"Grab your phone. You can call her at the venue." Harry had his own phone in his pocket. It had beeped a couple of times. He had messages to check.

Louis got his phone and they were out the door.

***

At the venue, Louis stayed outside to phone his mum. Harry stayed with him momentarily. He liked Louis' 'mum' voice. It was gentle and went up another register. He sounded like a loving teenage boy when he talked to his mum. Just as he was about to leave, however, Louis beckoned him back. "Yes, mum. I'll just get him for you." He held the phone out to Harry. "She wants to talk to you."

Harry's heart pounded with trepidation. What did she want to say to him? He took the phone. "Hello, Mrs Tomlinson."

"Harry. I've been dying to talk to you. Louis wouldn't let me, before."

"How are you?"

"I'm fine, love. I just wanted to be sure you and Louis knew what you were doing."

"Oh. Mrs Tomlinson, I don't really know how to say it-"

"Call me Jay, you silly."

"-Jay, it's just, I'm in love with Louis. I have been since I met him. I could only just admit it to him, though."

"I remember those times, when you came over, you always treated him extra specially, more than just friends. The way you looked at him. Honey, I wasn't surprised to hear from Louis that he'd fallen in love with you."

"He said that to you?" said Harry.

"Yes. I only want what's best for my son, Harry. I don't want you to hurt him the way Eleanor hurt him."

"Believe me, I would never do that. He's been my whole life for the past couple of years. I love him to pieces."

"I trust you, Harry. You're a good lad. Look after my boy, won't you?"

"Of course."

"He has a tough exterior," said Jay, "but underneath that he's vulnerable. I want you to know that."

"I do know. I've seen it over the past couple of weeks. I've tried to be there for him."

"He told me you've been his support. Thank you, Harry, for that. I imagine he needed someone."

"Yeah. He's been a bit emotional. But he's doing a lot better now."

"Thanks to you."

"Maybe."

"Definitely. Put him back on again, will you, love? I want to say goodbye. Goodbye, Harry."

Harry echoed her goodbye, and handed the phone back to Louis. He'd been listening in on Harry's side of the conversation, looking consternated. "Mum!" he said into the phone. "You haven't scared Harry off have you?... yeah, I know. Yeah, he's a good catch." Louis winked at Harry. "All right, mum, I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?... Bye." Louis put the phone into his trouser pocket. "I hope she didn't scare you off," he said to Harry.

"No, she was just making sure I looked out for you."

Louis looked around, noticed the latest batch of arrivals had all entered the Arena, and gave Harry a hug. "I'm so lucky. I have the best mum in the world, and the best boyfriend." He pulled back, and looked into Harry's eyes. "We are still boyfriends, right?"

"Of course."

"My boyfriend," said Louis, and hugged him again. Fans were starting to break through the cordon that had formerly held them back, so Louis released him and they went into the Arena together. After that, they separated; Louis' dressing room was different to Harry's. Harry was sharing with Zayn. Zayn was in the room when he entered, having already changed into his stage clothes. "How's it going with you and Louis?" he asked.

"Good. I think things have just turned the corner for the better. I spoke to his mum, and she basically gave me her blessing."

"Really? That's great, man. So Louis, he's not still hung up anymore?"

"No. He's ready to accept himself, to accept me."

"I'm so glad to hear it," said Zayn. "You deserve someone solid in your life, after being single for so long."

"I was never really single. I was always waiting on Louis."

"Is that why you never-"

"It's why I never dated anyone seriously, yes. I was in love with him the moment I laid eyes on him."

"Wow, that's some love, to hold onto for all this time."

"He was worth waiting for," said Harry.

"So you two are officially together."

"Yes."

"You gonna tell Paul?"

"Yes," said Harry. "In fact, I'm going to do that right now." He left the room without changing and sought out Paul. Paul was just finishing checking people off. "Paul, can I talk to you?"

"Of course. Hit me."

"Somewhere private."

Paul walked along the corridor a ways until he found an unoccupied room. "What is it, sunshine?"

Harry fidgeted. "I have something to tell you. Something important."

"Nothing you say will surprise me, Harrry."

"It's about Louis and I. We've sort of gotten... together."

"Explain that in basic English, please."

"We're having a sexual relationship."

"You and Louis? Since when?"

"For a few days now. It's all been a bit up and down, but I think we've sorted it out now."

"Well," said Paul. "I can't say that's the most surprising thing I've ever heard."

"I thought we should let you know."

"Do you want me to tell the rest of the bodyguards?"

"No. They're not as cool as you, Paul," said Harry.

"Okay. I won't tell the others just yet. Who else knows?"

"Just Zayn, Liam, and Niall."

"What are your plans?" said Paul.

"What do you mean?"

"Going forward. I have this feeling it's going to be hard to keep it a secret."

"Me and Louis haven't discussed it," said Harry.

"Very well, keep it secret for the moment. I'm thinking of the future."

"I don't think Louis wants anyone else to know yet."

"Well, I'll try to respect his wishes, but you guys have got to keep down any PDAs."

"We'll try," said Harry.

"I don't want to have the next question asked me by a journalist be, 'Are Harry and Louis together'?"

"I don't want that either," said Harry.

"So long as you understand my position. I'll keep your confidence, but it depends on you how easy that is or not."

"Thanks, Paul," and Harry stepped up to give him a hug.

"All right. You go and get changed, now."

"Yessir," said Harry, and went back to the change room. Zayn was still hanging out, obviously waiting for Harry to come back. 

"How'd it go with Paul?" he asked. 

"Fine. He won't tell anyone. He's got our backs."

"Glad to hear it. Well, I'm heading out. Catch you later."

Harry waved goodbye to Zayn, and changed into his concert clothes. Lou Teasdale stopped by the room soon afterwards. "You ready for me, Harry?"

Harry tolerated being pampered by their stylist, then went out to the main room. Louis' hair was still all in his face; he obviously hadn't had a turn yet with Lou. Harry noticed an empty seat beside him and went and sat down.

"I told Paul," he said.

"Is he telling anyone else?"

"No, he's keeping it a secret. But he said to keep down any PDAs."

But when it became time for the show, Louis didn't seem inclined to listen to that advice. During the show he was very handsy with Harry, grabbing his hand or touching him on the bum as they passed. Harry began to reciprocate. Louis went up to Harry at one point, and said into his ear, "I don't have anything to say, I just want to kiss you," and promptly kissed Harry's ear. It made Harry smile. He looked at Louis who had stepped back. They stared longingly at each other, before realising that the chorus had started and they really ought to be singing.

"Break it up, guys," said Zayn, coming between them at the end of the chorus. "Louis, go over to the other side of the stage."

"But Zayn-"

"Do it! You're too distracted."

Of course, Louis being on the opposite side of the stage meant more longing looks were exchanged. Zayn couldn't keep them apart forever, though; they did have some choreography even if it wasn't typical boy-band stuff, and Louis had to be back over beside Harry before too long. 

"I missed you," Harry whispered into his ear, and kissed it.

During 'More Than This' Louis dropped to his knees in front of Harry as he sang "I'm on my knees, Harry." The fans screamed. Louis got back up, looking pleased with himself. Even as warmth grew inside him, Harry was shocked and missed the first beat of the chorus. Louis sure had done a complete about-face; from not wanting anyone to know, to, seemingly, not caring who knew. Of course it would be brushed off as part of their bromance, but still...

Louis grabbed onto him after the song had finished. "I'm having such a good time."

"I can't believe you did that. Got down on your knees and said 'Harry'."

Louis pulled back, and grinned in his face. Harry couldn't help but smile back, shaking his head. What could he do to return the favour? It was immediately obvious to him, and when, after a couple more songs, they performed, 'Gotta Be You', Harry changed the lyrics to "Gotta be Lou." He met Louis' eyes. Louis, next to Niall, smiled delightedly at him. The fans screamed louder, if that was possible.

At the end of the song, they sat together on the couch. "What else can we do?" said Louis, mischief in his voice.

"We'd better not do anything else. Paul will be going spare already."

"So what, it's Larry Stylinson, it's not like we haven't fooled around before. 'I can love you more that Stan'?"

"I was right," Harry defended himself.

"Harry, I feel so much love for you right now, I just have to let it out." Louis kissed his ear again. It was the only way they could kiss without being obvious. Louis, in fact, stuck his tongue in Harry's ear, which made him shiver. 

"It's my cue," said Harry, and left the couch to sing his solo in the next song. Louis followed him up soon afterwards, and, when it was time for his solo, he sang it, one arm around Harry, before tauntingly breaking away from him during the chorus. Harry felt frustrated but played out his part to the end of the song, Louis across the stage from him. He went over at the end of the song and patted Louis on the bum again. Louis jumped. He deserved it.

"I dare you," whispered Louis, "to put your hand on my arse for the duration of Liam's solo."

Harry couldn't do that. It would be too obvious. Instead, he went around the front of Louis and, leaning a hand back, rubbed him on the crotch. He looked back immediately afterwards. A combination of lust and surprise was on Louis' face. Liam began singing, as Harry grinned at Louis. 

"Oh yeah?" whispered Louis in his ear. "You think you can just get away with that? I'll get you back."

"Try your best," said Harry, moving away and singing the next solo.

After that, they danced around the stage, Louis always chasing Harry, who was determined not to be caught. He knew Louis wouldn't feel him up openly, so on certain occasions, such as when doing a solo, he was safe. The rest of the time, he had to look out. Louis finally caught up with him, during a song from their new album. The audience was mostly looking at Zayn, who had a solo. Louis stood in front of Harry, reached back, and began caressing him. Harry's instinct was not to pull away, but to move closer. It was a fantastic turn-on. "Louis, stop," he said into Louis' ear.

"Make me."

Harry groaned, and eventually pulled away. He was half-hard and quickly, whilst still behind Louis, adjusted himself. It was time for him to sing. He belted out the verse, conscious of his aroused state. None of the audience would notice, he was sure, but he still felt embarrassed, which for some contradictory reason known only to nature, made him get harder. Then, his solo over, Louis was back in front of him, caressing him again. Harry pulled away. He couldn't deal with it. He went and sat down on the couch to catch his breath and to settle himself.

"You okay?" asked Liam, looking concernedly at him.

"Louis is going to be the death of me."

"What did he do?"

"He's been feeling me up."

Liam looked down at Harry's groin, before quickly looking away. "Oh. I see. I notice that's not all he's been doing. He's been changing up the lyrics. You've been changing up the lyrics, too," he added, looking back at Harry.

"He's finally ready to admit he's in love with me."

That's good news, I'm glad for you, Harry. But you guys have got to watch it, otherwise every fan here will know it, too."

"I know," moaned Harry. "Can you talk to Louis?"

"Of course."

The chorus was on, so they both got up and played their parts. In the interval between songs, Harry noticed Liam go up to Louis. Louis didn't lose the unrepentant look on his face, making Harry wonder what the hell else he was in for.

He soon found out. He'd drifted to the back of the stage, behind the couch, waiting for the chorus of the next song, when Louis came up beside him. "I love you, Harry," he whispered in his ear, and hugged him, a full-body hug that left neither of them in the dark about the state of Harry's arousal. "Wow, I did that to you?" said Louis.

"You wait. I'll get you back."

"Get me back now."

Abruptly, Harry grabbed his arse. They were behind the couch, so no one in the audience should be able to see. He pulled Louis tighter against him, ran a hand down the minimal space between their bodies, to touch Louis on the dick.

"Harry," moaned Louis.

Harry caressed him some more. Then, "We've got the chorus," said Harry, and immediately began singing, returning to the front of the stage. Louis, he noticed, was several paces behind. In fact, he didn't step out from behind the couch. He must have turned Louis on more than he realised. The thought gratified him. Now Louis would know what it was like.

Louis didn't venture out from behind the couch until the next song. Harry looked down at his crotch and could tell he was aroused. The fact just sent more arousal through him. Luckily, his trousers were hanging low, so it wasn't too obvious. Louis' were too, but Harry knew just where to look, and the top of his pants, when his shirt rode up from time to time, were definitely bulging.

Then it was their last song, and Harry and Louis practically scampered off the stage, followed more sedately by the rest of the band and their musicians. 

"Harry, I can't believe you did that," said Louis.

"It was your fault for doing it in the first place."

Paul beckoned them off into a corner. "I thought you boys were keeping things under wraps," he said. "Lyrics changes? Feeling each other up?"

"We got kind of carried away," admitted Harry.

"The press are going to talk about it. You'll be asked questions about it."

"We'll just say it's part of our bromance," said Harry.

"They might accept that this time, but have a think about future tour dates. You can't be acting all over each other every date we have. Not unless you want people to know, which I assume from talking with Harry, that you don't."

"I don't care one way or the other," said Louis. "I'm in love with Harry, and I'll act like that, thank you very much."

"Louis, we haven't talked about this," said Harry.

"Are you ashamed of me?"

Harry remembered asking Louis that same question. "No. Never. If you want to come out, I'm willing to come out. It's just that I thought that was a big deal for you."

"It is," admitted Louis. "But I'll be willing, to keep you."

"It's okay. I'm not planning on coming out to the press just yet."

"Okay," said Louis. 

"I'll wait on press reports from the concert before I worry about damage control," said Paul. "Although it would really help me if I could tell the other bodygards."

"Do you have an objection?" Louis asked Harry.

"Not really, I guess. I just don't want anyone hating on me for something I can't help."

"No one's going to hate on you," reassured Paul. "These guys are good guys. They're all for supporting One Direction, no matter what."

"Okay," said Harry. "You can tell them."

"Don't worry, I'll make it clear that it's a secret they're being entrusted with. They won't talk."

"Okay," Louis nodded.

"Now, get your butts up onstange for the encore, before the fans totally lose their minds."

"Or you totally lose yours," said Louis cheekily.

Paul shook his head. "Just get yourself out of my sight."

The encore went off without any dramas, except for more longing looks exchanged between Harry and Louis. And then they were off stage; but still nowhere near their hotel room and privacy.

"I'm going to fuck you tonight," Louis whispered to Harry.

"Not if I fuck you first."

Louis licked along his upper lip and teeth. Harry immediately wanted to kiss him. 

Josh intervened before his thoughts got too racy. "'I'm on my knees, Harry'?" he said. "'It's gotta be Lou'? What were you two up to?"

"We had a challenge on," said Louis easily, "to see who could rile the other the most."

"That doesn't explain the handjob behind the couch."

Shit, thought Harry. He'd forgotten about Josh, at the back of the stage there. "He did it to me first," Harry defended himself.

"You two have the strangest friendship, but that's okay," said Josh, patting them both on the shoulder, before heading off for a feed.

"I'm hungry," said Louis. 

"Me too. And I need to take my mind off you."

"I'll stay away from you," promised Louis.

" _Now_ you're staying away from me."

"Maybe I just like an audience," teased Louis, before turning away to fetch himself some food.

Harry and Louis made sure they were in the first van back to the hotel. They sat next to each other in the back seat. Liam and Zayn were seated in the front back seat, and Niall was next to the driver. 

"You guys," said Liam quietly, so their driver wouldn't hear. "Talk about PDAs."

"Louis started it," said Harry.

"Harry finished it," said Louis.

Zayn turned around and said, "You two were incorrigible tonight."

"So would you be, if you were onstage with Perrie," said Louis.

Zayn gave it serious thought. "Okay, I admit that would distract me a little. But you guys took it past another level." Zayn whispered softly, "I saw you touch his dick, Louis."

"Like I've never done that onstage before," said Louis. "And Harry's always grabbing people's dicks."

"You two are incorrigible," Zayn repeated. "I guess Niall is sleeping in my bed tonight."

"I'm sure he'll be nice and warm," said Louis.

"He snores."

"Aw, poor Zayn."

"Louis snores, a little," said Harry.

"I do not."

"You do too, sometimes."

"Wake me up if it bothers you."

"It doesn't bother me," said Harry. "I can sleep through anything."

"How much further, Mike?" Louis yelled to their driver.

"About five minutes," answered Mike.

"Five more minutes," said Louis, lust evident in his voice.

"I don't want to know," said Zayn, turning back around. 

After what seemed an age, they arrived back at the hotel, as usual driving through a crowd of fans hanging around the driveway, before reaching the car park.

"Do they camp out there all night?" wondered Zayn.

"I saw at least one tent," said Louis.

"It's amazing. All to get a glimpse of us."

"You're so modest, Zayn. If Harry wasn't mine, you'd definitely be."

"I don't know how to feel about that comment," said Zayn.

"Feel honoured. I don't give my love to just anyone."

"Right, fellas," said Mike, pulling up the van. "You're free."

Harry wanted to know something. He went over to Mike, who was checking up to make sure they all made it out. "Mike. Did Paul tell you?"

"About you and Louis? Yeah. Doesn't change a thing for me. I'll still do my job."

"Thanks, Mike."

"Good luck with it."

The five of them entered the hotel and caught the elevator up together while Mike, after escorting them, stayed in the lobby. Louis grabbed onto Harry's hand and squeezed. Harry squeezed him back. Then they were at their floor, walking along the corridor. Liam peeled offf first, then Harry and Louis.

"Goodnight, guys," called Liam.

"Goodnight, Liam," they chorused back.

"Keep it down," said Zayn to Louis and Harry.

"We'll do our best," said Harry. "Knowing that you might be able to hear will cause us to keep it down, I swear."

"I'm okay to sleep in your bed, though, if they make too much noise?" Niall said to Zayn.

"You're welcome." Zayn and Niall entered their room, and Harry swiped his card so that he and Louis could enter. Once inside, they immediately wrapped each other up in a hug. 

"You got me so turned on tonight, when you touched me behind the couch," said Louis.

"You got me turned on, too, when you felt me up. I still can't believe you did that."

"Like I've never done it before," smirked Louis.

"I know you've done it before, but never that intensely, and never when I find out that you're in love with me. You're still in love with me?"

"Harry, I'm completely, totally, utterly in love with you. There'll never be anyone else but you for me." Louis caressed his arse cheek with one hand, and they kissed. They kissed some more, and things quickly became intense. 

"I want to shower first," said Harry, pulling away.

"I do too. Just hurry up about it, okay?"

Harry stripped, jumped in the shower, and covered himself all over with soap. He rubbed it all in, before rinsing off, remembering to wash his feet. Then he was out of the water, and Louis was poking his head in. "Can I come in now?"

"Of course."

Louis walked, naked, into the bathroom, and got into the shower. Harry felt a wave of lust run through him. He dried himself off completely. Louis was still under the water.

"How much longer are you going to be?" he asked Louis.

"Nearly finished."

"I'll be waiting for you." Harry hung up his towel and made his way out to the bed nearest the window. He got in, naked, pulling the covers up. The temperature was still a trifle chilly, despite the heating in the room.

Louis came out, towel around his waist as usual. "Can I get in?" he asked.

"Its mandatory that you get in."

Louis threw his towel over the back of a chair and got in, naked, beside Harry. Harry was still sitting up, so Louis sat up, too. They looked at each other. Harry felt himself quickly becoming lost in Louis' eyes. He dived forward and kissed him. After a moment, Louis kissed him back, and moved his hands up to cradle Harry's face. Harry ran one hand through Louis' hair, and stroked the other down Louis' arm, down to where his hand touched Harry's face. It felt intimate, to touch Louis where Louis was touching him. Louis spread his fingers so Harry could slip his fingers in between. He then caressed Harry's face, all the while kissing him.

Harry pulled back. "You sure you're okay with all of this?"

"Harry, you said you'd believe me if I waited until today."

"I know, but you changed your mind pretty quickly last time. You were all over me, and the next morning wanted nothing to do with me."

"It was some stuff that Zayn said. He got me thinking; how much do I really want it? Through thick and thin? Through everyone finding out? And I've decided yes, I want it with you no matter what happens. Harry, I've grown up in the past couple of days. I'm entering this stage of our relationship with a mature perspective. I want to love you, and for you to love me. Will you be mine?"

"Yes," whispered Harry.

"Relax, Harry," said Louis, caressing his face again. "I'm not going to tear the rug out from under you again."

"It's just, you have this tremendous power over me. I don't even think you realise."

"You have power over me, too. I'm putting myself in your hands."

Harry moved his hands up to rub Louis' shoulders. "I'd never abuse that power."

"Nor would I."

Harry hugged him. Louis slid against him so he could return the hug properly.

"Let's lie down," said Louis. "It's bloody cold in here."

"Yeah, I don't know what's up with the heating."

They slid under the covers and moved into each others arms again. "That's better," said Louis.

Harry lay on his back and cuddled a shower-warm and delicious-smelling Louis to him. They kissed again, just on the lips, until Louis made a noise and sought out Harry's tongue with his own. They made out for ages, tongues moving together, ocasional nips and bites of each others lips. Harry's lips felt so sensitive from all the kissing and nipping, and it had gone straight to his cock. Louis began trailing a hand down Harry's body; first along his arm, then down his torso, squeezing his nipples, trailing fingers over his ribs, rubbing his stomach, without touching his cock, which was rising. Louis was on top of him now. Harry moved his hands down Louis' back, his spine, his ribs, the dip where his waist narrowed, before stroking the base of his spine. He didn't touch Louis' arse, though; he was saving that for later.

"Mmm, Harry," said Louis into his mouth. Harry could feel Louis' cock as a gathering weight aginst the area where his thigh met his stomach. He leaned his hips up to rub against Louis. It wasn't frantic, though; it was all leisurely. Harry wanted to take his time and it was obvious Louis wanted the same thing. 

Louis dropped his head to kiss Harry's neck, and along his collarbones. "Hello, birds," he said, placing a kiss on each of Harry's bird tattoos. 

"Dork," said Harry.

"You love me, anyway." Louis latched onto one of his nipples. 

"Mmm. Oh yeah."

"Oh yeah, you love me?"

"Oh yeah, I love you, and oh yeah, don't stop doing that."

Louis continued to pay attention to Harry's nipple, while he used his other hand to tease at another of Harry's nipples. The feelings went straight to Harry's cock, even as his chest turned into an erogenous zone. Louis eventually left off his nipples and palmed down to Harry's stomach, kissing him on his pelvic bones. Harry's erogenous zone flowed down his body. Louis licked his balls, and Harry jerked. Louis then licked a stripe up Harry's cock, which was already mostly against his stomach. 

"Harry," said Louis. "You're so sexy."

"Louis, you're making me feel so good."

Louis took hold of Harry's cock in one hand, and began licking it, playing with the foreskin. Harry moved his hands into Louis' hair. He could hear himself panting already. Louis finally took him into his mouth, and, head bobbing gently up and down, began to give him the blowjob of his life, all warm mouth and tongue and sucking cheeks. Louis couldn't deep throat, but Harry didn't care. He was getting all he wanted. Or wait, was he?

"Louis, I want to fuck you."

Louis gave him one last suck and let his cock spring back against his stomach. "Oh yeah? But what if I want to fuck you?"

"It's my turn," said Harry.

Louis crawled up his body and, cocks together, they thrusted at each other. "You want to fuck me?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

"I need supplies," said Harry, pushing Louis to the side. He searched in Louis' suitcase for the lube and condoms, and brought them back to the bed. "How do you want it?" asked Harry. "Face up, or face down?"

"I want to see your face."

"Face up, then. Although, I can get a better angle on your prostate the other way around."

"No, I want to see you."

Harry used lube to open Louis up, reaching back up to kiss him. It didn't take as long as last time. Louis was more relaxed this time.

"I'm ready," said Louis into his mouth. 

Harry got himself prepared, then placed his cock against Louis' hole. As he'd suspected would happen, Louis had tensed up again. "Relax," said Harry. "Remember how good it was last time."

"It was amazing last time."

"I'm not going to hurt you."

"Push in. Ignore it if I'm tight. I'll loosen up."

So Harry moved Louis' legs up, pushed in forcefully past his protective muscle and went in almost all the way. Louis gasped.

"You okay?"

"Just let me get used to you."

Harry rolled his hips. Louis closed his eyes and looked blissed out. "I'm okay," he said.

Harry thrust out and in ever so gently. Louis moaned, with pleasure, and Harry took that as encouragement. He continued his gentle thrusts, whilst playing over Louis' chest, stroking him up and down, from shoulders to stomach, with nipples in between. 

"Oh, Harry," said Louis. "That feels so good."

They were comfortable to take it slowly for a while, but then Harry felt the need build up in him. He pulled out, stuck a pillow under Louis' arse, then began thrusting more earnestly, gathering Louis up to him as he did so. Holding Louis around the shoulders, thrusting into his body, having Louis' legs rubbing against his ribs--all were the most amazing sensations. "Oh, Louis," he moaned. "This feels so fucking amazing."

"Harry, I can't believe how this feels. Oh yeah. Hit there again."

He must have found the right angle for Louis' prostate. He thrust into it again and again. Soon Louis was moaning. His legs dropped away from Harry's sides as he opened himself up more. "I'm close, Harry." He moved his hand down to his cock. It was the most erotic thing, to watch Louis get himself off, just as Harry was getting him off.

"Come on Louis," said Harry.

"Oh god. This feels so fucking good. Harry, you're killing me."

"Cum for me."

"I'm close. I'm so close. Oh." Louis continued to jerk his cock. "Oh. I'm cumming. I'm definitely... oh, Harry." Louis came at that point, shooting over his stomach and chest. "Oh, Harry." he cried again, as he milked the last of his cum from his cock.

"Can I keep going, or would you rather me stop?"

"Keep going." Harry raised Louis's legs seriously and began thrusting in and out as quickly as possible. Louis moaned more, which only turned him on even more. He came, thrusting in deeply, his arms around Louis. "Oh Lou. That was the most intense experience... oh my god." He thrust one last time into Louis. He couldn't believe how intense the experience was. He'd fucked a lot of girls, but it was nothing like fucking Louis. To be able to see him cum, to be able to complete his own orgasm without worrying about the potential non-orgasm of a girl, it felt amazing. 

"Harry," said Louis, "that was awesome."

"For me too, baby, for me too." Harry stayed inside him and kissed him. They made out frantically, lips locking, tongues dancing. Harry eventually pulled out to dispose of the condom, but was back on top of Louis immediately. "Louis, oh god, I love you so much."

"I love you too, Harry," said Louis. "You're the love of my life."

They made out frantically, bodies rubbing up against each other. Harry quickly became hard again. He moved his hand down to Lous' cock; he had to have him. Sure enough, he was hardening up. Harry rubbed him up and down.

"Mmm, Harry." 

"Louis, ah, you don't know what you do to me."

"I can feel what I do to you," said Louis, rubbing up against his crotch.

"Can I touch you?" Not that Harry was holding back.

"Of course. Can I touch you?"

"Yes."

They rubbed up against each other, putting their hands into place around each other's cocks. Harry leaned back a little and watched Louis jerk him for a while, just as he was jerking Louis. Louis had beautiful hands, and to watch Louis' hand move up and down on his cock was intensely erotic. Smoothly Louis handled him, his thumb moving up to circle around the head of Harry's cock with every movement. Harry was doing the same to Louis. He tried to do it in rythmn with Louis. It was fascinating, watching Louis' hand work him, as he worked Louis with his own hand. Eventually, though, the need for more got the better of Harry and he moved in closer to kiss Louis. He tried to get as close as possible while still allowing each of them to jerk the other off. Louis' spare hand grabbed for Harry's arse, and he began moving a finger up and down Harry's crevice. He then moved his hand away and Harry moaned, "No, don't stop."

Louis looked at him, licked two fingers in a sultry way, and moved back down to Harry's arse. Was he? Was he going to... he was. Harry felt two fingers thrust into him. Louis had definitely lost all of his hang-ups. 

"Fuck," he said, as Louis rolled his fingers. 

"Okay?"

"Definitely okay."

Louis began thrusting his fingers in and out, while continuing to jerk Harry. Harry felt so sensitised. He wanted put his fingers in Louis, but Louis was on his back and Harry couldn't get to him easily. He settled for running his spare hand all over Louis' chest, hoping it was as much an erogenous zone for him as it was for Harry. He licked his fingers and paid special attention to Louis' nipples. Louis arched up as Harry flicked and squeezed his left nipple. 

"Good?" said Harry.

"Oh, yeah. Keep doing that."

Harry's cock was full to bursting, what with Louis' hand on his cock, Louis' fingers thrusting in and out of his arse, and Louis' nipples pebbling under his fingertips. 

"I'm not going to last," said Harry. Louis curled his fingers inside Harry's arse. "Oh yeah. That's it, Lou. Do that again." Louis thrust his fingers against Harry's prostate. "God, I want you in me. But I don't want to stop. I can't stop, I'm too close."

"Let it play out, love."

"Yeah. Oh Lou, you don't know how you make me feel."

"I know how you make me feel, so I'm guessing--mmm, yeah, don't stop--I'm guessing it's the same. Oh yeah. Touch me, Harry. Make me cum."

At that, and with one last thrust by Louis' fingers into his prostate, one last swirl of his thumb over Harry's cockhead, Harry came, shooting his load in between their bodies, moaning in a way that would be embarrassing in any other circumstance. Louis had it all over him. Louis made his body sing.

Louis continued to carress him inside his arse, but it was Louis' turn now. "Pull out of me," instructed Harry, leaving off Louis' body for a moment so that he could grab a few tissues for Louis and himself. Louis did so, wiping his fingers on a tissue Harry gave him, as Harry cleaned up their chests. 

"You're not going to leave me hanging, are you?" asked Louis.

"No. Just cleaning up. Now I've got all of my attention to focus on you." Harry dropped down to position himself to give Louis a blowjob. 

"I'm so close, Harry," warned Louis.

"It's okay. Cum in my mouth. I want you to." With that, he bent his head, taking the first half of Louis' cock in his mouth, while adding his hand to caress the rest. With his spare hand, he attacked Louis' nipples. Louis writhed under him, making delightful noises. His hands went to Harry's hair; his knee crooked up to cradle Harry. "Louis, you're so hot," said Harry, pulling off momentarily.

Louis looked up at him with lust-drenched eyes. "Harry, don't stop. I'm so close."

Harry immediately went back to sucking him off. He tried to take Louis as deeply as possible. Louis was being helpful by not thrusting too much, although Harry could imagine how urgent he must be feeling by now. What with the precum, and Harry's saliva, Louis was slick. Harry licked his fingers again and moved them back to Louis' nipples, rubbing over them, and squeezing. Louis continued to writhe. 

"That's it, Harry. I'm cumming." A second later, Louis shot his hot load into Harry's throat. Harry was prepared, and tried to swallow what he could, as he milked Louis' cock. He couldn't swallow all of it, though; some came dribbling out. 

Harry laughed. "I'm drooling cum," he said, as he grabbed a tissue.

"You're so fucking sexy." Louis shivered again as Harry, for a final time, touched his still-hardened cock with his hand. "I can't believe it. I've had the most amazing fuck, and the most amazing blowjob. A guy couldn't be luckier."

"What was the best bit?" asked Harry.

"Putting my fingers inside you. Watching your reaction to that."

"My best bit was fucking you to orgasm."

"I think it's official. We are arse-men."

Harry sank himself down on Louis' body. "I love your arse. I love everything about you. I love watching you cum. It's the hottest thing. I want to fuck you every day."

"We'll have to take it in turns, because I want to fuck you every day. The way your face goes when my fingers are inside you, god, it's so hot. The way you fuck yourself on my hand. It's amazing."

"Louis, we forgot something," said Harry suddenly.

"What?"

"We forgot about Niall."

Louis groaned. "Goddamn it. I was trying to keep it down earlier, but when you you fucked me, I wasn't exactly quiet, was I?"

"No. You were right into it."

"Poor Niall. I hope he's sleeping comfortably with Zayn."

"I'm sure he is," said Harry. Niall would have to be a masochist to be still in his bed. The walls were relatively thick, but Harry suspected no wall could keep out Louis' ecstatic cries as he came earlier. The second time around he wasn't quite as loud, but Harry still suspected it would have been heard on the other side of the wall.

Harry cuddled up to Louis, his leg once again between Louis'. "I can't believe you're mine."

"Believe it, love. I couldn't possibly want anyone else after tonight."

"It's not just the sex is it? Because the sex is amazing, but we've got real life to deal with, too."

"Harry, I've always loved you. I'm not going to stop. Maybe initially it wasn't in a sexual way, but it's become that. I love every thing about you, and don't you forget it."

"Don't you forget it, either. I love you so much, just being in your presence soothes me. No one has ever made me feel the way you do. I know I'm still young, but I'm for real. Louis, I've loved you two and a half years now, you have to believe that I'm serious."

"I believe you, Harry," said Louis. "You're willing to risk so much because of us. I feel the same way. Suddenly, I don't care about the press, about the fans' reaction. The boys know, I've told my mum, you've told your mum, Paul and the bodyguards know, what else is there?"

"There's nothing else," said Harry. "You've covered all bases. Wait, do your sisters know?"

"Yeah. Lottie phoned me backstage. Mum told them, except the twins who she thought might be too young to understand. Lottie loves you; all the girls do. They're not fussed in the least."

"That's good," said Harry. "Gemma's also supportive. I spoke to her yesterday."

"We're so lucky," said Louis, "to have such supportive families."

"Yeah."

"We've got support all around us. We don't need to be afraid."

"I'm not afraid. I never have been. It's only in your mind that the obstacles lie."

"I've knocked them over," declared Louis, rubbing Harry's back. "They're not coming back. God, I can't believe how conflicted I've been, over such stupid stuff. I could have lost you."

"You wouldn't have lost me. I'd still have been your friend."

"It wouldn't have been enough, and deep down I'd have known it, so I'd probably have ended up screwing up our friendship, too. Blast Zayn, but bless him too, because I think I was in fairyland at first, not thinking about what it really meant to be with you. But I've thought it through now, thanks to him, and I'm sure."

"I really thought he'd scared you off. But I kept remembering his words, 'if a twenty minute conversation with me could push him away, he wasn't yours to begin with'. The waiting was agony, though."

"I'm sorry, love, for putting you through that."

"It's not your fault."

The body heat they'd generated during sex was wearing off, and Harry reached down and flicked the covers over them. They cuddled together, feeling each other all over.

"It's my fault," said Louis. "I'm sorry for being such a coward."

"You remember me saying that? That wasn't fair of me. You had a lot of things to deal with, having to come to terms with the fact that you were in love with your best friend, having to get used to the idea of gay sex, being able to admit you're bi--are you bi?"

"Yes. I can admit to looking at guys in the past, and thinking they were fit. It's just, being with a girl was so much easier. I never had to question these occasional little thoughts I had."

"You'd had them about me, you said."

"You." Louis sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'd get so guilty and confused. Then I'd back off you for a while. I started getting obsessed with every time someone mentioned Larry Stylinson, feeling like I had to deny it all the time. I felt like I had to be careful around you, that everyone was looking at me. I had to suppress my thoughts deep deep down because they were eating me up. When I successfully suppressed them, everything was fine. When I couldn't, I'm afraid I might have taken it out on us a bit."

"Yeah, I'd sensed times when you seemed remote from me for no reason I could think of."

"It was the confusion in me. I felt safer if I stayed away from you. But I couldn't keep away from you forever. You always drew me back."

"It seems," said Harry, "like the easy-going Louis Tomlinson we thought we were seeing wasn't necessarily the case."

"I do have some acting ability. I wanted to be a drama teacher, remember? I knew how to fake being okay with everything. And I'm pretty unflappable in general; it wasn't like I lived my life in a constant state of confusion or anything. It was just moments when it popped up, and I had to somehow deal, and I didn't know how, except by backing off."

"I tried to understand," said Harry. "I put it down to the long days, the endless interviews, the schedules--for a while there, when 'Take Me Home' was first released it seemed like every week we were in another country--and I brushed it off. I knew you loved me. You'd always do something to reassure me."

"I would," said Louis. "After I'd get over my confusion, and think I'd been making something out of nothing, I always tried to make it up to you, even if it was just a hug. Never anything public, though."

"No. You stopped being so affectionate with me in public."

"Yeah. I had to keep telling myself, you were my best friend, and anyway I liked girls. God, those were frustrating times. It won't be so different now, of course; I'll still have to restrain myself in public around you, but at least I'll know why."

"How are we going to be in public?"

"Like we used to be," said Louis. "When we first came out of the X-Factor. When I wasn't scared of my feelings, because I didn't know I had feelings. I want us to go back to that natural way we had of being together."

"I do too," said Harry fervently, caressing Louis' neck. "Where I could reach out and stroke your arm, just for no reason. Where I could put my hand on your knee."

"Where I could pinch you on the arse onstage," giggled Louis. 

"Maybe not that."

"Honestly, the amount of times we tormented you during your solo in 'What Makes You Beautiful', I'm surprised you didn't get more pissed at us."

"I dreaded coming to that moment in every show."

"Liam and Zayn were the worst, though."

"I always thought it was you doing most of it."

"No, it was Liam and Zayn. I chipped in a few times."

"I had actual bruises on my arse after those nights sometimes."

"Aww, poor Harry," said Louis, cuddling in closer.

"One girl even asked me, 'Why do you have these bruises on your bum?' I had to say it was because my bandmates thought it fun to pinch me."

"Have you slept with any guys?" Louis asked suddenly.

"There was this one guy, when I was much younger. We just jerked each other off. We did it a few times, but we were both too shy to take it any further."

"What happened?"

"He moved away. This was when I was fifteen or something."

"Do you know what became of him?"

"No. We were too shy to keep in touch."

"Aww, Harry."

"Shut up. It was a difficult time of my life." Harry decided it was time Louis answered a few questions. "What about you?"

"Me?"

"What sexual rites of passage did you go through?"

"Me and a few friends had a circle jerk when I was fourteen. That's the extent of my gay experience."

"Was it competitive?" asked Harry.

"Oh yeah. I didn't win. The guy who won is actually out as gay now."

"I bet he was looking at you the whole time."

"Harry! Why would you say that?"

"I've seen pictures of you when you were fourteen. You were cute."

"You were cuter than me," said Louis. 

"No, I wasn't."

"You always had those to-die-for lips. Even young Harry has them."

"To-die-for lips?"

"Your lips are gorgeous," said Louis, kissing him on them. "They're even sexier because they're swollen right now."

"It was all that biting you did."

"Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it."

"I loved it," said Harry honestly. "If I had to say my second favourite part of tonight, it was our initial make-out session, with you nibbling at my lips."

"Harry," and Louis sighed. "I'm so tired. But I don't want to miss a minute of you."

"Hush. Go to sleep. We'll have tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow."

Louis kissed Harry, then relaxed his hold on him so he could lie down properly. "Harry. You're so amazing."

"We're amazing together, and don't you forget that."

"I won't. I've given up running away. I'm yours for all time."

Harry squeezed him tightly, then settled himself down in a comfortable position. Their arms were still around one another.

"Louis, I love you, so much."

"I love you too, darling."

At the term of endearment, Harry kissed the nearest part of Louis, which was his shoulder. They talked for a little more, caressed each other, but the conversation trailed off, the hand movements became slower, until they were both asleep.

***

Harry awoke to the feeling of warmth against his back. He turned over, and realised he and Louis had been sleeping back-to-back. He slung an arm around Louis, bringing his hand up under his armpit. He kissed the back of his neck. It was 7:30am, he noted, looking at the clock. Time to sleep some more. He dozed off and on, until Paul knocked on the door. It was 8:30am. "We're leaving at 10:00am for an interview," Paul called through the door. 

"Right. Getting up," Harry called back.

Louis woke up with all the commotion. Realising Harry's arm was around him, he cradled it in his own. "Harry," he said.

"No regrets?"

"None whatsoever. Harry, you are my world."

"You're mine too, Louis," said Harry, kissing him on the back of the neck.

Louis rolled over so he was on his back, and able to access Harry more easily. He stroked a hand down Harry's shoulder and chest. Harry, meanwhile, caressed along Louis' chest, down to his side and stomach. 

"Harry? I know things aren't going to go perfect between us, so believe me when I say, I'll work through anything. No matter what obstacle life throws at us, I'll work through it. It might take some time, but I'll do it."

"I understand," said Harry. "You can't accept change as quickly as me."

"That's all it is," said Louis. "It's about accepting change in my life. I don't always like it when anything takes me by surprise. I just want you to rest assured, even if it might take me a while to work something out, I'll work it out. I promise you."

"I trust you, Louis. I trust that you're not going to run away from your feelings anymore."

"I won't. I refuse to. You make me feel so much, Harry, more than I've ever felt. I can't deny how good you make me feel. I'd be the world's biggest fool for giving that up." He lovingly caressed Harry's stomach.

"Don't go any lower," said Harry. "You're going to turn me on, and we have to have breakfast to be ready by 10:00am."

"What's the time now? Just after 8:30am? We've got plenty of time."

"We don't. We have to get changed, have breakfast, go to the rally point."

"We've easily got half an hour," said Louis.

"What do you want to do?'

Louis kissed him. 

"Are you horny?"

For an answer, Louis brought Harry's hand down to his groin. He was definitely horny. With the realisation, Harry began to get horny too. Louis rolled Harry to his side. "I want to fuck you. I didn't get to last night."

The lube and condoms were still on the bedside table. Louis sat up and grabbed them, bringing the tissue box down too. He rubbed Harry all over his body, before bringing his hand down to Harry's hardening cock. 

"You're so sexy," said Louis, into his ear.

"Mmm. You're the very definition of sex." Harry reached a hand back to Louis' cock, and began stroking it. 

"Harry, can I fuck you?"

Harry turned his head to give Louis access to his mouth, before breathing, "Yes."

They were both still on their right sides, Harry's back against Louis' chest. Louis pushed Harry's left leg up, and began stroking his crevice. It wasn't long before he was sitting up, rubbing lube between his hands, before lying back down again and fucking Harry with his fingers. He rolled and thrusted them, to open Harry up. 

"Oh, yeah, Louis, keep going." By the stretch, Harry could tell Louis had added a third finger. It felt like bliss. Louis was stroking over his prostate with every finger-thrust, and Harry was tripping out. "I'm ready for you," said Harry.

Louis removed his fingers, and, after taking a moment to roll on the condom, lifted Harry's left leg, penetrating him with his cock. It felt so delicous. Even though the angle of penetration didn't allow for deep thrusting, it allowed Louis to hit his prostate again and again. Harry blissed out, stretching his spine, allowing Louis' hand to rub over his body. Louis' hand took in his collarbones, his nipples, his stomach. He was so sensitised. And when Louis' hand found its way down to his cock, Harry couldn't stop the moan. 

"Louis, yeah, right there," said Harry.

"You like me fucking you?"

"I love it. Oh yeah. Keep doing that."

"Harry, I'm going to fuck you until you can't say a coherent word. I'm going to fuck you so good, you'll never want anyone else."

"Oh yes, Louis, please."

Louis then diverted his attention between Harry's torso and Harry's leg, stroking them equally. Harry couldn't believe the sensations he was feeling. Louis was up against his back, thrusting sideways into him, playing with his chest and leg. Harry's left leg involuntarily lifted higher, trying to get Louis to thrust as deeply as possible. Louis kept thrusting with a slightly-too-slow rythmn, leaving Harry frustrated.

"Faster," he said urgently.

Louis decided to be obedient for once. He began thrusting faster, and brought his hand down to touch Harry's cock again.

"Ooh," Harry groaned.

"Does that make you feel good?"

"Does it ever. Oh yeah. Louis. Keep doing that."

Harry had no control over his feelings, over his body. He'd given his trust totallly to Louis; Louis' cock thrusting hard into his arse, his front up against Harry's back, his hand caressing his cock. Harry panted hard. This was so amazing. He leaned his head back, trying to kiss Louis. Their tongues met, both of them twisting their heads as much as possible. Louis made it easier; he came around a little more, so their mouths could meet properly. Before long, Harry was cumming, loudly, his body unable to deal quietly with the sensations it was feeling. Louis removed his hand from his sensitised cock but continued to fuck into him, until he quickly came, with a series of shudders and half-muttered endearments. 

They both lay there, panting, and kissing in the slightly awkward position. Louis trailed his fingers through the cum on Harry's torso. "You're so hot, Harry," he said. "I can't get enough of you. What am I going to do with you?"

"Clean me up?" suggested Harry. "You've got the tissues."

"The things I do for you." Louis pulled out of Harry, left him momentarily, presumably to dispose of the condom, before coming back with a wad of tissues for Harry's stomach and chest. Harry had rolled onto his back and lay passively, letting Louis clean him up.

"We have to get up," said Harry.

Louis dived back on top of him. "No."

"Yes. We've got an interview, and we need to have breakfast."

Louis rubbed his face in the crook of Harry's neck, kissing him, before sighing and lifting himself up to a sitting position. His hair stuck up in places, and flopped down in others. He was still flushed from their sex. Harry drew himself up and hugged him. "You're so beautiful."

"Me? You're the one who's beautiful."

"Then we're both beautiful," said Harry firmly, and kissed his lovely lips. "No arguments. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I couldn't do that if I didn't find you absolutely gorgeous."

Louis stared at him, as if trying to find a trace of insincerity. Obviously finding none, he wrapped Harry up in a hug. "I love you so much."

"Me too, babe, me too. Now let's get up for breakfast."

Louis finally conceded to Harry. They both got up and got dressed, Louis putting Harry's hoodie-jacket from the previous day on again. Harry smiled at Louis. Louis smiled back. Grabbing Louis' hand in his, Harry walked towards the door. It was time to face the day, together; time to face the rest of their lives together. Harry knew it wasn't always going to be easy; but he knew they'd work it through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love it if anyone felt it was worth reviewing! Just a word or two, doesn't have to be much.


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